My 15yr old son just got arrested for shoplifting this is his1st offence. Do I let him go to juvie or pick him up?
I have always told my boys if they ever got into this kind of trouble they would have to sit it out in "Juvie". Never did I think it was going to be this difficult to sit and do nothing especially ...
I have always told my boys if they ever got into this kind of trouble they would have to sit it out in "Juvie". Never did I think it was going to be this difficult to sit and do nothing especially over the holiday weekend. I hope that he is scared straight. However, my son is a follower and not a leader. I am afraid this may backfire. I want to teach him a lesson. Is this the way to do it? Thus far he is on his way to Juvie. I told the police I refused to pick him up in hopes that it would teach him lesson. Do I stand by my word and give him tough love or pick his ass up and deal with him at home?
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Undecided
well i think you need to leave him there for a while just enough time for him to get scared and let him know it is not ok and you take very seriousely.Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
Kick his skinny little ass when he gets home also. Ungratefull little thief should get his hand cut off,Undecided
If he's been there for a while and you know he's learned his lesson pick him up. If he's a follower, what you really need to do is get him away from those influences and letting him sit in juvie may only encourage him to do more stupid things because I'm certain some of the kids around him don't care about their offenses.It is his first offense, and letting him sit there and wonder will probably be enough punishment. However, if he will not change his ways...and I don't mean necessarily in the legal sense, but plain out cleaning up his act...don't ever do it again.
Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
moderated...Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
You know you won't do it.Undecided
Sorry don't know for sure. But when my son was in 7th grade we told him he wouldn't pass to the next grade if he didn't do his work. The school tried to pass him but we wouldn't allow it, even the psycolgist said the school should follow the parents in this since he was told all along he wouldn't pass. He ended up in the same class as his sister, she didn't like that too much, didn't understand until she got older. I know this is small compared to this but at 15 my kids didn't go anywhere without a responsible adult. Not until they were 18. If they didn't like it tough. I got into some pretty good fights with my daughter on that one. They could have friends over as often as they liked when we were home.Guess what? She is 24 now and just a few years ago she thanked me. She saw what happened to a lot of her friends who's parents didn't care what their kids did or the parent that said, "My child didn't do that, they would never...." She is married to a fantastic man in the Coast Guard, she went to college and is a Licensed Vet Tech.
My son is in his 4th year of college, auto mechanic(finished), auto body(finished), welding(finished) and now blacksmithing and advanced welding.
It all won't be easy no matter which way you go. Just don't quit. See if there are any... Sorry don't know for sure. But when my son was in 7th grade we told him he wouldn't pass to the next grade if he didn't do his work. The school tried to pass him but we wouldn't allow it, even the psycolgist said the school should follow the parents in this since he was told all along he wouldn't pass. He ended up in the same class as his sister, she didn't like that too much, didn't understand until she got older. I know this is small compared to this but at 15 my kids didn't go anywhere without a responsible adult. Not until they were 18. If they didn't like it tough. I got into some pretty good fights with my daughter on that one. They could have friends over as often as they liked when we were home.
Guess what? She is 24 now and just a few years ago she thanked me. She saw what happened to a lot of her friends who's parents didn't care what their kids did or the parent that said, "My child didn't do that, they would never...." She is married to a fantastic man in the Coast Guard, she went to college and is a Licensed Vet Tech.
My son is in his 4th year of college, auto mechanic(finished), auto body(finished), welding(finished) and now blacksmithing and advanced welding.
It all won't be easy no matter which way you go. Just don't quit. See if there are any programs in your area that can help you all deal with this. A church or community center, it might take time but it will be worth it in the end. (more)
Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
Kids need to learn their lesson after their mistakes not be rewarded for it...picking him up would just want him to do more stupid things cuz he knows youll
pick him up again. Leaving him in there will give him the chance to think of what he has done and will probably wont do it again, and knowing you care about him cuz ur leaving him there. He will thank you for it later,
Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
My mother is a radio dispatcher at our local sheriff's department, and promised my brother and I that, if arrested, we would spend as much time in the local jail as she could legally manage, and that, while in there, neither we, nor any other inmate would sleep (she worked midnight to 8 AM while we were in school, and for many years after, the department recently went to twelve hours shifts, changing hers to mid to noon) We believed her and never tested her, but if I had been arrested and she popped me right out of jail, I would have lost respect for her and her word. Stick to your guns, and when the kid gets out, teach him about leading, rather than following.Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
Thats a way too stupid of him, SHOW HIM TO BE A MANTough Love. Leave his ass in there!
