Quantcast

Why is it so hard to forgive people that have hurt you in the past? I'm still trying to find the answer to this question. Maybe you can help me out?

TwilightPrincess~Miharu 2007/12/22 20:07:25
You!
Add Photos & Videos
Sometimes when someone hurts me, it's really hard to forgive them, even if I want to. Any ideas why this is?
Add a comment above

Top Opinion

  • AngelwithBrokenWings 2007/12/23 05:12:58
    Yes
    AngelwithBrokenWings
    +8
    Say you have a really bad bruise. And someone keeps coming over to it and poking it and slamming on it. How quickly do you think that bruise will heal if it keeps being punched? A long damn time. The same goes with emotions. People may not know that they are slamming on that bruise, they might not even know that the bruise is there. But you do. And everytime it get's punched, it hurts a little bit more. Healing one's heart/mind/soul can take years, decades. And part of healing is forgiving. I still have not forgiven my family and others for what they have done to me. I may never forgive them completely. And I know I will never forget. But, over time, healing happens. It's a slow and arduous process, to be sure. And it's painful. But, as I have believed all my life, (and to quote myself, it's form a poem, don't steal it, LOL) there is beauty in painful things. Drown your sorrows in your passions, turn that pain into something extraordinary. I don't know if that helps, but I tried, LOL.

