Your Friend's Boyfriend Is Cheating on Her (But She Doesn't Know): What Would You Do?

by SodaHead Living Posted 2012/04/27 19:00:00

Related Topics: Friend, Boyfriend, Lifestyle, Cheating, tell, Friendship, Relationship, Date, Friends, Business, Butt, Image

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650 votes
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	I would tell	486 votes	75%
	I would stay out of it	164 votes	25%

We've all been there. You have an inkling (or know flat-out) that your pal is being cheated on -- but you have no idea what to do. Do you tell, or mind your own business? Check out psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert's expert advice to a How About We reader.

"You're in a bit of a bind: to tell would hurt her and not telling is hurtful too -- and no one wants to see their friend get hurt. My advice: do tell. Better for her to know now than to find out later when she’s more invested in the relationship, emotionally and otherwise," Alpert says. "If you’re still unsure about what to do, think about what you would want if the situation were reversed. Would you want to know? Suppose you hold on to the information, then what? Can you continue the friendship knowing what you know?"

But he also offers an alternate solution. "If you can’t bring yourself to talk to your friend, then you can approach the alleged cheater. Have all the information lined up and be 100% certain. Give him an opportunity to address it and to speak to your friend and tell him you will if he doesn't." By all means, Alpert says, consider whether your friend is in an open relationship, and don't even butt in at all unless it's a close friend. So ... is this good advice? Or would you handle it differently?

+21

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lurx: the soda jerk 2012/04/30 01:49:15

I would tell

+6
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More polls by SodaHead Living

HotPuhtaytuhs 2012/04/30 08:48:17

I would stay out of it

+1
Ive had that conversation a few times and it never goes well

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S.Lewis 2012/04/30 06:59:52

I would tell

This is a sensitive & tricky situation. I would definitely want to know. I recall as a teen I told my friend that her boyfriend was hitting on another and she was angry with me.

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bettyboop 2012/04/30 06:00:16 (edited)

I would tell

Yup, I would out him. If the rolls were reversed I would hope I had a friend who would tell me.

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NKULE 2012/04/30 05:44:00

I would tell

It wud b really hard but I wud tell her

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meme14 2012/04/30 02:56:27

I would stay out of it

+1
Unless it was my best friend I wouldn't say anything - simply because people ultimately believe what they WANT to believe - they explain away the facts - period. Some women and men will believe the cheater because they don't want to lose them and all that you accomplish by telling is to bring them closer and to be the 'meddlesome' troublemaker. My best friend is like me - she'd rather be hurt by the truth then to live a lie. But that is definitely not always the case with everyone.

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Lady Katze 2012/04/30 02:43:09

I would tell

Some people say it's none of their business or it would hurt their friend?

As far as I'm concerned, keeping my buddies happy is completely my business and I bet she'd rather find out from a trustworthy friend than if she caught him by accident or something.

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Phyl *In God i Trust* 2012/04/30 02:30:09

I would tell

+1
A true friend would tell her.

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lady blue 2012/04/30 02:30:01

I would tell

+3
I would definitely tell my friend ! There is no moral choice in the matter. No friend of
mine is going to be done dirty behind her back while I sit around playing the neutral fool.
Good friends have eachother's backs. I am known to be a very good friend and I always have my friends best interests in mind.

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tweet_tweet 2012/04/30 02:00:34

I would stay out of it

+1
unless it was a close friend, then I would definitely say something!!

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jc 2012/04/30 01:59:05

I would stay out of it

+1
That's a tough one.Sort of damned if you do,and damned if you don't.Really depends on the circumstances.

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lurx: the soda jerk 2012/04/30 01:49:15

I would tell

+6

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Stef and the City 2012/04/30 01:33:03 (edited)

I would tell

+2
The only way I wouldn't tell is if I was the one he was cheating on her with.

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T raww<3 2012/04/30 00:26:01

I would tell

+3
I understand how people say to mind your bussiness but when it's your best friend or a family member you always want to keep them from getting hurt, and if you don't tell them that just allows that relationship to go on behind your friends back which will hurt them even more when they do find out

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MadAsHEck 2012/04/29 23:47:04

I would tell

+2
Tell and then suggest a Three Way relationship.

Why not, all our other morals are gone now.

