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Why do men suddenly fall out of love or lose interest?

pretz 2010/06/03 17:09:32
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  • Kalayaan 001 2010/06/03 19:52:24 (edited)
    Kalayaan 001
    +2
    This "love" is just infatuation, and like in any human being, the infatuation gradually wears-off.

    Remember: Real, lasting love is not an emotional high, but a decision of constant selfless, self-sacrifice even to one's own detriment. It is made in the mind and made permanent with an iron will.

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  • Easy as ABC 2010/12/13 06:20:27
    Easy as ABC
    If a person, you for instance or me, gets into a relationship and later finds it's not quite right or what they expected, what is the best way to exit the relationship?
    A person will enter several relationships before finding the "right one" Sometimes the girl ends it, sometimes the guy ends it. The next step is to move on. You eventually find the right combination.
  • Master 2010/06/04 07:15:50
    Master
    They like variety. Even if a man loves to eat Bicol express, he doesn't want to eat it every day for his entire life. The same thing will become boring so he wants something new. ;)
  • Kalayaan 001 2010/06/03 19:52:24 (edited)
    Kalayaan 001
    +2
    This "love" is just infatuation, and like in any human being, the infatuation gradually wears-off.

    Remember: Real, lasting love is not an emotional high, but a decision of constant selfless, self-sacrifice even to one's own detriment. It is made in the mind and made permanent with an iron will.
  • Melizmatic Kalayaa... 2010/06/03 19:54:24
    Melizmatic
    Well said.
  • Kalayaa... Melizmatic 2010/06/03 21:31:02
    Kalayaan 001
    +1
    Thanks!
  • Melizmatic Kalayaa... 2010/06/03 21:39:31
    Melizmatic
    De nada.
    :)
  • Knot_RIch 2010/06/03 19:31:49
    Knot_RIch
    ADHD
    We have the attention span of a 5 year old and the libido of a rabbit.
  • Melizmatic Knot_RIch 2010/06/03 19:57:10
  • Son of Furious 2010/06/03 17:49:20
    Son of Furious
    +1
    Women are capable of that as well.
  • Melizmatic Son of ... 2010/06/03 19:57:26
    Melizmatic
    +1
    Yes, they are.
  • Son of ... Melizmatic 2010/06/03 20:25:35
    Son of Furious
    +1
    Glad there are people on sodahed who are fair minded.
  • Melizmatic Son of ... 2010/06/03 20:32:00
    Melizmatic
    +1
    A few.



    Thanks.
  • Son of ... Melizmatic 2010/06/03 21:03:36
    Son of Furious
    Don't mention it. X)
  • Rain 2010/06/03 17:48:25
  • Melizmatic 2010/06/03 17:14:27
    Melizmatic
    +1
    It's not just men; women fall out of love & lose interest too.

    I just think its unrealistic to expect to get everything you and need from one person.
  • Rain Melizmatic 2010/06/03 17:51:36
    Rain
    ok that's your opinion, but let me ask you this, would you just want a guy to be in your life for sex or for honest true love and care? in other words would you like them to want you for jus your body or for that person that you are inside? or else would you rather get hurt and cry over an idiot who your not worth because nothing is every going to be real between you guys?
  • Melizmatic Rain 2010/06/03 18:10:08 (edited)
    Melizmatic
    My remark was about expectations.

    Think about this logically, if you will:

    Out of nearly 7 billion people, do you really believe that there is only ONE person out there who is truly "meant" for you? And if you do believe that, don't the odds of ever meeting them in your lifetime seem just a little slim?

    Put simply, I think that we set ourselves up for failure by placing unrealistic expectations on our partners and ourselves.

    In this country, we've been pre-programed to model ourselves after the ideal "Ozzie & Harriet" construct; the problem therein is that type of relationship never existed in the first place, not even in the fifties. It's an impossible ideology.

    So you fall in love, and at first it's wonderful.

    But nothing remains constant, everything changes but change itself.
    And in relationships, they either change for the better or for the worse; but there's no way they'll remain unchanged.

    Furthermore, look at marriage stats in this country. The divorce rate stands at anywhere between 50 and 65 %, for first time marriages, and it gets even higher for second and third marriages.

    Now to answer your question; I want something meaningful and real.
    I've also accepted the possibility that I might not get it.

