Nov 02, 2007 05:35PM GMT
Question
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Relationships - Families & Parenting
Do parents have a right to secretly read their child's diary?
I was shocked last week when we had a family reunion and my mom confessed she used to read my private diary when I was a teen. I really don't care now but I know for a fact I would of been mad if I had found out back then. What do you guys think?
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raves +4 posted Nov 03, 2007 02:44AM GMT
Answered Yes. Parents have the right to know what is going on with our lives.
Every time I see on the news where a teenager has done something horrific I wonder if their parents were involved in their lives. I think that if I have a reason to suspect that my child is hiding something or acting strangely, I have to be a parent and find out why. Talking can only get you so far with a teen. If they don't want you to know something they aren't going to tell you. Most teens turn to their friends instead of their parents. They think we don't understand. They forget that we were teenagers at one time also. -
raves +1 Nov 03, 2007 01:00PM GMTwrong wrong wrong. kids know who they can trust and who they can't trust. If you've reacted with punishment or invalidation in the past then you have blown it. If you have counseled them in the past and told of similar situations in your own life with an eye towards resolution then you have succeeded as a parent.
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raves +1 Nov 03, 2007 09:01PM GMTThis is my opinion. It doesn't mean that it is wrong. We just differ. I've known kids whose parents were very involved in their lives start to hang around the wrong crowd. Their decisions were askewed. I firmly believe that you have to be a parent first and foremost over being their friend. It's for their own protection.
If your opinion is different, then that is perfectly ok. We will agree to disagree. -
raves +1 Nov 03, 2007 09:42PM GMTI agree with you 100%. One has to be careful, with his or her children. I do know of a situation of a mass suicide, being planned by teenagers. It wasn't exposed until a parent was suspicious of their child's behavior, and read her diary. The plan of suicide was thwarted. It happened in my home town.
There are just reasons, that a parent should search a child's room and diary. The household should not be run as a democracy. Children thrive with boundaries. Be their friend, when they are adults, outside of the home, not during their impressionable years. -
raves Nov 03, 2007 01:29PM GMTIsn't it possible that some parents forget what it is like to be a teenager also. A parent should never just assume that they went through what their child is going through because as times change so do expectations of children. Especially teenagers.
The roller coaster is unimaginably stressful and completely unpredictable.
A child is an individual and as extremely polar as personalities can be. There is a 100% possibility that a child will have a different experience - growing up, maturing, learning what they want and who they are - to what a parent will have had.
And sometimes a diary is where kids first start to figure themselves out, and that is for them and them alone!! -
raves +2 Nov 03, 2007 09:18PM GMTI know that not all experiences are the same. Our genre is quite different from yours. But, what we do have on you is experience. Also in most cases, maturity. I'm not claiming that you aren't mature. I'm sure you are as mature as your 18 years will allow. This is not a attack on you. So please don't take it that way. Sometimes a parent has to take a hand in their child's life to redirect them down the right path. When you are a teenager you think you have it all figured out. I know I did. I have had to eat my own words countless times. When you have kids your world changes. You no longer do what is best for you. You do what is best for them. They come first. They'll have better clothes than you, better shoes, better care all the way around. Your life will change forever. Not all kids are the same. Some will go to their parents when they are having difficulties. Most won't. It's not always because they had bad parents. It's because of the severity of the problem. Most good kids don't tell their parents the bad decisions they made because they don't want to disappoint them. I've been this child. I had the coolest dad on the earth. But when it comes down to it. I think now that if I had kept a diary life would have been easier if he would have read it.
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raves Nov 04, 2007 06:34AM GMTI totally appreciate those who have learned and experienced more than me and I believe that it would be foolish for people who are so young to bluntly disregard those who do have this added maturity about life and self. I don't presume to know much about anything because I have experienced little in my life but I am entitled to search and make those mistakes which bring about maturity.
I think that being a parent is the most complex thing to be because there are no guarantee's and so much responsibility and as we are all human and 'right' is just a matter of perspective it would be impossible to say what a parent or guardian should be allowed to do and what they should not do... (however I think that a parent who hits a child - for any reason- is a horrible coward!! )
The only downside I can see to someone having that experience is when it turns into closed mindedness. I know this is really generalizing but there is an obvious atmosphere where some adults look at the changing times and believe that the social and moral structure is broken or bad.
Things change for a reason, and will always change. It's called development.
I think that it is important that people have the right to figure out who they are and where they fit in the world with a little but of trust and privacy....I totally appreciate those who have learned and experienced more than me and I believe that it would be foolish for people who are so young to bluntly disregard those who do have this added maturity about life and self. I don't presume to know much about anything because I have experienced little in my life but I am entitled to search and make those mistakes which bring about maturity.