You warned him. If you go pick him up then he will never take you seriously again. When you do pick him up take him out to lunch or something and talk and let him know that you still love him.Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
he'll probably do it again if you pick him up.what did he even try to steal?
Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
moderated...Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
let him stay there so he will learn his lesson and then when he come back from juvie ground him if you could handle himTough Love. Leave his ass in there!
my parents say they will do the same thing and i belive them. you have to stand by your word, otherwise any further threats will not be acknowledged with to much fear from him. he won't think you'll do what you say, and anyway he knows the rules, and he's knows what's wrong and right.he's older than me, so yeah. he knows. sorry to your son, i shouldn't be taking a grown-ups side *haha* no offense.Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
Teach him a lessonNone of the above
moderated...Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
he will never get the picture and learn if you keep running in to save him!it will be hard but you have to do it!
Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
he has to learnUndecided
So tough. I would want to leave him there but I don't know if my heart could do it. I would do what you originally said you would. Otherwise, your word is no good with him )-:So sorry!!
None of the above
Visit & ask him: Does he want to continue on the road to stupidville? Before your visit map a plan for him to 'follow'(the plan will include you). The plan will allow him to own his actions and accept the consequences. He has to accept who he is, & who he is not; then he can chart his course to adulthood and become a somebody, possibly a leader. He needs to clearly understand that he has wronged somebody before he can move forward. Atonement is the one word that needs to be applied well here.Deciding on the basis of juvie or no juvie is like deciding between cancer & polio, the decision has to reach far beyond this moment. My quick intuitive guess is that he has no social infrastructure to build on & stupidville is where all his buddies live.
He doesn't have to join the boys choir or the boy scouts to develop a better social infrastructure. He could get involved in bike racing or swimming, just involved in something besides 'hanging out'. Anything to involve his intellectual curiosity.
None of the above
moderated...Pick him up because he needs a Dad right now.
Pick his butt up juvie will make him worst.Undecided
Since you forewarned him of the consequences, if you don't stick yo your guns he may not take you seriously in the future. However, I've been in your position, and I totally folded, so I can't fault you either way.None of the above
No you take his azze home and spank it and ground the crap out of him or her. Then you take all cell phones,wi's,home phones,tv's and anything else that has to do with freedom away. Then spank their ass! Then set new rules, with failure to comply= military school.Undecided
growing up, i was givin' 1 "get out of jail card" after that i was left to sweat it out.. i think in your case, having your son know that he has to deal with you, and face relatives, being grounded to a period of time, and having him go to the store and appologize, might cure him... it cured me.Pick him up because he needs a Dad right now.
What he needs right now is a parent. Let him know exactly how hurt and scared you are. What he doesn't need right now is "dad the friend", he needs a *parent*. So go get him - abandonment isn't something a scared 15 year old needs.BUT - and it's one hell of a big but... Let him know that he is on a very, very short leash. He blew it, he gets a second chance, but he has to work his little buns off to re establish trust.
Punish him - and mean it. Grounded is useless unless it's actually grounded. Remove everything electronic- if it runs on a battery or electricity- it's gone for a select period of time, oh and "i paid for it" cuts no ice. Zero after school activities, and that includes sports, I don't care how much coach is counting on him. He has to earn the privilege. Report cards should be in your hand by now, how did he do? If it shows that he tried, use that fact to remind him that you are usually proud of him, and he is capable of using reasonable judgement.
Talk to the cops that picked him up. Was he with a group that is well known to them? Is this a new group to him? Was there violence involved? If there was, this becomes a new conversation. Did something happen recently that could have messed him up? It's not an excuse, but kids aren't just short adult... What he needs right now is a parent. Let him know exactly how hurt and scared you are. What he doesn't need right now is "dad the friend", he needs a *parent*. So go get him - abandonment isn't something a scared 15 year old needs.
BUT - and it's one hell of a big but... Let him know that he is on a very, very short leash. He blew it, he gets a second chance, but he has to work his little buns off to re establish trust.
