LollyDanceGurlJB

• F
• 18
• United Kingdom

I'm realistic...proud to be me so yeah, call me whatever you want i don't caree, im proud to be me and if you don't like me? well sod off, that's all.

POKÉMON :) random i know but what the hell lifes random xD


Justin Drew Bieber- is
my one love,
my one heart,
…my one man for suree ;)

im now in 5th year :O :) names lauren xD
(MSN) laurenmariegaughan@hotmail.com









(¯`v´¯;
`·.Justin Bieber i love you♥



Loading Mii Swiisshhhhyyy Shwoooo ;)..
████████████████ 99.99% LOADED


✔VERIFIED BELIEBER ✔

and a MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE FAN! GOO KILLJOYS"!!! xD <3

http://www.tagged.com/blaackraiinbow


[̲̅$̲̅(̲̲̅̅נв̅)̲̅$̲̅]
♥JustiиDяєωBiєbєя♥
xxx



“I'm not the prettiest, i'm not the skinniest, I dont plaster myself in makeup- I'm just me so take it or leave it (: tehe

Foroige, Family, Pellet Guns, Video Games, Computers, Throwing Serious Shapes on the Dance Floor, Cheerios ChildLine Concert, i want a boy , who kisses me in the rain , cuddles me when im cold , who gives me little kisses on the lips , who will treat me the same around as his mates as he does when were alone , & i want a boy who will make me fall in love over and over again ever, Dermot feerick., PP-2000, I Am Not a Poser, Asda, I know it seems like I'm this strong person who can get through anything, but inside I'm fragile. I've had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. What I'm afraid of is shattering., Boy says to girl : would you wear socks if you had no feet..? Girl: no.....!! Boy: then why do you wear a bra?, He said to her "I never meant to hurt you." But before he could even finish, she shook her head and said, "I never meant to fall in love with you. - But I guess we all make mistakes.", you wanna no why i fell for you? because i love you. You made me happy. You were the first one to make me feel like i was special. You made me laugh when i just wanted to cry. You fixed my broken heart. You looked at me like i was the only one. ♥, Boy: Lets play the firetruck game Girl: How do you play? Boy: I run my fingers up your leg nd you say redlight when you want e to stop Girl: Ok :) Few seconds* REDLIGHT! Boy: Firetrucks don't stop for redlights ;), 3 girls step on a magic rug that makes u dissapear if u tell a lie. Brunette: I think I'm the prettiest girl in school. *poof* Red-head: I think I'm the most popular girl in school. *poof* Blonde: I think-. *poof*, TODAY, I saw a cute little six or seven year old girl wearing Hannah Montana socks. I asked her if she liked Hannah Montana. She said no; she liked to wear these socks, because she got to step on Miley Cyrus every time she walked. I love this kid., Dear mom, I'm wearing skinny jeans. Sincerely, If I can't get them off, neither can the rapist., Blanket on, too hot. Blanket off, too cold. One leg out, perfect, until the awkward moment when the demon from Paranormal Activity grabs it., Dear Math, Stop asking me to find your x. She's not coming back. You're so annoying! Now we know why she left you in the first place. Sincerely, Students not Private Detectives., "did u get a haircut?" "no it grew shorter" :o, No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater.. The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences and that's the key. It's like, I am strong because I am weak I am beautiful because I know my flaws I am a lover because I am a fighter I am fearless because I have been afraid I am wise because I have been foolish & I can laugh because I have known sadness., I Have always wonderd ... If famous couples sing there songs to each other for example if Justin Bieber And Selena Gomez Were Walking down the road and all of a sudden justin bieber Looks at her and starts singing "stuck In The Moment" And Then She Turns, Don't tell me to slow down .I know you are older than me, but don't tell me to slow down. You don't think I don't live with some sort of some regret. I mean I have done things you never thought of until your junior or sophmore year. I am not even an offi, Yeah I have flaws. I can creep you out, be a little too hyper, i can get jelous, be dorky, forgetful, impatient, lazy, i procrastinate, i can get afraid, im perverted, im sometimes wrong, stupid, shy, dumb, a drama queen, quiet, gullible, shy, stalkish, have you ever: not been able to look yourself in the mirror because youre too ashamed of the reflection that stares back at you, and when you do manage to muffle up the courage to look all you can say is: I hate you...so much. have you ever?..., Have You Ever Seen the video of the little boy and girl who kiss and the boy starts screaming "We Kissed On The Lips! We Kissed On The Lips!" Shouldn't every guy be that excited when he kisses a girl?, Go to youtube.com go to any random video Pause at zero seconds Hold in the left arrow, then press up arrow. Play snake. :), we talked all summer, then at the end. he decided we should be friends. there was someone else. one month later, im with his bestfriend. best revenge? i think so. ♥, Mom: who are you texting? Me: my drug dealer, mom... Mom: oh okay you're texting your boyfriend Dad: how do you know she's texting him? Mom: well her boyfriends love is her drug,therefore he's the dealer, If all girls started wearing no make up and comfortable clothes guys would have no choice but to fall for girls because of natural beauty; and search for our personalities instead of just focusing on how hot we usually try to look. If only it was that ea, Love is when you jump blindly over a pit without thinking about it because if you think too long, you know you won't do it. When you jump, you may fall or you may be caught in the arms of the one you love the most., Well, there's this great fact about distance. It's either the person would miss you, or forget about you., Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings., The dark and unknown are scary unless one person remembers to turn on the light in the darkest of times., When ending a day you should never say "I could have", "I should have", or "I would have". At the end of the day you should always say "I did"., When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. - Edgar Watson Howe, You need to learn how to respect an opinion. And if you say you do, you're lying because I think I've seen everyone say "Oh my god Harry Potter is the best, stupid muggle" or "How can you not like Bieber, he's better than you" You might not agree w, Dear Parents, Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin. Snow White lived alone with 7 men. Pinnochio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around without clothes on. A stranger kissed Sleeping Beauty and she, Do you know what is really annoying? How a girl can be so rude, mean to everyone, be such a player, and yet still get all the guys. She may be "hot" on the outside, but on the inside shes beyond ugly. I wish you guys can see that. I wish you guys can, Psychological fact when a person cries and the first drop comes from the right eye, it's happiness. But when the first roll is from the left side its pain. ♥, Don't say you haven't wondered who would cry at your funeral, or who would even go. don't tell me you haven't.. run that blade across your wrist, praying for the courage to press down a little harder., I remember when you told me you loved me. You texted me every morning and told me I was beautiful. Whenever you saw me you would give me a peck on the cheek and hug me from behind and tell me I was special. I remember when I actually used to love you. Now, there are only two basic emotions. love and fear. we hate because we fear. and we feel sadness because we love too much., i tell people time and time again; that i really dont like goodbye's., -but its because when you say goodbye a little part of you has to stop caring and thats something i just cant do., BEST.NIGHT.OF.MY.LIFE!!! the guy ive been in love with for 3 years.. saw me at the fair asked to go on the faires wheel with me.. I said yes :) then we went on; and im scared of heights and it was super cold he took off his sweater and gave it to me and, Growing up my father told me to ignore the bully's and to pretend that they didn't bother me, and they would leave me alone. well i'm ignoring you, i'm pretending i don't still love you, so why don't you just go away, How come you don't believe people who say you're beautiful, but immediately accept when someone calls you ugly? Were you bullied into thinking that? did he make you feel worthless? do you think your friends are prettier or skinnier? well, whatever it was, Here's to the people in london, england. for those of you that don't know, disaster has struck in london. riots have broken out all over. innocent people are getting hurt. people are setting fire to buildings, and gunshots are going off in every d, I've finally realised... don't over-think or get too angry or sad or worked-up over something that has already happened, I mean, yeh, learn from your mistakes, but spazzing and worrying won't make the situation any better, it will just make you feel, She Used Me It took me this long to realize this. For those few times where she cut herself, she used me for emotional support. Then when she decided to stop, she went back to her pretty, and more popular friends. When she told me, I tried my hardest, i said; excuse me your a hell of a guy, I MEAN MY MY MY MY, your like pelican fly. i mean; your so shy & im loving your tie. your like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, OH. yes i did, yes i did somebody please tell 'em who the eff i, *TRUE STORY* One night.. I was looking out my window & I looked up at the stars. Stared for a while when the next second, I saw I shooting star. I wished on it... The next day, sitting down in my 1st period class at school the teacher announced, "class,, I'm mistaken for a flirt when I'm friendly. I'm mistaken for a b*tch when I'm blunt. I'm mistaken for sad when I'm alone. I'm mistaken for shy when I'm quiet. Quit assuming and get to know me. ♥♥, Every minute; someone kills themselves Every 30 seconds someone attempts suicide words can have a strong effect on someone; use them wisely pray for those stuck in the deathly rath in london, [❤], Every eighteen minutes someone goes through with suicide Every forty-three seconds someone attempts suicide Words can kill someone or save them. pray for those stuck in london, you never know how it may help, I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice. I'm mad for always apologizing for things I didn't do. I'm mad for getting attached. I'm mad for depending on you and wasting my time on you. I'm mad for thinking about you, and most of all for no, I can be at home ALL day, & the phone NEVER rings. But as soon as I try to take a nap, BAM ! suddenly I'm the most popular person on the planet, I don't care if I'm not the ''fittest'', or the best looking. No, I don't play CoD all day, and no I wont talk about it around you. I'm not a geek, I'm educated. Stop dating jerks and complaining about how there aren't any nice boys out there. Don't judge, One day your gonna want her . That girl that knew she wasn't perfect but tried to be for you . That girl who wanted nothing more but to be there for you , and loving you was the only way she could . The girl who sees your flaws , but values them as m, The moment when you are talking to the person next to you during the lesson and you realize that everybody, including the teacher, is starring at you because you were talking too loud., I'm sick of only ever seeing beautiful women all over the place; in ads, on tv, in magazines, even in art. i'm going to take my camera out and take pictures of the most normal, realistic, imperfect girls i can find; starting with me. & i'm going to be, you're not best friends because you sit together at lunch or talk on the phone or have matching flip flops or can recite each others wardrobe. you're best friends because when she smiles, a grin forces itself across your face no matter how mad you are, wh, I really don't want to go back to school before i even talk to someone, i get the impression that they already hate me; i hate making new friends AND WITH MY LUCK ? most my my classes will consist of people who i don't like, people who don't like m, TODAY; I was bored so I said "Wow, that's a weird place to put a piano." You wouldn't believe how many people looked around for a piano. I was in an elevator., Di Caprio never died in Titanic, The end scene of Titanic is of him going underwater. The beginning scene of Inception is him waking up on a beach. Its like a movie within a movie, You see a robber in your house ready to steal all your stuff. 60% would silently call the police for help. 25% would let them go. 15% would grab the nearest weapon and beat the living day lights out of the robber. Like this if you are that 15%, the meaning of x's x= friends xx= close friends xxx= i like you xxxx= your cute xxxxx= your hot xxxxxx= i want you xxxxxxx+ = i love you no kisses = i hate you and i dont like your existance., yo, i'm hungary. why don't you czech the fridge? okay, i'm russian to the kitchen. hm, maybe you'll find some turkey. yeah, i have some, but its nasty cause its covered in a layer of greece. yuck! yeah, i know. i think i'll just settle for a can of c, Hey Google............. Why don't you let me finish what I'm typing before you start guessing after one letter.... Little cocky aren't we?, Heres to the girls who don't always win. The girls who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them. The girls that laugh, smile, cry & think all on a daily basis. The girls who love, learn & regret. The girls who may never have it easy., *********BOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!************ You just got good luck for 24hrs by reading this 'Like'. Keep it going and click the 'Like' button to spread good luck to all your friends., I Will only stop loving you when a mute guy tells a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a legless guy walk on water, Dear "popular kids" You may make fun of me, drink, have sex, slack off in school, and think you're cool, but in 10 years, when you're working for me, I'm going to laugh my ass off!! Signed, The "not-so-popular", Lost your pen = no pen No pen = no notes No notes = no study no study = fail fail = no diploma no diploma = no work no work = no money no money = no food no food = you get skinny skinny = then you get ugly ugly = no lover no lover = no marriage, ************Don't you hate it when************** There is always that one ice cube that won't pop out of the tray., Hears a noise in the middle of the night elementary school - mommy im scared!! sleeps with parents middle school - whatever thats so stupid -worries in head high school - pops out of bed and cracks neck- BRING IT BEOCH! adulthood - eyes closed- i thou, Parents and Smart Phones Mom: I think I keep getting messages or missed calls or something. Daughter: From who? Mom: Some woman named... Betty Low? Daughter: Um, BATTERY LOW?? Mom: Yeah, that's it!, dear guy sitting next to me, I can see you copying my test.... Sincerely, joke's on you, I didn't study either., "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe, Want someone to stop texting you? Answer each of their texts with this! Error 23: SMS Not Delivered; The number (insert your number here) has blocked you. Please Try again later, Boy: if only I had a dollar for every time I thought about you. Girl: how much would you have?? Boy: ...... One dollar... Girl: why?? Boy: 'cause you never leave my mind, Teenagers;..... The most misunderstood people on the planet earth and are treated like children but expected to act like adults., Time spent after I finish my test in class 5%; re-check answers 5%; erase answers & make them look neater other 90%; Wait for someone else to turn in their test first, Dear Yahoo, Have you ever heard anyone say "I Dunno, Yahoo It!" I don't think so! Sincerely Google, Here i am laying down in my bed with a million things running through my head,i'm about to break down i want to cry i just can't get through all of your lies,i want the truth oh please you bad boy can't you see i'm not your toy?, Tacos :D (theyre amazing! :o ), that akward moment when your in trafic && you just see this one old dude picking his nose o.O, waking up in the middle of the night with a smile on your face because of the dream you just had about *HIM* :D, Two blondes were driving to Disneyland and the exit sign reads: DISNEYLAND LEFT. They started crying and headed home., Adding a comma or a period does not make your comment original., im a secret cupcake ninja. So yeah i also have a pet unicorn that sh!ts tacos., TODAY, I saw a cute little six or seven year old girl wearing Hannah Montana socks. I asked her if she liked Hannah Montana. She said no; she liked to wear these socks, because she got to step on Miley Cyrus every time she walked. I love this kid., Twilight. a girl's choice between beastiality and necrophilia., When you`re bored, no one talks to you. When you`re busy, every one talks to you., 'are you awake?' 