Unintelligent design: evolution fails to explain existence of creationists.
In a severe blow to the credibility of evolutionary science,
biologist Richard Dawkins admitted today that Darwin’s theory of
evolution could offer no rational explanation for the continued
existence of creationists. The process of natural selection sees genes
which provide an advantage in the battle for survival being preserved
across generations, but scientists can find no useful purpose for the
gene which leads people to believe that the earth was created in only
six days about 10,000 years ago.
‘It’s a flaw in our argument, for sure,’ said Dawkins today. ‘By any
reading of evolutionary theory, creationists ought to have died out ages
ago. They serve no function in the planet’s ecosystem, and no other
species has survived so long while in such fundamental disagreement with
observable reality. If I wasn’t such an ardent believer in secular
materialism, I’d wager this is really troubling Darwin in the
Despite Dawkins’ concession, scientists are quick to point out that
recent years have seen significant advances in our understanding of the
evolutionary history of creationists. Not so long ago biology was unable
to trace the emergence of the species in the fossil record, but a
seemingly close correlation between modern-day American creationists and
National Rifle Association members suggests they descended from a group
of early hunter-gatherers who exploited another sub-group naive enough
to think a man wouldn’t use deadly force to protect his property – a
group that is itself all but extinct except in small British enclaves
where Liberal Democrats continue to thrive.
Not all biologists are convinced by this explanation, however, and a
number of mavericks still cite creationists as evidence of a process of
‘natural aberration’ in which nature sometimes gets it spectacularly
wrong, a theory popularised as ‘unintelligent design’. And, like their
closest living relative the ostrich, the creationists have benefited
considerably from the efforts of conservationists. A vast building
programme dating back centuries has provided large unheated refuges in
most Western towns, and some creationists have formed closed communities
to strengthen their resistance to the advances of modernity. Scientists
also suspect that a strong distaste for abortion and homosexuality has
probably helped keep population sizes up.
note: yup, parody incoming.
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