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What makes people two faced ?

▲яэṕĿİḳдиŦ▲© 2010/02/26 13:07:39
They are insecure
They are arrogant
Because...( Explain Please )
You!
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I'm 45 years old, I have traveled the world, and I have experienced alot of things.
I am not ignorant to life and this world, nor am I niave, but one little thing in life
still, to this day, has me perplexed.

" What makes people two faced ? "

It seems like my entire life has been plagued with
two faced people. From best friends, to family. I'm talking
about those people that'll talk complete trash about you
behind your back, but act like your best friend in the world
to your face.

I just can't seem to wrap my head around this concept,
so please, can someone offer me a logical explanation
as to why or what causes people to be two faced ?
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Top Opinion

  • IndyLinda 2010/02/26 20:02:54
    Because...( Explain Please )
    IndyLinda
    +4
    Some are insecure, but most are jealous of people who have what they want. The truly arrogant are so narcissistic that they dismiss the rest of the world. The truly insecure are ankle biters. The truly jealous can mount a campaign against the object of their jealousy -- a rule or ruin mentality. The truly EVIL ones mix into a group to destroy or discredit the strong, the good and the competent. Evil will always agree with you, smiling and looking you in the eye as they slide the stiletto into your back. It's all about POWER -- the jealous and/or evil ones want the power they perceive that you have, and are willing to hurt or destroy you to get it.

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  • Jason 2013/11/16 08:05:45 (edited)
    Because...( Explain Please )
    Jason
    +1
    I think i can explain two faced people because i have dealt with many at a personal level. Family, friends etc. It is both arrogance and insecurity but for different reasons. The insecure person does it because they are scared, unsure of themselves or need to make themself feel better in some way by acting out of character or following the crowd to prevent being attacked or bullied. This is just a weakness in character and cannot stand firmly on one set of values because it is so much easier to be loss and do whatever you feel like at whatever point in time.

    Whereas with the arrogant person, it is intentional, calculated and malicious. They are acting in this way because they believe themselves to be superior than others and can bully, judge, insult and not have to abide by a certain set of attitudes. They choose what they want to do and what rules to follow in order to promote their own ends. Example: When an arrogant person needs you and wants your help they will be your best friend, pamper you and talk to you but once you drop out of their friend group, our one of their friends doesn't like you and no longer need you then you are history.

    But with an insecure, two faced person, when the reason or influence to practice opposing ideals and attitudes disappear then they usu...













    I think i can explain two faced people because i have dealt with many at a personal level. Family, friends etc. It is both arrogance and insecurity but for different reasons. The insecure person does it because they are scared, unsure of themselves or need to make themself feel better in some way by acting out of character or following the crowd to prevent being attacked or bullied. This is just a weakness in character and cannot stand firmly on one set of values because it is so much easier to be loss and do whatever you feel like at whatever point in time.

    Whereas with the arrogant person, it is intentional, calculated and malicious. They are acting in this way because they believe themselves to be superior than others and can bully, judge, insult and not have to abide by a certain set of attitudes. They choose what they want to do and what rules to follow in order to promote their own ends. Example: When an arrogant person needs you and wants your help they will be your best friend, pamper you and talk to you but once you drop out of their friend group, our one of their friends doesn't like you and no longer need you then you are history.

    But with an insecure, two faced person, when the reason or influence to practice opposing ideals and attitudes disappear then they usually go back to normal and their behavior will remain less extreme.

    Also people may also be bi-polar and mood swings can affect behavior.

    But the arrogant two faced people are the ones to watch out for. They know they are doing it and believe they are better and can do what they want and not feel guilty or ashamed about doing it.

    Most two faced people never really had a good, strict upbringing and this can be a problem in big families were the parents don't have enough one and one time and one child gets left out. Also innate attitudes and personalities also play into this as well. Some people are naturally more conscious about what they do and how their behavior affects others whilst some are more selfish and therefore consider what they want as the most important and consideration for others is lacking. Also lack of discipline at a younger age can make people feel they can do what they want and get away with it. They believe this but don't realize people avoid them.

