British Prisons Help Addicts Relapse Before Re-entering Society

This is what happens when you live in a socialist country like Great Britain: If you go to prison a drug addict, you’ll leave a drug addict.

Prison officials believe reintroducing inmates to drugs before they leave will save their lives – even if means they’ll wind back up in prison for possibly taking another.

The state-sponsored drug-dealing program, offered at 33 prisons in England, offers highly-addictive heroin substitutes, such as methadone, so inmates won’t overdose when they get out. Never mind that these criminals have been drug free for months, if not years.

Kathy Gyngell, of the London-based Centre for Policy Studies, defended the program on Wednesday to The Sun: "(The program) gives the impression the government is giving up on tackling drug addiction. This doesn't get people off drugs, but captures them in the grip of methadone instead."

Yeah. OK.

Similar programs exist in Scotland’s jails, but it has been kept quiet in England until now, despite being in operation for at least five years.

The Conservative Party spokesman for justice issues, Dominic Grieve, blasted the policy as shameful, warning that "substituting methadone for heroin leaves criminals hooked and liable to return to crime."

Judge Fired Over Teen Arrests For Overdue DVD

Talk about boredom. A longtime Colorado judge must have been that when he issued a warrant for a 19-year-old man who failed to show up in court over an overdue DVD: “House of Flying Daggers.”

Or perhaps Municipal Judge James Kimmel wanted to rent the missing movie himself? Whatever the case, daggers flew at him Tuesday, when the Littleton City Council canned him.

The decision was made after Aaron Henson was arrested and detained for eight hours. That Henson had already returned the movie didn’t help matters.

Man Billed 'Crash Tax' For Emergency Response

Oh, the days when we only had to pay taxes to receive city services. In light of the recession, though, it seems cities across the country want our lifeblood, too.

Take Cary Feldman of Illinois. He received a $200 bill from the Chicago Heights fire department after it responded to an accident he was involved in, even though it wasn't his fault and he wasn’t the one to call 911.

"There was no fire, there was no explosion, there was no debris," Feldman said. "From what I saw, they came, they saw, and they left."

Motorists across the country are calling these fees a "crash tax" – alleged strong-arm tactics angering many, especially when the accidents they are being billed for are not their fault. "We're paying taxes for these services," Feldman said. "We don't need to have a second tax."

If this makes any Chicago Height residents feel any better, no additional charges are incurred for house fires, said Fire Chief Thomas Martello.

Teacher Defeats Traffic Ticket With Power Of Math

If the story above made you angry, then this one should lift your spirits. A Florida woman who received a ticket, based on evidence from a red-light camera, has used the power of math to prove she did nothing wrong.

With the help of her math tutor husband, the unnamed woman discovered that yellow lights at the intersection where she was ticketed are eight-tenths of a second shorter than county guidelines.
Although that shouldn’t excuse every ticket issued for red-light violations, it's enough of a discrepancy to make everyone suspicious. I certainly will question any tickets I receive in the future. It seems our government will do anything to make a buck.

Cheerleaders Punished For Serving Urine-Tainted Drinks

Call it “raw sewage” revenge or just a uric-tasting joke, at least two high school cheerleaders have received in-school suspension for giving urine-tainted soda drinks to teammates during a basketball game late last year in Fort Worth, Texas. (Yummy)

An unspecified number of the two girls’ fellow cheerleaders also received lesser punishments, but Saginaw High School’s administrators say that although all have been barred from cheerleading for the remainder of the school year, they can rejoin the team next year.

I guess they think girls will be girls. That doesn’t sit well for the father of one girl who drank the “gag.” He believes the offending cheerleaders should be permanently removed from the team. I agree, unless, of course, they drink a glass of their victims’ homemade cocktail.

Boy Arrested For Taking Mom’s Jewelry

Speaking of justice, the parents of a sixth-grader had their beloved son arrested after he took more than $7,000 worth of jewelry and gave it away to friends in class.

Little do they realize that prosecuting him might cost them more money now that he’s being charged with grand theft and housed at the Bay County Department of Juvenile Justice.

Investigators reported the boy gave his mother's white gold ring and diamond ring to a female classmate, who later returned the white gold ring but told him she had lost the diamond ring, The Lakeland (Fla.) Ledger reported Thursday. The boy told police another boy in his class had his mother's emerald and sapphire ring and offered to return them for a reward. Another classmate received a sapphire ring.

Boyfriend Nearly Dies In Girlfriend’s Bust

While some might believe a British man would have qualified for the most awesome tombstone ever made had he actually succumbed to death after his girlfriend’s 40LL breasts smothered him unconscious, 27-year-old Stephen is just happy to be alive and girlfriendless.

Claire Smedley, whose breasts weigh over 12 pounds each, and Stephen were having sex a few months ago when she noticed him thrashing around. “I assumed it was because he was so excited, so I kept going," she said.

However, a few minutes later, she noticed he had stopped moving. After lifting her breasts out of the way, she panicked when she saw that he had stopped breathing. Right as she was about to dial 999 (equivalent to 911 in the U.S.), he started to come around.

Stephen, who appears to have recovered, told News of the World in a recent article: "I did think my time had come. ... It was pretty hair-raising.”

Obviously, it was so hair-raising that the couple has split. Claire, however, believes if her breasts can almost kill someone, she might be able to turn them into genuine assets.

Women Arrested For Taking Corpse Onto Plane

In more British weird news, London police arrested two women at a British airport last week after they reportedly tried to smuggle a corpse onto a flight.

The women were detained at Liverpool's John Lennon airport "on suspicion of failing to give notification of death" of a 91-year-old man. The BBC and other British media reported that the women placed the man, a relative of theirs, into a wheelchair and covered his face with sunglasses in a bid to get him aboard a flight to Berlin.

Although the women, aged 41 and 66, have been released on bail, they have not been charged as police make inquiries. Only problem is the dead man isn’t talking.

San Francisco's Meat-Free Mondays Gets A Shrug

One has to wonder if San Francisco’s Board of Supervisors is lacking protein in their diet.

Not only has it approved rules against using plastic grocery bags, mixing recycling with compost, and smoking in sidewalk cafes, its latest resolution pushes residents into observing “meatless” Mondays.

Doesn’t it have anything better to do, like balance its budget?

Apparently, it wants people endorse a healthy, eco-conscious living, even if means causing less business to those that pay them tax. Although law enforcement cannot fine residents from eating meat, they’ll just stalk them if they do.

Swedish Tin Can Collector Died A Millionaire

A Swedish tin can collector who died in 2008 left a $1.4 million fortune he amassed from stock investments, according to reports.

I bet the relatives of Curt Degerman, who was dubbed Tin Can Curt, regret not visiting the 60-year-old more often. They’re certainly were surprised to learn of the fortune and that it has been left to a cousin, who visited Degerman often during the 30 years he collected empty cans in the streets of Skelleftea in northern Sweden.

The cousin had told reporters that Degerman diligently studied the stock market in newspapers he read daily at a public library after collecting discarded tin cans. Degerman used the money earned from the sale of collected tin cans in playing the stock market.

At the time of his death, Degerman’s fortune included mutual funds, 124 gold bars and also expanded his cash with a savings account. By riding a bicycle and not having a mortgage on his house, his savings were made even easier.

Obama Is An Alien

The Reuters Ipsos poll of 23,000 adults in 22 countries showed that more than 40 percent of people from India and China believe that aliens walk among us disguised as humans.

And they think President Obama is one of them. After all, if aliens don’t exist, how did ObamaCare get approved?