SHOULD TEXAS DIVORCE THE UNITED STATES?
TEXAS to: LIBERAL AMERICA
American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stood together since we became a state of the Union, December 29, 1849. We will never forget those from New York, Vermont, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Ohio & New Jersey who came to our call to defend the Alamo. Even greater thanks to the gentlemen from Kentucky and Tennessee! But lately, this whole election process has made us realize that we wish to divorce from this Country we have loved. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. Since Louisiana has long been our neighbor, we strongly urge you release them from your Socialistic chains and have them independently come with us. Be it that you have treated Arizona as a “step-child”, we’re sure that you not mind those Patriots coming with us as well. Negotiable other states should include half the South and that big State Northwest of Canada. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. Since your President thumbs his nose at NASA, it’s here, we’ll keep that too!
You can keep Michael Moore, Rosie O'Donnell, Barbara Steisand, Jane Fonda & will even throw in the Dixie Chicks!
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and even move Wall Street to Houston at our expense!
You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and all illegal aliens. We'll also take those “hot” Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and the rest of the liberal News Media.. Yes, of course we’ll take FOX!
You can make nice with Iran and Hugo Chavez and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
You can have the UNIONS and Liberal professors.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, Shirley McClain & Tom Cruise. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be members nor contributors.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and over-sized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find along with the $36K electric “roller skate” cars we helped produce with our taxes.
Take all the wind turbines and solar mirrors you can gather, we’ll keep our oil wells, open new ones and give you a 5% discount on what you pay the Arabs and Chavez for their’s…. Especially since it will be 30 years before you become a “green energy independent!” Come to think of it, you may as well throw in Colorado & North Dakota since they too have all that oil you think is so harmful to drill? That would take 87% of all that “nasty” stuff you pay trillions of dollars to nations that don’t really like you!
You can give everyone “affordable” healthcare but we will pay our doctors & surgeons for the years they have sacrificed to educate themselves. Caution, should you “nationalize” them, they will move here. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and you may continue to view it as a right.
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem since your President forgets the words or to place his hand over his heart when singing, why would you want them? I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute, “’I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing’, ‘Kum Ba Ya’ or ‘We Are the World!’”
We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll retain our portion of American history, and still fly Old Glory above our own state flag. You may find a new one so your anti-American protesters can draw on it as much as they please.
~Rewritten from John J. Wall letter to America
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