6 things Women (and Men) should NEVER do during Divorce

Every so often .. I come upon an article ..
written from a one-sided perspective ..

but .. curiously enough ..
really has applications for ALL sides of the issue ..


In this case ... this article is entitled
"6 things Women should NEVER do in a Divorce"
http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/6-things-women-never-divorce-...


Now the article starts out somewhat ok ..
acknowledging that DIVORCE is difficult ..
there's grief involved (losses)
and things will change ..

What it does though ..
is single out WOMEN for attention
(WHEN .. BOTH SEXES are guilty of these antics .. )



Let's look at each of these 'things' that the article cautions one on while undergoing DIVORCE

proceedings .. (and after divorce too)


1. do NOT Make the MAN the Bank
(Hmm .. shouldn't this be more of do NOT see the Higher Earner as your piggy bank instead?)

For it is NOT always a male that is the highest wage earner ..
and yes, being GREEDY is definitely going to grate on the mediation process as well as the judge ..
(and the lawyers .. they'll eat up that animosity and punishing attitude .. it feeds only the lawyers' bottom lines) ..

I agree though .. with showing apprecation for the hard-work of your soon to be former significant other and not make this a general GRAB session and being very Acrimonious .. very greedy .. all about Stripping them of everything as punishment for walking away ..

and don't look at alimony as a life of 'leisure' ..
it shouldn't be an 'entitlement' ..
it is best when it is a transition into an independent life of your own outside of the marriage ..

(this article brings out some good points here .. in regards to using another solely for economic gain)
http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/6-things-women-never-divorce-...


2. do (NOT) initiate Battles
(hmm .. this also applies both directions)

sure .. venting feelings will feel 'good' for the microsecond/moment ..
but those hurt-filled words .. are remembered ..
and overheard (especially by one's children .. )

Time is long past for this relationship ..
now the FUTURE comes along ..
and the REALITY is .. concentrate on moving forwards confidently on your own
and leave the BAD in the past ..


3. do SAVE the DRAMA for your 'momma'
(actually .. shouldn't that be .. lock drama OUT of your life .. leave it behind too!)

One of the worst things overall ..
is when you bring the drama of all your well-tended hurts ..
and that 'drama' in play ..
when you deal with all the now ex-in-laws ..
(who shouldn't be denied respectful and caring contact with the children)

Let's also acknowledge that Divorce means 'fair weather' friends will go elsewhere too
Your true friends will still stick with you and be there ..

Just keep the vile to a minimum .. let it go for your own mental health sake ..
a positive attitude while moving forwards makes for a very attractive single life alone!


4. The CHILDREN are NOT your 'pawns' ..

This goes BOTH WAYS ..
and .. more importantly ..
I'd also state one should cooperate fully with your decree terms here ..
you both participated in the 'conception' of the children ..
time to BOTH contribute to their upbringing as well ..

(there's nothing worse than being antagonistic to your ex AND Being irresponsible by violating the decree terms too .. )


5. The "Dream" (Marriage) is OVER ..

This should go withOUT saying ..
it is DONE .. Divorce happens ..
time to move onwards to your NEW (and happier) state of being ..
be CONFIDENT in your own abilities .. your own self ..
and find a way to your happiness ..

(sure some change will happen .. sigh .. I know this well indeed)
Just put one foot in front of the other ..
and eventually .. you'll find positive attitudes .. go far and you'll be happier overall
(as well as raising happy children too!)


6. CHOOSE preferred method of Communication
(BOTH are guilty of this .. good grief!)

This is where you should keep it to the matter at hand ..
nothing more at all ..

(there's nothing nastier than an ex screeching on the phone .. or making further threats or demands)

The suggestion of a terse .. to the point e-mail is good ..
leave the FIGHTS behind ..
(no more accusations)


NOW here's were I add another bit of 'Common Sense' ..

7. A GOOD idea is to have clearly spelled out ..
(especially for a truly nasty, acrimonious divorce from a nasty ex)

to have in place in the DECREE
a PERMANENT ORDER of Protection/Restraining Orders ..

(this is for your own safety and protection)

It is UNSAFE .. UNCOMFORTABLE .. scary ..
to deal with an EX who stalks .. threatens .. violates one's personal space
(or comes to your office/place of business/employ .. )

There should also be clear spaces where one can exchange custody too
(A safe place .. one where you can have observation made .. )
(one suggestion .. at a Police Station)

Seriously .. this is for one's SAFETY ..
(and given that children can be abused by the nasty one .. then have that one accuse the innocent parent instead .. )
it is for your protection (and the children's protection as well)
if you consider and put into the decree that all custody exchanges happen
in public at a safe place and witnessed ..
(like the police station)




Given these suggestions above ..
do you have ANYTHING Else you'd like to add ..

that COMMON SENSE 'approach' ..
that can allow for successful life AFTER Divorce happens?



Please feel free to add your thoughts below ..