Concerning my son, need some advice. See description.

by Sallana Posted 2009/03/10 21:01:21

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	Here is my advice.	56 votes	74%
	I can't help you on this one.	9 votes	12%
	Undecided	11 votes	14%

While I was joking with Sam yesterday, I asked him, "What would you do if Evan turned out to be gay?" Without missing a beat he replied "What would you do if Evan turns out to be a creationist?"
Then arose a lot of conflict within myself. Before you get all "OMGZ U WUD ABANDONZ UR SON!?" No, of course I wouldn't. Of course I'd love him just the same and just as much.
But what WOULD I do? I don't want to hardcode anything into his brain. Religion is something I want him to find (or not find) for himself. I want him to be fully educated on the subject. If he chooses creationism, I want to be sure that he has studied evolution and the origin of species and THEN makes the decision to either deny or accept it. I also want to make sure that he has read and studied the bible of whatever religion he may be interested in pursuing. I want to be sure he knows EXACTLY what he will be believing in, and I want to make sure he whole heartedly believes in it.
How do I do this without FORCING my personal beliefs onto him?

------------ EDIT ------------

I just wanted to thank everyone who has answered this question with great advice. There are so many varying opinions and I am impressed that even some of you Christians are telling me to let him find his own way. My son is only two, but when the day comes when he asks me about gods, I will refer back to this page and take all this great advice. Thanks everyone.

+27

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scotty 2009/03/10 21:45:07

Here is my advice.

+12
don't worry about it. just make sure he gets a well rounded education. evolution is a scientific theory. a proper scientific education of children allows them to see the validity (or not) of the arguments.

in our house: we go to church. we love science. the two are not incompatible.
>> See Replies

"SennaKoshiba" 2010/05/23 17:41:25

Here is my advice.

My parents simply let me believe whatever I wanted (to a bearable degree of course). But when I asked about God and religion in general, and asked if I could go to church, they took me. They read me some of the Bible, and told me that if I, 'liked' it ('accepted it') then I'd be able to freely pursue my beliefs and whatnot. Eventually, I decided to just stick to not really believing in anything, and that was based merely on my own (and the priest's) interpretation of the bible. I had no biased opinions interfering with my decision, and I am BEYOND grateful to have been given that chance. As for my transsexuality, I had no bias tainting my views about myself (at all) the only times that I'd been dressed up kind of like a girl back when I was pretty young, was when I was about 6-7 (around there), and even then all I had on was a plastic tiara, a feathery scarf, and a necklace of some kind (all a part of a weird game that my cousins liked to play). As for my Mom's opinion, she accepted me completely without so much as a, "oh dear lord" or anything discouraging such as that. So all I can say is; don't tell your son that God, 'is' or evolution, 'does explain'. Pretty much anything that states that it's a fact. He also just needs to figure it out for himself, read him the bible, read him a book on Creationism, he should be fine. Especially when he's got a fair-minded father such as yourself.

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Werewolfgirl1995 2010/05/15 22:59:25

I can't help you on this one.

I really don't know what to say.My dad is Atheist though,he's the only one in my family that doesn't believe in God.All I can say is let him decide for himself

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*~Amelie~* 2010/05/15 15:18:59

Here is my advice.

you keep doing what you're doing and try your best to let him form his own opinions about things. it's hard to do but you need to do it.

in my house, i am most definitely not religious but my husband is. He goes to mass, confession, had his holy communion, the works. I don't want to deny my daughter's the opportunity of having a religion if that is what they so wish, but at the same time, it's hard for me to stop myself from jumping in and saying 'this is what i believe'. my kids are only 11 months and 3 years old and we agreed when each of them was born that we WOULDN'T get them christened. That way, we're not choosing a religion for them and they could be free to be jewish, sikh, muslim - whatever they liked. Every so often, my husband takes our daughters to Mass on a Sunday. Not only is it time for them to spend together and do something with their dad, it keeps that door open to them.

