Question Living
Zombies Real, Says Harvard Psychiatrist Dr. Steven Schlozman: How would you survive a zombie invasion?
Creamy June 12, 2009 01:01:00
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Dr. Steven Schlozman of Harvard Medical School is an assistant professor of psychiatry and avid observer of the living dead. Schlozman has written a fake medical journal article with sound medical proof as to how zombies can be a reality.
Dr. Schlozman says that zombies suffer from ANSD (Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome).
Schlozman lists five reasons why zombies act exactly as they do.
1. Zombies have only enough frontal lobe activity to be able to "sense" other zombies or humans.
2. Dr. Schlozman says zombies can only be fueled by rage. The amygdala then, is what powers zombies, just as in crocodiles. To this, Schlozman says "You can't really be mad at zombies, because that's like being mad at a crocodile."
3. Zombies also suffer from a cerebellar and basal ganglia dysfunction. Schlozman explains that this is why zombies are slow walkers and have sloppy movements.
4. Mirror neurons help humans experience emotions through other people. Zombies don't use these, which is why they are never scared or excited when they're getting shot at.
5. And why do zombies eat so much? Their ventromedial hypothalamus is broken so they never know when they've eaten enough. This why they can keep eating one human after another without stopping.
Dr. Schlozman also stated that zombies are probably constipated, since they never seem to poop; which would explain why zombies are always moaning.
Now that we know zombies are real, how do you plan on surviving the zombie invasion?
Dr. Schlozman says that zombies suffer from ANSD (Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome).
Schlozman lists five reasons why zombies act exactly as they do.
1. Zombies have only enough frontal lobe activity to be able to "sense" other zombies or humans.
2. Dr. Schlozman says zombies can only be fueled by rage. The amygdala then, is what powers zombies, just as in crocodiles. To this, Schlozman says "You can't really be mad at zombies, because that's like being mad at a crocodile."
3. Zombies also suffer from a cerebellar and basal ganglia dysfunction. Schlozman explains that this is why zombies are slow walkers and have sloppy movements.
4. Mirror neurons help humans experience emotions through other people. Zombies don't use these, which is why they are never scared or excited when they're getting shot at.
5. And why do zombies eat so much? Their ventromedial hypothalamus is broken so they never know when they've eaten enough. This why they can keep eating one human after another without stopping.
Dr. Schlozman also stated that zombies are probably constipated, since they never seem to poop; which would explain why zombies are always moaning.
Now that we know zombies are real, how do you plan on surviving the zombie invasion?
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I think Dr. Schlozman's zombie theory...
I think Dr. Schlozman's zombie theory...
Dr. Schlozman's article has got me prepped. Here's how I'll survive a zombie invasion!
Dr. Schlozman's article has got me prepped. Here's how I'll survive a zombie invasion!
Like I said before, i haven't watched Shaun of the Dead 23 times for nothing.
Dr. Schlozman's article has got me prepped. Here's how I'll survive a zombie invasion!