Would you rather your child be a bully or a victim of bullying?

Though id raise my kid to accept people and if you don't like them for some reason ignore them and only fight and use violence if someone starts it first.

I would never want my daughter to be a victim.

Victims can carry years of emotional scars, even simple grade scholling bullying can stick with some people the wrong way.

A lot of bullys need to mature, need to learn to be inclusive.

I'd rather the need to teach these concepts over and over again than find my daughter beat to a pulp or emotionally distressed due to something someone said.

If I had too pick... Why would you want your kid to be a victim?

I would so not want my child to bully anybody..Should learn to respect everybody as it is..I still would not like my child to suffer silently and grow with a frustration and then vent it on others via weapons as he becomes an adult..but then, even adults may be bullied..what a world.. -_-

I'm 14 so i don't have a kid. Though I did used to be bullied. I'll tell you all one thing. Bullying can either drive someone to suicide, or it can make a person stronger and more aware. I went with the latter and now no one touches me or my friends anymore. (No I did not resort to violence.)

Anyone can be a victim. The problem is with the bully, and I would not want to know that I raised one.

That is a tough question...
I'd be sad to see that someone is picking on my child, but glad that they aren't.
Id make my child stand up to the bully. It can make it better! I know from experience..
I want my child to be a buddy, not a bully (x

This I can be responsible for and take corrective actions towards. My child being the victim has limited my ability and power....and that is a horrific feeling.

If my kid (if I had one) is a bully, that reflects on me.

If my kid is the target, that reflects on you, whoever you are, whose kid is the bully.

Even though it's a hard lesson to learn, at least he will know how to NOT treat others.

this way i can punish him. having a victim would be tough, your hands are kinda tied.

Having a bully for a child.. I don't think I could handle the shame.

I only chose bully because there wasn't a third option. I am raising my kids not to be bullies but not to be bullied either. My kids are raised to stand up to bullies and for themselves.

I would teach my kid to defend there self, And to beat up the bully's

Not good choices, but that choice makes you better than a bully. And if I had kids and found out they were being bullies i would deal with it VERY severely, won't have my kids doing that!

I learned some valuable life lessons and developed some good character traits from my having been bullied. When we use our suffering for good, then all of life is a teaching moment. Both of your options suck of course, just as you yourself have said. But if one of the two had to happen, I wouldn't want my child to be an agressor without empathy for other human being. I'd rather that as a victim, my child would gain the same strengths that I eventually pulled out of it. If there were a third option, I would want my child to be the person who stands to bullies on another persons behalf. This is what Christ would do. And those people who do this, are often those who were once victims. Very rarely former agressors.

I would sooner be neither, but i can make my child stop being a bully much easier than stopping him getting bullied...not saying i would want my child to be a bully...but if he/she was, then i would make certain it stops.....

False dilemma alert! See that term under "manipulating content: http://www.informationisbeaut...

We have other choices but I picked "victim" because bullies often come from abuse and are, I would think, more likely to continue on in the Power and Control paradigm later in life. http://sari0009.xanga.com/559...

She asked this as a hypothetical, so it is a fair question. On the other hand, if her kid was bullying and used the excuse "I'd rather be a bully than a victim" to justify his behavior, then that qualifies as false dilemma, because in reality there is a third choice.

There is no triumph in being a victim, a bully can be taught to mend their ways, a victim is always a victim.

Of course neither, but I would rather she didn't bully for sure if she has to be one of them.

I meant "Victim".
I am a victim of bullying, so I know how hard it is. BUT in the end you learn a lesson. A lesson that's very useful for your whole LIFE. I'd prefer to have my child go through a rough patch for a while and learn how to stand up for him/herself than to have a hateful, insensitive and inconsiderate person torturing others.

Because I could put the kibosh on the behavior. When my child is a victim, there are limits to what I can do to change what is going on.

I cannot stand bullies.

