Your Friend's Boyfriend Is Cheating on Her (But She Doesn't Know): What Would You Do?

by SodaHead Living Posted 2012/04/27 19:00:00

Related Topics: Friend, Boyfriend, Lifestyle, Cheating, tell, Friendship, Relationship, Date, Friends, Business, Butt, Image

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649 votes
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	I would tell	486 votes	75%
	I would stay out of it	163 votes	25%

We've all been there. You have an inkling (or know flat-out) that your pal is being cheated on -- but you have no idea what to do. Do you tell, or mind your own business? Check out psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert's expert advice to a How About We reader.

"You're in a bit of a bind: to tell would hurt her and not telling is hurtful too -- and no one wants to see their friend get hurt. My advice: do tell. Better for her to know now than to find out later when she’s more invested in the relationship, emotionally and otherwise," Alpert says. "If you’re still unsure about what to do, think about what you would want if the situation were reversed. Would you want to know? Suppose you hold on to the information, then what? Can you continue the friendship knowing what you know?"

But he also offers an alternate solution. "If you can’t bring yourself to talk to your friend, then you can approach the alleged cheater. Have all the information lined up and be 100% certain. Give him an opportunity to address it and to speak to your friend and tell him you will if he doesn't." By all means, Alpert says, consider whether your friend is in an open relationship, and don't even butt in at all unless it's a close friend. So ... is this good advice? Or would you handle it differently?

+21

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lurx: the soda jerk 2012/04/30 01:49:15

I would tell

+6
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More polls by SodaHead Living

Danica 2013/04/14 15:32:23

I would tell

+3
I would tell so that she doesn't get more closer to him. It will just hurt her more the more closer she is to him. But you need full proof that he is. Im in this situtaion Right now and im not going to tell her,untill I get proof. Ill talk to her,and then ill talk to him. Since hes a true friend he tells me almost everything. Ill tell you how it worked at the end. BYE!

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joshBigBoss 2012/11/01 20:16:00

I would tell

If she is my primary friend of the two then he's done for. If he is my friend I would stay out of it. Unfortunately its a loyalty issue before anything, though I may feel tempted to tell on the cheater anyway. The truth should eventually come out though...

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Zoe 2012/06/12 02:59:15

I would stay out of it

+3
But tell him if he doesnt tell her i will and then be there for her when he does

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Cori~Rae 2012/05/30 23:24:43

I would tell

I told my best friend today that her boyfriend tried to cheat on her with me. She was grateful for the honesty and said that she now knows that I can be trusted. So of course I would!

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slapfoot 2012/05/23 19:22:27

I would stay out of it

99.5%,It's the friend that is the one involved.

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marianellys<3 2012/05/19 03:12:37

I would stay out of it

most of the time don't end well.. maybe give hints or something, but what about if that person forgives the cheater, how odd is it going to be!?! too many problems afterwards.

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XBrittanyX 2012/05/17 04:19:39

I would tell

I would expect my friend to tell me, so I would do the same for them.

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HiddenDVS1027 2012/05/11 13:23:23

I would tell

+1
I Got married at 18. We moved to a different city. My husband at the time was cheating on me, while I was visiting family back home, while he was at work. I trusted him a lot. I was one of those women, when I see it, I will believe it. He would say no. And I believed him. So anyways, a guy friend of his one day was visiting us. he told me right infront of him that he was cheating with a lot of women. The husband denied it, until his friend told him he was going to beat him up if he didn't come clean. He told him he was lucky to have a wife like me..... The husband came clean. I left him, divorced, ended up being friends again later on. He was jealous, because my new husband and I are happy and doing good. Im just grateful for his friend telling me. Because I wouldnt have wanted to stay longer than I
did.

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joshBig... to HiddenD... 2012/11/01 20:19:05

Your ex's friend must have really seen how good of a lady you are. It's good to hear that you've move on and are happy!

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Elizabeth 2012/05/10 21:17:59

I would tell

Cause ima good friend and good friends shouldn't just stay out of it because it is actually their business.

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ronnie..its_his_war 2012/05/08 07:26:55

I would tell

crack some nuts.

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Eris Landos 2012/05/05 15:06:37

I would tell

I would certainly have a little fun doing it, too.

