An Open Letter To Bristol Palin

An Open Letter To Bristol Palin
March 20, 2012
By Justin Rosario

Dear Bristol,

I understand you've been complaining that President Obama should be calling you like he did Sandra Fluke anytime now to apologize for people making fun of you and your family. I think you misunderstand what he was calling about. You see, Sandra Fluke, a law student, went to Congress to argue for women's health. She was attacked and insulted by a sleazy ex-drug addict that was once arrested after coming back from the Dominican Republic with a bottle of Viagra and a bunch of guys (it's called "sexual tourism" and you have to pay for the sex). Her plea that birth control pills be covered by insurance because of the many vital health benefits, aside from contraception, they provide was earnest and moving. You wouldn't know that, of course, because you didn't watch that footage. You got the Fox News/Rush Limbaugh version in which she was having so much sex, the cost of her pills were too expensive to pay on her own. What a slut. Except she wasn't and only very stupid people think that is what she was arguing for.

You and your family, on the other hand, have been using your mother's celebrity to enrich yourselves in the most meaningless of ways. Even after you got knocked up while still in high school (using the pill might have averted that, you know) you dutifully followed your mother's lead in denouncing the horrors of proper sexual education. If you, yourself, couldn't keep that aspirin between your knees, what makes you and, more importantly, your mother, think you are in the position to tell other young women to "just say no?" That makes both of you hypocrites.

Really, what it comes down to is that Sandra Fluke is a strong, intelligent woman that believes in something greater than herself. You are a shallow little girl that would have been just another high school dropout with a kid if your mother hadn't been famous. You're a D-list celebrity somewhere in between Snooki and Victoria Jackson and just as lacking in relevance.

I assume your "open letter" to the president (who wrote it for you, btw?) is the same kind of desperate bid for attention your mother is known for. I guess you'll continue to follow in mom's footsteps, spouting empty headed umbrage about topics you are manifestly incapable of understanding. How nice. Maybe after you graduate from college (if you even go in the first place) you'll have something worthwhile to say. I shan't be holding my breath, though.

BTW, reader Brodie Verworn points out that Obama already came to Bristol's defense in 2008:

I have heard some of the news on this and so let me be as clear as possible. I have said before and I will repeat again, I think people's families are off limits, and people's children are especially off limits. This shouldn't be part of our politics, it has no relevance to governor Palin's performance as a governor or her potential performance as a vice president. And so I would strongly urge people to back off these kinds of stories. You know my mother had me when she was 18. And how family deals with issues and teenage children that shouldn't be the topic of our politics and I hope that anybody who is supporting me understands that is off limits.

Palin (both of them) wishes she had a fraction of his class.