In the future, should they choose to be catholic or otherwise, they will always have that option and we will support them whatever they choose. the hard part is keeping all those doors open at once when it's just easier to shut a few of them

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Leo --Name Subject 2 Change-- 2010/05/15 07:43:08

Undecided

i know i've got a friend whose mom shows them all different kinds of religions. They're catholic, i think, but they still study other religions. and they said if they like one better, they might convert. i think my friend was talkin about buddists.... or maybe she is a buddhist already? i cant remember.... but yea.

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Hil 2010/05/14 21:20:33

Here is my advice.

I totally agree with you. He has to find his own religion. Im a Christian teen n some of my friends who believe the same wish they could get out because it's been jammed down our throats n we have no say in the matter. so choosing right for him may b worse than lettin him choose wrongly.

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ReaperGirl 2010/05/14 02:34:46

Here is my advice.

I'm not a parent, so I don't want to come across as I know what works and what doesn't.
So I'll just go with how I was raised, Let him be his own person and make up his own mind.
My mom wishes everyday that she took me to Church, And I'M thankful that she didn't.

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redneck woman 2010/05/14 01:50:18

Here is my advice.

I have often wondered about similar things concerning my young children. No matter what, I know I'd love them as much as I do now. I try to teach my children to look at both sides before making a decision. But also be active & interested in learning it with them. As children grow, it is so easy for a teacher or another adult that they trust to put their thoughts & opinions in your child's mind. So being active in their learnings is vital. Once they have come to a point where they make up their own minds, just support them, even if you don't agree. I know it's easier said than done, but it is important to respect their opinion.

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VERYwiseguy 2010/05/13 18:03:11

Here is my advice.

Let him be his own person and make up his own mind.Give advice to keep him from harming himself physically or emotionally.Rather then pushing "beliefs" on him that may harm him mentally.

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Grissom 2010/05/13 17:05:37

Undecided

God Bless you and your child.

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Dave Sawyer ♥ Child of God ♥ 2010/05/13 16:28:22 (edited)

Undecided

You cannot teach him what you do not know yourself.

Teach them your traditions. If you don't have any, you should find some.

I believe children should be brought up in the traditions of their parents. They will have that framework with which to compare with others. They can then add to what they have already, or get rid of what they find unhelpful, or they can find another framework they like better and swap it. It happens all the time. I was raised a Baptist, and I am grateful for that upbringing. After looking through a lot of churches in my twenties, I am now a "Mormon", but most of my early values are still in tact. I hope my parents realize that.

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jenthetomboy@17 2010/05/13 15:04:44

Here is my advice.

remember this is your son, and you love him thus support him. even though it may be something you dont particularly like, you must still realize that he is his own person, and right now he wants your support more than ever

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Dave In Cali 2010/05/13 14:30:50

Here is my advice.

Say nothing, until the subject is broached. Then offer the only real wisdom on the subject: "There are hundreds of religions and non-religions that are all in conflict with one another. Study as many of them as you can before you pledge what you believe to be your eternal soul to any one of them." - That's what I said to my daughter when she asked about gods...

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wombat 2010/05/13 13:43:02

Here is my advice.

+1
Dont bother him with that type of business.

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NObamaGirl ~ Viva Cristo Rey!~ 2010/05/13 13:21:28

Here is my advice.

Let him learn about both. Evolution is a theory, it is not incompatible with God and Creationism. If your son is old enough, maybe he can find a good priest or religious figure to ask questions. There are a lot of young priests out there who are interested in science and philosophy, I'm sure they would be happy to talk about it with him. :-)

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Conservative Craig 2010/05/13 12:48:14

Here is my advice.

Allow him to find his own way. The more you push one direction the more he'll pull the opposite. Kids are funny like that.

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Brightsprite62 2010/05/13 12:37:51 (edited)

Here is my advice.

+1
There is an Awesome book by a former atheist named Lee Strobel The case for a Creator. It's a very good read he talks with Christians and Scientists and discusses the existence of God. In the end the decision will have to be his.

