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When Your Girlfriend Has Seen More Action Than You Have

A 29-year-old man recently wrote to the Boston Globe’s Love Letters section asking what he should do about a woman he was absolutely head over heels for who, he just learned, had a sordid sexual past. He’s in a healthy, quality relationship with this woman, but now he’s starting to see her as damaged goods despite the fact that he’s never been so happy and was even considering marrying her up until she revealed her magic number of 35.

So how many people have you slept with? The man who submitted the “love letter” claimed that had he known this about his girlfriend from the start, he’d have never given her a chance. But if he hadn’t given her a chance, he wouldn’t have experienced, and I quote, “the best relationship of [his] life”.

It's the usual, boring, sexual double standard men have for women just because a woman may have slept with the same amount of partners, if not more, than her male counterpart. I’m starting to sense a little rivalry, or maybe even jealousy on their part at the fact that women can have sex much easier than men, or so I’ve been told by countless men who have presented to me this exact argument.

So how many is too many for a woman to be considered damaged goods? Ten? Twenty? More than you can count on your bodily extremities? In this day and age, I’d go with the latter, but you’d be surprised how many men actually lie about their numbers just to brush their own egos, particularly among their friends. The only reason a man should have for deeming a woman as “damaged goods” is if her magic number exceeds or rivals his magic number, and the larger the gap in numbers, the more “damaged” a woman becomes to him.

In seems that in addition to carrying the “scarlet letter,” women now have to bear the scarlet number right next to it as well. While the scarlet letter may be a mark of shame for women, I think that the scarlet number is a mark of intimidation for men. Sure, they might make locker room jokes about supposed sluts they did (or didn’t really) bang, but in reality they’re just full of themselves and trying to stroke their own egos, especially when they’ve be shot down time and time again.

As for how many is too many... I'd say that if you average one person a year for as long as you have been alive, you're not in too bad of shape. Just do yourself a favor and don't let your magic number get any higher, will ya?

Read more: http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/relationships/arti...

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Top Opinion

  • Z 2010/03/06 21:30:29 (edited)
    Z
    +3
    I got married to my wife three weeks ago. Her and I have known about each other's past in our first month of dating. Before we started dating, people told me she had hooked up with a few guys when she first got to my base(we're military). It didn't bother me at first because we weren't together yet. However we started dating for awhile, then she eventually asked me how many people I had slept with. My number is 3, I then asked her hers which was 7. At first it bothered the living shit out of me. Not only because her number was greater mine, but because she had only been having sex for nine months at the time while I had been doing it for two years. However there were lots of things that made me feel much better. One, I had been raised in a very christian family, and my goal was to keep my number as low as possible if not keep my virginity til marriage, my number is extremely low considering all the chances I had. She was not raised the same as me, apparently she grew up in a home with lots of hostility and issues Two, it is a million times easier for women to have sex than men. Three, she had not had sex before she joined the military. Everyone knows how those military men are... plus her hormones were raging, she was partying, therefore drinking, and apparently each time she ...

    I got married to my wife three weeks ago. Her and I have known about each other's past in our first month of dating. Before we started dating, people told me she had hooked up with a few guys when she first got to my base(we're military). It didn't bother me at first because we weren't together yet. However we started dating for awhile, then she eventually asked me how many people I had slept with. My number is 3, I then asked her hers which was 7. At first it bothered the living shit out of me. Not only because her number was greater mine, but because she had only been having sex for nine months at the time while I had been doing it for two years. However there were lots of things that made me feel much better. One, I had been raised in a very christian family, and my goal was to keep my number as low as possible if not keep my virginity til marriage, my number is extremely low considering all the chances I had. She was not raised the same as me, apparently she grew up in a home with lots of hostility and issues Two, it is a million times easier for women to have sex than men. Three, she had not had sex before she joined the military. Everyone knows how those military men are... plus her hormones were raging, she was partying, therefore drinking, and apparently each time she hooked up with a new guy, they didn't please her enough so she moved on to the next one. Not to mention she greatly regretted her actions. Four, I should have given up the girls I had been with before much sooner than I held on to them. I mean for christs sake!?!?! I was with a girl who didn't know her right from her left and drooled? Am i retarded or something... Five, it had been three months, for both of us since we had been with somembody when we first got together. I literally watched people come up to her trying to get her to come up to their room and I watched her decline them(before we were dating I mean) she was obviously not the same person she was nine months ago. Last of all, as far as I am concerned, she is the only ONE that matters to me, and I'm the only one that matters to her. We still have our differences and are still working things out, but hey, a marriage takes work, no one said it was going to be easy.

    So men, when you feel insecure about you're women, think of all the good things about them and justify their actions before condemning them.
    (more)

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Opinions

  • Z 2010/03/06 21:30:29 (edited)
    Z
    +3
    I got married to my wife three weeks ago. Her and I have known about each other's past in our first month of dating. Before we started dating, people told me she had hooked up with a few guys when she first got to my base(we're military). It didn't bother me at first because we weren't together yet. However we started dating for awhile, then she eventually asked me how many people I had slept with. My number is 3, I then asked her hers which was 7. At first it bothered the living shit out of me. Not only because her number was greater mine, but because she had only been having sex for nine months at the time while I had been doing it for two years. However there were lots of things that made me feel much better. One, I had been raised in a very christian family, and my goal was to keep my number as low as possible if not keep my virginity til marriage, my number is extremely low considering all the chances I had. She was not raised the same as me, apparently she grew up in a home with lots of hostility and issues Two, it is a million times easier for women to have sex than men. Three, she had not had sex before she joined the military. Everyone knows how those military men are... plus her hormones were raging, she was partying, therefore drinking, and apparently each time she ...

