What do other secular families tell their children when a relative or pet dies?

by skyebrand Posted 2012/06/14 11:12:55

Related Topics: Pet, Family, Husband, Lost, Religious, Beautiful, Dog, Families, Died, Heaven

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We recently lost my husband's grandfather & our dog. Both will be greatly missed. My daughter is almost 4 years old & has recently started asking me where they have gone. When I explain that they died & they are no longer with us she says "Yes, I know that Mummy, but WHERE did they go?"

So here's my thinking...as non-religious folk it seems pretty pointless to tell her that they are in heaven as it is something I simply don't believe in so what DO I tell her? The dog seems a bit easier because we planted a tree on his grave so I told her that he will feed the tree & make it big & strong & become part of our beautiful surroundings...but what about poppy? No tree was planted on him, just a big stone slab...

What have other people told their children when the situation has arisen?

Metaldane 2012/06/14 13:01:02

In the past I've said that they died and didn't go anywhere they simply ended the body is just what's left and nobody knows for sure where their consciousness goes after death all we know is that they still live on in our memories and would want us to keep on living.

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ashdragon88 2012/06/14 11:39:33

+1
The best you can do is honesty. She may only be 4 but kids seem to know when you are lying to them or patronizing them. If you are worried about telling her they just go away you could tell her that no one really knows what happens after you die but that they are at peace and that as long as you remember those you love and keep them in your heart they are never really gone ... or something like that =)

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Scream 2012/06/14 11:28:35

+1
Maybe you could explain that when someone dies it's a little bit like going to sleep forever (though you might not want to word it like that, 'cause it sounds a little morbid). That their body is still here, but their mind isn't in their body anymore, I guess.
And there's nothing wrong with saying that you really don't know where their mind (their consciousness) went. If they ask about that you could say that no one really knows what happens to someone's mind, and that it's a mystery.

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User Deactivated 2012/06/14 11:22:47

+1
If you aren't religious , just be honest. Tell them that the person is gone now, and they shouldn't focus on anything but what they meant to others and what they did while they were alive. I imagine the concept is hard to explain to such a young person, but you'd only be doing her a disservice patronizing her or lying to her. You planted a tree for your dog...so maybe you can tell her that her great grandpa went into the Earth to help nourish it and make such trees and such grow and flourish. Ashes to ashes dust to dust and the like.

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