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What does love have to do with sex?

ubiquitous_tergiversation 2010/01/27 08:44:47
Sex makes love deeper and more special- here is why...
The idea that sex = love is what happens when biological urge trumps logic.
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Seriously, I understand that biologically we are wired to confuse the two, but logically is there any connection between sincere love (caring and commitment) and the desire for genital contact?

Sexual attraction is largely physical. You can say "it's what's inside that counts" but you're probably still only considering the 'insides' of people of a certain gender, within a certain age range and with certain physical attributes that appeal to you. So what are you looking for- the best person to have some kind of meaningful, deep connection with- or just the best looking person you can have sex with whose company you can still enjoy in the mean time?

I mean really, let's face it... the desire for relationships has a lot to do with wanting regular sex and intimacy than it does with just 'love'. We can love our family and friends, but probably none of them are going to go down on us so we seek something else with a 'special' someone, and we call that "love" as though it means something more when you're getting off together. Huh? What makes "love" with a sex partner any deeper than platonic love for a friend?

So you love your family and friends, but that love doesn't "mean" as much because you can't have sex with them? Really, turn down your hormones and try analyzing this logically.

Why is there this perception that the willingness to have sex with a person is indicative of love? And why is sex apart from love frowned upon, when the two really don't necessarily have anything to do with one another at all? Why does it reflect badly upon a person's character if they want love for the sake of love and sex for the sake of sex, and don't feel the need to mix the two?
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Top Opinion

  • Treecat47 2010/01/27 10:08:24
    Here is what I think...
    Treecat47
    +5
    Sex without love is fun sure, but sex with love is somehow better, it enhances everything.

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Opinions

  • zoe 2014/07/31 05:22:00 (edited)
    Here is what I think...
    zoe
    Sex is a tool and it's to the person on how they choose to use it. Some us it to get "love" and some use it as a way of showing "love". As I have grown up I never really believed in "love" but that's just me. I say that if you want "love" u should not make sex your way of getting it. People get married and are happy but they never really know if it was because of the sex that sparked them first or the "love". We revolve or relationships with people with "love" but we thing that it is a package deal with sex say if oh if I have sex with this guy he might love me, but no he loves the idea of u.
  • ~[Rachel Mariee]~ 2010/12/12 01:22:55
    Sex makes love deeper and more special- here is why...
    ~[Rachel Mariee]~
    sex is when too ppl tht love eachother get together
    SEX is LOVE
  • Rowan 2010/04/21 20:22:50
    Here is what I think...
    Rowan
    I think that sex is pleasurable, whether you do it on your own or with another person. I don't think there is anything wrong with having sex for pleasure, so long as you're not hurting anyone.