'no' 'oh ok then, night', if the only way i can see you is in my dreams, then I will sleep forever, You know, I would hit you but that would be considered animal abuse, 1-800-CHOKE-THAT-HOE, Saying 'suck it!' when your a girl and everyone is like ''o.o whaaattt'' rofl x3, tHaTs WaT sHe SaId;], I like it when I wake up at 3:00am because that after I know I still have a few more precious hours of sleep before I have to get up., they just dont understand, Yeah, so what ive got a best friend thats a boy. And so what if i start to stare at him coz i love him. You don't need to tease me about it. Fact is your my bestfriend too but you wouldnt start teasing me if i started staring at you now, would you?, dear girls, not all guys are absolute pricks. some are awsome. .......... your just jealous because you can't find the the right guy for you. sincerly, another girl, Q: What do you call an eternity? A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First. Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common? A: You always hear about them but never see, getting two txts and replying the wrong thing to the wrong one, the akward moment in the music video were flesh eating zombies pop outta no wear and force the band to go into ninja mode:), when you where little and you speaked gibberish thinking it was another language, i like yorkie puppies, Taking your laptop with you everywhere you go, u loved me........ u shouldve told me. now its too late, When you think about a guy, and you wonder..."Should I risk it?......", That one thing you forgot? Yeah, it'll be the important one., listening to a song over and over again just because you sound good singing it., I say "idk" when i'm to lazy to text you what i'm talking about example: Me: OMG that makes no sense them: wat me: idk, finding a song and going "oh i havent listened to that forever!" then playing it and realizing why, Smiling at the guy that raced off from the lights when I pull up next to them at the next set, I do what I want, when I want, wherever I want......Only after my mommy says its OK first♥, Dear Phone, Maybe if you didnt light up so many damn times telling me you had a low battery, you wouldnt have died so quickly! ♫, I'm 13 years old, and I still know the lyrics to the Dora backpack song ♫ ♥, The only thing worse than a boy who hates you- A boy who loves you, I got a card today saying 'Happy Valentine's Day love, from you know who'. Why the f*ck is Lord Voldemort sending me letters?, No babe, 56 boys did not "like" your picture because your "pretty" they liked it because your tits are hanging out, slag., Dear Facebook, Just wait and watch, some day they will all leave you too-!! Yours sincerely, Myspace :(, "can i ask you a question?" "well u just did", A woman calls her husband into the bedroom. "Now Mike, I want you to take off my blouse!" "Good.." "Now I also want you to take off my Bra. "Good..." "Now can you take off my panties." "Very Good! Now, don't let me catch you wearing them again!", Dear boys, some girls dont care if you dont have a six pack, some girls dont care if you dont have the biggest d!ck in the world, some girls dont care if your hair isnt perfectly gelled, some girls just want you for YOU... Sincerly, Some Girls, No Mom, It doesnt matter whether I go to bed at 9:00pm Or 2:00am When I wake up tomorrow at 6am I'll be tired either way., my Bestfriend is the only person, i could write stupid stuff to, be myself around, send them texts and messages with wrong spellings, do the most craziest and messed up things with, say anything that comes to mind to them, and they still wouldnt judge me., If you dnt like me there is nothing i can do. NEWSFLASH b!tch i dont live MY life to please YOU!, Girls, close your legs, moan less, and think more..... No REAL man wants a girl who's slept with every guy on the block., i hate how love is so much easier in movies, Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater, Give her sperm, she will give you a baby. Give her a house, she will give you a home. Give her groceries, she will give you a meal. Give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enla, Trust me, I'd walk through the rain at 3 am to see you. The only thing stopping me is my parents., Behind every b!tch, there's a guy who made her that way. Same goes to heart breakers, there's always a girl in his past who broke his heart., Mom:Son,look at all these condom wrappers laying around ur room! their must be hundreds! Son:mom,what do u prefer,hundreds of condoms or hundreds of kids?, Dear Parent, Taking Away My Laptop,Ipod,Phone,Ds,Ps3,Xbox Is Not Going To Make Me Behave. I am Just Going To Make It Worse... So You Might As Well Give Me Back My Stuff. Signed Child., According to parents we're too young for love, too old for fun, too smart to play dumb and too immature for grown up conversations. Its no wonder teens are so rebellious! There's nothing else to do!, Two blondes fall down a pit. First Blonde: "It's dark in here isn't it..." Second Blonde: "I don't know, I can't see...", you made me laugh at things that weren't funny... you made me smile without acually being there... you made my stomach flip with a single text... but you broke me with a single sentence., NO HE'S NOT THE CUTEST he isn't the star quarterback not every girl in the school wants to be with him he can be silly at times BUT HIS SMILE IS AMAZING he may not be the best to you but to me he's perfect. ♥, Her friends don't know. But her hearts silently breaking. She laughs so much, they don't know that shes faking. Although he doesn't see, he probably wouldn't care. She's crying for hours on end. Because her lifes just not fair., I actually want to be... kissed in the rain. held when i cry. his first text message. grabbed around the waist and kissed on the cheek. my hand held by his hand. I AM NOT ASKING FOR MUCH, BUT YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE, SO IT WOULDN'T HURT., friends: Hi how are you :D bestfriends:Hey b!tch how u doin ;), BREAKING NEWS: Rebecca Black dies after walking into a football stadium and being overwhelmed with the number of seats to choose from., Guy: I'm jealous of your pillow. Girl: Why? Guy: because It sleeps next to you every night, it wipes away your tears, you hug it alot, and it gets to see you all the time., Teacher: If you have one pound and you ask your dad for one pound, how much money do you have in total? Me: one pound Teacher: You dont know your maths! Me: YOU DONT KNOW MY DAD! Teacher: ... Like if you get it xD, He's annoying.. He's hilarious. He makes me want to scream. He ruins my day. Then, he saves it at the last minute. He drives me crazy. He's out of his mind. I hate his guts. & He's everything that i want . . ♥, Just Because I Don't Talk To You, It Doesn't Mean I Still Don't Think About You; I'm Just Dinstancing Myself Because I Know I Can't Have You ~ WizKhalifa :-*, Once upon a time there was a boy & a girl who loved eachother :) Then a s|ut came and ruined everything. The end, Why BRA sizes are measurd as A,B,C,D,E,F not 1,2,3,4,5? because... A=As flat as Airport runway B=Barely Seen C=Comfortable D=Damn Gud E=Enormous F=Fake., gf: what would you do if i broke up with you .bf: i would go back to my ex. gf: ( crying ) im bre..., Boy: Want to hear a joke about my di*k?! Actually never mind, its too long. Girl: Want to hear a joke about my vagin@? Actually never mind, you won't get it! :), I wanna be The name after "In a Relationship with." The name he uses as a password for facebook. The banner on his cell phone. The name with the ♥ after the name in his contacts. The girl he always talks about. The girl he can't get out of his head, & L, watching a scary movie and seeing the girl heading towards the bad guy and screaming "YOU DUMB ASS WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!????"LOL, Boy: imma go to sleep. Girl: ok Boy: i love you Girl: i love you too bye *hangs up* ...Girl sends text to boy saying "i dont want you to go" Girl's phone rings Girl: hello? Boy: i decided you were more important than sleep. ♥, If 200 people like this before May 1st then I will tell my teacher I forgot my homework because I forgot it in her daughters bed, Sumday boy, u'll look back & remember who was always right by ur side. The 1st person u'll think of will be her. The girl u let go of years ago. The girl who always tried to be the best for u. THE GIRL WHO LOVED U, UNCONDITIONALLY & u'll regret losing her, Not even 2012, Paranormal Activity, shooting, bomb attacks, or failing a class is more terrifying than seeing 5 missed calls from mom., When people hurt you over and over again, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch you and hurt you a bit, but in the end; you end up polished and they're useless!, when i'm laying in bed at night i think about my life, my regrets, what i did today, what i'm doing tomorrow, who i wish was in my life, what i should have said, & what would happen if i did things differently, but mostly, i think about what would happen., Dear Mom and Dad, Please don`t freak out if I don`t answer my phone the first time. The chances o..., Brunette: HIDE! THERES A SERIAL K1LLER ON THE LOOSE!!! Blonde: OH NO!!!! *runs to kitchen* Brunette: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? Blonde: HIDING MY FRUIT LOOPS! WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IM DOING! LIKE if you get it! :), When someone tells you you're cute, they're looking at your face. When someone tells you you're hot, they're looking at your body. When someone tells you you're beautiful, they're looking at your heart. ♥, Missing someone isn’t about how long it has been since you’ve seen them or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were right there by your side., boy: i bet you 5 buck i can make your boobs jiggle without using my hands. girl: ok then boy: (grabs a hold of her boobs n starts jiggling them) oh well heres your 5 bucks., *boy whispers to his mom during a wedding* boy: "Mommy?" mom: "What?" boy: "Why is the girl dressed in white?" mom: "Because this is the happiest day of her life." boy: "... so why is the boy dressed in black?", I open my fridge, gaze inside for a while, close it and walk off., Having those cute little fights with the person you like., ...condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!" The tampon replies, "When you don't do your job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!", The real danger of chewing gum at school isn't being caught by your teachers, its being caught by your friends., That spider is more scared than you are!" .................................. OH REALLY?! DID IT TELL YOU THAT?, A girl is always right. Sometimes confused, misinformed, rude, stubborn, irritable & even downright stupid... but NEVER EVER wrong., Someone asked, WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH? but before i could reply, my best friend put her hand over my mouth and said,DON'T EVEN GET HER STARTED. ♥, Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever... Sometimes they are only there long enough to teach you the lesson that you needed to learn., the teacher puts 2x + 5x2 ÷ -8 + 21a on the board and tells me, "solve the problem"......, Annoying the people who hate you :), i don't need you in my life, i can walk past you and pretend like we never loved each other, i can quit calling/texting or having any contact with you.. but i do hope you realize it's k1lling me inside. :( even if it doesn't hurt you at all.., "Can u hear me?" "no" :p, defintion of twilight; a depressed girl who can't decide if she wants a dog or a dead guy., like if you know someone who needs to be pushed off a cliff, Dear Girls, please understand... If he loves you he WILL make you a priority. If he keeps blowing you off... He's just not that into you., Just spend one day with me, no kissing, no making out, just talking. talking about everything between us, and what happened.if you can spend one day, and honestly not feel one thing, I'll let you go. ♥, Strangers think I am quiet. My friends think I am out-going. But only my BEST friends know that I am completely insane! :D, How to impress a woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her. How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer., When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not b/c she's dumb, it's b/c she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change. ♥, "Yeah! Substitute teacher!" "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!!!" "Oh Crap", yes, i did just laugh at you hurting yourself. deal with it ♥, We flirted, we texted, we laughed, we cried, we stayed up just to talk each other, we said I love you… Then over time we drifted apart… Now we don’t talk, we don’t laugh together, we don’t see each other… But we both know we still love each ot, awkward moment at 2pm when someone knocks on your front door, and you're still in your pajamas., J.K. Rowling, I was fine when you said that Harry's parents were dead. Fine, when you k1lled Sirius. Okay, when you k1lled Hedwig and Mad-Eye. A little mad when you k1lled Dumbledore. BUT YOU CROSSED THE LINE BY K1LLING DOBBY!!!!!!!!!!, *Uh...* *What?* *Well... didnt you wear those jeans and that shirt, like, 2 days ago? O.o* *Oh, yeah. Thats because my family has this miraculous invention called a washing machine.*, Son: Dad, my math teacher yelled at me today! Dad: Why?! Son: My teacher asked me what is 3 x 2, and I answered 6. Dad: That's right! Son: Then he asked me what is 2 x 3 Dad: WTH is the difference? Son: That's what I said..., I might hug other guys, i might laugh with other guys, i might even hang out with other guys.. but none of them will ever mean to me as much as you do., Edward: "I could k1ll you in seconds. So shutup." Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Sparkle me to death?!", Like if you hate getting woken up in the middle of an awesome sleep!, When I Was 7, Hannah Montana Was That's So Raven, I-Carly Was Drake & Josh, Justin Bieber Was Jesse Mccartney, Lady Gaga Was Britney Spears, Wizards Of Waverly Place Was Phill Of The Future, And Spongebob.. Is STILL Spongebob. :), Every girl has that one guy she goes back to, heartbreak after heartbreak and nobody knows why, not even her. And she just can't let go. ♥, Girls fall in love in what they hear. Boys fall in love in what they see... That's why girls wear make up and boys lie., I knew that Eminem`s real name was Marshall Mathers... And I knew Eminem sounds like M & M... but I just realized that M & M stands for Marshall Mathers.... I now feel stupid., :) The one person who always knows how to make you smile :), that awkward moment when you can see someone staring at you from the side of your eye. ★, Some relationships are like Tom & Jerry. They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can't live without each other., I act differently around different people. I'm not "fake", I just have my own comfort zone. That's why I can only be completely myself when I'm with people I'm comfortable with., I'm sorry I'm not skinny enough so you can see my ribs. I'm sorry my boobs aren't big enough. I'm sorry I'm not fake. I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough. But most of all I'm sorry you cant accept me for who I am!, A girl's laugh is much more cheerful than a boy. A boy's tear is much more meaningful than girl's tear., Boys should come with a warning lable. Caution: I will flirt with you. text 24/7.lead you on.tell you i love you.then ill totally ignore you. flirt with a whore. break your heart and never talk to you again., The truth is, I'm not mad at you. I just hate the fact that every time your name lights up on my phone, I fall for you a little bit harder. And every time my name lights up on your phone.. well, I'm just another girl you talk to., I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. I log off of Facebook chat. Its nothing personal, but people need to realize that sometimes I just dont want to talk., Girl: I can be naughty Boy:How naughty?? Girl: Reall Naughy Boy: Show me :) Girl: **Snaps the boys black ops disk** Boy:...., That awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one’s listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything., I am not a morning person. Do not pull the covers off me. I WILL K1LL YOU., Boy:*kneels down on one knee* girl:w-what are y-you doing *blushes like crazy* boy:*looks up nd smiles* Ive been wanting to do this for a long time girl:*blushes more* boy:*ties shoe* EPIC FAIL XD, I will never be your first kiss. I will never be your first love. I'm not your first valentine, first fight, first teddy bear, or first date. I'm not in this to be your first anything...I just want to be your last. ♥, I'm Done. I'm done texting you first, I'm done hoping you'll call, I'm done crying myself to sleep, I'm done trying to figure out what I did, I'm done wishing you'll come back, Because you're just not worth it anymore., Its funny...... how sitting "boy girl boy girl" used to be a punishment... :), When a girl tells you about her problems it does not mean that she's complaining...... it means She trusts you., Hey Google, why don`t you sit next to me during my exam? ;), I love when a song describes exactly how you feel. ♫, Admit it. ..................................... At some point in time you have tried to see if yo..., If he misses you, he'll call. If he cares, he'll show it. If he loves you, he'll tell you. If not, he can't be worth your time because you're obviously not worth his., I am jealous of the people you ever hugged....... because for a moment they held my world., THAT KICK-ASSS MOMENT WHEN THE TEACHER CALLS ON YOU BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT YOU WEREN`T PAYING ATTENTION AND YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION RIGHT. IT'S LIKE WHAT NOW. B!TCH. (;, Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent, Now its broken & Im awake... Not sure who won., Before i go to sleep, I start imagining stuff that i would like to happen., when I was younger I remember watching two drops of rain roll down your window and pretending it ..., DAD: What can you do for my daughter? BF: I`d die for her! DAD: I don`t like you. BF: Why? DAD: I`m looking for someone who would live for her, not someone who would just die and leave her alone., A girl, no matter how many times she denies it, will always remember every detail, every moment, every piece of the memories you've left her. No matter how much she tries to forget, it will always be there., "I failed!" "Me too!!" "HIGH FIVE!", Dear Teachers, I'm sorry I didn't realize that the color of my nails, how many bracelets I wear, If my hair is up or down, What clothes I have on, If I wear make-up or how many piercings I have would affect my education. Sincerely, Students., You can hide the pain you feel and make others believe that you have moved on, but you can never deny the truth to yourself, that the person who has failed and hurt you is still the person you'll always choose to love., When I'm bored I sit on facebook and Like stuff...., Parent's don't let you spend the night of the opposite sex, but they let you spend the night at the same sex?? Do they want us to be gay?, Dear Phone, Maybe if you didn`t light up so many damn times telling me you had a low battery, you wouldn`t have died so quickly!, I Wish I Had A Theme Song That Played Whenever I Did Something Awesome :], I might have erased your texts But I will never forget what you wrote. We might have stopped talking, But I will never forget your voice. We might have stopped hugging, But I will never forget how you smell. Anything we did, I will never forget. ♥, I tend to say "I dont know" when im just too lazy to think. ♥ ♦ ♥ ♫, Must.....stop....liking...things.......OH THATS SO TRUE!! *click*, When i was little i used to close the fridge door really slowly just to see when the light went out :), Wouldnt life be perfect if... sweatpants were sexy, mondays were fun, junk food didnt make you fat, girls didnt cause so much drama, guys werent so confusing, nothing was regretable, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow.., ex-boyrfriend and ex-girlfriend run into eachother boy:hey! listen, i really miss you girl:*sneezes* boy:bless you , are you sick? girl:no, i'm just allergic to bullsh!t., WHY I DON'T GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING... 15% I don't want to go to school. 20% It's too early and I'm tired. 15% I was having a good dream. 50% I'm warm and don't want to leave my bed. ♥, LIKE if you know someone who needs a smack in the face with a shovel, Don't call a girl a s|ut if she's wearing short-shorts, don't call a girl a b!tch when she's proving a point, don't call a girl a flirt when she's just being nice... & don't call a girl obsessed when she's just in love! (:, I love it when someone`s laugh is funnier than the joke., i hate girls who take photos of them selfs and upload them onto facebook and then when someone comments on it saying they look lovely or something they then say no i dont i look rotten , welll why the f*ck did ya upload it silly b**ch., *Girl crying because her boyfriend broke up with her* Friend: "Its ok, you can do better......" BEST FRIEND: "Lets get you lookin sexy, go to a party, an find a better one.", Dear boys, Until the day you start having periods, have babies, and watch the one you love be with someone else all together, you aren"t as strong as you think. Sincerely, Girls, I saw Daniel Radcliffe in the pub today. He was drinking from a bottle of whisky and crying uncontrollably. I said, "Whats up mate?" He said, "Its over .. its finished forever" I said, "Harry Potter?" He said, "No ... my whole career", DEAR HATERS, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT.... 'awesome' ends with "me" and 'ugly' starts with "u", The vagina is the best engine in the world. It can be started with one finger, It's self-lubricating, It accepts any size piston, It even changes its own oil every four weeks. It's a shame that the management system is so f*cking temperamental..., A little boy asks his dad; "What's between mom's legs?" The father answers," Paradise." The kid asks again,"Whats between your legs?" The father replies, "The key to paradise." Then, the son says, "Piece of advice dad, change the lock. The neighbor, Bruno Mars: I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad. Girl: Yeah, me too. I need new clothes. Bruno Mars: No you don't. 'Cause girl you're amazing just the way you are. Girl: Really? You're like the only one who thinks that. Will you marry me? Bruno, There are 3 meanings behind 'Liking' someone's status. 1) I agree. 2) I realize this is about me so Im liking it to rub in your face 3) I want to bang you :), Have you ever texted someone and they took forever to text back, so you checked what time you sent the text, calculated how long it took for them to reply, and tried to make them wait longer before you send your next response., YOUR PERIOD. The Negatives - Say bye bye to wearing white bottoms this week -You want to claw everybodies face off CRAAMMPSS! -You cry over everything that goes wrong -Back pain -Your face breaks out -Cravings for random food that aren't in your ho, "I wasn't that drunk" 'Dude, you were in my closet yelling "where the f*ck is narnia"', Son: Dad, my math teacher yelled at me today! Dad: Why?! Son: My teacher asked me what is 3 x 2, and I answered 6. Dad: That's right! Son: Then he asked me what is 2 x 3 Dad: WTF is the difference? Son: That's what I said..., Di Caprio never died in Titanic, The end scene of Titanic is of him going underwater. The beginning scene of Inception is him waking up on a beach. Its like a movie within a movie, One night a teenage couple were driving home from the movies. The boy sensed there was something wrong because of the painful silence they shared between them that night. The girl then asked them to pull over because she wanted to talk. She told him he, Three girls running from the cops, a blonde, Brunette, and a red head.. they all hide and the cop comes by looks at a garbage can and says: Hmm i wonder whats in here, the red head says squeek squeek and he leaves He passes a dog house and says: Hmm w, Have you ever wondered why A,B,C,D,DD,E,F,G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed! {A} Almost Boobs.? {B} Barely there. {C} Ca, The other night me and my girlfriend had an argument just before bed. She called me childish and said I have to sleep on the couch. But the jokes on her, because I built a fort out of the cushions on the couch and i hung a "Girls Not Allowed" sign up., When you give a boy a _____, and he ______, and you swallow, you're swallowing hundreds of babies. YOU ARE NOW A CANNIBAL. Enjoy eating babies. <3, 5 DEADLY WORDS USED BY WOMAN 1. FINE - this is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP. 2. NOTHING - means SOMETHING & u need to be WORRIED. 3. GO AHEAD - this is a dare, not permission, do NOT do it. 4., 5 missed calls from your mate, you missed a good party last night. 5 missed calls from your best friend, they want to hang out. 5 missed calls from your girlfriend, she wants to talk. 5 missed calls from your Mum, YOUR SCREWED!!!!, You see a Kid abusing a puppy with a baseball bat. 97% would yell "STOP!!!" 2% would Cheer 1% would take the baseball bat and beat the kid upside the head with it and take the puppy to the vet. Click like if you are that 1%, Learn Chinese in 5 minites! (say it out loud ;D ) 1. Thats not right (Sum Ting Wong) 2. See me ASAP (Kum Hia Nao) 3. Small horse (Tai Ni Po Ni) 4. You need a facelift (Chin tu fat) 5. I thought you were on a diet (Wai Yu Mun Ching), Taking a shower at someones house and getting completly undressed then being like "how the hell do you turn this thing on?", I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. I don't want to cause any arguments but... shouldn't that be an even number?, i love how Charlie Sheen tweeted "Rebecca Black, we don't hate you 'cause you're famous, you're famous because we hate you :)" <3, Video games dont affect kids. If pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching on magic pills and listening to repeditive electronic music, FEMALE DICTIONARY: nothing, forget it = you better figure out what you did wrong. are you tired? = please don"t go to sleep, i love talking to you. i"m okay = hold me tight, i need a shoulder to cry on. i don"t give a f*ck anymore = i still care, but, Commonly used phrases we say, but never realise they cancel each other out: 1) Clearly misunderstood 2) Exact Estimate 3) Small Crowd 4) Act Naturally 5) Found Missing 6) Fully Empty 7) Pretty ugly 8) Seriously funny 9) Only choice 10) Original, A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?, So I've been chatting with this 13 year old girl online. Shes funny, flirty and sexy. Now she tells me shes an undercover cop, how f*cking cool is that for someone her age?, Teacher : whoever answers my next question can go home. * one boy throws his bag out the window* Teacher : who just threw that?! Boy : Me! Im going home now., OK, i'm going to admit it. Its been bugging me for about 10 years now and I need to get it off my chest. I let the dogs out., Honey, your skirt is so high up it's a belt. Your hair is so bright it hurts my eyes. Your skin is so orange you look like you were an unfortunate victim of an explosion at an orange juice factory. Your eyes have so much make up on them you look like a ra, If you watch Harry potter backwards it's a whole 7 flims of a guy who think's he's a wizard, but in the last one, a giant comes and tells him he's not, so he becomes suicidal and locks himself under the stairs., *Texting dad* You: Hey dad, can I get some money for some coke? Dad: Sure... is $60 enough? You: Dad. It's $1.25. Dad: Wow, the price sure went down from when I was a kid... ...You: DAD! COCA-COLA? Dad: Oh....., Boy: grandma, have you seen my pills? they were labelled lsd. grandma: f*ck the pills. have you seen the dragons in the kitchen, FACEBOOK FACT............... The people under your friends list on your wall are the people who visit your wall the most. like if you didn't know., Dear People, I'm not going to talk about boys. Or girls. Or Justin Bieber. Not even Black Ops. And heart breaks. You know what I'm going to talk about? Turtles. Because everyone loves turtles. Especially when they're awkward., Dear girls, i dont care if your hair isnt straight, i dont care if you bite your nails, i dont care if your teeth are wonky, i dont care if your not as skinny as another girl, i dont care if eyelashes arent long enough, all i want is a good sandwich, I had sex with my girlfriend last night. It was going pretty good, except the entire time she was screaming someone elses name... Anyone know who rape is?, TODAY, I saw a cute little six or seven year old girl wearing Hannah Montana socks. I asked her if she liked Hannah Montana. She said no; she liked to wear these socks, because she got to step on Miley Cyrus every time she walked. I love this kid., Math is the only place where I hear someone doing ridiculous things. FOR EXAMPLE, "John has 30 chocolate bars, he eats 23, what does he have now?" DIABETES?? MAYBE???!!!, click like , then click ctrl w and your facebook will turn neon colours :D, Like this if... you check your phone for no reason , because you know nobody texted you. you will go slightly out of your way to step on a crunchy looking leaf. you always hear your name, when its not being called. you hate hearing your voice in recor, facebook:.. -Log on -Check notifications -Poke everyone back -Go on homepage -Do the "happy birthday" ritual -Go back to homepage -Change from "Top news" to "Most recent" -Have a little scroll down -Like a couple of pages -You're bored already.., The human brain is amazing....... It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exams, I've been in 2 milleniums, 2 centuries, 3 decades, seen the 1st black president of the USA, the falling of the twin towers, Bin Landen killed, a royal weding between at prince and commoner and the end of the world. I'm not even 20 yet, i just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes and I though to myself, "Wow dogs are easily entertained..." Then I realised, I just watched my dog chase it's tail for ten minutes..., Girl- "Hey" Boy- "Hi" Girl- "Wassup?" Boy- "Nothing, you?" Girl- "Me too." Boy- "Cool" Girl- "Yeah." *End of conversation. Like if this happens to you*, Girls don't dress up to