    This all comes down to how a person has been brought up, who they have been influenced by, are they emotionally or psychologically damaged?, not being strictly told off by someone they admire or respect. Usually people that are like this are very stubborn and only extreme hardship and a tough, unsuccessful life may force them to change.

    I don't bother with people like this anymore. It is emotionally draining, annoying and are a waste of tike. I believe and are interested in people that enrich my life, make me feel happy, warm and actually enjoy their time and being with them.

    Whether it is a girlfriend/boyfriend, friend from school or family member, i would just kick them to the curb, give them a very stern message about how i don't like them and they need to hear it. If they don't like it then it is their problem. Life is too short to play cat and mouse and be treated like a yo-yo with these people. I know my attitude is harsh but a lot of the time their behavior is out of order, abusive and unfair especially when you just keep giving and they just take.

    The only time i think a two faced person may feel something or change is when it is done to them and they get a piece of their own medicine.
    (more)
  • micah.coulter.5 2013/11/03 04:41:34
    They are insecure
    micah.coulter.5
    I believe they dont want to hurt anyones feelings so instead of standing up for what they believe in, they agree with everyone. As far as I can see it depends on the person but most Two-faced people are just afraid or Unsure of what might happen if they disagree with opposition.
  • 2012/07/02 18:49:50
    They are insecure
    Be glad that you cant get your head around their behaviour its means your nothing like them so you can't idenify with them its alien to you. Its confuse's you because its just not part of the essence of who you are and you have better things to be doing with your life so thats a real good thing count it as a blessing.
    You dont need to know why they behave the way they do -all you need to know is your free to walk away and fill your mind with good thoughts. They however are not so fortunate and are left in the hell of their own creation"their sick mind" which they cant walk away from-it will follow them no matter where they go. Thats punishment enough and in the end they are really only hurting themselves. Personally,Ive come to feel sorry for people like that because if they were truly happy and secure in themselves they would have no need to carry on as they do. Let them keep talking trash-thats what their full of and best at -anyone willing to take their word about you without really getting to know the real you i'm sure isn't the type of person you would like to get to know anyway?.Once you detact and dont take it personal(feel sorry for them i know that a hard thing to do)but remember if its not you it will be someone else you don't need to be the victim of their behaviour. Be yourself stand tall and be proud -people always find out the truth in the end.
  • wayne.f... 2012/08/25 19:44:49
    wayne.f.frese
    +2
    Thank You! That's very good advice! I will follow it.
  • san die... wayne.f... 2014/05/19 03:19:12
    san diego joseph
    +2
    thank you you make me feel better
    I have been dating we two faced people every day at work
  • Laura 2012/07/01 22:15:46
    Because...( Explain Please )
    Laura
    +1
    I think they are only jealous, and jealousy is a horrible thing.
  • Jowade Laura 2014/04/24 14:29:36
    Jowade
    +1
    I agree, jealousy is the root cause in most cases. Whether people choose to believe it or not.
  • lakefamilyresearch 2012/03/09 23:44:03
    Because...( Explain Please )
    lakefamilyresearch
    All behavior develops from need. Real or perceived. If our perceptions are skewed or distorted in some manner, then what we need consciously or unconsciously will not relate to any shared reality and in most cases be pretty offensive to others. Our behavior will be as "off the mark" as our distorted perceptions. Perceptions can be influenced by our hard-wiring, but they are also colored by past experience.

    These perceptions and resulting needs shape us. This is our own individual modus operandi, the way something "works" the way we "work" in our relationships with others. If we grow up in a family that suppresses honesty and punishes us for telling the truth in our interpersonal relationships, we learn to lie. We lie about what we think, do, say and even feel. In this person's inner self, the only way to "get by" in the world is to be duplicitous (deceitful, treacherous) even if their duplicity is not conscious. They just don't address any conflict directly as a healthier person might. Instead, they end up having one face for public viewing and another darker face that reveals all the anger and frustration they honestly feel.

    Telling the truth and being authentic with others, even their closest friends and lovers, is too threatening and cannot be admitted even to their own...



