Why can't I just be a peace with being a stay at home mom?

by Jack's Pearl Posted 2012/12/26 21:25:10

Related Topics: Relationship, Husband, Career, Peace, Word, Times, Comfort, Words, Stay at Home, Mom, Home, Time

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What I mean is that I feel an unease at times (sometimes more intense then other times) of being a stay at home mom. I see all that my husband has achieved in his career and how he can support all of us and I wish I had that too. I wish I could feel that even if our relationship were to fail, I was on my own, things would be the same. I could provide what he does.

What do you think of this? Any words of comfort, because at times I could really use them.

+11

pork&beans 2012/12/26 22:01:04 (edited)

+5
As a Mom who reared 3 children all adults now,I will give you some advice,dont ever feel what you are doing is of less importance than rocket science.One day she will walk out that door never to come back quite the same,you will treasure the times you spent together as will she,because you cannot have them back. I stayed at home when mine were small, despite being a nurse.Once the they were in middle school I took a refresher course and went back to work part time.My kids are happy people,I played a part in that,one I am most proud of.Good luck just hold her close while you still can,it means the world to them,you'll see one day!

I would give anything to have mine litttle like yours for just a day...........
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More polls by Jack's Pearl

Jerry 2012/12/29 13:28:24

+1
........Zmom...... this really surprises me that You've posted this, whenever You are talking to me, You always come across with very meaningful answers, so much that I learn new things that I wasn't aware of, You always appear very grounded, in just about any subjects We have discussed, if I didn't know better, I would consider You a full time member working for a well established place of business, like a lawyer's firm, or management person in a clinic or hospital, ....... regardless, I always enjoy discussing things with You, especially chit chat....... " Happy New Year, almost for 2013 " ......

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Jack's ... to Jerry 2012/12/29 19:21:49

It's just a worry I've had at times. I'm a very independent person, but I think we all give up some of that when we partner in a marriage. We all have things we rely on the other for.

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Jerry to Jack's ... 2012/12/30 08:58:27

+1
....... Yes, Zmom, You're right, in my case my brief 3 year marriage, even briefly owning a cottage 2 bedroom home, the marriage didn't last, looking back I now feel, it wasn't the love continually after the wedding vows ceremony, I never cheated on Her, and I did love Her, but She wasn't understanding and compassionate on realizing my type 2 diabetes put limitations on me as Her husband, Oh, well, I'm still grieving Her giving up on Our marriage, but I am annoyed, that in one week from the weekend I visited Her, and Our 2 black labs, mixed breed, that She sold the house and property and took the loving dogs that cared for Both of Us, ....... that was mean, and spiteful...... just part of my life, I wanted to share with You, I pray, You always have a lifetime of love with Jack, and Zoe....... " You're a Nice Family " ....... ;-)

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David Hussey 2012/12/29 06:06:23

+1
That's a tough one JP. I guess it is a trade off, you're sacrificing a confidence of independence in exchange for the benefits that your children will enjoy from having a full time mom. That is, in my opinion at least, a gift that is priceless.

I surely hope you never find yourself in a position to find out how you would manage on your own, but I do think you would find a way. Wish I had some 'quick, easy' feel better' thingy to offer you.....

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Jack's ... to David H... 2012/12/29 19:23:10

+1
Thank you so much for what you've said here. It's true, no matter what decisions we make in life we always have a cost for that choice. I very much enjoy my life, but that doesn't mean that worry doesn't creep in at times, and this is one of them.

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David H... to Jack's ... 2012/12/29 20:20:12

+1
You're welcome JP. I know its hard not to worry, and these times make it even more so. But you're lucky that you are able to make this choice as many do not have any option and in my opinion the kids suffer for it. But keep in mind that while material things are nice, the important thing to provide for children is caring, attention and love.... and I'm pretty sure that you are well equipped to provide this in abundance.

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Buoyant Leadraft 2012/12/29 02:43:27

+1
I feel the same way, I'm a gay man and my hubby out earns me most of the year.
You have incredible value but you need F-U money. You can always go back to school part time or collect and sell stuff on ebay.... I do that to bring in extra cash all the time.
Anything you can do outside of staying at home 24/7 and do for yourself is what i would recommend. It could be anything hun! Going for walks working out meeting new friends online and off.

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joe keeney 2012/12/28 23:28:32

+2
You know how many women trade with you. It takes two incomes to make a house hold work for most people. That times you miss with the kids. your one of the lucky ones .

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Jack's ... to joe keeney 2012/12/28 23:29:57

+1
I am very grateful for that. I know we are lucky. Thank you.

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joe keeney to Jack's ... 2012/12/28 23:39:16

+1
Back in the 50's and 60's it was common to have the lady of the house. Your Welcome.