    I've learned how to avoid "users" and not let myself get emotionally attache...
    My remark was about expectations.

    Think about this logically, if you will:

    Out of nearly 7 billion people, do you really believe that there is only ONE person out there who is truly "meant" for you? And if you do believe that, don't the odds of ever meeting them in your lifetime seem just a little slim?

    Put simply, I think that we set ourselves up for failure by placing unrealistic expectations on our partners and ourselves.

    In this country, we've been pre-programed to model ourselves after the ideal "Ozzie & Harriet" construct; the problem therein is that type of relationship never existed in the first place, not even in the fifties. It's an impossible ideology.

    So you fall in love, and at first it's wonderful.

    But nothing remains constant, everything changes but change itself.
    And in relationships, they either change for the better or for the worse; but there's no way they'll remain unchanged.

    Furthermore, look at marriage stats in this country. The divorce rate stands at anywhere between 50 and 65 %, for first time marriages, and it gets even higher for second and third marriages.

    Now to answer your question; I want something meaningful and real.
    I've also accepted the possibility that I might not get it.

    I've learned how to avoid "users" and not let myself get emotionally attached to anyone who doesn't have good intent towards me; but I have yet to find out why so many people long for someone who "completes" them, yet they almost never find them.
    (more)
  • Rain Melizmatic 2010/06/03 18:22:17
    Rain
    +1
    well i agree with you on many things and your concept is very convincing. however, love can't be planned it can only be created. take Romeo and Juliet for instance, if they were not dead, don't you think they would have stayed together until they died of old age? if their love was truly what Shakespeare had wrote it to be than couldn't forever be a great possibility? though it was sort of love at first sight, couldn't that have stayed and have been continued into eternal love? The idea of the "right" one for you is a possibility and it is one that can last or be destroyed but of course it depends on the person and the situation. all and all the right person is who you make it and who feels the same about you and with you wishes to live life eternally and never leave your side in order to care, love and support you as you would do for the person. its not the fact we can't find the person because of the many people in the world it is more the fact of that you two are willing to make it work and can't think of life without making it work. i do believe that there is someone out there for me and everyone else regardless of how many people are in this world. yes of course i might not find anything either but that is precisely the reason we search and live on.
  • Melizmatic Rain 2010/06/03 18:53:24 (edited)
    Melizmatic
    +1
    I agree with many of your points as well.

    You are correct, love cannot be planned.
    To this day, most of us aren't really sure how it actually happens. Sometimes you can end up loving a person who you detested when you first met. That's one of the great mysteries of life.

    A relationship is hard work, and it takes constant endeavors from both people involved in the aforementioned relationship. Both parties have to be willing to put in the necessary time & effort.

    That being said, Shakespear's idea of love was an idyllic one, not a realistic one.

    You mentioned Romeo and Juliet; had they lived wouldn't they have been together forever, you asked.

    To be honest, I really don't think so.

    Let's consider age first;
    According to the play, Romeo & Juliet were about 12-14 years old.
    I don't know about you, but I'm nothing like the person I was when I was 14.

    I've changed drastically in my way of behaving & thinking. It therefore stands to reason that had R&J; grown up to full adulthood, they would have most likely developed different perceptions of their world, and of each other.

    Next, let us consider that their families hated each other with a passion.
    This could be perceived as the "Forbidden Fruit" effect; have you ever dated someone that your parents didn't like, but for some reason, that only ...

    &J;










    I agree with many of your points as well.

    You are correct, love cannot be planned.
    To this day, most of us aren't really sure how it actually happens. Sometimes you can end up loving a person who you detested when you first met. That's one of the great mysteries of life.

    A relationship is hard work, and it takes constant endeavors from both people involved in the aforementioned relationship. Both parties have to be willing to put in the necessary time & effort.

    That being said, Shakespear's idea of love was an idyllic one, not a realistic one.

    You mentioned Romeo and Juliet; had they lived wouldn't they have been together forever, you asked.

    To be honest, I really don't think so.

    Let's consider age first;
    According to the play, Romeo & Juliet were about 12-14 years old.
    I don't know about you, but I'm nothing like the person I was when I was 14.

    I've changed drastically in my way of behaving & thinking. It therefore stands to reason that had R&J; grown up to full adulthood, they would have most likely developed different perceptions of their world, and of each other.

