When your parents get old and incapacitated, would you put them in a nursing home? Why or why not?

by L1 Posted 2012/06/11 05:27:48

Related Topics: Health, Dead, Parent, Old, parents, Home, Mother

72 votes
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	Yes	12 votes	17%
	No	36 votes	50%
	Undecided	24 votes	33%

I haven't had to deal with this since both my parents are dead. If my mother had lived, she be completely incapacitated and would have required total care. I could not afford to take care of her myself, so it be very probable that she would have ended up in a nursing home. Would you? Why or why not?

+21

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sglmom 2012/06/11 09:57:37

Undecided

+10
I really can NOT say ..
since my own parents passed away when I was barely adult ..
there's an elder cousin who still lives on his own ..
and I'm also living in my own home too ..
(and I'm no 'spring chicken' .. )

MY preference .. is to live at home .. with a bit of help every so often for respite ..
>> See Replies

More polls by L1

Anne Hays Egan 2012/06/24 01:59:01

Undecided

+1
The decision depends on so many factors: the parent's physical condition and care needs; parent's preferences; funds available; community and family resources, and many other factors. It's important to develop criteria based on these and other factors, and apply those criteria. There is no one right decision. It's tough. We helped our mother move, initially near one of us, and then later, in with another sibling. We were able to hire caregivers. Anne Hays Egan, www.movingmama.net. http://movingmama.net

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L1 to Anne Ha... 2012/06/24 02:01:10

Agreed. Thanks for an enlightening and informative post.

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Katrin 2012/06/21 14:47:59

No

+1
they are my parents... they also looked after me when I was dependent.... I just can´t push them away..

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L1 to Katrin 2012/06/21 16:50:36

Thanks for sharing.

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The Govenor 2012/06/13 14:31:15

No

+1
As a matter of fact, I have been helping my mother, who is 85, for the last two years since my father passed away. She is sharp as a tack but mobility is a minor challenge. I am currently constructing an addition to her home (900 sq. ft.) that will be fully handicap compliant. Fortunately, my parents had insight to aging and purchased a long term care insurance policy that will provide 24/7 care in the home for up to 6 years.

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L1 to The Gov... 2012/06/13 16:40:04

+1
That makes a big help for you and your mother. Having foresight can make all the difference.
My condolences on your father's passing....

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The Gov... to L1 2012/06/13 19:08:32

+1
Thank you.

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Alice Evie 2012/06/13 07:29:21

No

+1
unless they wanted to

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L1 to Alice Evie 2012/06/13 07:41:56

+1
Good point.
Thank you.

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A.Oscar 2012/06/13 06:56:41

Undecided

+2
We are in the new generation of individualism capacity without moral or compassion. Parents even take to hospital and abandon there

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L1 to A.Oscar 2012/06/13 07:43:53

+1
That has happened. Unfortunately, with all demands of modern life, especially for the sandwich generation, it's very tough economically to do it alone without money or more important, a supportive family network to help out.
Thank you.

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oros 2012/06/13 05:26:21

Undecided

+2
It is not something I would like to do it all depends on circumstance.
I care for my 84 year old mother a little nursing is required and she cannot walk very far so a wheel chair needs to carted around. It is not a problem she is such a joy and is as bright as they come, it is only a pleasure.
Can only hope it never comes to a nursing home would not like that.

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L1 to oros 2012/06/13 07:45:43

+1
Hopefully, it never will. In spite of being minimally ambulatory, your mom is very high functioning and that's wonderful. Wish you both the best.
Thanks.

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Luv♥Luv 2012/06/12 14:58:07
L1 to Luv♥Luv 2012/06/12 22:34:57

+1
Thanks for sharing.

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Queen Katherine 2012/06/12 03:36:36

No

+1
No. My mother works in a nursing home and I've heard many stories of what can happen inside one. Things like neglect, abuse, patients dying or being murdered by the workers and having their deaths covered up by the nursing home. No sir, if it ever comes to the point where if either my parents can't take care of themselves I'll take care of them.

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L1 to Queen K... 2012/06/12 05:03:36

+1
Thanks for sharing.

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ehrhornp 2012/06/12 02:07:36

Yes

+1
Actually they put themselves in a nursing home. My father finally convinced my mother to move out of their home of 50+ years into a retirement complex. Unfortunately my mother soon had a stroke followed by my father having a stoke so the soon were moved into the nursing home which was part of the retirement complex. Expensive but worth it as they needed 24 hr. care.

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L1 to ehrhornp 2012/06/12 02:32:34

I've seen graduated retirement living centers that have different levels of care like that. The ones I know do give good care. There just isn't enough of them....
Sorry to hear about your parents....

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ehrhornp to L1 2012/06/12 02:43:58

+1
Well they lived good long lives and they were comfortable in their last years, My parents received very good care. The nursing home tried to keep them occupied throughout the day so they didn't just vegitate.