    All behavior develops from need. Real or perceived. If our perceptions are skewed or distorted in some manner, then what we need consciously or unconsciously will not relate to any shared reality and in most cases be pretty offensive to others. Our behavior will be as "off the mark" as our distorted perceptions. Perceptions can be influenced by our hard-wiring, but they are also colored by past experience.

    These perceptions and resulting needs shape us. This is our own individual modus operandi, the way something "works" the way we "work" in our relationships with others. If we grow up in a family that suppresses honesty and punishes us for telling the truth in our interpersonal relationships, we learn to lie. We lie about what we think, do, say and even feel. In this person's inner self, the only way to "get by" in the world is to be duplicitous (deceitful, treacherous) even if their duplicity is not conscious. They just don't address any conflict directly as a healthier person might. Instead, they end up having one face for public viewing and another darker face that reveals all the anger and frustration they honestly feel.

    Telling the truth and being authentic with others, even their closest friends and lovers, is too threatening and cannot be admitted even to their own consciousness. When confronted about their bad behavior they'll squirm and twist and do almost anything to defend their backbiting no matter how destructive that behavior might be to those who love them. They'll become outraged that anyone could view them as dishonest. "It's just venting."

    People like this are very alone though surrounded by others. Imagine what it must be like for them.....We cannot trust others enough to reveal our true colors because we know ourselves to be liars on almost every plane and in every relationship (even the one we have with ourselves). Fantasy and fantastical metaphysical, superficiality, ridicule, sarcasm and the dismissal of others with rote expressions of our non-culpability take the place of simple human honesty, trust and genuine love. People who live this nightmare are convinced that in telling the simple truth they will lose everything. All their communications, even with those they love who love them in return, are dishonest. At best they skim the surface of life damaging only those who get close to them and living in hectic isolation and desperate self-justificaton. At worst, they turn to others to spread their vitriolic rhetoric rather than speaking the truth to the one person who can do anything about our discomfort and distress.

    They do this for many reasons, none of them good, and none of them respectful or even concerned about their dismal impact upon their targets. To them it's not important, it's just a joke, just gossip, a thrilling detail, something smarmy or a very personal secret, a rageful affront against some slight real or imagined that their target has perpetrated against them. Sometimes it's just a way for them to drag down their target a few pegs when they see themselves as less than. Pretty sad.
    (more)
  • Edward I love you 2011/10/09 17:09:54
    They are insecure
    Edward I love you
    +1
    I think it's just because they're caught between two sides and they just want to please everybody. That's been my experience, at least -- I don't believe most people mean it with like, malice or whatever, they just want to fit in and not be seen as an outsider. I've definitely been there, and it's a tough place to be. If you don't have the confidence to stand up for what's right, it doesn't mean you're a terrible person. It just means you need to work on some things about yourself.
  • bettyboop 2011/04/13 13:45:58
    They are insecure
    bettyboop
    I myself am pretty stumped about this behavior and cannot stand it. I can only believe it is because they are insecure and if they tear people down, in some way, it builds themselves up. I try to be honest and upfront and alot of people do not like me because of it. I cannot act like I am someone's good buddy when I really do not like them. I will be polite, but just barely. Basically I just stay quite and away from whom ever it is I do not care for. My own mother is like this. She taught me growing up if you don't have something nie to say, don't say anything. And yet she does just the opposite....
  • safari 2010/03/01 22:41:04
    They are insecure
    safari
    +2
    And they are just totally unable to concentrate on their own lives so they have a need to screw up every one else's.
  • bigpapaking 2010/02/27 02:15:43
    They are insecure
    bigpapaking
    +2
    Remember the truth of the matter is simple. People will always let you down, God will never let you down. So trust God and let him "fix" the two faced people, since he only gave them 1 face! Hope this helps, and maybe makes you laugh a little.
  • wayne.f... bigpapa... 2012/08/25 19:46:57
    wayne.f.frese
    +3
    Very Good!
  • IndyLinda 2010/02/26 20:02:54
    Because...( Explain Please )
    IndyLinda
    +4
    Some are insecure, but most are jealous of people who have what they want. The truly arrogant are so narcissistic that they dismiss the rest of the world. The truly insecure are ankle biters. The truly jealous can mount a campaign against the object of their jealousy -- a rule or ruin mentality. The truly EVIL ones mix into a group to destroy or discredit the strong, the good and the competent. Evil will always agree with you, smiling and looking you in the eye as they slide the stiletto into your back. It's all about POWER -- the jealous and/or evil ones want the power they perceive that you have, and are willing to hurt or destroy you to get it.
  • mona an... IndyLinda 2013/02/07 12:09:42
    mona anvari
    +1
    well-said!!! that is what i think too!
  • Sunny 2010/02/26 19:13:13 (edited)
    Because...( Explain Please )
    Sunny
    +3
    Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you will probably never understand two-faced people. The example you gave is on a small scale and I can laugh that off because I have become jaded. I have a few carefully selected friends and my expectations for them are not really high because they, too, are human. The sort you refer to have ceased to bother me and I dismiss them with a "you lose" attitude.