impress guys. Girls dress up to out dress other girls. If they wanted to impress guys, they would just walk around naked...., Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That's why girls wear make up and boys lie - Wiz Khalifa â, There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pa, Boy: "Hey baby, want to come over tonite?" Girl: "Sure! What do you want to do?" Boy: "I'll give you a hint. It involves pillows and blankets ;)" Girl: "OH MY GOD! WE'RE GONNA BUILD A FORT!?", A blonde was withdrawing money from the ATM machine. The blonde behind her: HAHA I saw your pin number, it's four stars! First blonde (the one withdrawing the money): HAHA you're wrong, it's 1566!, "Why BRA sizes are measurd as A,B,C,D,E,F not 1,2,3,4,5, because... A=As flat as Airport runway B=Barely Seen C=Comfortable D=Damn Gud E=Enormous F=Fake.", You: Teacher! Teacher: Yes? You: Can I ask you something? Teacher: Sure, go on. You: Would you punish me for something that I didn't do at all? Teacher: Of course not. You: Good, I didn't do my homework. Like if you get it., Mom: Where were you last night? Son: Studying with my friends. Mom: Don't lie. Son: Alright, I was at a stripper club. Mom: DID YOU SEE ANYTHING THERE THAT YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE?!?!? Son: yeh...I saw dad., When I die, friends will go to my funeral, good friends will cry at my funeral, but my best friend will change my facebook status to "Chilin' with Jesus", Ladies Can You Explain This: I never understood how if a woman is in her pants and bra, it's not acceptable. But if she's in a bikini then its ok? I mean, whats the difference?, Harry: I can talk to snakes Ron: Yeah well Dumbledore gave me his magic lighter Harry: I have an invisibility cloak Ron: I have parents Harry: I banged your sister Ron: ........, Sorry Hun, but, unlike you, Im not the doorknob, where everyone gets a turn. Im more of a casino, where only the lucky ones, hit the Jackpot, "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -Marilyn Monroe, My parents always ask me, wny I'm I texting and Why I'm always on Facebook. My response, Texting + facebook = text book ! So I'm studying right ?! Stop scolding me !, Rihanna : oh na na .. whats my name? whats my name? Chris Brown : did i really hit her that hard?, The awkward moment between your birth and your death., Everytin, Reading, Highskool musical, Spongebob:hey Patrick. Patrick:what? Spongebob: i thought of something funnier than 24. Patrick:let me hear it now!! Spongebob: 25, Who in the hell came up with milking a cow...... Like, what was going through that guys brain? And why on earth did he drink it?, HOW MEN FLIRTS He stares at you a lot He starts random conversations He calls you cute or pretty and it makes you smile. He worries about you and your problems along with his own He always stays close when he can He looks STRAIGHT in your eyes He w, Here's to the Girls who never won. The girls who sat late at night listening to music that inspires them to do things next to impossible. The girls that laugh, smile and cry on a daily basis. The girls who live, learn and regret. The girls who may n, Nothing Lasts Forever,So Live it Up,Drink it down,Laugh it Off, Avoid The B.S.,Take Chances & Never Have Regrets Beacuse at one Point,everything yu did was Exactly What yu Wanted ♥, Whenever I see your face it feels like there's a thousand butterflies Oops did I say butterflies? I meant, KNIVES flying around in my stomach., My brother's a 16 Sophomore in high school. He's straight, and not to mention a total jock. He watches Pretty Little Liars with me every Monday. Then he goes to school and brags to the guys about it. Like if you think my brother is awesome ;D, I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water..... It's obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola, Don't worry if your single, God's looking at you right now saying.................... "I'm saving this girl/boy for someone special", What girls want: 1) Find a perfect boyfriend. 2) Date that perfect someone. 3) Wait for him to propose to her. 4) Have a memorable wedding 5) Have own family Like this if you agree with any of the above, I finally had the nerve to text my ex... here is the convo: me: hey him: who is this me: lauren him: lauren who me: ...wow him: whats ur last name?? LIKE THIS IF YOU THINK THIS GUY IS AN AHOLE, Dad: How is your home work going? You: I'm still doing it Dad. Dad: You're homework took 3 hours?" You: Well Dad...I think you're forgetting that i own a cell phone and I was right next to the computer. And I have the attention span of a monkey Dad: U, I dont have the best body, The prettiest eyes, The softest, most perfect hair, Amazing skin, Big boobs, or even a picture perfect smile. But that doesnt mean Im not good enough., If Facebook ever shut down, you'd see people aimlessly walking round streets, scribbling on walls, poking each other, searching for their friends, thumbs-upping and commenting at everything they see and tagging one another., I say what I want to say, and do what I want to do. There's no in between. People will either love you for it or hate you for it. -Eminem, 5 Most Annoying Words After a Break Up........................... Are You Mad At Me? yes i'm perfectly happy you broke my heart., I was just watching Spongebob, is it a coincidence that Krusty Krab is located in Bikini Bottom? Or am i looking into this too hard? Hmmm..., Lazy Rule #262: You rang and left me a voice mail. I'll listen to it when I'm tired of seeing the notification on my screen. What, its important? You should of text me!, A blonde goes to the hospital to know whether she is pregnant or not. The doctor does a scan and tells her she is going to have twins. The blonde bursts out in tears and the doctor asks why? He asks , do you not want twins? The blonde says, no, its ju, *Who's Guilty Here?* A wife is dreaming in bed, she suddenly wakes up and shouts, "Quick! My husband is home!" Her husband wakes up and jumps out of the window..., Dear gay men, Please stop being so much kinder, funnier, and more attractive than straight men. It's quite depressing. Sincerely, all single women. To whom it may concern, Stop being a whiny bit*h. Sincerely, a single girl., Elementary school: mummy i have a new friend. middle school: hey mom can ____ come over? mom: yeah whos that? you: my new friend. high school: *you and your friend walk in* mom: who's that? my friend..., Dear Phone, I drop you, I push your buttons (literally), I throw you on a bed when I'm mad(which, sometimes, can hurt), but I just want to know...you're like my best friend!!!!!!!!!! Sincerely, 24/7 Texter, Dear guy that keeps asking if i wanna bang,............................ Yeah, i wanna bang, your head off the wall Sincerley, I have standards, YOUR PERIOD. The Negatives 1) Say bye bye to wearing white bottoms this week 2) You want to claw every bodies face off CRAAMMPSS! 3) You cry over everything that goes wrong 4) Back pain 5) Your face breaks out 6) Cravings for random food that aren, Kids today!..... Kid asked, "Can we go to McDonald's?" I said, "You can if you can spell it." He replied, "Forget it, can we go to KFC instead?", He's annoying He's hilarious He's the world's biggest as*hole He makes me want to scream He ruins my day Then, he saves it at the last minute He drives me crazy He's out of his mind I hate his guts & He's everything that i want...., Dear Heart-Broken Singles,....... Never get mad when you see your ex with someone new. Your parents have always taught you to give your old toys to the less fortunate. Sincerely, Life., The most romantic story, is not Romeo and Juliet who died together,.......................... but grandpa and grandma who grew old together., Children don't care whether a person is a girl or a boy, black or white, pretty or ugly, different or the same, they will be friends simply because they get along. Children don't care about politics or religion. And yet they say adults are wiser, Dear Obnoxios teenage boys;......... Uhmm no, I'm not on my period. That's next week. So if you think I'm moody now, your really screwed when I actually am. Sincerely, annoyed teenage girls, Ii like mario. he's cool. he's all like " hello, im maaarrio, im a Italian plumber created by japanese people, who speaks English and looks like a Mexican.", When i was little i used to close the fridge door really slowly just to see when the light went out :), *1 friend request* (198 friends in common) "... I don't remember talking to you in class, outside, at the bus stop.. Hmmm... Delete!!!, Breaking News: REBECCA BLACK IS NOW PREGNANT.... I GUESS SHE CHOOSE THE BACK SEAT, *Listening to your ipod* Friend: What're you listening to? You: This song *Passes headphones* Friend: This songs old -__- You: SO?! YOUR MUMS OLD BUT U STILL LISTEN TO HER! Friend:.., I don't like to think before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth., Dear iTunes, Please understand that when I put my music on shuffle, what I really mean is "Play all my favourite songs". Sincerely, Skip.... Skip... Skip..., a girl's laughter is much more cheerful than a boy's, but a boy's tear is much more meaningful than a girl's., when a girl cancels a date she cancels because she has to When a boy cancels a date he cancels because he has two, Bruno Mars had a grenade and Taio Cruz had dynamite. They both threw them at Kay Perry who exploded like a Firework. The bang was so loud that the Black Eyed Peas got confused and forget The Time while Rihanna ran round asking everyone What's My Name..., I absolutley hate. how 8,9,10& 11 year olds have facebook, cellphones, uggs, northface, makeup, boyfriends. I want nothing more than to go back and be a kid, but those kids want nothing more than to be adults., that awkward moment when the computer decides to freeze at the moment when you clicked on something by accident and now its frozen on the screen and you just hope no notices :L, Now and then, I announce "I know you're listening" when im in a room by myself. If im wrong, then nobody knows that I was speaking to my self, And if I'm right, I just freaked out some secret organisation., Why do people say "Don't worry, I don't bite" when talking to a stranger? I mean, I've never been like "Damn! this person is gonna bite me for sure, I better stay away!"..., **** Colouring in School **** Elementary: Yay! Pretty Colours Middle School: This is so gay High School: Who the hell took the red!?, Below is a breakdown of why I check my voicemail: 5% I actually about who phoned. 95% I just want to get the annoying notification symbol off of my screen, Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live! - Bob Marley, Dear Tourists, In Korea, you are statistically more likely to be killed by a dog than a car. Sincerely, Damn Food Poisoning, I CHANGED , ALL MY PASSWORDS TOO "INCORRECT" . BEACUSE ; IF I GET IT WRONG........ MY COMPUTER, WILL REMIND ME., Like this if Dexter's Laboratory Powerpuff Girls Cat Dog Rugrats and other 90 kid shows where better than the crappy kids shows today., The awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then you end up walking the same way..., The first ten years of a girls life is spent playing with barbies. The next ten years is spent trying to look like one..., I'm a good enough person to forgive you... but i'm not stupid enough to trust you... don't be mad because I don't trust you... YOU gave me a reason not to..., We met, we talked, we liked, we called, we texted, we dated, we committed, I loved, you cheated, we're done, you're deleted, Even though you run through my head all day, everyday... I'm usually ok. But as soon as I get into bed at night, I then start to feel the pain in my heart., Is it JUST me that whenever im READING something and there are RANDOM capitalised WORDS you put them together and try to uncover a secret code.., it's weird to think that the person I'm going to end up marrying is somewhere on this planet right now. Well, that is unless I grow up to be one of those old ladies with 100 cats. ♥, Dont u just hate it when u type a reallllly long paragraph to somebody and they either put: lol,cool,ok or NOTHING!!!!, Dear boys, some day you "also" will be someone's husband and someone's dad, make them proud of who you are!, Everybody thinks that a girls dream is to find the perfect guy....... pppfffftttt yeah right, our dream is to eat without getting fat., THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN you're eating chips and it feels like everyone can here your crunching, You see a robber in your house ready to steal all your stuff. 60% would silently call the police for help. 25% would let them go. 15% would grab the nearest weapon and beat the living day lights out of the robber. Like this if you are that 15%, Sometimes, that girl who seems so strong, who never lets what people say bother her, who smiles and laughs with her friends.. is really the girl who, deep down, is falling to pieces, Never get too attached to anyone because attachments leads to expectations and expectations lead to disappointments., "There's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they're the way they are. They aren't just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them, and sometimes it's impossible to fix them.", Theres always that one person, that completely amazes you every time you talk with them, Me: i'm hungry! Mum: well theres fruit, bread, cereal... Me: I don't want that! Mum: well then you're obviously not that hungry! like if you hate it when mums say that, If you had to make a decision about going left or right. But you know that left isn't right, so by precess of elimination, you have to go right because it's the only way left..., Falling in love is like jumping off a really tall building; your head tells you 'idiot, you're gonna die.' but your heart tells you , "don't worry you can fly", Stupid Law #65: Did you know that America is the only country in the world where not wearing your seatbelt carries a greater penalty then murdering your children..., My life is a movie. God is my director. People are my audience and my success will be the credits., "Mom, I'm going out." "With your friends?" "No mom, with Pikachu." "WHO'S PIKACHU, IS HE YOUR BOYFRIEND?", I hate when a waiter asks "are you done with that?" when your plate is completely empty and you just feel like saying "No, Clearly I want to eat the plate, too.", Here is how it goes down in a test: * Finish the first page of the test as fast as you can * ** Then once the first page is done, turn over as loud as you can so everyone knows that you are ahead of them **, I used to get on really really well with my neighbour. We used to go out for drinks, watch the game together, and even play the odd round of golf. We did this until he put a password on his WiFi, I will never forgive him for that..., I don't get the saying, "You snooze you loose" I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and I woke up feeling like a champion., Its Funny How When Im Loud, people tell me to be quiet. But When Im Quiet, people ask me what's wrong., Blade made me think vampires were cool. Underworld made me think that werewolves were cool. Twilight made me think they are both gay., What? Your girlfriend claims she never checks up on you on FaceBook? Just change your relationship status to single... then sit back and wait., I hate it when my friends tell me a joke and they're like "You had to be there" and i'm like "Yeah, I would have been if you had invited me....", **** Things that maker you go hmmmmm **** If Jesus could walk on water, and humans are 70% water. If I walk on humans, does that mean I am 70% Jesus?, Then: "...and do you speak any languages?" Me: Yes, I speak the truth, that seems to be a foreign language to everyone that I meet., ******* Who else thought this? ******* The first time I ever had a McFlurry, I thought the spoon could be used as a straw..., Hey did you know that when I text you, it means I miss you. But when I don't text you, it means i'm waiting for you to miss me..., The awkward moment when you are an Atheist and you die and come back as a tree, but then they cut you down, turn you into paper and then print a bible on you..., Boy: I heard you like bad boys. Girl: Yeahh.. Boy: Not to impress you or anything but I can swim without floaties ;), There's always a... little TRUTH behind IDONTKNOW little CURIOSITY beind JUSTWONDERING little EMOTION behind IDONTCARE little LOVE behind IHATEYOU little INEEDYOU behind GOAWAY lot of WORDS behind the SILENCE, I hate it when people make me angry and I start shouting, then they tell me to calm down. It's like stabbing me and then saying "Oi, stop bleeding...", sorry, i can't. my sister's friends boyfriends grandmas granddaughters friends sister's mom's best friends cat broke her leg., its really awkward when; you say "you too!" when not needed. for example, say you are eating at a restaurant and the waitress says, "enjoy your meal" and you're like, "you too!", Next time I'm in a lift with four or more strangers, I'm going to turn around and say......... "I'm sure you're wondering why I've gathered you all here.", When I was younger I would never text in front of my Mom just after she has yelled at me just in case she decided to take my phone off of me., The awkward moment when you're really really angry and everyone is trying to cheer you up by making you laugh and they bring out that little smirk on your face and you think to yourself "No I'm mad, Stop it", That "oh no!" moment when you hear your mom shout your name from down stairs so you do a quick recap of all the things you have done recently to see if you're in trouble..., Them: Awww! You have gotten so big since the last time I saw you. I remember when you were just a little kid. Me: *Smiles* Me In head: Who the hell are you?, I'm a massive computer game geek, and people keep telling me to get a life. Then I thought to myself, I don't need to get a life, I'm a gamer so I have lots of lives., i actually get more offended when someone is mean to my brother or sister, than someone being mean to me, no mom....... i'm not addicted to texting........ i'm addicted to who i'm texting. (;, When you have a cold drink with ice in it and you put some ice in your mouth and start crunching away, then people are like "What you eating?" and you reply "Ice kooob", I guess this is our last goodbye. And you don't care, so I won't cry. But you'll be sorry when I'm dead, And all this guilt will be on your head. -The Police, Women belong in the kitchen, huh? Well, you know why women live longer than men? Because the kitchen is where the knives are., I like turtles because they're so chill. They don't hurt anyone. They're just like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time getting there, I'm not in a rush. Because I'm a turtle., Gf sees her Bf talking to a hot chick. Bf walks away. Gf confronts the hot chick. Gf: If you ever try to get between me and him ever again, im gonna have your head on a platter! Do you understand? Hot chick: Funny, he told me something similar. Gf:, It doesn't matter how ready you are, it doesn't matter how much training you have had. Every time you accept the challenge, the toaster will always win. It will always scare you., Everyone wants happiness. No one wants pain. But you can't have a beautiful rainbow without a little bit of rain..., ‎”Your son can’t be mine because he’s ginger!” – best Jeremy Kyle title ever!, Dear Guy With Big Headphones Who Tries To Act Like A Tough Gangsta................... I can hear Party in the USA blasting from your headphones. Sincerely, Nice Try., Its amazing when two strangers become the best of friends......... but its really sad when the best of friends become two strangers - Wiz Khalifa, I wasnt that drunk... Dude, you were hugging some old guy with a beard screaming DUMBLEDORE YOUR ALIVE!!, That awkward moment when When you drop something Right in front of you And then , it completely disappears ., Definition Of Karma: When you throw a banana peel in Mario Kart and you end up skidding out on it in the next lap..., Sometimes I get carried away when I make people cups of tea. When It comes to serving them its usually gone cold. What? I cant help it if I get fascinated by the mini whirlpool that I create when i'm stirring it..., >I bet i can make u say purple >ok try me >say blue >blue... >say pink ...>pink... >say orange >orange... >whats 1+1 >2... >whats 2+2 >4... >HA! I TOLD U I CUD MAKE U SAY 4! >no u sed u cud make me say purple... DAMMIT! like if you get it!, Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesnt work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Dont believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here..., Two blondes were waiting at the Pearly Gates and struck up a conversation. First blonde says How did you die? Second says I froze to death. First blonde says Must have been awful. Second blonde says How did you die? First blonde says I had a heart a, 1st: Chris Brown hits her 2nd: Eminem lies to her and 3rd: Drake cant remember her name What a life Rihanna has, I stopped eating because you called me fat. I started wearing make-up because you called me ugly. I started reading because you called me stupid. I started cutting school because you said im not cool. I'm trying to get a tan because you called me pale, Hey Google............. Why don't you let me finish what I'm typing before you start guessing after one letter.... Little cocky aren't we?, The akward moment when pink doesn't raise her glass. The akward moment when lady gaga wasn't born this way. The akward moment when bruno mars drops the grenade. The akward moment when nelly don't realise it wasn't just a dream., President Bush tried and failed. President Clinton tried and failed. President Obama tried and succeeded. . The moral of this is... If you want someone dead, hire a black man., Unpopular girl takes a really nice photo of herself on Facebook, she'll get maybe one or two likes. A popular girl takes a dog ugly photo of herself half naked, she'll probably get about 50 likes..., Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that. Sincerely, A Normal Teenager, FACEBOOK FACT............... The people under your friends list on your wall are the people who visit your wall the most. like if you didn't know., 4 Reasons why Rebecca Black's video Friday is the most annoying/stupid song 1.She wakes up at 7 with her make-up already on 2.Her friends are 13 and driving,thats ILLEGAL 3.Theres only 1 seat left in the whole car so when she says "which seat do i take, The awkward moment when you watch the same cartoons when your older and you notice all the perve..., **** I hate When This Happens #56 **** When you're about to sneeze, and you huff and you..., My girlfriend said she's leaving me because she said she is fed up of me acting black.... ..., That awkward moment when your secretly watching your dog take a poop and then suddenly you make ..., Wife: Truth or Dare? Husband: Urm... Truth... Wife: Have you ever cheated on me? Husban..., That feeling of accomplishment when you manage to punch your straw through a Capri-sun first tim..., Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two kit-..., That annoying moment when you Finally get through a big amount of dishes and then you realise th..., Don't make promises when you're happy... Don't reply when you're angry... ..., Who ever decided to package scissors in plastic that needs a lightsaber to open needs shooting....., **** What did the lion say to the octopus? **** Nothing, lions can't speak. And even if th..., The colour 9 is my favourite letter..., If guys had periods, all they would do is brag about the size of their tampons..., Why is it that when my mom looks for something, it magically appears..., A boy makes his girls jealous of other women.... A gentleman makes other women jealous of his..., The awkward moment when you're in a lift with an obese person and they catch you looking at..., I love a woman with a trimmed bush, its makes it easier to watch her through the window.... *..., Spongebob: "Hey Patrick, Patrick where are you? Patrick... Patrick can you hear me?" ..., Guess what i'm going to go and do? ****************************************** I'm ..., Me: Your party was amazing last night Friend: How can you remember... you were drunk most of ..., Remember putting glue on your hands and getting excited about peeling it off and pretending it w..., **** Who else does this **** When you're in bed and you can't sleep so you just lay..., **** To all the 80's & 90's Kids **** Who remembers having to crank the handle ..., I have no problem with texting and driving. But texting and walking down the stairs... That sh*t..., Dear doctors, When I come to see you with my parents, please stop asking if I smoke or whethe..., Scientifically it has been proven that too many birthdays can kill you..., ***** Things that make you go hmmmmm ***** How much dub would dubstep step, if a dubstep coul..., Me: Man! I had soo much fun last night! Friend: Kid, you were pissed most of the night, what ..., Man kids of today... Crying just because their XBOX or PS3 overheated and got the red light of d..., **** You never guess what I saw today!!! **** I was walking down the road to the shop and I s..., **** I see what you did there -_- **** That awkward moment when when you realise that there a..., My milkshake brings voldemort to the yard and i'm like, it's hurting my scar..., **** Definition of Dubstep **** Music that sounds like two transformers having wild s*x..., Rappers get money, from rapping about how they get money from rapping, by rapping about it..., **** Who else does this? **** That one drawer in your house where you put all your random ite..., Dear Mom & Dad, Yes I check my Facebook every morning like it's the morning paper......, I'm not a heartless person, I have just learned how to use my heart less..., S[he]'s bro[ok]en be[cause] s[he] be[lied]ve[d], Hey It's Summer! Time to build a rocket, fight a mummy, climb the Eiffel Tower, discover..., **** Who else does this **** Being so bored in class that you trace the staple in the corner ..., **** Did You Know? **** Did you know the only place you can tickle yourself is the roof of yo..., My f*cking neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am, do you believe that sh*t!? 2:30!! Lucky fo..., You need anger management classes... Yeah well you need shut the f*ck up classes..., Me: You Ask, Friend: No, You Ask, Me: Please! Friend: No Why Can't you ask? Me:..., **** Things that make you go hmmmm? ***** I wonder if kids in china push their eyes together ..., Little old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs can't fool me! Retired Me..., You can do three things in life: 1. Make Stuff Happen 2. Watch Stuff Happen 3. Or Wonder wh..., Life always offers second chances. It's called tomorrow. The past cannot be changed, er..., The hardest thing in life to explain is the reason why you love someone. It's like trying t..., When I cross a one way road, I still look both ways just in case there are any women driving..., *** I bet you do this! **** Oh, so you take 15 minutes to text me back! Fine im going to take..., **** Things that make you go hmmmm? **** Why is there an eject button on a DVD remote? I mean..., I hate when people call me with a hidden number... Next time I get one I'm going to answer ..., Me: Man your party was the best I've been to so far... Friend: You were drunk again, and..., How many reposts can a reposter post if a reposter could repost posts?, How many bears could Bear Grylls grill if Bear Grylls could grill bears?, Kelso: I'm gonna grow a beard... Fez: May I grow a beard too? Kelso: I don't kno..., I don't care how old you are, if a balloon is falling and is about to hit the floor, you ma..., Friend: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Me: Hey! STFU while im texting... Fri..., That awkward moment when you go into your closet looking for Narnia and you find the door to Mon..., I hate when I can't find the words for what I want to search for on Google. ** On Google..., That moment of joy when your was at school and you and your friend get put in the same group for..., Me: I wasn't that drunk! Friend: Yes you was! When I tried taking the vodka bottle off o..., life is to short, so live it up, drink it down, party hard, smoke alot, break the rules, kiss sl..., **** Who else does this? **** Running at full speed when your Mom says "Ok, get me my ba..., Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever... Sometimes they are only there long enough ..., Son: Dad i'm hungry... Dad: Nice to meet you hungry! Son: Dad, i'm serious... ..., Tension: When your wife is pregnant. Terror: When your mistress is pregnant. Horror: When ..., Whenever someone asks me to recommend a movie, I all of a sudden forget every good movie ever ma..., I am too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to de defeated..., In order to succeed, your desire for success has to be greater than your fear of failure - Bill ..., If people are always trying to bring you down, it just means they are jealous because you are ab..., You would think that with all this animal testing going on, they could at least invent a shampoo..., I want to be the girl he's scared to lose; the one where he can't walk away from knowi..., You fight like a married couple, you talk like best friends, you flirt like first loves, and pro..., I can never finish cleaning my room because of all the cool stuff I find...., Dear Public Toilets, Toilet paper holders should turn loosely. Nobody wants to wipe their a$$..., When I kill a spider in my bathroom, I never clean it up. I just leave it their so other spiders..., Everybody has at least two address memorised. Their own address and... P. Sherman 42 Wallaby..., Did you know that the names of the characters in Inception are: D = Dom R = Robert E = Eame..., Popsicle Stick - $1 Caramel - $3 Onions - $4 Watching your friends biting into a caramel on..., Dear MTV, I'm going to start my own TV network called Reality TV (RTV) and play nothing ..., Everything is made in China these days. Except for babies, they're made in VaChina..., Spelling a word so badly that even Microsoft Word Spell Checker & Google's 'Did Yo..., (ッ) ./|. ./''. ----- (ッ) .|./ ./''. ----- (ッ) .