That would be EASIER to correct




IMO it would be a much easier task to "HUMBLE" my bully than to heal an ego of bullied kid

With the balls to stand up for himself, and others. And they are but don't really have to deal with much bullying at their school fortunately. There is nothing socially redeeming in being a bully. They are usually victims who don't know any better themselves.

I don't think you understand the question either. You can't be a victim and "have the balls to stand up for himself." Failing to stand up for yourself is what makes you a victim. Thats why this is such a hard question, because there isn't a good option from the outset. Either your kid is beating up another or your find your kid in a bloody heap. Both are awful to deal with.

Now, when you talk about recovery there are socially redeeming aspects to both sides. A victim can learn to over come what happened to them and eventually be able to stand up for themselves and others with direct knowledge of what its like. Likewise a bully can learn to be mature, to be tolerant and to use whatever power they abuse to help others instead of hurting them.

I think your answer is short sighted, incomplete and naive.

Fair enough, perhaps by victim I meant target (of bullying) with the balls to resist. My boys are big, but not especially assertive sometimes, they can be, when it matters I just hope they will be at the right time. They are very tolerant, I just hope not too tolerant. They are larger than most kids though, so...They don't get messed with much.

In a humorous anecdote, my 8 month old daughter bloodied the nose of my 20 year old cousin the other day. She's an energetic little thing, big and strong, but shes obviously still working on motor skills. She flails around when shes excited. Anyway, my cousin was holding her the other day and they were playing and laughing and she flailed and caught him on the right spot on the nose and wham.

Why does it have to be either or? Most kids are not bullied nor are they bullies themselves. I would rather a child learn to stick up for themselves and others when they think it's right. I would also enroll them into classes that teach self defense. Or maybe I would just catch the mother of a bully and beat the hell out of her infront of her child. I think a message needs to be sent that the victims can relate to.

I think you miss the point of the question. Its a thought exercise. They aren't saying that most kids have to fall into either category. This is a theoretical. If your kid had to be one or the other which would you choose and why. What makes it thought provoking is that its a hard choice. Sane parents would want neither obviously.

The either or option has negative impacts. A bullied child could end up walking into school with an assault rifle just as easily as a bully could. Why I refused either answer. But saying that, I see what you mean. =)

Exactly, which would you rather live with someone mean or someone in pain? Its a very thought provoking exercise. I ended up choosing bully simply because I'd never want my daughter in pain. I'd rather try to work with her on whatever anger/selfish issues she had then have her hurt.

It gets me because in school at times I was on both sides of the coin, more on the bullied side though.

Sorry to read about your struggle. School systems have a lot to do with bullying. Most ignore it thinking its okay, "they'll grow out of it". No child should feel crappy about going to school and learning. It should inspire if anything. I honestly can't choose, even now. =)

Thanks. It wasn't nearly as bad as some of the modern struggles kids go through. I'd call it "typical" stuff. My regret is that at one point I joined in picking on another kid because it got me out of the situation. But, we all matured. I did, with regard to being picked on and picking on, and the bullies I dealt with too. We all grew up. Its sad to see people on both sides of the coin unable to do the same though.

Quick anecdote, by the end of grade school things were really great with our class. People really matured and came together. But high school was a new situation and I decided to radically alter certain aspects about me as I looked for myself. So I stirred up the typical jock types and bristled against them which actually I think kept me from having really bad issues. Anyway, the final incident came when this huge D Lineman on our high school team picked on me during math class. He wrapped a wooden ruler on my knuckles a few times. I got fed up and threw the only punch I have to this point. I hit him so hard square on the nose that his head hit the wall. People around us turned in shock and laughed at him. Here I was a 140 lb little nothing. Anyway, never had a single issue with any athlete ever again. Oh, and I found myself and my wife by senior year.

Congrats! All ended well but for many, it doesn't.

I would rather that teach my son tolerance than being hateful. That is what strive in life to be better person every day and if is better than me I will admired him or her. this is my very essence of my life.

Looking back on my childhood, I was closer to being a bully than anything, not that I was an extreme dick or anything and I didn't really push people around, but I was dominant.
Anyway, I've turned out to be a pretty good person.