Punish him - and mean it. Grounded is useless unless it's actually grounded. Remove everything electronic- if it runs on a battery or electricity- it's gone for a select period of time, oh and "i paid for it" cuts no ice. Zero after school activities, and that includes sports, I don't care how much coach is counting on him. He has to earn the privilege. Report cards should be in your hand by now, how did he do? If it shows that he tried, use that fact to remind him that you are usually proud of him, and he is capable of using reasonable judgement.
Talk to the cops that picked him up. Was he with a group that is well known to them? Is this a new group to him? Was there violence involved? If there was, this becomes a new conversation. Did something happen recently that could have messed him up? It's not an excuse, but kids aren't just short adults, things that we think they should be able to brush off often causes them to react in ways we don't expect.
Good luck. This isn't going to be an easy road, and it's going to be hard on you. You're not alone. (more)
This is an exccellent answer. Your comment was well thought out, compassionate, and reasonable...yet, showed the use of parental authority with love.
Michelle
Undecided
It seems when I was growing up, I got my ass busted with a belt if I deserved it or not. My Dad made you believe you did deserve it. But I think that is the problem we are going to see in society now and in the future. These kids who get put in 'time out' grow up thinking being bad is fun and nothing really bad happens to them. They grow up not understanding consequences.I will bet your son has learned something if he is still sitting there. And you are in a tough spot since you told them that they was going to stay there. Perhaps if you can talk to him, you can make some kind of deal with him. Say he has to mow the yard for the next year every weekend and earn the money to pay the fines. And he is grounded for the next year. Make it hard or he can say where he is at.
Good Luck!
None of the above
Pick him up but punish him for it. He should know better. If he does it again then you let him go to Juvie.Pick him up because he needs a Dad right now.
I have a son and he is 34 he got into trouble once and i told him the same thing my father told me and i quote everybody is entitle to one mistake growing up if i can get you out of this trouble i will but you must learn from your mistake because next time you are on your own unquote he never got into any more troubleUndecided
what'd he try to steal? the value of what he was trying to shoplift makes a big difference when trying to decide his punishment. If he just stole a video game or something it'd be no big deal. If he was jacking expensive jewelry its an entirely different situation and you should leave his ass in juvie.Pick him up because he needs a Dad right now.
Go get that boy now!! The things that could happen to him in juvie could scar him for life, and guess who he would blame? it's not right, but he has been able to count on you so far, and if something horrible happens, it's you who've let him down. Get him home safe, give him a serious talking to, even make him return to the store and apologize to the manager - in front of you and his mother & the rest of the family! then hug the hell outta him and tell him how proud you are that he took responsibility for his bad decisions and did what he could to make it right. There's a good lesson for everyone.Pick him up because he needs a Dad right now.
I have 2 sons, boys mature at a slower pace, they don't think it will happen to them, they need structured guidance and need to feel loved. Unfortunately they get miss guided some times go in the wrong direction. I would go get him, unless he's a trouble maker he's already scared to death, don't forget he is still the little boy who brought you many happy days in the past. To error is human. to forgive is devine.None of the above
Rescue your son right now.If your son spends a week in Juvenile Hall, he'll get his high school degree on how to become a criminal. If he spends a year there, he'll get a college education. If he spends a year in prison, he'll get his masters degree. Jail and Juvenile Hall and Prison are not the lessons your son needs to learn.
Pick him up because he needs a Dad right now.
And punish his sorry ass!Undecided
I think you need to use your intuition. HOpefully you know what kind of kid he is. Even though this is his first (hopefully, only) offense, do you think he is heading in a path of future issues with the law? What kind of friends does he have? Is it likely to happen again? Then leave him there.Or is he a pretty good kid that just got caught doing what a lot of teen kids do?(it's very common - not that that makes it okay, just common) Is he the kind of kid who just the act of getting caught will scare him straight? If so, go get him and show him tough love at home.
Tough Love. Leave his ass in there!
They will depend on you next time.. and the time after that.. let em hang in the jail. More than likely they will slap him on the wrist and slam him with a bunch of community service and fines, but I doubt jailtime. He will be stuck with a criminal record and probably probation. I suppose that depends on the value of stuff stolen.. whether or not it was grand theft.