|./ ./'&..., I only check my voice mail to get rid of the little notification symbol on my screen., One day you are going to be able to Google anything like "Where's my phone?" and ..., Suffering the hot side of the pillow while the cold side charges..., Who else does this? When you're crunchy food and you wonder whether other people can hea..., I can't believe Google is cocky enough to start guessing after one letter, One Letter!, Who knew Eminem before 'I'm Not Afraid' and 'Love The Way You Lie'?, I've spent 10+ years learning English and I still have no idea what a semi-colon does..., Phoning a friend to let them know that you are outside their house instead of knocking., Who else has dreams where you end up in a fight and when you punch someone with all your might i..., When i'm the last person to go to bed and I have to turn my bedroom light off, I clear the ..., Saying guns kill people is like blaming a pen for misspelling a word., Being proud of your race is okay unless your white. If your white it's classed as racism., Whenever Ash from Pokemon turns his hat backwards, that's when you know sh*t is about to ge..., When you're single, you see happy couples and when you're in a relationship, you see h..., How Many Men Does It Take To Open A Beer? None. It Should Be Open By The Time She Brings It., The shampoo brand 'Head & Shoulders' should make a shower gel called 'Knees &..., Morning Routine: 1. Wake Up 2. Check phone for messages 3. Check Facebook for any notificat..., Why did the iPhone cross the road? ***************************************** Nobody knows, It ..., Who else rubs their shoe against the long brush on the escalator, thinking that it'll clean..., The first ten years of a girls life is spent playing with barbies. The next ten years is spent t..., Why. Is. It. That. When. I. Read. Stuff. Like. This. The. Little. Voice. In. My. Head. Takes. Li..., Staying in the bathroom longer because of your phone..., I refuse to bungee jump. I came into this world because of broken rubber and I don't want t..., I remember when staying up until midnight was hard work. Now it's just a bad habit that, F*ck B*tches.. Flip Patties - Spongebob, Dear Spongebob, You live in the bottom of a bikini, Your boss is Mr Krabs and you're abs..., If you're going to talk sh*t about me in your Facebook status, might as well grow some ball..., If he can't handle you in sweat pants, then he doesn't deserve you with a wedding dres..., Important exam tomorrow, better do some studying.... Study...Study...Stud...Sta...ah...staf....., That "Sh*t i'm going to die" moment when you try to kill a wasp and you miss..., I don't understand why people cheat. If you're not happy, just leave., Checking your phone to see what time it is, and then checking it again because the first time yo..., If bars don't serve drunk people, then McDonald's shouldn't serve fat people..., Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, never let a boy between your legs, he'll say you're cut..., "Low Battery, Please Connect Charger" B*tch you're a smart phone, connect your..., Me: So, you like bad boys? Girl: Yeah Me: Well i'm not trying to impress you or anyth..., No Mom, it doesn't matter whether go to bed at 10pm or 2am. When I wake up tomorrow at 6am,..., Staring at a dead body during a movie to see if you can catch it moving or breathing., The awkward moment when your Mom is washing the dishes and you try and put your plate in the sin..., Who is ready to make an epic wish on 11/11/11 at 11:11am?, Replying to a text with "k" not only shows that you are an a$$ hole, it also shows tha..., If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it's probably a cow ..., I want to create a search engine called "Tap" so when people want to search something ..., I wish friends were like money; so you could hold them up to the light to find out which ones we..., Changing a whole text because you didn't know how to spell one word..., For a very short period of time, I was once the youngest person in the world..., When I was younger, my friends and I used to play tig, hide and seek, stuck in the mud, cops and..., I text you a whole paragraph within 5 minutes and you text me back 40 minutes later saying "..., I can't stand people who don't know the difference between your and you're. Th..., I really want to be chased by a cop car while im on a bicycle so I can shout BUMBLEEEEE!, Describe your first sexual experience by using the title of a film. For example, Fast & F..., Twitter is the modern day equivalent of religion. People saying nothing of any use at all and st..., When I was younger and my Mom gave me carrots with my dinner, I always used to sit there while e..., Next time someone says to me "Hey man, whats up?" I'm gonna say "Oh not much..., I got ice in my vains,blood in my eyes,hate in my heart,love in my mind, i see nites full of pai..., When nerdy girls in movies take off their glasses, they instantly become these beautiful girls t..., So, My boyfriend asked me if I loved Him,..No you dumbass, I only think about you all day, text ..., ******* Dear people reading this, ******* AM I MAKING YOU YELL IN YOUR HEAD?! Sincerely, ..., Studies show that the average person that reads the word "Yawn" will actually begin to..., While the microwave is on, I try to do as many things as I can such as get my knife and fork rea..., You that in your group of friends there is always one gay one. I don't know who it is in my..., That moment of fame when you in class at school and your name is in a math problem, Can you believe that I spent 15 minutes last night looking for my phone in my car while using my..., Slowly but surely, sunbeds are going to banned all over the world. So in a few thousand years fr..., The awkward moment when you look up from your phone and the person you have been following aroun..., I hate when you spell a common word correctly, but it looks wrong so you just site there staring..., If you friend request me on Facebook and your profile picture is a picture of a car.... Then..., My wife and I have different ways of cleaning the toilet. She uses disinfectant, then flushes..., What's a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant girl all got in common? All the senar..., When I was younger, my dad used to show me pictures about why it's important to always wear..., There are two men. One's name is John and the other's name is Bill John came to Bill..., That moment when you have just got into bed after a long hard day and then you realise that you ..., **** Fact #146 **** More money is spent on fake b00bs and viagra than treatment for alzeimers..., **** Things that make you go hmmmm? **** If twin females marry twin males and each couple hav..., *********Dirty Mind Test #985*********** Whats starts with the letter 'P' and ends ..., A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right bre*st hanging out. A pol..., A doctor has sex with one of his patients and a few days later, he begins to feel extremely guil..., How do you get a girl to squeeze her t*ts together? *******************************************..., Before s*x, you help each other get naked, after s*x you only dress yourself. Moral of the story..., An unpopular girl takes a really nice photo of herself on Facebook, she'll get maybe one or..., Dear McDonald's Cashier, Don't give me that look... Last time I checked, there was ..., The awkward moment when you open a birthday card in front of the person who gave it you. Then yo..., Some of you may know Shia LaBeouf as the guy from the Transformers trilogy, but us awesome 90, No matter how old you are, no matter how much of a bada$$ you think you are, if a toddler hands ..., What if the light that we see at the end of the tunnel when we die is really just us being pushe..., Durex Have created new glow in the dark condoms..... There new slogan for them it going to be..., *** Dirty Mind Test #54 *** What starts with a C and ends in a T. It's hairy on the outs..., Guess what, I was walking down the road the other day when this hot woman shouted across the roa..., **** When your Mom starts counting to 3 **** Mom: One! Me: Do you really think counting wi..., A wife walks into her bedroom naked. Her husband asks "What on Earth are you wearing?"..., That awkward moment when someone yells at you for clicking you pen so you stop, but then realise..., Graffiti, Books, Hair, Tattoos, Free running, Minecraft, Blanket on, too hot. Blanket off, too cold. One leg out, perfect, until the awkward moment when the demon from Paranormal Activity grabs it., Like this if you have ever.. Punched a wall so hard you turn into a Capsicum. Been to the moon. Ridden a dinosaur. Cured cancer. Used a stapler., My sister walks in my room. She has one pillow tied to her front and one to her back. I ask, "What on Earth are you doing?" Her reply was... "This pillow on my back, is to protect me, from the friends that will back stab me. And the back one, that's f, At 3 yrs old we say: "Mommy, I love you". At 10: "Mom whatever!" At 16:"My mom is so annoying"! At 18: "I wanna leave this house". At 25:"Mom, you were right". At 30: "I wanna go back to my Mom's house". At 50: "I don't wanna lose my Mom". At 70: ", *Kid wakes up in class. Teacher: asks student "can you tell me what that is?" *kids best friend mouths "4" while lifting his fingers, the student thanks him with a nod and reply's "4" Teacher: looking confused and disappointed says "So the first, I want to wear your sweatshirt to bed ; Watch scary movies with you ; Hold hands ; Kiss you in the rain ; Go on long walks with you ; Laugh until I can't breathe ; Make you watch chick flicks ; Talk on the phone till sunrise ; Play your favorite v, GO AHEAD, Take chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Say no. Spend all your cash. Get to know some one random. Be random. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at stupid jokes. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you., Dear Microsoft Word, could you stop telling me I made a spelling error... I think I would know how to spell my own name Sincerely, People who's names are supposedly "wrong", Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home.", What does kfc and a fat chick have in common? After you are done with the leg and the thigh you have a greasy box to throw your bone into!, One day, a mum was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she found a b*ndage-S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She showed it to her husband. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, "Well, A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old." The husband retorts, "Well, what did he s, Dear reader Please do me right now. On the kitchen table. In your bed. On the couch. Hell, I'll even take the floor in front of the T.V. I dont care, I just need you to do me like I've never done before. Sincerely, Your Homework., Dear gay men,............. Please stop being so much kinder, funnier, and more attractive than straight men. It's quite depressing. Sincerely, all single women., I trial an*l s*x with my girlfriend last weekend. But i think i was doing it wrong, because no matter how hard i pushed, i couldnt get my whole butt in her p*ssy..., Today, when walking home from school a little boy on my street was sitting at the end of his driveway and he stopped me. He said "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen," and handed me a rose. My mother told me he had been waiting there sinc, ............Admit it............................................. We all wish we cud take our tummy fat And glue it to our boobs, My friend once told me 581 people are having sex in the the U.S. right now............. I was so confused cause I thought that should be an even number, When i was 6... He gave me a 72 pack of crayons for my birthday. Back then we were just bestfriends i gave him the blue crayon because it was his favorite color. When i was 10 he moved to Canada. I MISS HIM VERY MUCH today i turn 16 and i got a car, **Your wedding** Groom: I d-- **interrupt** Kanye West: Hey man, I'm really happy for you, but Prince Williams & Kate Middleton had one of the best weddings of all time., How long do u take to solve this :D (1)-I want to say this so look for 7 (2)-Sorry wrong number i meant 13 (3)-I'm not joking with u i just can't get numbers right is 9 (4)-Ok I was joking it was 8 (5)-U want to kill me right now don't u it was 10, what goes through a girl's mind when she's on her period: - oh my god, i'm leaking. there's blood all over me. - move out of my way, b*tch! - i hate you, you're stupid. - i want ice cream. somebody, get me ice cream! - i'm going to throw up. - midol, 3 Chinese Brothers(Bu, Chu and Fu) want to immigrate to america so they change their names to sound more american. Bu changes his name to Buck. Chu changes his name to Chuck. And Fu gets sent back to China., What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? ***************************************************************************** They can both smell it but can't eat it., A man and his son were talking about s*x. The son asked his father, "dad, what does a p*ssy look like?" The dad asked him, "before or after s*x?" "Ummmm, before s*x", the kid replied. The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with, Q. What do a Rubix cube and a p*nis have in common? **************************************************************** A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get., Q) What is the Defferance between a blonde and an ironing board? *************************************************************************** A) An Ironing boards legs are harder to get open, Dear Obnoxios teenage boys;......... Uhmm no, I'm not on my period. That's next week. So if you think I'm moody now, your really screwed when I actually am. Sincerely, annoyed teenage girls, Dear Heart-Broken Singles,....... Never get mad when you see your ex with someone new. Your parents have always taught you to give your old toys to the less fortunate. Sincerely, Life., Dear Phone, I drop you, I push your buttons (literally), I throw you on a bed when I'm mad(which, sometimes, can hurt), but I just want to know...you're like my best friend!!!!!!!!!! Sincerely, 24/7 Texter, "Dude, where's my phone?! Like seriously? I just had it, I swear!" "Caaallm down." "How can I be calm? I can't find my phone!" "Dude, you're talking to me on your phone right now!", I'm not the prettiest girl alive, Im not the smartest girl alive, Im not the funniest, I am a little weird but if you are looking for someone perfect you will never find that "perfect" fairytale girl., A p*nis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an a-hole, his best friend is a pu*sy and his owner beats him., As soon as you get online, whose name do you look for first? When a slow song comes on, whose face pops up in your head? When you get a text, who do you hope it's from? Whose name makes your stomache drop when you hear it?, Round of drinks: $23.00 Lap Dance: $30.00 Another Round of Drinks: $23.00 Couch Dance: $50.00 A Round Of Shots: $34.00 Private Dance in Hotel Room: $300.00 Being able to send her on her way and never having to hear her complain, priceless..., *********Dirty Mind Test #985*********** Whats starts with the letter 'P' and ends in 'orn'? Answer: Popcorn... What where you thinking?, A man and a woman started to have s*x in the middle of a dark forest. After 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says "Damn, I wish I had brought my flash light..." The woman replies: "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!", Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? *********************************************************************** A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed., If Facebook ever shut down, you'd see people aimlessly walking round streets, scribbling on walls, poking each other, searching for their friends, thumbs-upping and commenting at everything they see and tagging one another., *******I Hate When This Happens********* When you put a new pair of socks abd... BAM! You step in something wet..., Don't you hate it when the guy you've liked forever only looks at you as a good friend, then a tart comes along and breaks his heart and you want smash her face in!, Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater, Give her sperm, she will give you a baby. Give her a house, she will give you a home. Give her groceries, she will give you a meal. Give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enla, I'm so glad McDonald's doesn't sell hot dogs. I just don't think I could order a "McWeiner" with a straight face! Don't even get me started on getting it super-sized, After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she repl, HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, s, That guy that . . . 