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skull 2010/05/13 12:33:46

Undecided

Let your action speak , There are a lot of fake religion people out here. You can show him better that you can tell him. If you are a bad person than I do not know what to say.

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rcastleberry 2010/05/13 12:26:59

Here is my advice.

there is so shuch thing as a relgion and i dont care

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Scars Remain (aka Vicki) 2010/05/13 12:24:46

Here is my advice.

Definitely have to let go. The below woman tried as she could to keep her son from prayer and God and he is now a Christian and preaches. The irony of it all. It just proves, we can try to protect our children, but they ultimately make their choices.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...

William J. Murray's story.

http://www.wjmurray.com/

Don't ever leave that kind of legacy for your children, from his testimony, she was a very controlling individual and not very nice, very sad.

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Russ 2010/05/13 09:55:18

Here is my advice.

It is tough to let go, but you just have to put the materials before him and let him make up his mind. He may even change it a few times before settling on a set belief. That part of growing up.

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<3Plastic_Stitches<3 2010/05/13 07:25:29

Here is my advice.

i know i am young but i have some advise i have been told for the last 16 years tell him he is and will always be your son and you should keep the option of other religions to him ask him if he wants to go to a church or a different church !!

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freakoutnow... cuz mom's here 2010/05/13 07:17:45

Here is my advice.

+1
To start with have him read Mere Christainity. It is a good book written by a former Atheist turned Christain that explores religion in a non-direct way. He puts it like it is and doesn't force religion (particularly Christainity) down people's throat. Also, behave yourself. Don't attack God or the mention of Him like some atheists do. If God doesn't exist why get irratated about it. Let me give you an example. I grew up in a household that didn't celebrate Santa Claus at Christmas. We watched the Christmas movies and did everything that was pretty much normal for celebrating Christmas. My parents did nothing to encourage or discourage the belief in Santa Claus. We had Santa stuff all over at Christmas too. I never believed in Santa and that was fine. If I would have believed in Santa they wouldn't have minded that either. We all have to figure out what we believe on our own. Encouragement can be good but also can the opposite if it is not gentle.

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~Roxy~Navy~Brat~ 2010/05/13 07:07:46

Here is my advice.

just make sure he has an education on all types of religion & let him figure it out on his own

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Phant4sy 2010/05/13 06:01:56

Undecided

+1
I agree on letting your son make his own decisions based on the teachings. I can't stand people that shove church and the bible down their children's throats. They are teaching their children to not have a mind of their own.

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Faith ~... to Phant4sy 2010/05/13 06:34:35

How is shoving evolution down a child's throat any different though? They're both forcing your own beliefs on a kid.

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Phant4sy to Faith ~... 2010/05/13 06:37:16

I never said there was anything different....

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Faith ~... to Phant4sy 2010/05/13 06:43:08

+1
Just noticed that you concentrated solely on the religious side of it, that's all

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Phant4sy to Faith ~... 2010/05/13 06:45:13

Didn't concentrate on anything. I grew up dealing with religion being shoved down my throat and still do now and I am 23. Sorry, I guess it is just natural for me to feel that way.

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Faith ~... to Phant4sy 2010/05/13 06:47:59

+1
"I can't stand people that shove church and the bible down their children's throats. They are teaching their children to not have a mind of their own."
That is concentrating on religion alone, just an observation.

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Phant4sy to Faith ~... 2010/05/13 06:54:27

"Sorry, I guess it is just natural for me to feel that way."

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Steve O 2010/05/13 05:55:00

I can't help you on this one.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this. If you try to push him into studying all the things you want him to study he will see through the obvious attempt at trying to force him to see things from your own narrow view point. Believing in God is about faith.

Think about this....... love is based on faith. Its not something that you can see. You can't prove that it exists. There is no scientific proof that there is anything such as love.

The Bible tells us that love is when you are willing to give up your life for a complete stranger.