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L1 to ehrhornp 2012/06/12 02:47:15

The best nursing homes have not just medical care and resources, but they provide physical therapy as needed, recreational therapy, events for the residents and families, day passes for residents to go out with family and more...

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zapped 2012/06/12 01:43:32

No

+1
NOPE ...one died at home ( hospice ) the other died suddenly in a hospital ...after a fall ...

promised both no warehouse's for the dying .....and fullfilled both @

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L1 to zapped 2012/06/12 02:32:47

Thank you.

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zapped to L1 2012/06/12 05:07:11

+1
your welcome !

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Night 2012/06/12 01:33:57 (edited)

Yes

+1
I live with my mother and grandmother. My grandmother require constant care and refuses to go to a nursing home and it's ruining my mother's life since my grandmother doesn't trust others, not even her day nurse. My mother has given me permission to put her in a home if she gets as bad as that when she's older and when I get older I expect my children if I have any to do the same to me.

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L1 to Night 2012/06/12 02:34:40

+1
That's interesting. When my grandmother became very infirm, my mother was not able to take of her for reasons smiler to yours. She did end have nursing care at facility because she just became too incapacitated. Thank you for an insightful post.

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Bob DiN 2012/06/11 22:15:17

No

+1
A moot point. My parents both passed away a long time ago. The died a home.

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L1 to Bob DiN 2012/06/12 02:34:53

Thanks.

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Bob DiN to L1 2012/06/12 07:28:55

+1
Your welcome.

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JohnT 2012/06/11 20:27:12

Yes

+4
I would put myself in one. There is nothing romantic about having to have your family look after you and or dying at home. It sucks. I have had close friends and family that died at home and it is terrible on the family. Even taking care of the old ones just before Hospice care is tough. Put me where folks can visit and the pros give me my meds and let me go when it is time to go. It is selfish to put your loved ones through the mess.

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Night to JohnT 2012/06/12 01:34:53

+2
Someone who understands. Thank you.

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L1 to JohnT 2012/06/12 02:36:09

+1
You are indeed very different from many. I appreciate your honesty and insight.
You know, I would do the same too...
Thank you....

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Carol 2012/06/11 20:08:57

Undecided

+2
That depends on several factors. The family was determined not to put my grandmother in a home. But she had advanced alzheimers. Even with round-the-clock care, she'd become a danger. One of her children was in the house at all times. But she managed to turn the gas (on the stove) on in the kitchen, which ran for quite a long time before anyone knew it. She slipped out of the house several times while the caregiver was in the restroom or occupied with cleaning/cooking. She was found walking down the country highway that she lived on, or even heading towards the woods or a bulls pen.
It just simply was not safe for her. They put her in a very nice home specifically for alzheimers patients, that was locked down.

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L1 to Carol 2012/06/12 02:37:15

I agree; the level of care needed to have a loved safely looked after determines their living situation.
Thank you...

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Robbb 2012/06/11 19:55:40

Yes

+2
They both did and that is exactly what happened. Not out of an urge to get them out of the way but because they needed care. That did not mean i did not see them just as often though. my mother in law was not in a nursing home when she fell broke her hip and spent 6 hours laying on cold tiles before she managed to make contact with help. She was dead within a week. That is less likely to happen in a nursing home. But then there are nursing homes and death houses called nursing homes.

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L1 to Robbb 2012/06/12 02:38:51

+1
Falls are a huge killer of elderly.
As for nursing homes, some are good, and some are bad. It takes a bit of work to find a good one if you need that level of care for a loved one....
Thanks.

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Diana 2012/06/11 18:42:49 (edited)

No

+4
Years ago my mother had a heart attack.She recovered.Then a couple of years later she had a slight stroke.She recovered from that.Then she had a major stroke and had to be rehabilitated.She lost most of her speech and had to use a cane.Before that she spoke to me about getting worse.With tears in her eyes she asked me not to put her in a home.I swore I never would.My brother and I took care of her.She was hard to understand cause of her speech.She Got a ruptured intestine.As they were wheeling her into the operating room.I told her we will all be waiting for her.In a clear voice.She said,to me.Thanks for everything you did for me.She said,I love you I couldn't believe she spoke and I knew from what she said,I would never see her alive.She passed away.After all she did for me all my life.I would never put her in a home.

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L1 to Diana 2012/06/11 19:12:48

+2
I don't have resources like a house nor money, and that makes a big difference.
My mother's stroke was in the cerebellum which controls body temperature, breathing, heart rate, and if that happens, the prognosis is poor.

Thanks.

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Diana to L1 2012/06/11 22:55:06

+1
I hope the best for your mother and I will say a prayer for both of you.

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L1 to Diana 2012/06/12 02:41:28

Ahh, Diana. That's very sweet of you. My mother died a little more than 2 years ago; the stroke was too massive because of where she had it. She had the stroke at home right in front of me and for the most part, died in my arms. When the paramedics got there, she was comatose and never regained consciousness. She died the next day in the evening....

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