1. Makes you fall asleep thinking about him 2. Makes you smile like crazy 3. Makes you feel beautiful 4. Would rather you act yourself than someone you aren't 5. Makes you laugh even when no one else can't 6. Makes you smile when, What are the similarities of BAR & BRA 1. Both words have the same alphabets 2. Both are drinking zones 3. Both have restricted timing for opening & closing 4. More importantly, Both makes Men crazy when open !!, One night a man and woman went to his house to have s*x when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos" So they w, A blonde goes to the hospital to know whether she is pregnant or not. The doctor does a scan and tells her she is going to have twins. The blonde bursts out in tears and the doctor asks why? He asks , do you not want twins? The blonde says, no, its jus, Dear Period, Thank you for reminding me, for the 9th time this year that i am not pregnant. Even though i am a virgin. Thank you for vomiting out blood whenever you like and punching me in the stomach for your wrong doings. Its an absolute pleasur, Elementary school: mummy i have a new friend. middle school: hey mom can ____ come over? mom: yeah whos that? you: my new friend. high school: *you and your friend walk in* mom: who's that? my friend..., wo hookers standing on a street corner started discussing business. One of the hookers said, ''Gonna be a good night, I smell c*ck in the air.'' The other hooker looked at her and said, ''Sorry No, I just burped.', That awkward moment when your little sister asks you why those squirrels are giving a piggyback to eachother & you say they are just playing.., You're like a penny;............... twofaced, worthless &dirty. I'm sure thats what you charge anyway, There are three moms. . A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smoke, *********When I Was Younger************* When I was younger, I used to pour my juice into the lid of my drink bottle and pretend to take a shot., To the first two people who thought Superman was a bird, then a plane.... What the f*ck was you so excited about?, Those days where your middle finger is the answer to everything., Don't you hate it when ****************************** You delete someones cell number because your mad at them but you have already memorized it., American kid: "You"re from the UK? Ohhh cool, So do you have tea with the Queen?". British kid: "Do you like, go to mcdonalds with Obama?"., Dear Guys, Stop hating on Justin Bieber. You know you're only jealous. You say he sounds like a little kid? Well, when his first few songs came out, he WAS a little kid. You say he looks like a fag? Let's see what you look/looked like at 15-16. He', I'm sort of like Dorothy, I always end being with a guy who is in need of a heart so he can love me,in need of courage so he can make commitments, or even in need of a brain..., A simple psychological question ************************************* You really love them, dont you? Not a single name was mentioned, but that special someone suddenly came to your mind., Elementary school; eww! you kissed him..... Middle school; C'mon, kiss! kiss! kiss High school; seriously guys, stop making out and get a room., Parents and texting.... Me:I got an A in chem!! Mom:WTF, well done!! Me:Mom, what do you think WTF means? Mom:Well that's fantastic., Today, while watching tv, My little brother asked what "sex" meant. Not wanting to go into detail with a 9-year-old, I simply told him "it's another word for pizza." Later, at the dinner table with my parents, he announced "I wanna have sex tonight", I actually want to be... kissed in the rain. held when i cry. his first text message. grabbed around the waist and kissed on the cheek. my hand held by his hand. told he loves me when he really means it. this first thing he thinks of when he wake, *wake up in the morning* go downstairs pour cereal in to a bowl and have spoon ready open fridge...................................... no milk like if this has ever happened to you, The akward moment when Nelly realizes it's just a dream Justin Bieber says never Britney Spears doesn't dance until the world ends Rihanna remembers her name Lady Gaga's bad romance is a good romance The Black Eyed Peas got enough, Dear Students, I know when you're texting in class. Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles every five minutes. Sincerely, Teacher., Me: "Im A Ninja..." Friend: "No You Not!" Me: "Yes I Am, Did You See Me Do That>" Friend: "Do What?" Me: "Exactly!", If you had to make a decision about going left or right. But you know that left isn't right, so by process of elimination, you have to go right because it's the only way left., I love it when i find some1 on facebook through friends accounts (or other complicated ways) and i just sit there admiring and thinking to myself that i could be an excelent Facebook Detective! :D, Silence = The way to avoid problems. Smile = The way to solve many problems., Top 6 reasons why girls break up with a guy: 1. She doesn't like him. 2. She thinks he's immature 3. She was dared to go out with him 4. She doesn't feel the 'sparks' at all 5. She doesn't want to be the one that 'cares' anymore 6. She wants the guy, Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said a, When I text someone and someone is looking at my phone, I always like to type "...and some retard keeps reading our plans, shall I take them out?"..., 5 DEADLY WORDS USED BY WOMAN 1. FINE - this is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP. 2. NOTHING - means SOMETHING & u need to be WORRIED. 3. GO AHEAD - this is a dare, not permission, do NOT do it. 4., A man is in a hotel lobby. As he runs to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman and as he does, his elbow hits her brea$t. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your brea$t, I know yo, Admit it....................... You're afraid to text him first sometimes because you feel like you're annoying., I would trust my bestfriend with my life, but not food. I would trust my bestfriend with my pet, but not my facebook. I would trust my bestfriend with a secret, but not my phone. Like if you agree, Today, the class b**tch jokingly asked a slightly overweight girl "So, when are you due?" The b*tch was speechless when the girl replied, "I don't know, ask your boyfriend ;)", Like this if you know... -A really nice redhead -A really smart blonde -A really cool person with glasses -A person who eats a TON but is skinny -A person who is going through a really hard time but still trys to be happy.., Dear Parents' I stay up late, fall out with friends, have a messy room, literally LIVE on my lap-top, I'm lazy, and I'm ALWAYS texting. Though mum, dad, I'm NOT the only teenager that acts like that. I am just a TYPICAL teenager. So don't think your doin, So I've been chatting with this 13 year old girl online. Shes funny, flirty and sexy. Now she tells me shes an undercover cop, how cool is that for someone her age?, That SUCKISH feeling you get when you wake up and look at your phone, noticing that you missed a message from the person you'd been waiting for the longest to text you., On you-tube when it says 'video not available in your country' whatt??? where do you think i am from?!! NARNIA !!, Her friends don't know. But her hearts silently breaking. She laughs so much, they don't know that shes faking. Although he doesn't see, he probably wouldn't care. She's crying for hours on end. Because her lifes just not fair., The awkward moment when you're at your friends house and your friend is getting yelled at so you just stand their and pet the dog., Us girls . . we love it when you kiss us on the...(See More), "Sexy" means I want you. "Pretty" means I like you. "Beautiful" means I love you. "Gorgeous" means all of the above and that is because you are the best thing that ever happened to me :), If you ignore me, I will ignore you. If you don't start the conversation, we wont talk. If you don't put in the effort, why should I?, Never expect. Never assume. Never ask. And never demand. Just let it be. If it's meant to be, it will happen :), You know you're addicted to facebook when... -You go on like 12 times a day -You get excited when you have one notification -You smile when someone likes your status -You start to get very angry when...(See More), Not all guys want sex, not all guys are obsessed with black ops, not all guys will cheat on you, not all guys will treat you badly, not all guys will break you heart, some guys are gay., People say you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it., ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend run into each other boy:hey! listen, i really miss you girl:*sneezes* boy:bless you , are you sick? girl:no, i'm just allergic to bulllSh*t. ..., In your bed, it's 6AM, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school, it's 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:30...., I like turtles because they're so chill. They don't hurt anyone. They're just like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time getting there, I'm not in a rush. Because I'm a turtle.", Me: Can I use the bathroom? Teacher: I don't know, can you? Me: When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to..., If a girl admits that she likes you, know that it took her every ounce of courage she has. Idiot, don't take her for granted., "Dude, wanna hang out?" "Nah, hanging out with my girl man." "What happened to bros before hoes?" "That rule still goes, but it's just that she ain't a hoe.", be careful who you open up to. only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious., Laughing by yourself because you remembered something really funny., It's not that I hate you.. it's just, put it this way. if you were on fire and i had water, i'd drink it., EVERYDAY, I fight back the urge to text you or talk to you, telling myself that if you wanted to talk to me, YOU WOULD., That awkward moment when your parents tell you to stay in the line when you’re shopping, and when you’re almost near the cashier, they’re not even back yet, so you start freaking out., 3 yrs old "Mommy, I love you." 13 yrs old "Mom, whatever!" 16 yrs old: "My mom is so annoying!" 18 yrs old "I wanna leave this house." 25 yrs old: "Mom, you were right" 30 yrs old "I want to go back to my Mom's house". 50 yrs old: "I don't want to lose my, Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that very moment when you're doing something and you wish that they were right there with you., When your texting five people and you tell four of them that your going to bed but theres that one person that you stay up texting even when your falling aslelep :), i look at my best friend and think: 'why the F*ck do i love this retard?!', I hate it when someone mentions the name of the person I no longer wish to remember, my Fuucking neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning. can you believe that?! 2:30am! luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...., The real danger of chewing gum at school isn't being caught by your teachers, its being caught by your friends..., That awkward moment when you sleep at your...(See More), "Don't tell anyone", next day everyone knows..., spraying hairspray to your face to keep your makeup on!!!!, Those songs you can listen to over and over again & never get sick of them :-), I am not a morning person. Do not pull the covers off me. I WILL KILL YOU.., Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?, Walking Into Your Room And Saying "Wow I Should Clean This"And Walking Back Out :D, How Do Police On Bikes Arrest People? "Alright.. Get In The Basket...", Weird conversations with your best friend...that no one else ever understands, saying "IM UP!" when your actually lying in bed as warm as toast!, You annoy me. Go stand over there., unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything., everyone calls you by your name, but only one person can make it sound special., losing your cellphone in your blankets and then having to throw the blanket around til it falls out., I've always wanted to get in a taxi and shout "FOLLOW THAT CAR!", When a girl is silent, that's pretty dangerous. She's either overthinking, tired of waiting, about to blow, lonely, needs a hug, falling apart or crying inside. and most probably all of those above., Tweeting, Tea bag, Mandarin Chinese, Chinese language, Japanese language, American English, Old English, German language, Arabic, Never apologize for what you feel. It's like saying sorry for being real, the awkward moment when lahardane get hammered by ardmoy,after all there hard training sessions., Being on a night out and realising all your friends are mad bastards!!!, St.Patricks day, the day all the irish get the shift, walkin in to kevin loftus's with a hicksons bag coz your a mad bastard, Who ever doesn't have a scar on their knees or legs, had no childhood. (;, If only life had a rewind button i would go back and answer that question differently! :/, 'Romeo, Romeo, where forth art thou Romeo?' 'Havin a smoke love wudje relax?', oh, hello life. i didn't see you behind all that school., Guy: Yo Im Hungary. friend: why don't you Czech the fridge? guy: ok Im Russian to the kitchen friend: hmm maybe you'll find some Turkey guy: Yeah I have some but its covered in a layer of Greece. YUCK! friend: Ew man there is Norway you are eating th, keepin your trousers up with bailer twine!!, Doing shots of Calpol with your GP., telling your friend to turn round when a teachers arse is in their face., The awkward moment when you get 'grabbed' and have to explain you're not a gypsy, Adding the priest as soon as u get home from mass., "Dude he just called you a farmer.." "OH HELL NO, HOLD MY COW!", Tuesday, 18th of January. the day where " oh hell no " likes took over facebook., Close the door.....................FULLY!!!!!!, if i everrrrrrrr did that to you, it’d be a different story wouldn’t it?, The awkward moment in 100 years when facebook has 500million profiles belonging dead people!, I hate texting you first, because I think I'm annoying you!, Taking your phone out of your pocket a second before you get a text and feeling like God., Barack Obama: YES WE CAN! Brian Cowen: i dont know..we might., I loved, I lost, I learnt ♥, You know you're poor when you cant even afford a Freddo, Not closing a door, then all you hear is "born in a field", my laptop charger gives out more heat than the school radiators :/, "FBI, OPEN THE DOOR!!!" "No.....its cool when you break in", like if one of your friends mum is a legend, Justifying Completely Inappropriate and Unacceptable Behaviour as Banter, Tanning your arse in case you get the ride in the confession booth after mass., Irish People DONT go on Dates ..... we go on the LASH!, Ron: Hermione. How do I begin to explain her ginny: hermione is flawless. oliver: I hear her hair's insured for10,000. galleons Harry: I hear she does wand commercials... in Japan. hagrid- her fav subject is charms ron- One time she met viktor Kr, Status:OMG I HATE MY LIFE coments:(person1) what's up chick? (person2)heeyy what's up? ahh nvm guys i don't want to talk about it *OMFG if you don't wanna talk about it why put it on facebook?!?!!?