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Buoyant... to joe keeney 2012/12/29 02:45:20

+1
yes it was, thank you Joe.

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joe keeney to Buoyant... 2012/12/29 14:20:35

+1
Your welcome.

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Buoyant... to Jack's ... 2012/12/29 02:44:57

+1
We are both lucky... I to feel like a 1950's housewife sometimes! I understand!

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Buoyant... to Jack's ... 2012/12/29 03:46:27

+1
We live the same life minus the kids...I do have 3 cats though! :-/

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Greg Saunders 2012/12/28 16:04:44

+2
You are a producer of something that's difficult to value but you can see your work in front of you, be proud of what you have and not what others think you should be.

You can still use your time at home to study or even run a sideline if you feel you need more. Remember your husband isn't demanding you get a babysitter to bring in a second income so obviously he's happy with the good job you're doing.

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Jack's ... to Greg Sa... 2012/12/28 23:20:07

+2
No, I highly see the value of our child everyday. And love being a stay at home mom, but there's a fear that if something were to happen to my husband or our relationship, I wouldn't be able to provide the life we have now. That's a scary thought to me at time. I'm a very independent person so I guess knowing I'm dependent in this way is can ware on me at times.

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Buoyant... to Greg Sa... 2012/12/29 02:45:56

+2
Well said Greg! Thank you!

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James 2012/12/27 16:29:38

+1
You need to stop beating yourself up. I don't know why women always have to do this. Not only is there "mom guilt" but "wife guilt" too. If both of you are happy then there isn't a problem. If you're unhappy about being a stay at home mom, well, get out there then.

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Jack's ... to James 2012/12/28 23:21:56

+2
Actually I'm very happy with it, and I don't think it's a "woman" thing. It's an independence thing. I supporting myself for a long time before getting married. I was able to take care of everything. I guess it's just weird for me to think if something happened to my husband or our relationship, it would be so hard for me to just pick up and do it all. And I wouldn't be able to provide the same life.

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Chris- Demon of the PHAET 2012/12/27 11:13:14

+2
First of all raising happy and healthy children is an achievement anyone can be proud of. Secondly he probably wouldn't achieved all he has without your support. You guys are a team working toward a goal. I envy that. :-)

If you're concerned about having marketable skills take some courses or enroll part time in a technical school.

What do I think of this? I think your a normal person who is worried about something many other people worry about as well. Don't be so hard on yourself.

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Jack's ... to Chris- ... 2012/12/28 23:22:21

+2
Thank you.

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Chris- ... to Jack's ... 2012/12/28 23:23:36

+1
;-)

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Cat 2012/12/27 08:52:21

+1
I think you should be a part time student and learn skills and knowledge that will land you a good job should your husband ever become disabled or, God forbid, die.

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MarcusRP 2012/12/27 06:23:44

+1
Motherhood is probably the hardest job of all. That and telemarketing.

Anyway, if you're feeling unfulfilled, maybe you should take up a hobby? Writing is something that I like to do; the creative process makes me feel happy, whether or not people read what I've written.

Maybe you could take up something like writing, reading, art, music. Actually, I've always wanted to learn how to knit--it seems like one of the most valuable skills you could learn.

So take heart in the fact that both you and your husband excel in your careers; it just so happens that they are different careers.

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Al B Thayer 2012/12/27 05:52:34

+1
That's what they call. Stinkin thinkin. Your the best person on the planet.

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Jack's ... to Al B Th... 2012/12/28 23:23:26

+1
It's just thinking I would love to be able to take care of us the way he does. But oh, well. LOL

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Al B Th... to Jack's ... 2012/12/30 06:50:34

+1
You are caring for and loving a child that will grow up so much better because you are there.

Remember the best things in life aren't things.

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Jack's ... to Al B Th... 2012/12/30 16:18:53

That's sure the truth. :)

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ruru 2012/12/27 05:17:13

+1
Being a stay at home Mom is more important than your husband's job. You are doing the right thing for your children as long as you are happy.

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marky 2012/12/27 02:22:02

+2
I have my own company and I think staying at home with the kids all day is harder than anything I do at work and if a woman can do this full time and not loose the plot and bring the kids to be decent kids then that is more than any business achievement

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Ishmael 2012/12/27 04:49:12 (edited)

+1
Count your blessings that you have a good husband and a loving relationship.

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Jack's ... to marky 2012/12/28 23:24:23

+2
Thanks. I just wish I could make the salary my husband does. I would love to let us switch off at some point, even. My husband would love to be a stay at home dad for a bit. :)

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holly go lightly 2012/12/27 01:51:12

+1
The reason you can't be at peace JP,IMO,is because you have some things you need to accomplish on your own.
It really doesn't have any thing to do with with leaving the stay at home mode or being a great mom.I think you can still be a great mom and be fulfilled in other areas and still give your child the best of care and be the best mother out there.
I get the feeling you are not thinking of taking just what ever comes along.I think you aspire to achieve.BOL

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Deandra 2012/12/27 04:04:00

+3
You are making accomplishments . Raising children and molding them into great human beings is an accomplishment all it's own.