Are you willing to give up everything that you love and have believed in your whole life to encourage your son to approach his own choices in life without any effort to influence his decision?

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CJ ~ is Leaving SodaHead! 2009/03/12 00:56:41

Here is my advice.

Facilitate his education in both science & creationism. Lead some open-minded discussions and allow him to learn and become the person he desires. Faith and belief is such a personal experience, while you can provide religious or secular education for your child, you can not take off his skull and pour your beliefs into him or make him share your faith (or lack thereof.)

When my daughter was 12, attending Hebrew school to prepare for her Bat Mitzvah, she decided to also attend a Pentecostal (sp?) Church with her best friend. She loved their youth group, was enthralled with the openness and the different Christian experience. She seriously contemplated converting to Christianity and MAN was that traumatic for me. But, I let her explore, I let her attend Church and Hebrew School and we had many family dinner discussions about what she liked, believed, and felt about the experiences. Since her father is a non-observant Christian, I would have been able to accept and respect her decision either way. Eventually she decided to stay "Jewish" but she still feels an affinity and understanding for Christianity, which I admire.

I read this poem many times during that period, I hope it'll help you:

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
The...'

'

Facilitate his education in both science & creationism. Lead some open-minded discussions and allow him to learn and become the person he desires. Faith and belief is such a personal experience, while you can provide religious or secular education for your child, you can not take off his skull and pour your beliefs into him or make him share your faith (or lack thereof.)

When my daughter was 12, attending Hebrew school to prepare for her Bat Mitzvah, she decided to also attend a Pentecostal (sp?) Church with her best friend. She loved their youth group, was enthralled with the openness and the different Christian experience. She seriously contemplated converting to Christianity and MAN was that traumatic for me. But, I let her explore, I let her attend Church and Hebrew School and we had many family dinner discussions about what she liked, believed, and felt about the experiences. Since her father is a non-observant Christian, I would have been able to accept and respect her decision either way. Eventually she decided to stay "Jewish" but she still feels an affinity and understanding for Christianity, which I admire.

I read this poem many times during that period, I hope it'll help you:

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
(more)

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Lonerzet 2009/03/11 21:51:07

Here is my advice.

Just make sure he's well rounded on all topics and other religions if he takes interest in any. Make sure he actually know's what he believes other than "jimmy does so i do to"

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GiseleTheDancer 2009/03/11 19:14:15
JARED30L 2009/03/11 19:11:03

I can't help you on this one.

I DON'T THINK THAT I WILL GIVE YOU ANY GOOD ADVICE ....
SORRY ... =(

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Joker 23 *I AM THE LAW* 2009/03/11 18:08:35

Here is my advice.

Listen to Scott. Just make sure your kid gets a well rounded education and that he sees both sides of the issue.

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Yukkione "In Science We Trust" 2009/03/11 17:52:09

Here is my advice.

With my kid we expose them to all sorts of beliefs and ideas...Unlike homosexuality, people are not born with religious ideas. I agree with you that they shouldn't be indoctrinated into something just because it's your path. Let them decide for themselves as they grow and learn.

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SuperCee 2009/03/11 17:07:19

I can't help you on this one.

I don't think I would be a good choice to put my 2 cents in. I have this same problem with my own child.

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Seth (crazy Iowan) *Burgundy* 2009/03/11 15:50:01

Here is my advice.

Make sure he knows everything before he makes a decision. Evolution is possible, but has no explanation for how the first living beings got there in the first place. Creationism has no explanation for how a divine being got there, but it's one step ahead of evolution by itself. I personally don't really care if Adam and Eve (or whatever we wish to call them) walked on 4 legs or not, as it doesn't directly affect what I believe.

You're right, don't force it on him. Somewhere between what we know and what we don't know lies what we believe. Good luck to you!

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Keen Tojones 2009/03/11 15:11:47

Here is my advice.

Tell him what you think and that he will have to make up his own mind and that you will love him no matter what.

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