What If Obama's Teleprompter Wouldn't Lie?
What if, just for the sake of clarity, someone could pour a little
truth serum into his teleprompter that would peel away the courtly
"Hello bitter clingers!Four years
ago, we began a journey together. Now, it was difficult to see the
road ahead through my rhetorical fog, so I lit the way with audacity
too. I asked if you were ready for change, and you said yes! You
didn't even bother to ask what kind of change I was talking about! I
ran a campaigned based on a promise to fundamentally transform our
country, and asked for your help. It wasn't always easy either. Some
of you got a little nervous when we set out to fundamentally transform
the health care industry. Actually, a lot of you got nervous. Come to
think of it, most of you said hell no, you didn't want it. But we did
it anyway, because that's what "change" is all about. Besides, it's
not my fault you didn't ask for specifics.
Together, we violated bankruptcy laws, took over a couple of our
largest automobile companies and gave a honking big check to the UAW,
and now they are in debt to you, the taxpayer, to the tune of over $25
billion. People said it couldn't be done. The law said it couldn't be
done. But we did it. And the success doesn't stop there.
with our overlords, er, I mean partners, across the wide spectrum of
administrative agencies, my administration has crippled the coal
industry, and said no to jobs and energy independence by saying no to
the Keystone Pipeline. We even crippled the gulf region with a
moratorium on oil drilling that got us held in contempt by a federal
court! And people said it couldn't be done.
that the Constitution placed limits on what we could do for you, or to
you as the case may be. But we said, "not so fast, parchment breath."
Congress wouldn't pass the Dream Act. So we implemented it.
Congress wouldn't pass Cap and Trade. My EPA fixed that too.
Congress wouldn't go home so I could appoint controversial people to
key positions using recess appointments. So I declared them in recess
and made the appointments anyway. Congress wouldn't ease work
restrictions in the Welfare Reform law. So I eased them myself. The
Constitution says you are free to practice your religious faith as your
conscience dictates. Wanna bet? Try not providing birth control or
abortifacients and see what happens to you. And did you really think
your state could get away with defending it's own border against people
who are here illegally? Did you really think I couldn't order you to
purchase whatever I want you to purchase? Just ask my new best friend
John Roberts about your "rights."
Now, the other side
wants you to believe that we are going in the wrong direction, that
"Forward" is a bad thing. They want to take you back to unemployment
rates of 4 and 5 percent, instead of the rates of over 8 percent we've
been enjoying for the last few years now. They want to go back to the
days of strong GDP growth, job creation, a growing private sector, and
national credit ratings that weren't on the decline. Governor Romney
even selected Paul Ryan as his running mate! Now,….now wait a minute.
I know Congressman Ryan. He's a decent man who just happens to hate
old people and the infirm. Comes from a good family too. He and
Governor Romney just have a fundamentally different view of things,
that's all. I'm sure they talked this morning, over a breakfast made
from freshly ground bones of the elderly and the poor, about how they
want to throw Granny off the cliff. It's just an honest disagreement.
I like you, and they don't, see?
You see, they believe
that if we were to entrust you with your, er, I mean "our" money, that
you'll spend it more wisely than we could. They believe that trickle
down fairy dust that says you can make more informed decisions than we
can! They believe that you, of all people, can create jobs and grow
the economy. They think you'd rather have the choice of where to send
your kids to school. And that's not all. They actually believe,
deep in their cold little hearts, that it is you, not the 15 members of
the Independent Payment Advisory Board that I will appoint, who should
decide if, when, and where you will get medical care. But that's not
going "Forward." That's going back! Back to those rich fat cats in
Independence Hall. Back to those right wing extremists who wrote the
We can't go back to that. There's just too
much at stake. Besides, you think I can afford to send Michelle to
Martha's Vineyard on her own jet? Okay okay, that was just a joke.
Sort of like "Arab Spring." Speaking of which, do we really want to go
back to a time when America was feared by her enemies? Where was the
conciliation in that? We've gone from schoolyard bully to the little
knobby kneed thumb sucker in the corner, and that wasn't very easy,
believe me. We signaled our retreat to the enemy in Afghanistan, and
are doing our level best to keep Israel quiet until Iran can
demonstrate its good intentions. And we are working hard to reduce the
defense budget so that our Armed Forces can fight only one major war.
Against Bangladesh. To a draw. We simply can't roll back the clock
on all that good work.
That's why we need your help,
here and all across the 57 states that make up this unexceptional and
increasingly un-sovereign nation. Through prosperity that is shared
with everyone courtesy of the nice agents of the IRS, through the hard
work of other people who will pay your way through life, and through
the very visible hand of government, we will move Forward! Forward to
a nation that says we are our brother's keeper, unless our brother
lives in Kenya. Forward to a nation that disarms its citizens and arms
Mexican drug cartels! Forward to a nation that respects the rule of
international opinion over our own Constitution! Forward to a nation
where the individual is but a cog in the machinery of the state!
That's our vision! That's fundamental transformation! Thank you!
Goodnight! God bless somebody else!"
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