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addie to MadAsHEck 2012/04/30 06:55:28

Telling them means you have no morals??

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AquariusNX01 2012/04/29 23:28:36

I would tell

+2
I have been cheated on and would have been better off if I could have gotten out of the relationship much earlier. I have no problems telling.

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BBoy legacy 2012/04/29 23:11:28

I would stay out of it

+1
I would feel pretty bad about not saying anything though.

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sky blue pink - American 2012/04/29 22:46:38

I would tell

+2
Spit it out. Best he or she know now, instead of later.
Have a good one !

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glass_butterfly ~YSU~ 2012/04/29 21:57:32

I would tell

+2
In a heartbeat! I be snitching for a friend!

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byebyebreezy 2012/04/29 21:56:56

I would tell

+2
as her best friend, it's kind of like my job to let her know her boyfriend is a douche.

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David Hussey 2012/04/29 21:38:26

I would tell

But only if I had facts. If your friends can't tell you the truth, even when its going to hurt they are not much of a friend

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GoreGirl 2012/04/29 21:16:51

I would tell

And supply the shotgun...oh wait...you're not supposed to be violent are you?

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Meh 2012/04/29 21:10:31
aherbert 2012/04/29 20:53:56

I would tell

I will tell her with evidence to back my story...

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Rukasaki ~~ Hawkshadow 2012/04/29 20:30:00

I would tell

+1
she needs to know hes being a douche. id want someone to tell me if my boyfriend was cheating

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caius madison 2012/04/29 20:21:11

I would stay out of it

Even though it pains me to say it, I wouldn't say directly that you know they are cheating. It's been my experience that this can backfire and hurt your friendship. I would, however try to hint at their decietful nature till the friend investigates it themselves.

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David H... to caius m... 2012/04/29 21:40:18

In most cases those who are not seeing it for themselves simply don't want to see it. You might as well say nothing, for your subtle hints will likely be ignored, misinterpreted... just like the signs of infidelity are being ignored

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caius m... to David H... 2012/05/09 09:14:13

+1
I wouldn't continue for all of eternity to convince them of it. I would basically try for a bit, and the quit.

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Abi 2012/04/29 20:13:41

I would tell

+1
It's so wrong not to tell

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ryuu khan 2012/04/29 19:50:58
David H... to ryuu khan 2012/04/29 21:44:29

+1
Yeah? And what do you do if the cheater is this guy hero?

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NKULE to David H... 2012/04/30 05:49:57

+1
Lol

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David H... to NKULE 2012/04/30 06:06:34

:)

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ryuu khan to David H... 2012/04/30 17:14:36

um its 404 can't see the image and doesn't matter the bigger they are the harder they fall

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David H... to ryuu khan 2012/05/01 00:30:32

+1
Interesting, it was showing yesterday and NKULE was able to see it.

This is the image I had posted Ryuu Khan

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ryuu khan to David H... 2012/05/01 16:39:18

+1
meh my friends all date scrawnny ass mofos so its all good haha and balls buddy

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ramennoodles 2012/04/29 19:50:52

I would tell

it's better to know the truth

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painted desert 2012/04/29 19:43:22

I would stay out of it

I wouldn't say anything to her. Sorry, but when they get back together (which often happens) you are the horse's ass. No Thanks. I will do the consoling later.

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David H... to painted... 2012/04/29 21:46:57

+1
A sad truth you speak, but for myself either way I will lose the friend. If I can't look them in the eye while I keep secrets from them they will be lost just as surely as if I am shunned for being the horse's ass. And if speaking truth loses their friendship, then I say good riddance, enjoy your cheating partner

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painted... to David H... 2012/04/29 22:09:12

+2
Good point. I have been in this situation. And I did do what I thought was the right thing, and told my "friend" of many years that I saw her boyfriend with another woman at lunch. But I said it as if maybe it was a work partner. Well of course that's what he tried to say it was, and what a liar I was for trying to cause problems. I felt so terrible. Then just like I said she made up with him, and I was just that the "horse's ass"! Feeling so bad. But you are right, if she couldn't just take it from the point that I just mentioned it, and really didn't even point the finger at him. Taking his side against me. Finding out later that this wasn't the first or last time he did this. By then, I really didn't want to be friends again with her. That trust was lost. Thanks. :)

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