    I got married to my wife three weeks ago. Her and I have known about each other's past in our first month of dating. Before we started dating, people told me she had hooked up with a few guys when she first got to my base(we're military). It didn't bother me at first because we weren't together yet. However we started dating for awhile, then she eventually asked me how many people I had slept with. My number is 3, I then asked her hers which was 7. At first it bothered the living shit out of me. Not only because her number was greater mine, but because she had only been having sex for nine months at the time while I had been doing it for two years. However there were lots of things that made me feel much better. One, I had been raised in a very christian family, and my goal was to keep my number as low as possible if not keep my virginity til marriage, my number is extremely low considering all the chances I had. She was not raised the same as me, apparently she grew up in a home with lots of hostility and issues Two, it is a million times easier for women to have sex than men. Three, she had not had sex before she joined the military. Everyone knows how those military men are... plus her hormones were raging, she was partying, therefore drinking, and apparently each time she hooked up with a new guy, they didn't please her enough so she moved on to the next one. Not to mention she greatly regretted her actions. Four, I should have given up the girls I had been with before much sooner than I held on to them. I mean for christs sake!?!?! I was with a girl who didn't know her right from her left and drooled? Am i retarded or something... Five, it had been three months, for both of us since we had been with somembody when we first got together. I literally watched people come up to her trying to get her to come up to their room and I watched her decline them(before we were dating I mean) she was obviously not the same person she was nine months ago. Last of all, as far as I am concerned, she is the only ONE that matters to me, and I'm the only one that matters to her. We still have our differences and are still working things out, but hey, a marriage takes work, no one said it was going to be easy.

    So men, when you feel insecure about you're women, think of all the good things about them and justify their actions before condemning them.
    (more)
  • v 2010/02/04 08:46:08 (edited)
    v
    +1
    I get what you're talking about. While I'm no angel, my number of sexual partners most definitely fits on one hand. I tend to have mixed feelings about people with excessive numbers of partners. By no means do I think they are bad people, I just feel that they have a different idea of sex. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the "wait for marriage" type of person, however, sex IS an intimate act and to engage in it no matter who the person or situation is, is a little weird to me. I know people that look for one night stands. Me, can't do it. I don't want some random dude having that moment with me. As for me, I've been with my man for over 3 years and wouldnt change anything. Which brings me to my real point, if you're truly happy with this woman, forget about her past. You have to trust in her that she is as dedicated to you as she seems/says to be.
  • Franklin 2010/02/01 13:16:47
    Franklin
    Um , spending a whole year on one girl is a hell of a lot of time ...LOL
  • Dana Bieber 2010/02/01 01:31:06 (edited)
    Dana Bieber
    I don't think the number should matter, and I don't think "intelligent" couples would talk about their previous partners, of course, unless they have a venearal disease. That would be the only reason. If my fiance were to ask me this, I would tell him it's none of his business.
  • Hope Alexander 2010/01/31 21:49:25
    Hope Alexander
    +2
    Your = Possessive.
    You're = You are.
  • kimdracula Hope Al... 2010/02/01 00:21:35
    kimdracula
    +1
    Just what I was thinking.
  • Lavende... Hope Al... 2010/02/01 05:37:49
    Lavendergrl
    +1
    The very reason I bothered to read the blog, which wasn't too shabby in the end.
  • Hope Al... Lavende... 2010/02/01 09:24:13
    Hope Alexander
    +1
    Grammar nazis unite :)
  • jackolantyrn356 2010/01/31 21:18:19
    jackolantyrn356
    She will for sure be comparing you to everyother guy she's had for a "boyfriend" Foolish you to marry this girl. The marriage will not last.
  • Atticus Finch 2010/01/31 18:07:17
    Atticus Finch
    It seems like most who are looking at this (here and on the article itself) are just seeing the guy as automatically some kind of jealous idiot, without even considering how he really feels about it. I dont see any thing he says that implies it is a matter of jealousy, or that it bothers him that her number is higher than his. He never says what his number is at all. If his was 30 and he was bothered by her 35 i would say he is just being stupid, but maybe his number is 1 or 2, or even Zero. So all guys are just macho idiots who only care about having a higher number, and thats why he is upset? Sexism goes both ways you know. Maybe it is because he feels deceived about what personality type she has or of how she lived in the past. Maybe he shouldn't feel that way but it doesn't make him some macho idiot that the article there and the blog here are making him out to be.
  • Ves~Sailor Soldier of PHAET 2010/01/31 15:08:29
    Ves~Sailor Soldier of PHAET
    I honestly don't see why it matters. Ok so have them take a std test and hiv test to test for any conditions. However if they turn up clean, still...whats the big deal? Jealous the gf was hot to many guys? Jealous she can get more sex than you can? lol It's no biggie to me, and I don't hold it against anyone. If a person is going to judge you based on the number of people you sleep with there 1. not worth dating and 2. you can find someone who won't care.

    Granted I laughed at this (hehe) I still think is stupid for men to cry over. (As if she only belonged to him)
  • Laith Ves~Sai... 2012/11/29 10:38:32
  • Michael 2010/01/31 05:48:07
    Michael
    Great piece. Very funny. I agree with the age to number of partners...unless your married of course, that might not go over well. lol

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Niki Payne

Niki Payne

Torrance, CA, US

2009/12/22 01:26:53

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