HOW TO BECOME AN ILLEGAL

 
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Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident sent to his senator,)
 
The Honorable Tom Harkin
 
731 Hart Senate Office Building
 
Phone (202) 224 3254
 
Washington DC , 20510
 
 
 
Dear Senator Harkin,
 
 
 
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted
the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the
process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
 
 
 
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen
to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the
Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill is
accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for
five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000
fine and income taxes for only three of the last five years. I know a
good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started
before everyone figures it out.
 
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two
years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way
that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an
excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in
2004 and 2005.
 
 
 
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have
stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures
I could save almost $10,000 a year.
 
 
 
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter
would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school
applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges
throughout the United States for my son.
 
 
 
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome
car insurance premiums. This is very important to me, given that I
still have college age children driving my car.
 
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary
forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance
 
 
 
Your Loyal Constituent, (hoping to reach 'illegal alien' status
rather than just a bonafide citizen of the USA )
 
Donald Ruppert
 
Burlington , IA
 
Get your Forms (NOW)!!
 
Call your Internal Revenue Service at 1-800-289-1040