    But, I think that sex with someone you love is an intimate connection that goes beyond physical pleasure. That's why sex as an expression of love is more meaningful.
  • ctrlzmankind 2010/03/21 20:51:32
    Here is what I think...
    ctrlzmankind
    Not much.
  • cthulhu 2010/01/30 17:40:38
    Here is what I think...
    cthulhu
    ppl look for a good balence between the two. although i dought that anyone will ever find a perfect balance.
    as for me, i very much dought i can love, so i just look for sex and go from there
  • ubiquit... cthulhu 2010/02/01 00:35:11 (edited)
    ubiquitous_tergiversation
    You doubt that you can love? That is very interesting. Do you not feel emotions, or do you mean that you doubt you are capable of caring that deeply for someone?
  • cthulhu ubiquit... 2010/02/01 19:18:11
    cthulhu
    i have emotions. i believe that love is an ablity not an emotion, and i lack it
  • ubiquit... cthulhu 2010/03/21 20:56:02
    ubiquitous_tergiversation
    +1
    That's a good way of looking at it. Real meaningful love is expressed with actions, not words.
  • cthulhu ubiquit... 2010/03/22 04:21:05
    cthulhu
    ill take ur word 4 it
  • anyrocks cthulhu 2010/12/08 05:06:33
    anyrocks
    +3
    Maybe because you felt that nobody loved you, therefore you dont love. Or your just lying!!!! Which is sad because....love is what we have to survive...the human race wouldnt be with out it. Just my opinion!!!!
    namaste
  • wah-yaw 2010/01/28 21:16:02
    Here is what I think...
    wah-yaw
    +1
    in my personal experience i have had sex without love and for a period, love without sex. i find that i would rather have love without sex.
  • crimson dragon 2010/01/28 02:58:46
    Here is what I think...
    crimson dragon
    I've been married for forty five years now. I can say this. Love grows over the years while sexual ability wanes. At least that's the way it's worked for Virginia and I. I don't know of anyone who's claimed that sexual attraction grew while love diminished.
  • ubiquit... crimson... 2010/01/28 03:06:02
    ubiquitous_tergiversation
    Usually they both diminish, lol. Good for you though. =)
  • crimson... ubiquit... 2010/01/28 03:21:33
    crimson dragon
    +1
    When sexual ability diminishes that's nature. When love diminishes that's sad.
  • *BIGGUMS* 2010/01/27 21:20:15 (edited)
    Sex makes love deeper and more special- here is why...
    *BIGGUMS*
    +2
    to me if you love that person truly you don't have to have sex, you do it because you want to. i feel that sex would still feel good even if you didn't love the person, but if you do it makes the connection deeper & more special to me. & when i love the person i'm willing to do more or what they like because i love them. if i didn't i would be like to bad. i feel like when we do it i have a connection to their soul which is completely cliche but it's the truth. & i think love isn't about the sex plain & simple. so if u live the person but don't have sex for a month does that mean you don't love each other anymore?
  • Serious Freak 2010/01/27 20:04:51
  • I'magonnerc-ya 2010/01/27 15:55:26
    Here is what I think...
    I'magonnerc-ya
    +1
    AAAWWW The Virtues of LOVE)))!....LOL))) hhmm?! Yeah love is a nice feeling to have for someone other than your immediate family members and friends in the sense that we all need "LOVE" which means that Love is unconditionally expressed If you really "LOVE" someone. But the sex part, is just a desire that's in us all and we can express our love to that "Special" someone by making love to or with them, which is a beautiful thing but after that comes the trials,burdens,and not so loving situations that we quickly learn about your significant other (he/she) but regardless of any good or bad!! situation when you really "LOVE" someone you are there to give support and withstand all trials, for instance if there's a disagreement,arguments, or what have you and there were words exchanged that later become regrets, then, if we love? we FORGIVE one another and swallow our pride for LOVE or "Loved One's"sake because that's what LOVE does, in fact we would give our lives for that someone or even sometimes murder! someone, because of the "LOVE" that we have for that someone. But before we to far off this loving subject.....LOL))! Yeah even God demonstrated His love for us all by letting His Son die for our redemption but ya see "LOVE" DOES! WHAT LOVE IS!!...1st Corin 13:4-7...4, Love is p...
    AAAWWW The Virtues of LOVE)))!....LOL))) hhmm?! Yeah love is a nice feeling to have for someone other than your immediate family members and friends in the sense that we all need "LOVE" which means that Love is unconditionally expressed If you really "LOVE" someone. But the sex part, is just a desire that's in us all and we can express our love to that "Special" someone by making love to or with them, which is a beautiful thing but after that comes the trials,burdens,and not so loving situations that we quickly learn about your significant other (he/she) but regardless of any good or bad!! situation when you really "LOVE" someone you are there to give support and withstand all trials, for instance if there's a disagreement,arguments, or what have you and there were words exchanged that later become regrets, then, if we love? we FORGIVE one another and swallow our pride for LOVE or "Loved One's"sake because that's what LOVE does, in fact we would give our lives for that someone or even sometimes murder! someone, because of the "LOVE" that we have for that someone. But before we to far off this loving subject.....LOL))! Yeah even God demonstrated His love for us all by letting His Son die for our redemption but ya see "LOVE" DOES! WHAT LOVE IS!!...1st Corin 13:4-7...4, Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.5, It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7, Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
    And that!! my friends, is what "LOVE" is all about.
    (more)
  • Val 2010/01/27 14:20:17
    Sex makes love deeper and more special- here is why...
    Val
    +1
    Intimacy! Giving yourself to another is the greatest act of love! Better sex than death! lol
  • ImgonaluvAztroBoi4eva 2010/01/27 12:46:50
    Here is what I think...
    ImgonaluvAztroBoi4eva
    What does one have to do with the other? Not a dang thing, lol. (Most of the time...)
  • ubiquit... Imgonal... 2010/01/27 13:09:35
    ubiquitous_tergiversation
    +1
    Call me? ;)
  • Imgonal... ubiquit... 2010/01/28 02:31:37
    ImgonaluvAztroBoi4eva
    Lol, ok. ; )
  • Pseudonym 2010/01/27 12:12:40
    Here is what I think...
    Pseudonym
    Sex. I love it.
  • Treecat47 2010/01/27 10:08:24
    Here is what I think...
    Treecat47
    +5
    Sex without love is fun sure, but sex with love is somehow better, it enhances everything.
  • ubiquit... Treecat47 2010/01/27 10:11:39 (edited)
    ubiquitous_tergiversation
    +1
    I've always likened them to two drugs which are great alone but multiply one another's effects when used in combination, like alcohol and pain killers. Extremely dangerous, also. ;)
  • ..tisha... 2010/01/27 09:42:16
    Here is what I think...
    ..tisha...
    +2
    Love is not a straight forward word, it is complex and entitles different meanings.
    There are different kinds of love:
    Familial Love- Family
    Platonic Love- Friends
    Romantic Love- Significant Other

    Familial love is far stronger because it is unconditional and there's really nothing you can do to sever that bond, as for platonic love it is trusted with loyalty and while it too is not as strong as familial love, it shows more stability then romantic love.
    What makes romantic love different, is that sexual urges are wired into it, but the caring and love can fade.