    If you travel at all or have a chance to meet people from different places, you will find that people have widely varying values geographically as well as environmentally. This is what it boils down to: What values and standards have been set for them or have they set for themselves as a result of environment and upbringing? We have a whole generation...maybe two...who have been taught the "me first" lesson of life in this country. We have a couple of generations who have moved far away from religion, which teaches values and morality. Either that or they have been fed a watered down version so that it "feels good."

    All of that is on a personal level then it gets translated to a professional level. At that point the "me first" morphs into justification for stepping on heads and back stabbing in order to advance professionally (or just keep their jobs). This also slops over i...

    Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you will probably never understand two-faced people. The example you gave is on a small scale and I can laugh that off because I have become jaded. I have a few carefully selected friends and my expectations for them are not really high because they, too, are human. The sort you refer to have ceased to bother me and I dismiss them with a "you lose" attitude.

    If you travel at all or have a chance to meet people from different places, you will find that people have widely varying values geographically as well as environmentally. This is what it boils down to: What values and standards have been set for them or have they set for themselves as a result of environment and upbringing? We have a whole generation...maybe two...who have been taught the "me first" lesson of life in this country. We have a couple of generations who have moved far away from religion, which teaches values and morality. Either that or they have been fed a watered down version so that it "feels good."

    All of that is on a personal level then it gets translated to a professional level. At that point the "me first" morphs into justification for stepping on heads and back stabbing in order to advance professionally (or just keep their jobs). This also slops over into these people's personal lives. The higher up on the ladder one climbs, the more money, prestige and power becomes involved hence the easier it is to justify their lack of integrity and honesty. Cases in point: Pelosi, Reid, Rangel and Obama just to name a few. These are people that necessitate walking out of a room backwards metaphorically speaking.

    So learn the lesson, shake it off and value yourself enough to select people with whom to associate who are truly worth your time since life is so very short.
    (more)
  • bigpapa... Sunny 2010/02/27 02:23:17
    bigpapaking
    Easy Sunny! Now I know your praying for our leaders. Pray for both faces, and hope like lincoln they say "If I were two faced, would I wear this one." Then maybe, just maybe they will change.
  • bettyboop Sunny 2011/04/13 13:49:35
    bettyboop
    Sunny you hit it right on the nail head. I wish I could explain stuff like you do.
  • Katja 2010/02/26 15:57:01
    They are insecure
    Katja
    +2
    It's pure insecurity...and it's pathetic.
    Alot of people trash talk others to feel better about themselves..or try to "fit in" like little highschoolers...lol It's amazing how immature people are at any age. If I saw someone be nice to another person, and then trashed them when they left, I wouldn't even want to know that person...and I would call them on it too!!!
  • ▲яэṕĿİḳ... Katja 2010/02/26 16:27:02
    ▲яэṕĿİḳдиŦ▲©
    +2
    " If I saw someone be nice to another person, and then trashed them when they left, I wouldn't even want to know that person "

