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Why do I get a feeling most cancer victims like people feeling sorry for them?

Sour Dime 2011/04/05 01:45:18
Related Topics: Cancer, Victim
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  • Christiexjmdmj ~Killjoys, m... 2011/04/05 03:44:38
    Christiexjmdmj ~Killjoys, make some noise!~
    +5
    Wow. Do you really think all of the pain is just for attention?
    I saw a post you made below, about how depression doesn't get as much attention as someone with cancer.
    That's because most of the time people keep their depression a secret and attention only makes it worse!
    Someone with cancer or another terrible, life threatening disease deserves attention because they need it to live and it could be last attention they ever get.
    Now, my uncle was hospitalized due to his depression, and he did get more attention for it because it was out in the open. My mother had a very deadly cancer, and she got more attention. It's really more about severity, and everyday depression isn't as severe as cancer.
    Plus, I'll say it again, most people (in my experiences) don't want attention for their depression. They want to appear as normal and tend to push people away who try to help.
    THAT is why cancer patients get more attention and
    NO. Attention isn't worth the pain and potential loss of a life.

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  • somedaysoon 2011/10/24 11:19:05
    somedaysoon
    +1
    I know I'm the devil's advocate here, but my mother has cancer and has always had mental issues... she's always looking for some excuse to make people pity her, and although I feel terribly about the cancer and sympathize, I have to be upfront about her use of cancer as pity-maker. I know this does not apply to "most cancer victims" like the OP said, but I disagree with the immediate hatred the OP got. Living with someone with BPD and cancer is an extremely difficult thing, and one can get frustrated. Whoever the OP is probably has had some negative experience with someone of similar mindset.
  • Shelly 2011/05/12 20:35:34 (edited)
  • JGF 2011/04/06 12:44:44
    JGF
    Many cancers are not debilitating and you can live with them for years, but mention you have cancer at all and you get preferential treatment, or at least sympathy. I'm sure many people do that.
  • dm 2011/04/05 10:20:10 (edited)
    dm
    +1
    I don't think they enjoy getting attention or pity from it at all.
  • caroline 2011/04/05 07:23:27
    caroline
    +1
    I've suffered from severe depression all my life but after seeing what my mum has gone through the past 3 years with breast cancer i don't think my depression comes anywhere near.
    The cruel and painful side effects of chemotherapy(its not just losing your hair) theres the sickness,violent diarreah,pain throughout your body,weakness,massive blisters in your mouth and other places,constant watering eyes,skin peeling and then feeling more plus several other common side effects all the time wondering if putting yourself through this is actually going to have any benefit at all.
    Then there is the surgery ,not just to the area affected but often to the lymph nodes and gland which in itself results in complications for the rest of your life,the surgery is often highly intrusive and can result in the loss of body parts,bearing in mind that you will have
    a low immune system from the chemo to start with surgery can be horrendous.
    Add to this radiotherapy which can cause painful burning and drug therapies that have awful side effects (just to reduce her risk of a relapse my mother has to put up with constant burning pain in her bladder) ,the knowledge that your life is in the balance and your concerns and fears as to how your loved ones are coping and that does make Cancer a big d...
    I've suffered from severe depression all my life but after seeing what my mum has gone through the past 3 years with breast cancer i don't think my depression comes anywhere near.
    The cruel and painful side effects of chemotherapy(its not just losing your hair) theres the sickness,violent diarreah,pain throughout your body,weakness,massive blisters in your mouth and other places,constant watering eyes,skin peeling and then feeling more plus several other common side effects all the time wondering if putting yourself through this is actually going to have any benefit at all.
    Then there is the surgery ,not just to the area affected but often to the lymph nodes and gland which in itself results in complications for the rest of your life,the surgery is often highly intrusive and can result in the loss of body parts,bearing in mind that you will have
    a low immune system from the chemo to start with surgery can be horrendous.
    Add to this radiotherapy which can cause painful burning and drug therapies that have awful side effects (just to reduce her risk of a relapse my mother has to put up with constant burning pain in her bladder) ,the knowledge that your life is in the balance and your concerns and fears as to how your loved ones are coping and that does make Cancer a big deal and a much bigger deal than any form of mental illness!
    I really do hope you never have to go through the pain of this illness or watch someone you love go through this and being an atheist isn't an excuse to feel like you do,most atheists are the most compassionate people on earth and if your depression is giving you this warped view then for goodness sake get some help!
    (more)
  • Mississ... caroline 2011/04/05 21:43:11
    Mississippi lady
    +1
    I am so sorry about your mother. I know how agonizing it is to see her like that. Please know that I am praying for both of you.
  • Charmedtears♥ 2011/04/05 05:14:54
    Charmedtears♥
    +1
    What makes you think that?

