Why Mayor Bloomberg Will Outlaw Summer to Save the Children

A Gallup Poll published on 7/18/12 illustrating that 81% of the people polled now believes obesity is a more serious societal issue than Alcohol by 34%, and yes, even cigarettes by more than 14%. Sorry, big tobacco, but you were at the top of societal concerns for so long; it only stands to reason that eventually your time would pass. Who knew that when it came time to cash in your cancer chips, Monsanto would be your banker. (science over agriculture, Big Tobacco?)

The most disturbing thing about this Gallup Poll on obesity is that it includes a poll were 83% of the democrats and 55% of independents polled believe that it’s necessary to create federal government programs to address the problem of obesity. While only 27% of Republicans polled want to give more of their hard earned tax money to an already over bloated federal government to fund more over weight government bureaucrats in order to fight American obesity. What’s wrong with those crazy Republicans, and their anti-government logic?

Now couple that with the fact, and not so coincidentally I might add, on the same day the result from the Gallop Poll on Obesity was made public, Bloomberg Magazine has an article out, “How Summer is making US Kids Dumber and Fatter”.

“Shut your mouth conspiracy theorist
But I’m talkin’ ‘bout the government
Then we can dig it"

"Shaft, right on”

Needless to say, there is nothing in that Bloomberg article about how Genetically Modified foods might be poisoning kids while nutritionally starving them to death, causing them to eat more high calorie GMO crap. Or, that the chemicals in the water and vaccines might be responsible for damaging their brains.

OH, NO, NO!! The article instead quotes quite a few academia professors and sociologist types who inform us that there’s a new clinical term called “Summer Fade”, which can explain the increase of the dumbness factor in young people. Especially, in kids of lower socioeconomic status, because apparently they don’t have anything to do during the summer except play video games, and flash mob WalMart’s after their house party gets broken up by the police. While the richest 1% of young people do research and study stuff during the summer, between playing video games and Occupying Wallstreet to demonize the 1%.

Also, the article informs us “children’s body-mass index has also been measured”, and that, “…..the average monthly gain in BMI for students moving from kindergarten to first grade was two to three times as fast during the summer as during either of the adjoining academic years. And the children most prone to obesity were most likely to put on additional weight during the summer.”

What, are you suggesting that house parties, flash mobs and protests isn’t a good enough cardiovascular work-out to prevent kids from gaining weight during the summer? I think I need more empirical pseudo scientific evidence to convince me of that.

The author of this Bloomberg article, Peter Orszag, concludes his report on the two studies with the inevitable self-serving question, “So what can we do to fight summer learning loss and weight gain and restore the season’s halcyon reputation?”. That‘s predictably followed with his solution to the crises he just described to you in his Bloomberg report.(oh, thank you Peter, for saving our children)

One of Peter Orszag self-proclaimed ambitious options is (spoiler alert!!!) LENGTHEN THE SCHOOL YEAR!!! Apparently, Peter has written about the benefits of longer school hours for kids in the past, and he’s expanding on his own brilliance by recommending lengthening the year that a child spends in their government indoctrination center of education. To accompany the increase in the amount of hours kids spend at their Government indoctrination center of education as well. So Kids can prevent being exposed to the dangers of summer dumbness and fatness by spending far more time in school getting shot-up with mandated vaccines, and eating GMO school lunches.

Boy, I bet you didn’t see that solution coming from a writer for Bloomberg Magazine, did you? Being that they’re all anti-nanny state/big government and stuff.

I’ll end this very long article by warning all the kids in the NY City area, after Bloomberg eventually declares summer illegal in order to protect them. Don’t get caught putting salt on your french fries, while drinking a 16 ounce soda if you're hangin' with your friends at a restaurant in July. That could be a three strike penalty and you could go to prison for a very long time.