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Jack's ... to holly g... 2012/12/28 23:26:08

+1
I do. I have in the past and I love being home with our daughter. I just worry sometimes, like anyone who thinks too much at times. If anything were to happen to my hubby or our relationship, I wouldn't be able to provide for myself as well. I want to be able too. Oh well, I guess if that happened I would figure it out. I would achieve.

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Mamaknows 2012/12/27 01:48:59

+1
Well it depends on where you are at and what you want. Many mothers love being at home...being the first and most important teacher to their kids. There are also some mothers that feel more complete in their chosen career. Some have to work when they wish to be home to be there for their kids but can't....
When mama is happy EVRYBODY is happy we set the mood for the family so you should not feel bad about wanting to get back in the game.
So my question to YOU is:
Are you happy being a SAHM?
If not then is there a way you could work part time in your feild(Most jobs are moving to only part time these days)?
That way you could have both what you need as a woman and what you want to be as a mother?

For myself as a stay at home mama I work very hard not to be a marter(sp?) by balancing what I do for my family and what I need for myself. I spend a lot of time giving my time to things I believe in, working at the dv shelter, working with mama's at the local pregnancy center....it helps me feel....complete and if I chose to try to get back in the work force I can use it on a resume. Being there for my kids in their school, in the extra stuff(my son(7) is starting cometitive shooting and does self definsive and wilderness survival training)
My daughter(almost 4) does dance ...maybe p...

Well it depends on where you are at and what you want. Many mothers love being at home...being the first and most important teacher to their kids. There are also some mothers that feel more complete in their chosen career. Some have to work when they wish to be home to be there for their kids but can't....
When mama is happy EVRYBODY is happy we set the mood for the family so you should not feel bad about wanting to get back in the game.
So my question to YOU is:
Are you happy being a SAHM?
If not then is there a way you could work part time in your feild(Most jobs are moving to only part time these days)?
That way you could have both what you need as a woman and what you want to be as a mother?

For myself as a stay at home mama I work very hard not to be a marter(sp?) by balancing what I do for my family and what I need for myself. I spend a lot of time giving my time to things I believe in, working at the dv shelter, working with mama's at the local pregnancy center....it helps me feel....complete and if I chose to try to get back in the work force I can use it on a resume. Being there for my kids in their school, in the extra stuff(my son(7) is starting cometitive shooting and does self definsive and wilderness survival training)
My daughter(almost 4) does dance ...maybe piano sometime soon and is learning stuff and will soon be in prek. My home ....is cluttered but not dirty and we work hard to make our house a home.

A 24/7 job with very little down time unless you make it yourself. I find it very rewarding to think of the person they will be as they become adults and know that I am a big part of why they are strong, healthy, educated citizens of good moral charector. We hae SUCH a HUGE influence in their life either way.
You are their mama....not matter what and they want you to be happy. As long as you do not work 40-80 a week.....that tends to cut into kid time and would make them miss you.

Try to find what works for you AND your kids...they be happy your happy.
(more)

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Sonny 2012/12/27 03:51:27

+1
I think you will be okay, I know how you feel, I found out that something I really loved I wasn't really good at and I'm trying something else even though I don't like it. The possibilities are still out there and it's never too late to try something.. soul searching can be an enlightening idea that can give you a true meaning of purpose. find out what you like and if you can afford to invest your time in it you can fill that void of yearning for fulfillment.

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YourCompanionCube 2012/12/27 03:10:04

+1
You do just as much work, put in just as much effort as he does. Stress overwhelms, and worrying is a waste of time. Are you concerned, or worried? If you're concerned, this can be brought on by stress, if so, PM me if you wish, and tell me what's up. If you're just worried, it's an everyday symptom of your occupation, I would recommend finding the time to relax, read, or meditate. :D

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Azrael-In GOD we trust 2012/12/27 01:40:03

+1
I don't think you're alone in feeling this way, whether you are blessed to be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom.
I was a working mom after my son turned 2, and I always worried, if he (husband) and I ended the marriage, could I continue as well?
Our marriage ended after 23 years and now I am having a difficult time.
There are many who feel that way. Did you ever think of perhaps taking some college classes?
There is a need for Bilingual folks at differrent jobs. If you knew a language or 2, if you had to work, you would be up and running.
That's what I would like to do whenever I can-take some foreign language classes.

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Jack's ... to YourCom... 2012/12/28 23:27:16

+1
You are right. Because if anything happens, which likely it won't, but even if it does, I will figure it out. I will do well.

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