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IndianFace.German 2012/05/03 22:28:47

I would stay out of it

It really depends. If I were close to her I'd tell. If i thought he was a scum bag in the first place I'd tell. If I couldn't prove it I wouldn't tell because I know how those things go down "YOUR JUST JEALOUS OF WHAT WE HAVE AND YOU WANT HIM FOR YOURSELF"

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baxter 2012/05/01 18:45:23

I would tell

I WOULD BE HONEST AND TALE HER WHAT HE IS DOINGTHEN I LEAVE THEM TO IT

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Merhabi Daham 2012/05/01 17:47:07

I would tell

Cheating is bad. If you don't care about her, stop dating her, if you do care about her, break off with your side-partner, if you care about them both talk to them about it, if they agree to share...dude, i'm giving you three seconds to make this choice and any negative response does not count. You take that deal as fast as you can. Before they realize there are better looking guys out there.

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Mustang Girl 2012/05/01 00:13:13

I would tell

Most difinite I would tell I wouldn't want someone not tell me. It just isn't right

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mm61675 2012/04/30 21:54:51

I would tell

+1
If the roles were reversed, I would want to know. Sometimes love is blind, and you need someone else to open your eyes.

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TKramar 2012/04/30 21:23:59

I would stay out of it

None of my damn business.

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Sister Jean 2012/04/30 19:52:17

I would stay out of it

MYOB

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Lakota Deviant 2012/04/30 17:36:52 (edited)

I would stay out of it

+1
I just told my freind recently his girl was cheating on him with someone at work.... did not end well, made me wish I kept my mouth shut. I think it would be better to help them figure it out than just comfront them with it.

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Royjohan Elliot 2012/04/30 17:08:02
DeborahLakeHelen 2012/04/30 16:54:02

I would tell

+1
I'd want someone to tell me if they knew something like that. You wouldn't be much of a friend if you didn't tell your friend about something that was going on behind their back.

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Mitsurugi Chiba 2012/04/30 16:47:17 (edited)

I would tell

Better she find out the truth then remain ignorant about it, sure she would be hurting for a while, but she'd eventually get over it sooner or later and it would leave who to find someone who would probably be more to her.

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Mr Wayne 2012/04/30 16:00:21

I would tell

Tell her once, then never bring it up again.

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~Adrien~ 2012/04/30 15:39:43

I would tell

+2
I told my good friend I found out her hubby-to-be had a personal ad on a dating website, and actually met up with him as a potential date under a different name & picture. He was totally busted. . . and I would expect her to do the same for me.

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Roslyn 2012/04/30 15:21:16
Soms Cougli 2012/04/30 14:57:42

I would tell

+1
If I were being cheated on, and my best friend knew and didn't tell me, I would be SO angry! How could someone keep a secret like that?? Honestly!

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pterodactyl 2012/04/30 14:52:28 (edited)

I would tell

if somebody was cheatcing on me i would wont to know just tell me i am not going to be a bitch to you i will be a hardcore bitch to him though and if your friend gets mad so be it your just trying to help i have been cheated on and i can tell ya if sombody would have told me it would have saved me a lot of heartbreadk

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smitty 2012/04/30 13:34:44

I would stay out of it

Meant to click tell her. Hey we are friends.

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DS in Oak Ridge NC 2012/04/30 13:01:57

I would tell

But if I were female, I wouldn't reveal he cheated with me. That's a secret worth keeping.

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sweet silver 2012/04/30 12:48:40 (edited)
brittany to sweet s... 2012/05/01 18:11:04

feel better? lol

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sweet s... to brittany 2012/05/02 12:19:29

yesh my teddy made it all better :3

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.: LiVi :. 2012/04/30 11:24:39

I would stay out of it

+1
It depends how close I am to them and who they are. If I wasnt' that close to them then I'd just stay out of it because it's none of my business to charge in and ruin their relationship, they'd be better off finding out for themselves, or if their boyfriend admitted it to them. If it was my sister or a best friend then I would tell them, or force their boyfriend to tell them the truth. Telling your friend they're being cheated on is not always the best thing to do. The best thing to do is to force the cheater to tell them.

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panxx to .: LiVi :. 2012/04/30 12:28:03

+3
these are little things, no need to tell if you enjoyed it. The boy may even choose you later on!

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pteroda... to .: LiVi :. 2012/04/30 14:55:44

but the relationship is already ruined with the fact the his is cheating on her

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.: LiVi :. to pteroda... 2012/05/06 12:11:54

I'm sure anyone would prefer having their partner apologise and confess cheating than hearing another interpretation from a third party

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pteroda... to .: LiVi :. 2012/05/06 16:09:34

But what if he does not? or never will?

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.: LiVi :. to pteroda... 2012/05/10 12:08:43

Well then the circumstances would change and either you stay out of it if it's none of your business, or you tell them, but I would always give the cheater a chance to admit it themselves, that's always the best way

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pteroda... to .: LiVi :. 2012/05/10 17:26:30

ya so the girl could be hurt and not have time to cool down

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