    I know huh, makes you feel like " I wonder what they are saying about me behind my back "
  • Katja ▲яэṕĿİḳ... 2010/02/26 23:08:50
    Katja
    +1
    That too
  • No nonsense NanC...don't BS... 2010/02/26 15:53:19
    They are arrogant
    No nonsense NanC...don't BS me!
    +2
    arrogant
    It is all about them, all the time.
    arrogant
  • james shaken not stirred 2010/02/26 15:23:02
    They are arrogant
    james shaken not stirred
    +2
    Yes there sure are a lot of them in the world and from what I have witnessed there is some on Sodahead also.
  • ▲яэṕĿİḳ... james s... 2010/02/26 16:28:32
    ▲яэṕĿİḳдиŦ▲©
    +1
    Yes, I know, I have experienced it here at Sodahead as well.
    talk all nice to you, as if your friend, then find out from others what
    they have said, then when I wrote that person and asked about it, that
    person didn't even have the guts to discuss it, the coward just blocked me.
  • Captain Sticky 2010/02/26 15:06:36
    Because...( Explain Please )
    Captain Sticky
    +3
    I have been betrayed by friends and family over the years. I, too have been just about everywhere and this is a world wide disease. The common factor I've seen is greed.
  • ▲яэṕĿİḳ... Captain... 2010/02/26 15:14:16
    ▲яэṕĿİḳдиŦ▲©
    +2
    I have noticed, and this is what has sparked this question and quest for the answer,
    that the people I am the nicest to, are the ones that are the most two faced.

    there are several poeple where I work that I have been nothing but nice to them
    and they wait untill I am not around, to talk complete and total trash about me.

    I have always been the type of person that if I have an issue with someone,
    I will go and talk to them and express how I feel and I try very hard to word
    it in a way that I try very hard not to offend them.

    do you think the view me as weak and niave ?
  • Captain... ▲яэṕĿİḳ... 2010/02/26 15:19:14
    Captain Sticky
    +3
    Maybe. I learned long ago not to care what folks think of me. Please remember that everyone that knows you will talk about you and not everyone will like you. Unfortunately, I haven't fully trusted anyone for decades. Anyone can turn on you.
  • ▲яэṕĿİḳ... Captain... 2010/02/26 16:29:54
    ▲яэṕĿİḳдиŦ▲©
    +3
    Oh, honestly, I really don't care what someone says or thinks of me.
    I am in no way insecure in myself, and I make it a point to be VERY
    selective about who I make friends with.

    I was just trying to understand the why's about it all.
  • Captain... ▲яэṕĿİḳ... 2010/02/26 17:39:23
    Captain Sticky
    +2
    I doubt anyone will ever really know.
  • mona an... Captain... 2013/02/07 12:21:43
    mona anvari
    +3
    yeah! really i've learnt it the hard way! never assume people are loyal just because you are! never assume people are honest because you are! and never ever assume that people in this sick sick world won't try to sabotage you if you give them the slightest chance!!! i have never ever back stabbed anyone, couldn't bring myself to it! so i used to think that people couldn't bring themselves to be evil and two-faced and manipulative as well! but i got burneddd by the people that were nicest to me and seem really honest and genuine and nice! so now i make it a point never ever to trust anyone but my family!!!
  • sara mona an... 2013/05/26 02:53:38
    sara
    Newsflash: Your family can be the most 2 faced of all. I've had bad experiences with them & try to stay as far away from these back stabbers as possible.
  • Seeker-TERM LIMIT SUPPORTER 2010/02/26 13:13:44
    They are insecure
    Seeker-TERM LIMIT SUPPORTER
    +3
    good question. Is it people are just trying to "fit in" with whom ever at any given time.
    I know at my work place there are a number of people that will talk with, go to lunch with the same people, then when the are away from them and with different individuals they talk trash against them. I know for a fact people will be nice to me- to my face- but when I am not around they talk negative about me- guess just have to let it roll off your back. Is it the "quilt by association?" if they do something wrong/bad- you don't want that association?

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