    Cancer is Serious, it Ain't a game. People who face cancer face death in the face. WE feel sorry for the ones that Suffer more than use. There Not Attention Seekers without anything to loose. They Appear on T.v Shows/add Magazines Etc. to Bring Awareness because they don't want others to go through there pain and Also there Family's pain that cancer Brings.

    I'm Sorry but you might think Differently but this Question Wides me up. Not to be Mean but you sound so uncompassionate and Unconsidered. (I've Read all the Comments Below also ) Yes Depressions is Serious but sometimes it's can be faked and isn't as life threatening the only real Threat is yourself also you can Alway recover and get back on track from Depression with the right help and Support but with cancer that's not always the option.
  • Marz 2011/04/05 04:34:29
    Marz
    +1
    Okay, I have an idea for you.. I want you to send sodahead a message asking them to deactivate your account. Seriously! You know how painful it is to watch a loved one have cancer and you not being able to do anything about it? They want help, they don't want people feeling sorry for them. All they want is for their cancer to go away and that's why they make a big deal about it because its depressing. Maybe when you take your head out of your a*s you will realize how painful this subject is to soo many people and having little compassion about the subject is just going to make people hate you and wish you got cancer just so you could see what its like
  • Joe Strummer 2011/04/05 04:17:29
    Joe Strummer
    +3
    I dont think you are a bad person or "depressed" just for asking the question....Cancer changes a persons life forever...Most people who have had cancer don't walk around always wearing pink ribbons and running marathons...the sad fact is 1 out of 6 women will develop breast cancer at some point in their lives.....that means a whole lot of people feel sorry not just the one who suffers.
  • Christiexjmdmj ~Killjoys, m... 2011/04/05 03:44:38
    Christiexjmdmj ~Killjoys, make some noise!~
    +5
    Wow. Do you really think all of the pain is just for attention?
    I saw a post you made below, about how depression doesn't get as much attention as someone with cancer.
    That's because most of the time people keep their depression a secret and attention only makes it worse!
    Someone with cancer or another terrible, life threatening disease deserves attention because they need it to live and it could be last attention they ever get.
    Now, my uncle was hospitalized due to his depression, and he did get more attention for it because it was out in the open. My mother had a very deadly cancer, and she got more attention. It's really more about severity, and everyday depression isn't as severe as cancer.
    Plus, I'll say it again, most people (in my experiences) don't want attention for their depression. They want to appear as normal and tend to push people away who try to help.
    THAT is why cancer patients get more attention and
    NO. Attention isn't worth the pain and potential loss of a life.
  • JGF Christi... 2011/04/06 13:05:00
    JGF
    "most people (in my experiences) don't want attention for their depression"

    Perhaps because most attention from the general public is negative. Depression can be debilitating, but many view it as merely "feeling down" and you're told to "snap out of it" or given the old cliches about things looking better tomorrow. Severe depression can prevent you from working, but it's not a valid reason for taking time off from work. There is no true treatment, what works for one person may be completely ineffective for another, but most people think it's merely a matter of taking a prescription anti-depressant and you'll be fine. Tell someone you have cancer and you get immediate sympathy; tell them you have depression and they respond "oh? what's wrong?". The majority of people who commit suicide do so after bouts of depression ...but depression isn't serious.
  • Christi... JGF 2011/04/06 23:59:27
    Christiexjmdmj ~Killjoys, make some noise!~
    Did I suggest that depression isn't serious? I understand that it is extremely serious.
    As I said, my Uncle was hospitalized due to his and I'm actually currently going through treatment for Major Depressive Disorder.
    I agree that many people simply don't understand depression, and if they did people would probably be more willing to talk about it.
    I'm still uncomfortable talking about it, though, with people who suffer from it themselves - so I can't say that a greater understanding would really change how much a person will talk about it.
    Everybody IS different - but many, many people who I've known to have depression have decided they'd rather try to deal with it on their own than open up about it.
    That's why so few people actually get treatment and what makes it horrifying.
  • JGF Christi... 2011/04/07 10:00:19
    JGF
    so few people get treatment because there is no real treatment for depression. Therapy may help, medication may help, but ultimately it's like dealing with a cold, you can't cure it so just alleviate the symptoms and hope it goes away. I found the available medication to be a joke; doctors admit they don't know exactly how it works, nor why one type works for one person and not another; it takes months to cycle in and out of one pill if it doesn't work, then "well, let's try this one"; if one has a positive effect, it's side effects are usually odious enough to start a depression on their own. Eventually you tire of feeling like a lab rat and quit the medication altogether.

