Who does this more, men or women? You ask a question but don't listen for the answer.
kir
2012/08/05 14:01:00
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Ever have someone ask you something and you give them an answer but they don't act based on that answer and then later on complain that you never gave them one. Is this a woman thing or just a people thing? I don't know.
Hopefully this gets a fair number of votes because I'm curious about what the different Demographics say.
Hopefully this gets a fair number of votes because I'm curious about what the different Demographics say.
But as I read your description it occurred to me how my experience is a little different, you could even say the opposite. One person in my family, who shall not be named, will ask a question then GLARE at you while repeating "...Huh?", ...HUH??" in your face like you're being interrogated at a police station while under arrest till you give them the response they want. How such people come by the idea that they have a right to treat family members this way then claim THEY are not the reason there is disagreement among said members is frankly beyond be. I am open to suggestions how best to handle such open and blatant rudeness.
Remember it is rude, but that person has learned it somehow, as the only way they can communicate. A bunch of folks on this thread share this feeling it appears. Anthony Robbins has an excellent discussion about communication styles from his early years, before he got so big and . . . risk taking, I suppose it is. He talked about how he and his wife were from different discussion/argument styles. He was taught that if you were in a discussion, it was the height of insult for you to not stay engaged, and leave the room. You had to stay there, talk, yell, scream and discuss or duke it out, whichever, but to walk away was unforgivable. His wife was taught that if anyone ever got ...
Remember it is rude, but that person has learned it somehow, as the only way they can communicate. A bunch of folks on this thread share this feeling it appears. Anthony Robbins has an excellent discussion about communication styles from his early years, before he got so big and . . . risk taking, I suppose it is. He talked about how he and his wife were from different discussion/argument styles. He was taught that if you were in a discussion, it was the height of insult for you to not stay engaged, and leave the room. You had to stay there, talk, yell, scream and discuss or duke it out, whichever, but to walk away was unforgivable. His wife was taught that if anyone ever got loud in a discussion, or too animated, you were to leave the room for them to cool down, and not continue. In his words, "You can see why we had a lot of problems resolving things!" If you can still find his series Personal Power I, it is very useful for these sorts of things. Even moreso if both of you listen to it. I first heard it in 1989 I think.
If the other person has a dissimilar family discussion style, then perhaps you have to identify the differences first, and then see if you can come to an agreement about what common ground would look like. Patricia Evan's book should help with at least the first phase, being identification. Hope this helps.
Yes the books may help. Lot to read but it never hurts to arm yourself when venturing into enemy territory. Wish I had had all this when the contacts were more frequent & intense and before a lot of the damage had been done. But as always better late than never.
There will always be people with longer and shorter attention spans, and greater and lesser degrees of self-absorption. And they make our world better or worse based on these differences.
The biggest problem that I can see with all this is that all these groups continue to breed.
And if you're following the results the overall trend appears to support this.
Person A: "What should I do with this water bottle?"
Person B: "It's not good just throw it out."
Next day
Person A: "What should I do with water bottle?"
Person B: ...