    Next, let us consider that their families hated each other with a passion.
    This could be perceived as the "Forbidden Fruit" effect; have you ever dated someone that your parents didn't like, but for some reason, that only made them more appealing to you?

    This is true especially in adolescence, when young people are trying to find their own identity, and therefore tend to rebel against their parents. Might not that have been a big factor in R&J;'s attraction to each other?

    And lastly, I have issues with the use of the word "eternal," meaning forever.

    To quote Outkast; "Forever never seems that long, until you're grown."
    Meaning it's a concept that's hard to grasp for most of us humans, because our average lifespan is only about 75 years.

    Nothing lasts forever, not even the most pure form of love. At the very best, even if two people do live out their lives together, one of them is still going to die before the other.

    Long story short, (too late!) we need to cherish those people who treat us well & love us right for as long as it lasts, and not waste our time on those who don't.

    When and if you reply, do me a huge favor; Please use the space bar between paragraphs; Without breaks in the text, its very hard on my poor "old" eyes to try & read it... *lol
    (more)
  • Rain Melizmatic 2010/06/05 21:08:54
    Rain
    +1
    wow lol i am so sorry for that. and you know i do agree with you. thank you for giving me a new way to look at this.

    its inspiring to see others point of you and learn from them.
  • Knot_RIch Melizmatic 2010/06/04 14:58:02
    Knot_RIch
    +1
    I've read your and Angie's discussion, very good, intelligent. If I may, I'd just like to interject something form someone who has been married almost 5 decades, to the same woman by the way. Of course, it wasn't always easy, life never is, and there are struggles as we grow, but something that seems to be missing here is the difference between want and need. is it unreleastic to expect to get everything you "need" from one person, I assure you, no it isn't, although it does take years to develop into that, where each partner even can recognize the needs of the other, much less meet them. But it does get there, given time, love and work. Is it unrealistic to expect to get everything you Want from one person, absolutely. Our minds are so expansive, so limitless in their scope, ever changing, ever we ourselves cannot predict with accuracy what our wants will be 5 or 10 years down the road. I think, and of course this is just my opinion (disclaimer there because I'm not some licensed marrage counselor) that one of the so called secrets to success is recognizing the difference between our needs and wants, recognizing the difference between the needs and wants of our partner, taking the time and making the effort to learn to meet those needs, and then simply working together to ach...


    I've read your and Angie's discussion, very good, intelligent. If I may, I'd just like to interject something form someone who has been married almost 5 decades, to the same woman by the way. Of course, it wasn't always easy, life never is, and there are struggles as we grow, but something that seems to be missing here is the difference between want and need. is it unreleastic to expect to get everything you "need" from one person, I assure you, no it isn't, although it does take years to develop into that, where each partner even can recognize the needs of the other, much less meet them. But it does get there, given time, love and work. Is it unrealistic to expect to get everything you Want from one person, absolutely. Our minds are so expansive, so limitless in their scope, ever changing, ever we ourselves cannot predict with accuracy what our wants will be 5 or 10 years down the road. I think, and of course this is just my opinion (disclaimer there because I'm not some licensed marrage counselor) that one of the so called secrets to success is recognizing the difference between our needs and wants, recognizing the difference between the needs and wants of our partner, taking the time and making the effort to learn to meet those needs, and then simply working together to achieve the wants.
    People are incredibly complex, and also in many ways universally basic, so much the same yet so different. These basic/complex patterns emerge from differen tlevels of our brain, driven by instinct and social programming, driven by conscious thought, you deal with them accordingly.
    "Love" is such an ambigious term, I don't believe there actually is an accurate description. It's different for every person, based on life input, expectations developed from a lifetime of mental images, over the years images built together solidifies the meaning, your own unique meaning. Perhaps one of the reasons people fall in and out of love is because they don't really know what it is, and they confuse it with infatuation.
    Anyway, just the ramblings of an old man. take it for what it's worth.
    (more)
  • Melizmatic Knot_RIch 2010/06/04 16:38:31
    Melizmatic
    +1
    Where I come from, the "ramblings" of old men & women is called 'WISDOM' ... and it's a very rare commodity these days.

    Thank you for your input.
  • celticdragonfly 2010/06/03 17:13:50
    celticdragonfly
    usually because they think with their penis and often times that little guy wants variety

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