    (and my apologies for hijacking the cancer thread)
  • mewycg 2011/04/05 03:08:06
    mewycg
    +3
    Believe me, all people would SOOOO much rather NOT have the disease in the first place. They didn't get because they want to drum up pity.
  • Sour Dime mewycg 2011/04/05 04:11:18
    Sour Dime
    i didnt say it sucked to have it or they had a choice but why cant those who fish for pitty man up and face it head on
  • mewycg Sour Dime 2011/04/05 05:15:36
    mewycg
    They are already facing a really big deal A life and death, painful trial in life. I really don't think or believe that being pitied is their main objective at all.
  • holdenferall 2011/04/05 03:01:00 (edited)
    holdenferall
    +2
    Why do I get the feeling you've never known anyone who suffered from or died of cancer?
  • Sista Nunya 2011/04/05 02:22:06
  • Sour Dime Sista N... 2011/04/05 02:23:43
    Sour Dime
    +1
    then I wish every person was like your dad when i posted the question soda head decided to delete what i said about not everyone but most people act that way
  • Sista N... Sour Dime 2011/04/05 02:37:12
  • Isma'ila (God has heard)! 2011/04/05 02:15:38
    Isma'ila (God has heard)!
    +3
    How dare you disrespect people who might be dying.
  • Sour Dime Isma'il... 2011/04/05 02:17:04
    Sour Dime
    okay
  • Isma'il... Sour Dime 2011/04/05 02:18:13
    Isma'ila (God has heard)!
    +2
    You need to have some compassion.
  • Sour Dime Isma'il... 2011/04/05 02:22:19
    Sour Dime
    im horribly self centered i know hopefully ill learn to grow out of it but there are lots of horrible things out there i dont think i have the ability to be compassionate for every one
  • Isma'il... Sour Dime 2011/04/05 02:28:45
    Isma'ila (God has heard)!
    +1
    Jesus can help you.
  • Sour Dime Isma'il... 2011/04/05 04:11:47
    Sour Dime
    I'm an atheist but thanks for the consideration.
  • Isma'il... Sour Dime 2011/04/05 04:12:53
    Isma'ila (God has heard)!
    +1
    You are welcome.
  • dm Sour Dime 2011/04/05 10:23:38
    dm
    At least you're honest and able to see it that way that about yourself.
  • BlondieBrownEyes 2011/04/05 02:12:14
  • Sour Dime Blondie... 2011/04/05 02:16:17
    Sour Dime
    but why not other horrible diseases what about depression no one ever shows anything for them or schizophrenia never here any walking marathons for that
  • Blondie... Sour Dime 2011/04/05 02:21:33
  • Wilde~MoonChild ™ 2011/04/05 01:52:36
    Wilde~MoonChild ™
    +2
    Why would you feel that way?
  • Mississippi lady 2011/04/05 01:52:21
    Mississippi lady
    +5
    What an asinine thing to say. If you had cancer you would be making a big deal out of it, too. They know then that their life is in danger. My wonderful sister died with pancreatic cancer six months ago. She wanted to talk about it; I encouraged her as best I could. Why not; she was dying; she had a right to say whatever she pleased.
  • Sour Dime Mississ... 2011/04/05 01:55:17
    Sour Dime
    I don't think I'm the kind of person who would make any deal out of it I probably wouldn't say anything unless someone asked me.
  • Panloker Mississ... 2011/04/05 11:05:47
    Panloker
    +1
    I am really sorry to hear about your sister.
  • Mississ... Panloker 2011/04/05 18:06:51
    Mississippi lady
    +1
    thank you
  • Panloker 2011/04/05 01:46:36
    Panloker
    +3
    I really do not think that is the case at all. Why do you think that?
  • Sour Dime Panloker 2011/04/05 01:49:13
    Sour Dime
    because the cancer people often make a big deal out of it and im not saying all because not all do just a lot of em
  • Panloker Sour Dime 2011/04/05 02:02:04
    Panloker
    +7
    if the "cancer people" make a big deal about it, then that is because it is a big deal. What would you like them to do? shrug it off and ignore it? Hide it from others? Imagine you just got diagnosed with a form of cancer and the diagnoses were grim, would it effect you in any way at all? I bet it would. I tell you this, anyone who is going through any form of cancer feels bad enough about it, it is a very devastating feeling to have, why would they want others to feel sorry for them, Nobody likes the feeling of having others feel sorry for them, so why would a cancer patient want to add to that grief? YOu have a strange understanding of human psychology.
  • Sour Dime Panloker 2011/04/05 02:04:29
    Sour Dime
    Personally if I had cancer I would probably kill myself, that's just me though I wouldn't tell anyone though but, that's just how I am I guess let the cancer people fish for pitty or try and do something about it I guess I can't change anything only thing I seem to do is piss people off.

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