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Obama, Boehner Come to Agreement That Cantor is Douche

ὤTṻnde΄ӂ 2011/07/25 00:55:22


Could Be First Step Toward Debt Deal

WASHINGTON – In what members of both parties are hailing as an important first step on the road to a deal on raising the debt ceiling, President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner today came to an agreement that Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) is a douche.



Mr. Obama and Rep. Boehner made the dramatic announcement in the East Room of the White House late Sunday afternoon.



“Speaker Boehner and I have come to an agreement that Eric Cantor is a douche,” the President said. “We’ll see if we can build on that.”

The breakthrough reportedly came Sunday morning, but both sides spent several hours hammering out the language before agreeing on the word “douche.”



“Boehner had been pushing hard for ‘d*ckwad,’” said a source familiar with the discussions. “He was concerned that using a like ‘douche’ could be alienating to his base because it’s French.

”

While skeptics cautioned that agreeing about the douchiness of Eric Cantor is still a long way from agreeing on raising the debt ceiling, a new poll shows that Messrs. Obama and Boehner have broad public support for their position on the congressman from Virginia.



According to a new poll of likely voters, 56 percent agreed that Mr. Cantor is a “douche,” 32 percent agreed that he is a “a**hat” and the remainder characterized him as a “d*ckhead,” “c*cksucker” or “motherf*cker.”



“With all the partisan bickering in Washington, the American people should rest assured that we all agree on one thing,” said Rep. Boehner. “And that is, Eric Cantor is one irritating mofo.

”

Elsewhere, in another poll released today, faced with a possible return of quarterback Brett Favre, most NFL fans would prefer a lockout.

The Borowitz Report

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  • unclepat 2011/07/25 20:21:30
    unclepat
    +1
    And who says bipartisanship is dead? lolol
  • Out 'a here 2011/07/25 13:09:12 (edited)
    Out 'a here
    +1
    To take a line from another poster on this blog --

    "There are no names too low for someone who seeks to profit from America's failure and actively works to assure that failure occurs."

    ...Enter Barack Obama and George Soros.

    Those names make "d*ckhead,” “c*cksucker” or “motherf*cker" sound rather respectful.

    A complete disgrace...Both of them.
  • Ken 2011/07/25 04:04:15
    Ken
    +1
    Excellent post....There are no names too low for someone who seeks to profit from America's failure and actively works to assure that failure occurs.
  • NightOfTheFox 2011/07/25 01:35:20
  • Libby 2011/07/25 01:26:27
  • tommyg - POTL- PWCM-JLA 2011/07/25 01:13:11
    tommyg - POTL- PWCM-JLA
    Wow. And I thought Cantor was doing the wishes of his constituents.

    Go figure.
  • ὤTṻnde΄ӂ tommyg ... 2011/07/25 02:26:25
    ὤTṻnde΄ӂ
    +1
    His constituents are a withering group of teabaggers.
  • tommyg ... ὤTṻnde΄ӂ 2011/07/25 02:47:12
    tommyg - POTL- PWCM-JLA
    +1
    Withering? Could be. Time will tell.
  • ὤTṻnde΄ӂ tommyg ... 2011/07/25 03:05:28
    ὤTṻnde΄ӂ
    +1
    I've seen polls that indicated that their favorable rating lowest it's been since inception. Time will tell.
  • tommyg ... ὤTṻnde΄ӂ 2011/07/25 03:10:24
    tommyg - POTL- PWCM-JLA
    +1
    You're talking about all of Congress, right?
  • ὤTṻnde΄ӂ tommyg ... 2011/07/25 04:07:26
    ὤTṻnde΄ӂ
    +1
    No, I'm speaking about the teabillies. The percentage of Americans who hold an unfavorable opinion of the Tea Party movement rose to an all-time in a new CNN poll. CNN found the Tea Party ranked nearly as unpopular as both the Republican and Democratic parties.

    In the poll, 47% of adult Americans said they viewed the Tea Party unfavorably, compared to 32% who said they viewed it favorably.
  • gizamondo ὤTṻnde΄ӂ 2011/07/25 20:31:31
    gizamondo
    Which poll was this?
  • ProudPr... tommyg ... 2011/07/25 03:33:17
    ProudProgressive
    +2
    His constituents wanted him to throw a temper tantrum?

    constituents throw temper tantrum
  • tommyg ... ProudPr... 2011/07/25 03:39:36
    tommyg - POTL- PWCM-JLA
    +1
    Same as Obama?

    obama obama walk away
  • EliteAmongOutcasts 2011/07/25 01:04:08
  • ὤTṻnde΄ӂ EliteAm... 2011/07/25 01:06:45
    ὤTṻnde΄ӂ
    Whatever..........
  • DFM302 ὤTṻnde΄ӂ 2011/07/25 02:05:38
    DFM302
    +2
    That response means you either don't think he is going beyond his Constitutional authority or you don't care that he does.
  • ProudPr... DFM302 2011/07/25 03:35:11
    ProudProgressive
    +1
    How is he going beyond his authority? The only way any budget deal will be enacted is if Congress votes on it. The President can't force them to vote nor can he prevent them from voting.
  • DFM302 ProudPr... 2011/07/25 12:21:43
    DFM302
    +2
    Since my response wasn't to you, your doesn't deserve one in return.
  • ProudPr... DFM302 2011/07/25 12:24:08
    ProudProgressive
    +1
    Since your response was to a comment that wasn't directed at you, why don't you stop pretending it matters and answer the question?

    Oh sorry, you can't answer it. That's why you once again tried to change the subject.
  • unclepat ProudPr... 2011/07/25 20:24:01
    unclepat
    +2
    That's always been the MO of the Dumb F*** Midget!! lol
  • ProudPr... unclepat 2011/07/25 20:26:24
    ProudProgressive
    +1
    LOL now now, let's give him a chance. I've asked him to respond to my question. Wait until he refuses to answer it before you draw any conclusions.
  • unclepat ProudPr... 2011/07/26 12:09:16
    unclepat
    +1
    Ohhhhh okay...I sowwwy! lol ohhhhh sowwwy lol sad puppy

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