Sort By
  • Most Raves
  • Least Raves
  • Oldest
  • Newest
Opinions

  • Breezy 2009/05/18 02:16:05
    Yes
    Breezy
    +1
    I think it's a protection mechanism.
    Just like when you put your hand near fire, you pull away so you don't get hurt any further.
    You're suppose to learn something when you get hurt. To not get hurt again.
  • Amanda (Endless Nights) 2008/06/21 15:25:50
    Undecided
    Amanda (Endless Nights)
    +1
    Nowadays, with me one chance is all you get. All my life i forgave those who hurt me, i swallowed down my pride and bit my lip. Life is too short. Live life and make choices in order to acheive happiness, even if that means extracting all nuicences from your life.
  • Linda54 2007/12/28 00:04:46
    No
    Linda54
    +1
    Your OK. I don't forgive people and I definitely don't forget either. You don't have to forgive people if you don't feel right about it.
  • Twiligh... Linda54 2007/12/28 00:17:45
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    Hmmm. I never thought about it that way. Thanks! =D
  • Debbie 2007/12/24 04:38:50
    Yes
    Debbie
    +1
    maybe its because they are afraid that the indivdual that hurt them, will continue there pattern of hurting and your trust is in doubt..
  • Shane - oldschoolelf 2007/12/24 00:10:01
    Yes
    Shane - oldschoolelf
    +1
    Because in your mind you're thinking or saying, "Why did that have to happen?" Everything happens for a reason. Someday, we will all understand.
  • Pet Rock Whisperer 2007/12/23 17:29:55
    Yes
    Pet Rock Whisperer
    +1
    A complex question with no one simple answer. It could be the hurt is too deep to get past entirely. It could be lack of remorse from the one who hurt you. It could be that one just doesn't deserve your forgiveness. It could be that one doesn't seek your forgiveness. The list goes on. Perhaps forgiving isn't so important as is letting go of your anger. I have no idea of your circumstance, I can only assume you are in pain. You cannot forgive if you harbor anger. Once you understand that your anger doesn't hurt them, it hurts you. Then you can move forward and work to resolve your anger. It takes time, there are no shortcuts. I hope this helps!
  • allenberg 2007/12/23 14:27:38 (edited)
    No
    allenberg
    if you are holding a grudge agianst someone your missing out on some things that are importent in life. or friendship. holding grudges just makes you misserable. GET OVER IT!!!!
  • highdesertgemini 2007/12/23 09:24:10
    Yes
    highdesertgemini
    +2
    It's hard to forgive when you can't forget because you no longer trust people who have hurt you...
  • Leethal 2007/12/23 08:26:46
    Yes
    Leethal
    +1
    I have the same problem. I think it just takes time and you have to be ready and willing
  • dnanna 2007/12/23 06:35:58
    Yes
    dnanna
    +1
    physical bruises show scars.
    Mental abuse has scars also sometimes really deep .Trust and forgivness is covered over with emotional scar tissues. It make take awhile we are each differnt, so we all heal differntly, but if we try we do heal. and sometimes how long is not really up to us as long as we try
  • AngelwithBrokenWings 2007/12/23 05:12:58
    Yes
    AngelwithBrokenWings
    +8
    Say you have a really bad bruise. And someone keeps coming over to it and poking it and slamming on it. How quickly do you think that bruise will heal if it keeps being punched? A long damn time. The same goes with emotions. People may not know that they are slamming on that bruise, they might not even know that the bruise is there. But you do. And everytime it get's punched, it hurts a little bit more. Healing one's heart/mind/soul can take years, decades. And part of healing is forgiving. I still have not forgiven my family and others for what they have done to me. I may never forgive them completely. And I know I will never forget. But, over time, healing happens. It's a slow and arduous process, to be sure. And it's painful. But, as I have believed all my life, (and to quote myself, it's form a poem, don't steal it, LOL) there is beauty in painful things. Drown your sorrows in your passions, turn that pain into something extraordinary. I don't know if that helps, but I tried, LOL.
  • Twiligh... Angelwi... 2007/12/23 05:14:50
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    +2
    Yes, that helps me understand a bit more. Thanks! =D
  • Angelwi... Twiligh... 2007/12/23 05:16:46
    AngelwithBrokenWings
    +2
    Anytime.....and sorry it was a novel, LOL.
  • Twiligh... Angelwi... 2007/12/23 05:17:48
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    +2
    That's okay. I enjoyed reading it. =D
  • Ares Angelwi... 2007/12/23 05:43:39
    Ares
    +5
    beautifully spoken. i myself will never forgive my own family, nor forget what they have put me through in my life. they have abondoned and betrayed me every single time i have needed them, and they have put me through hell with that and other things they have done. the saddest part of it is that more often than not, they honestly dont even realize they are doing it. its pretty pathetic, really. i have reached the point where i cant even look at any of them without having visions of killing them, slowly and painfully, in my head. and there are others who have done FAR worse to me, things that have left me with memories that would drive most people to suicide, just to be rid of them. and in that, i am not exaggerating, nor making things up. but i learned a long ago to take my pain and suffering and use it to make me stronger. you often hear those little cliche quote of "life is like" something or other, and most of them arent worth anything, but i have one that is worth a great deal, at least to those who can understand it. it is a lesson learned through the flames of torment and suffering. "life is like a beautifully wrought sword in the hands of an expert blacksmith. all the unpleasant things in life, the pain and suffering of any kind, are the fires of the forge used to make an..."
    beautifully spoken. i myself will never forgive my own family, nor forget what they have put me through in my life. they have abondoned and betrayed me every single time i have needed them, and they have put me through hell with that and other things they have done. the saddest part of it is that more often than not, they honestly dont even realize they are doing it. its pretty pathetic, really. i have reached the point where i cant even look at any of them without having visions of killing them, slowly and painfully, in my head. and there are others who have done FAR worse to me, things that have left me with memories that would drive most people to suicide, just to be rid of them. and in that, i am not exaggerating, nor making things up. but i learned a long ago to take my pain and suffering and use it to make me stronger. you often hear those little cliche quote of "life is like" something or other, and most of them arent worth anything, but i have one that is worth a great deal, at least to those who can understand it. it is a lesson learned through the flames of torment and suffering. "life is like a beautifully wrought sword in the hands of an expert blacksmith. all the unpleasant things in life, the pain and suffering of any kind, are the fires of the forge used to make and to work on the blade. the flames can make the blade brittle and weak, and ultimately worthless, or they can be used to temper it and make it stronger than ever before, and far more beautiful. it all depends on how the blade is handled in the flames."
    (more)
  • Twiligh... Ares 2007/12/23 05:46:13
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    Wow. Just wow.
  • Ares Twiligh... 2007/12/23 06:08:09
    Ares
    +2
    in what way? wow can mean a lot of things, from a lot of different perspectives lol.
  • Twiligh... Ares 2007/12/23 06:10:06
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    I just didn't know what else to say to that. Wow in the sense that I wasn't expecting to hear/read that? I don't know.
  • Ares Twiligh... 2007/12/23 06:12:26
    Ares
    +2
    i see. quite understandable. but such is my life. i will live with it until the day i die. and wherever the next life takes me, should there be one, i will still have it with me, unto eternity. but life goes on either way. my pain makes me stronger. the more i suffer, the stronger i become.
  • marquise Ares 2007/12/23 07:17:26
    marquise
    +2
    Your last words are very beautiful, Ares.......
  • Ares marquise 2007/12/23 07:24:37
    Ares
    +3
    thank you. i speak from the heart.
  • marquise Ares 2007/12/23 07:26:56
    marquise
    +1
    I know.....but why did you choose the name of the war god ?
  • Ares marquise 2007/12/23 07:33:07
    Ares
    +3
    because believe it or not, i AM the God of War. it is a long story.
  • marquise Ares 2007/12/23 07:40:16
    marquise
    +1
    That does not go with the words you've said to Alley......Ares lacked completely of any kind of sensitivity......
  • Ares marquise 2007/12/23 07:48:10
    Ares
    +2
    war and battle come in an infinite number of forms, among them the battles we fight within ourselves.
  • shiela33 2007/12/23 04:35:09
  • Twiligh... shiela33 2007/12/23 04:37:11
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    +2
    I don't know if it's a pride thing, so much as a fear to be hurt again and again by the same person. I guess I have a fear that if I forgive them, they'll think it's okay. I don't know.
  • shiela33 Twiligh... 2007/12/23 04:37:59
  • Twiligh... shiela33 2007/12/23 04:41:25
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    +2
    Well sometimes people say things that hurt me, without realizing it, but I don't tell them. So I guess they just keep saying things like that, which hurt me, because they don't know.
  • shiela33 Twiligh... 2007/12/23 04:42:36
  • Twiligh... shiela33 2007/12/23 04:48:09
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    +2
    Well they're my friends. It's not really big things, it's more the little things that get to me. I try to laugh it off when I'm with them, because I know they're teasing, but it still hurts sometimes. I guess I'm sort of a confusing person?
  • shiela33 Twiligh... 2007/12/23 04:49:34
  • Twiligh... shiela33 2007/12/23 04:53:11
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    +2
    Really? Sometimes I think I am.
  • shiela33 Twiligh... 2007/12/23 04:56:48
  • Twiligh... shiela33 2007/12/23 04:59:46
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    +2
    I am? I really have trouble expressing myself though. Like my ideas and explaining things. But I just do the best I can.
  • shiela33 Twiligh... 2007/12/23 05:04:24
  • Twiligh... shiela33 2007/12/23 05:06:22
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    +2
    Well maybe not, but to me most of what I say doesn't make sense. If it's me explaining something face to face, I suck at it. Most of the time I have a hard time explaining things. Maybe it just doesn't seem that way? =P
  • Twiligh... Twiligh... 2007/12/23 05:06:49
    TwilightPrincess~Miharu
    +2
    PS. It makes me feel better to hear you say that! =)
  • shiela33 Twiligh... 2007/12/23 05:07:27

See Votes by State

The map above displays the winning answer by region.

Living

2014/10/25 07:46:46

Hot Questions on SodaHead
More Hot Questions

More Community More Originals