    Love is a complex term, and has different meanings to every relation you have.
  • ubiquit... ..tisha... 2010/01/27 09:44:59 (edited)
    ubiquitous_tergiversation
    +1
    I agree... romantic love is ultimately perhaps the LEAST meaningful kind of love, but most people tend to view it as the opposite. The difference between platonic love and romantic love is like the difference between a nutritious meal and cocaine- romance is intense and feels REALLY good in the moment, but then it fades and can cause more problems than it's worth, whereas platonic love is less exciting but is healthy, sustaining and more reliable in the long term.

    I don't know if I'd put familial love at the top, however. I think that's another irrationality, emotional attachment to people based on genetics rather than character... but that's a topic for another thread.
  • ..tisha... ubiquit... 2010/01/27 09:47:53
    ..tisha...
    Usually these 'most people' tend to be under the age of 25 *there are exceptions*, I believe it is because romantic love is always glamorized more then the others- people like to watch romance movies instead of the indie human interaction films.
  • ubiquit... ..tisha... 2010/01/27 09:50:33
    ubiquitous_tergiversation
    +1
    I think you're right... older people tend to take on a more realistic view (either that or they just continue emotionally impaling themselves with unrealistic expectations in relationships forever).
  • ..tisha... ubiquit... 2010/01/27 10:04:25
    ..tisha...
    +1
    It's safe to say they've been through the confusion of love and lust, and it takes experience and understanding to distinguish the two. That's why it's such a natural reaction to scoff at two sixteen year-olds fancying themselves in love. I agree that it is basically the thrill of mixing that lust with a sense of caring that many call it love.
  • ..tisha... ubiquit... 2010/01/27 09:52:59
    ..tisha...
    +1
    I mean Familial love in the people who nurtured and raised you- biological or not, I'm sure we can all say we can't share the same caring for a third cousin we've never met.
  • ubiquit... ..tisha... 2010/01/27 10:37:13
    ubiquitous_tergiversation
    +1
    In that case I am in agreement.
  • Here is what I think...
    Dark Demonic™ ★ The Original SodaHead Guru ★
    +2
    Love is a fallacy that helps label the connection many people feel they need in order to feel content and less lonely with their existence.

    Sex is necessary for our species very survival. The only time they have anything in common is when people choose to combine the two concepts.

    However, I couldn't sleep with someone using only animal instincts and urges, I need to know that person well, trust that person and have a deep spiritual connection. It's simply my own personal preference, but for me, sex is not something I could just do with anybody. :o)
  • ubiquit... Dark De... 2010/01/27 09:38:36 (edited)
    ubiquitous_tergiversation
    +2
    I agree. I consider myself my own complete person, I don't 'need' anyone to 'complete' me. However it's nice to have an attractive individual who I can have sex with and hold an interesting conversation with afterward. I just don't know why people are compelled to take sex so seriously, that is what made me afraid of sex for a while.
  • Dark De... ubiquit... 2010/01/27 10:12:17
    Dark Demonic™ ★ The Original SodaHead Guru ★
    I can understand that completely. I'm often put off by other people's ideas and attitudes towards sex. :o)
  • God-Cilla (Saviour to the M... 2010/01/27 09:06:03
    The idea that sex = love is what happens when biological urge trumps logic.
    God-Cilla (Saviour to the Masses)
    +3
    This is a really, really good post.
  • ubiquit... God-Cil... 2010/01/27 09:16:36 (edited)
  • God-Cil... ubiquit... 2010/01/27 09:30:32
    God-Cilla (Saviour to the Masses)
    +1
    Yes, that makes a lot of sense.
    I don't really know how it got like this in society. I find it interesting. The evolution of the way people think... I wish I could have been some sort of entity, watching and knowing from the time that the whole of existence began until now and later. Ha, does that make sense?
    Anyway, yeah, I can see how a lot of people could think that sex = love, but love = sex? Hmmm...
    Sorry if I'm making little sense, I'm quite tired lol.
  • ubiquit... God-Cil... 2010/01/27 09:41:11 (edited)
    ubiquitous_tergiversation
    +1
    It probably has to do with the way humans evolved to create civilization. Human children also require a lot more attention from parents than most species, so if people can associate sex with 'love' and stay together it creates a family unit that is good for raising children.

    But recognizing this kind of undermines the deep meaning people tend to attribute to romantic 'love'. I think human civilization and happiness is largely sustained by illusions/delusions, and that if we were all to just face the truth honestly most people would become suicidally depressed.
  • God-Cil... ubiquit... 2010/01/27 09:48:16
    God-Cilla (Saviour to the Masses)
    +1
    Ah! That's fascinating, that also makes a lot of sense.

    I find it beautiful that things can be dissected to that level of insignificance though.
  • ubiquit... God-Cil... 2010/01/27 09:52:32
    ubiquitous_tergiversation
    +1
    Absolutely, I consider myself a happy nihilist. There is a certain beauty in the futility, not to mention a sense of freedom and empowerment knowing that meaning itself is subjective and something which we ourselves have full control over.

    Feel free to look me up when you're legal, hehe. ;)

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