I think that being a parent is the most complex thing to be because there are no guarantee's and so much responsibility and as we are all human and 'right' is just a matter of perspective it would be impossible to say what a parent or guardian should be allowed to do and what they should not do... (however I think that a parent who hits a child - for any reason- is a horrible coward!! )
The only downside I can see to someone having that experience is when it turns into closed mindedness. I know this is really generalizing but there is an obvious atmosphere where some adults look at the changing times and believe that the social and moral structure is broken or bad.
Things change for a reason, and will always change. It's called development.
I think that it is important that people have the right to figure out who they are and where they fit in the world with a little but of trust and privacy.
I totally respect and agree with your opinion and I know that as my generations priorities change so will what we believe to be 'right'. Thanks for answering because I am really interested to know what people think!!
Your probably right. I know that teenagers have a tendency to overreact and when parent's go to the point of reading their kids diaries they are just concerned. All I am saying is that there are better alternatives which should be tried first.(less) -
raves +3 posted Nov 03, 2007 02:11AM GMT
Answered Yes. Parents have the right to know what is going on with our lives.
in those formulative years it is very important to know where their kids heads are at. Too be able to encourage, love, hold accountable the ones we have responsibility for and want to aid in guiding. besides do you think your are going to say something in that diary that they may not already know or thoughts and actions that the parents may have experienced themselves. Or to be the parent that they wish they had in their yourth!
families were not designed to be democracies! -
raves +1 posted Nov 03, 2007 02:02AM GMT
Answered No. Parents should just talk to their kids instead of reading our diaries without permission.
The only time I would think about prying into my children's personal belongings is if I suspected something that was endangering them. If their behavior was drastically changing...drugs, abuse... If you have to find out about your own child through their private thoughts...something is wrong..... I feel my kids share what they need to with me. They know they can come to me without me judging them and they know that no matter what it is....I love them and I am there for them. -
raves Nov 03, 2007 04:14PM GMTSometimes I think that we don't give kids enough credit for knowing right from wrong. I always told my kids that I think kids have more sense than adults because as kids...they won't steal because they know it it bad...they won't curse because they know it is bad....they learn from behavior and as we get older...we make exceptions, then come the real mistakes. If we all just kept the right and wrong rules as we grow older, our life would be so much easier....I guess that is why in the Bible it talks about being childlike....? Kids need more credit than what we give them....
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raves +2 posted Nov 03, 2007 01:09AM GMT
Answered No. Parents should just talk to their kids instead of reading our diaries without permission.
It's our life and if they think we are doing something they don't want us to do then please, they should talk to us, not yell at us or read our diaries ..! -
raves +1 posted Nov 03, 2007 12:43AM GMT
Answered No. Parents should just talk to their kids instead of reading our diaries without permission.
My Mom read my diary when I was a young teen. I felt violated
when I found out. My diary was filled with innocent ramblings about
this and that. I still believe it was highly inappropriate for her to
invade my privacy. She had no reason to do that. She was just being
nosy and I lost all trust in her.
I haven't kept a diary since. -
raves posted Nov 03, 2007 12:29AM GMT
Answered Undecided
I think that the parent should make a contract wiht the kid saying that if the kid is not communicating properly and the parent becomes worried, then they are allowed to read private diaries and/or go through their room to find out whats going on.
When the child isn't hiding something, usually s/he will comply with such a compromise thinking that it won't need to happen. It isn't until the child is hiding something that privacy becomes an issue... typically from my third person view point.
Either way, I value privacy highly and if there's ever a chance that that privacy would be infringed upon, I'd like to know that it could have been avoided and how to avoid it. Good communication is a great way to keep that line open. -
raves +1 posted Nov 03, 2007 12:23AM GMT
Answered No. Parents should just talk to their kids instead of reading our diaries without permission.
Absolutely not. Unless you want your child to seriously hate your guts and stop listening to you, then don't read it. If you do, it's an invasion of privacy and will cause your child to probably do things they shouldn't just to lash out at you. Just talk to your kids instead of going through their things. Plus, would you let your kid go through your private things? I don't think so. -
raves +2 -1 posted Nov 02, 2007 11:29PM GMT
Answered Yes. Parents have the right to know what is going on with our lives.
Parents have a responsibility to protect and care for their children. They need all the information they can get. The child should not expect privacy while living under the roof, care, love, respect and financial support of the parent (and still a minor). -
raves +1 Nov 03, 2007 05:33PM GMTI agree not to put a thumb on them. But reading their diary doesn't equate to squashing them or preventing them from maturing. I see it as the opposite by identifying their problems and fostering their growth, independence and such.
I can understand how you can infer that some parents may improperly use the information or simply that reading it squashes the child's growth. -
raves +2
Answered No. Parents should just talk to their kids instead of reading our diaries without permission.
Private from parents and the world I kept one since I was 7 and it's always been respected.