* Like if you hate people that do this, The awkward moment when a Trinity student realises their head is actually located up their arse., I remember 2010, like it was yesterday., The awkward moment when you're sitting in your room, pretending you're a carrot, and BOOM! A giant rabbit walking in and eats you...., If Facebook ever shut down, you'd see people aimlessly walking round streets, scribbling on walls, and poking each other., text convo: GIRL:heyy.... BOY:heyy babx.... GIRL:wuu2 thenn?x... BOY:wanking... GIRL: ...., a boy walks into class late Teacher: why are you late ? Boy:i was throwing stones in the river. Teacher:go and sit down. another walks in late Teacher:why are you late? Boy:i was throwing stones in the river another boy walks in late Teacher:why a, if this gets 100 likes before 00,01 11/1/11 kd will get his nipples pierced., Tomorrow is the 11/1/11 if 2000 People Like This You Will Have A Good Luck 2moro :), Your car is Japanese. Your beer is German. Your wine is Spanish. Your democracy is Greek. Your coffee is Colombian. Your tea is Chinese. Your watch is Swiss. Your fashion is French. Your shirt is Indian. Your shoes are Thai. Your radio is Korean. Your vod, 1) go to google translate 2) english ---> english 3) type in 'skviwlkmkoio popopopop boner' 4) press listen 5) laugh your ass off, stealin da priests bread en funnin like f*ck! lmao, Voldemort: I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth.... Harry: You have no hair . Voldemort: You have no parents Harry: You have no nose Voldemort: ...., OhMyLike, I have lived threw 01.01.01, 02.02.02, 03.03.03, 04.04.04, 05.05.05, 06.06.06, 07.07.07, 08.08.08, 09.09.09, 10.10.10 BRING IT ON, 11.11.11 & 12.12.12, THIS ONLY HAPPENS EVERY 1000 years so apreciate, rihanna- oh nana whats my name? person-why are you asking your grandma your name? rihanna-oh shut up and drive! person-but it's raining!!! rihanna- then get under my umbrella. person-who do you think you are? rihanna-the only girl in the world per, Cop: "You look drunk. Say the alphabet backwards." Driver: "Dude, I can't even do that when I'm sober.", a rhino is just a bad excuse for a fat unicorn ... ;D, You're 13. You were dumped. Your life isn't over -_-, The Bangin Tunes At Mass .. Place Does Be Pumpin, I'm not hungover... I have wine flu., Three things I have never felt like: A plastic bag, A G6, P Diddy, Trying to convince the bus driver your 15!, Seeing loads of people online and thinking they must be fecked for the exams too!, » Randomly remembering good times and smiling like an idiot :D, I Love the Kid that makes the class fun by arguing with the teacher, when your about to study and then BOOM .. ur laptop walks in with no bra on an seduces you, brb = I'm not going somewhere I just dont want to speak to you., Waking up from a great dream, and trying to fall back asleep so you can continue the dream :), everyone's always talkin' about the chile minors, what about their senior team?, "Hahahahaha, You Failed!" "Yeah, so did your dads condom.", The sexual tension in the library., Ronnie, give Kat her baby back...NOW!, press F13....... like if you laughed ;), She's had more fingers in her than a holy water font!, Mcdonalds chips now made with real potatos. WHAT DID THEY GIVE US BEFORE!?, Girl: I like you. Boy: Well.. I kinda like U2. Girl: Really?! Boy: Yeah, it's my fav band! Girl: ..., Like This If Your Bestfriends Name Starts With S, L, J, R, K, A, N, C, A, B, E, M!:), When i was little i used to close the fridge door really slowly just to see when the light went out :), hate when ur watching a nice movie with ur parents and then BAM SEX SCENE., International Dance Federation, 2010 hasn't been so bad, i'v welcomed new great people, and waved goodbye too some wankers:), Blanket on, too hot. Blanket off, too cold. One leg out, perfect... Until the awkward moment when the demon from paranormal activity grabs it and drags you through the hall. I hate when that happens -.-, Gf:What u want for xmas? Bf:Your Virginity GF:......, like this if you have done any of these things; cut your own hair, had a casual conversation with your pet, licked the flavour off a crisp then eating it, peeled the skin off a grape, drew on your friends arm in class, put haribo's/hula hoops on you, There is a lot of pain for a girls body. Dear Eyes, Sorry for all the eye liner and mascara. Dear Legs, Sorry for all the tight skinny jeans. Dear Ears, Sorry for the earings. Dear Stomach, Sorry for all the butterflies. Dear Brain, Sorry for all the, no matter what happens, ill always be here & ill always love you, and i mean it., Mum: Where is your space project homework? Girl: Writte in the stars! Mum: where is it ? Girl: A million miles away!!! Mum: its about what then? Girl: a message to the main OOOOOOO! Mum: what the hell are you on about! Girl: seasons come and go but, (Blonde walks into library) Blonde: "I'll have a large shake, a hamburger, and a large fry." Librarian: "Oh, no miss, this is a Library!!" Blonde: (whispers) "I'll have a large shake, a hamburger...", Kissing a girl on her forehead is Care, on her cheek is Respect, on her lips is Love, but kissing her in front of her boyfriend is GUTS!, *Girl Sees Cute French Guy* Girl: Hey, Your Cute. Guy: Comment voulez-vous me passer les menottes à deux mains et les jambes de mon lit et ma bite dans ton vagin pour le reste de votre vie popping dos et attaquants? Et mes amis ont un aller trop. Girl, I'm sorry I use you, I'm sorry I push your buttons, I'm sorry I shout at you, I'm sorry I call you stupid when you mess up, I'm sorry I always lose you and leave you in the randomest of paces, I'm sorry I'm always trying to change you, I'm sorry I let you, 2010 hasn't been amazing,I've wasted my time on people who I never should have bothered with,I've cried over stupid stuff,lost people who I thought I'd always have,but it's definately been the year for realising who my true friends are and now I have them, Based on a psychology study, a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you are already in love whether you believe it or not., Mum: Where is your space project homework? Girl: Writte in the stars! Mum: which is? Girl: A million miles away!!! Mum: its about what then? Girl: a message to the main OOOOOOO! Mum: what the hell are you on about! Girl: seasons come and go but i w, Boyfriend: I dont get it, how do you stay so calm when we argue? Girlfriend: I clean the toilet Boyfriend: How does that help you to relax? Girlfriend: I use your toothbrush., dad: why ou crying? girl: my boyfriend dumped me! dad: (grabs shot gun) i'll be back.. while later: dad comes back girl: what the hell! why did you go kill him! dad: i didn't girl where did you go? dad: to get you icecream :D girl: why the hell di, *brunette just had a heart attack* blonde 1: quick! call 911!! blonde 2: OH MY GOD! *grabs phone* what's the number for 911?! blonde 1: OH! ummmm, i don't know! check the phonebook! blonde 2: *flips through phonebook* it's not here!! all it says i, like if you've - .married sum1 witha haribo ring ;) .danced to the cha cha slide :) .pushed a door that sed pull :D .had a open conversation with your pet :P, Sister: Do you like my outfit? Brother: Um... the top doesn't go with the skirt Sister: It's a dress..., *Girl crying* *Brother walks in* Brother:- "Hey, whats wrong?" Girl:- "My boyfriend dumped me today" Brother:- "Why?" Girl:- "Because i broke his Black ops Disk" Brother:- " YOU DID WHAT?!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Girl:- "But.." Brother:-" OUT!!!!", *Break up* girls: FRIEND- 'aww hope your okay'/ 'he wasn't very nice anyway' BEST FRIEND- 'he's getting a slap!!' SISTER- ' you can do better' BROTHER- 'WHERE IS HE!?!?!' boy: FRIEND- 'unlucky dude' BEST FRIEND- 'drink up, we're off out' SISTE, Skinny Girl: "im so fat!" Friend: "Shutup. Your so skinny you could hulahoop with cheerios" Skinny Girl: -.-, Rihanna: What's my name? Eminem: Rude boy?! *Rihanna holds up a gun* Eminem: I'm not afraid! Rihanna: I love the way you lie!, *Boyfriend and girlfriend are talking* Boy: So, a blonde walks into a shop and picks up a bottle of Ribena and a - Girl: Wait? You got this of facebook, didn't you? Boy:.., 2010. Wow. What a life changing year. The amount of things I've done this year, the amount of people I've met, the amount of people I've booted off, the amount of things I've learnt, the amount of pain I've been through, the amount of happiness I've exper, *BF and GF had an argument* BF: Oh well. GF: Oh NO!!!!! *After 2h's* BF: Hey, I just wanted to say... GF: I know, I love you too. BF: Umm, yeah... GF: Oh ? BF: I wanted to say... GF: ??? BF: I'm sorry, I love you and I admit I am stupid bu, I cant wait till 2010 is over and done with !!!!!, like if you havee.... -pushed a door that said. Pull -dropped a. Pencil during a test - used a harribow as a ring - told. Someone u love them and actually mean it., Brunette walks in to Primark and asks how much a top is. Shopkeeper replies £5. Red-head walks into New Look and asks how much some jeans are. Shopkeeper replies £10. Blonde walks into Pound Land and asks how much a drink is. Shopkeeper replies ...., Think of a number. Double it. Add eight. Half it. Take away the number you started with. Like if you answer was four, If you did one of these things, like: - Cut your own hair, - Bumb your little toe to a chair, - Start punching a friend on her arm for no reason, - Laughed for no reason what so ever, - Colour on home walls when you were young, - Placed an object so, age 6: daddy look im married *shows haribo ring* dad: aww so cute x aged 16: daaaaad look im married :D *shows haribo ring* dad: GET THAT THING OFF NOW WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY? (grabs shotgun), It’s really not that spicy. You’re just white., -christmas day- 3-6yrs: MUMMYYYY, DADAAAA, WAKE UP SANTA LEFT US PRESENTS!! 7-8yrs: ...OMG PRESENTS GIMMEH 9-12yrs: *sleeps until 3pm* *wakes up* ...ye merry crimbo can i open them now? 13 onwards: *5am* MOVE!!! MOVE!!! *fights of ninjas* MOVE!!! PRES, "Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?" "My right hand." "Amazing! Most people have to use the on/off switch." =P, like if you've ever: eaten when your not hungry cried when your not sad went to the toilet not needing to fake burped, OhMyLike, The awkward moment in mass when you get rejected at the 'peace be with you' bit, "I'd catch a grenade for ya!" .. then i'd pull the pin out and throw it at your face., Teacher: Can you see God? Girl: No Teacher: Then he doesn't exsist Girl: Can you see the wind or air? Teacher: No Girl: So then it doesn't exsist? Teacher:.........., People Aren't Afraid Of Hieghts, They Are Afraid Of Falling. They Aren't Afraid Of Water, They Are Afraid Of Drowning. And The Aren't Afraid Of Love, They Are Afraid Of Rejection..., Yea, we sleep all day.. n we drink all night we are not wasting our time.. :), Everybody Has: 1)Accepted The Terms And Conditions, when they did not read them 2)Threw something in the air and tried to catch it in their mouth 3)Ignored somebody on chat because they were too busy playing a game 4)Liked Something On Fac, Blonde Joke: There is a brunette, a black hair girl, and a blonde. They want to get to the other side off the sea. SO the Brunette swims the whole way and makes it to the other side without getting tired. The Black hair girl swims the whole way and gets a, I'd Die for your house. - Dude? why would you do that, because you'd be dead... so you wouldnt be able to use the house anyway?, (phone vibrates) *runs across room* *jumps over couch* *fights off ninjas* *grabs phone* "damn, i thought you were someone else":|, Like if you know TWO people who really need to get together. : ), Eyeing your toys suspiciously after watching Toy Story., Downing a naggin before the orals, Girl: I'm gonna break into your house, snap your Black Ops disc, throw your PS3 out the window and give your XBox 360 the red ring of death. Boy: :| What did I do? Girl: You ignored me., Blonde lady is pulled over by a blonde police officer Officer: Mam. Could I please see your licence Lady: What does it look like? Officer: It's rectangle and has a picture of you on it The lady searches through bag and pulls out her mirror. Police off, What guys think girls do at sleepovers: pillow fights in underwear, dancing to barbie girl, eating chocolate and telling sexy storys, What girls acctually do at sleepovers: music, facebook, food and moaning about how much boys talk about sex., On new years eve I want to give you a kiss at 11:59 and a kiss at 12:01 because then I would have a perfect end to my year &; a wicked beginning., They look like they have been dragged through a hedge :|, Blonde: Look! You can get a laptop here for four dollars! Brunette: What? Blonde: Yeah! And it's even big! Brunette: We're at McDonald's. They don't sell computers. Blonde: Yes they do! Check the menu! Big Mac - $4. Brunette: ........, A blonde lost the breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!, Isn't it wierd that Cher Lloyd was 4th and her calling number is 04.. One direction were 3rd & their one was 03 Rebecca Furguson was 2nd and her's was 02 and Matt Cardle's was 1st and his one was 01!!..............They had it planned all along! xxxxx, Teacher:"I'm calling your parents!" Elementary Student:NOOOOOO,"I'll be good!" Middle School Student:"Pshhh,whatever!" High School Student: "Hahaha tell my mom I said Hi!", a black man walks into a cafe. soon enough a white person comes up and says " excuse me, no coloured people are allowed in here" the black man says "when im in the sun im black when im cold im black when i die im black but you sir when your out in the sun, Girl: heyy Boy: hello come in , and hurry up . Girl:why ? Boy: Im playing Black ops . Girl: Do you have 2 controlers Boy:Yes Why ? , are you going to break them ? Girl: No I wanna have a game , and Beat you !! <3, Boys.. Can you wear high heels & party at the same time?, can you burn your self with straighteners & not scream? can you watch the one you love, love someone else? can you wax your legs or pluck you eyebrows without a screech? how about bleed every month, OhMyLike, THAT WASNT ME!!!! Wait.,,. that.,,. oh THAT.,.,.. Yea, that was me(:, ITS CHRISTMAS EVE EVE, that akward moment when robbie williams starts chanting wagner to win on the X factor final ., like if your school is lacking in parking facilities for your horse., I can't sing ... but I will. And very loudly too., Indian father on his deathbed. dad: is my wife here? wife: yes im here dad: is my daughter here? daughter: yes daddy ...dad: is my son here? son: yes father dad: Then who the hell is running the SHOP!!?!?!?, Teacher:Where's your homework Boy:Written in the stars Teacher:And where is that? Boy:A million miles away Teacher:What is it about then Boy:A messsage to the main Teacher:What your not making sense! Boy:Oooohh seasons come and go but i will never, I'll admit it. I do miss talking like we used to. :/, The awkward moment when you go outside but your horse isn't there, the awkward moment when you count the cattle and theres a bullock missin, if i get a thousand likes by 7 pm today (10/12/2010) i will give £1000 to charity. Come on peopleeee, lets see how many people like this before 23:59 and 59 seconds on the 31/12/10 :D, GIRL CODE "what's up?" 1."tummy pains" = PERIOD PAINS 2."boys" = nothing in particular just the boy i like doesn't notice me 3."nothing" = everything 4."tired" = ill/boys/generally tired 5."I'll tell you later" = I'm going to moan at you for 3 hours, Like if you have ever fell "UP" the stairs ;-), I.F.Y.O.U.W.A.S.T.E.D.Y.O.U.R.T.I.M.E.R.E.A.D.I.N.G.T.H.I.S.T.H.A.T.M.E.A.N.S.Y.O.U.R.A.W.E.S.O.M.E., the awkward moment when Mary Byrne asks if you have a club card, I wonder how many hours of my life will be wasted due to facebook., Staring at a text for fifteen minutes trying to figure out how to respond., Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty, Loving My Family, Hot Guys Lol, Thats What She Said Jokes, alcohol is no excuse for cheating, Hello, My name is Gilliam Mckeith and i have a phobia of opperating diggers! :/, Bejeweled, Sleeping, Loves: Hoodies. Skinny Jeans. Hugs.Photography. Music.Bands. Bracelets. Hanging Out. Converse. Vans. Long Walks <3 Straight Hair. Curly Hair. Fam(ily) People Who Are Niceeee. Chips. Chocolate. Clouds. Sun. Lightning. Rain <3 People Who Dont Care.Slurpies , L.I.F.E = Living Isn't Fucking Easy., Wine, Staring at a text for fifteen minutes trying to figure out how to respond., R.I.P. summer 2010, you will be missed dearly, I have amnesia.. LOL jk I have amnesia, after you wrote a comment you realized that you made a mistake, That Moment of joy when you see your food coming in a restaurant, "My memory is so bad" "How bad is it" "How bad is what?", I've accidently walked into a pole at some point in my life., Badminton, Hip hop dancing

Internet, Dancing, Justin Bieber, Friendship, Friendship, Glee