The room of Memory.

~This is
pretty long.I couldn’t throw any part of it away.So if you are going to whine
about it,do it somewhere else.

“It’s
raining…

The air is
cool.Our favourite living room has end up a meeting Hall.This once lively home
got dark and empty.But I cant leave..not yet.Stripped from decorations,filled
just with my soul and with the only thing able to see being the hundrends of
pictures on the walls,this room is a ghost of what it used to be.Going down the
long Hall,I try to notice the details in every picture of my past.The faces
have all faded away,the colors are bleached.I cant even tell what I am seeing
anymore.By deep down in my heart I recognise and aknowlegde each and every one of
them.These are the true colors of my life in the past.I watch this picture with
complete focus falling in my memories for once again.

*I am
five.I am crying.After this time,I’ll never cry like that again.People are here
to take me away and the biggest part of me wants to follow them.But I am just
five years old,a kid.What do I know?They scream.I just want to sit in the
corner and cover my ears.My nose starts bleeding from the anxiety and
sadness.This is the root of my fear against my blood.I walk to my past self and
kneel before him.I touch his head and look him in the eyes. “Smile,you wont
have to live something like this again.” His mouth opens and his smile starts
to fade.

*I am
twelve.I am at the hospital.I have a fever and it wont go down.At the room with
me it’s a girl younger than me.They told me she is dying.Yesterday she asked me
to play with her.I did.It was fun,she was smiling all the time.I asked her how
she smiles all the time when she has so little and she laughed. “Exactly!So
little time…it wouldn’t be fair if I spent all the time crying alone. Plus you
are funny so you make me feel better.”The younger me looked outside,thinking.I
sit by his side and hold his hand. “Cherish the moments with her.She will die
in two months.Dont feel bad when that happens.Later in your life she will be
the main light inside you,the main source of your inspiration.She is
important,love her before she fades.”He looks at her. “I know..”

*I am
almost eighteen.I wear a costume and a tie.My best friend,dressed similar,is
jumping around the room.We graduated..I get to go to college?My friend tells me
to smile and join him.I am happy for being capable for something in my life.But
am I happy enough with all the things going on in my life?They told me I was
adopted.I wanted and met my real parents who didn’t lived up to my
expectations.I learned that my girl for the past two years is cheating on me.I don’t
blame her..I am not perfect.The first symptoms of depression are arousing.I am
losing my mind,piece by piece. I look at
me and I can spot the sadness.I hold myself from the shoulders and smile. “College
is going to be awesome.There you will show off how smart you are.Your team will
make you the new Captain.She will be there too but she wont matter anymore.You
will get sick of her eventually and break her up.College will make you
stronger.Tougher.You will know who you are.”He holds me rough looking down.His
voice is full of doubt.”Will I ever be good enough?”He asks. “Many people will
say so but you will never agree.As for later I don’t know..yet.”

*First week
in college.My roomate is homosexual.I don’t get why people don’t like him.I
think he is great.He helped me understand something in Maths and let me choose
my side of the room.As months get by we will bond more.He will eventually open
up to me. “You make me wonder sometimes Cameron.You don’t judge or ask questions.You
tolerate all the hate towards you because of me.Why?” “I don’t get why you are
asking.”My past self walks up to the door to leave. “I dont see hate.Just a
bunch of foolish people. I choose you for what you are!” The door closes.

*I am
nineteen now.Its been some months since the man who raised me died.I don’t cope
well,I cant get over it.I am drowning into madness.There are times when I am
alone that I don’t even want to breath.The sound of my breath may be a little
rough to hear.My mom is by my side.My friends and roomate too.But it feels
lonely on this side of the river.I know I shouldn’t have sew the relantionships
I bonded all that well. Relantionships are meant to be sew lightly in order to
be easy to tear them apart when needed.I sit on the floor talking with my
friend.He doesn’t show me any sympathy and I love him for that. “Are you done
with your room of memories?”He asks.I start crying silently.Unable to let go of
my past. “I always knew how the world was going to end…Not with a bang;but with
a whimper.”He smiles and pokes me. “Eliot man?Really?” I laugh deeply. “You
know me..always.”