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Study Says Recipe for Happiness Is an Affair with Lots of Sex: Time to Redefine Marriage?

Fef 2012/08/20 20:00:00
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A recent study (yeah, I know, another study stating the obvious) concludes that men want more sex than their wives. Catherine Hakim writes in The Telegraph, "...wisdom about men wanting more sex than their wives is not an unfair stereotype but a fact."

She continues to refer to studies that show the internet allows men (and women) to have affairs, which keep everyone happy. Ms. Hakim concludes, "The time has come, alongside the technology, to redraw the rules of marriage for the 21st century."

TELEGRAPH.CO.UK reports:
In an extract from her new book, the controversial sociologist says it is time to redraw marital rules -- with a radical rethink on fidelity.
book controversial sociologist redraw marital rules ndash radical rethink fidelity

Read More: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/relationships/9486351/T...

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  • RogerCoppock 2012/08/23 01:58:42 (edited)
    No
    RogerCoppock
    ONE ACRONYM SAYS WHY, "STD."

    Sexually Transmitted Disease is today's reason for monogamy.
    Pregnancy used to be the reason, but science has developed foolproof birth control.
  • zbacku 2012/08/23 01:19:36
    No
    zbacku
    +3
    Why get married if you know going in you are going to CHEAT, LIE, and 'stab' your spouse in the back.
  • Cricket 2012/08/23 00:48:05
    No
    Cricket
    More like, time to abolish it. So much money goes into the wedding rituals, etc. And a large percentage end in divorce. It's an important ritual to some people, of course. I just don't happen to believe in it.
  • Pianocam 2012/08/23 00:26:43
    No
    Pianocam
    +3
    No. It's just all these dumb people who give marriage a bad reputation.
  • Georgia50 2012/08/22 23:51:12
    No
    Georgia50
    +1
    The bible says the same thing, and it did not redefine marriage.

    "Stolen water is sweet."
  • AdrianMcTiernan 2012/08/22 22:49:42 (edited)
    No
    AdrianMcTiernan
    +3
    The woman is thinking in a strange way - knowing that your marriage partner has had an affair is one of the most difficult thing to deal with. Casual affairs outside of marriage cheapens and devalues intimacy, leading to more affairs to try and find a satisfactory relationship. It is a choice between pleasure - (a temporary feeling), and happiness - (a far more lasting and satisfying feeling altogether). I assume the Ms. Hakim is - a. unmarried and a follower of casual affairs, and b. not likely to be able to have a deeply committed relationship. She is confusing the two - one reason that pornography is so addictive, I would imagine. If we were to track her life, she is probably going to have a lot of disappointment in her life, much depending on her use of the internet, and probably casual liasons, either via the net, which must be one of the least satisfying of relationships, and more likely to delude a person into thinking that they are enjoying an intimate or close relationship, when all they may be doing is just sharing suggestive talk with someone else. Better to reserve all that passion for a reliable marriage relationship, gone into with a careful choice of reliable, emotionally mature partner (not always connected with age). I pity her and those she will lead into mis...





    The woman is thinking in a strange way - knowing that your marriage partner has had an affair is one of the most difficult thing to deal with. Casual affairs outside of marriage cheapens and devalues intimacy, leading to more affairs to try and find a satisfactory relationship. It is a choice between pleasure - (a temporary feeling), and happiness - (a far more lasting and satisfying feeling altogether). I assume the Ms. Hakim is - a. unmarried and a follower of casual affairs, and b. not likely to be able to have a deeply committed relationship. She is confusing the two - one reason that pornography is so addictive, I would imagine. If we were to track her life, she is probably going to have a lot of disappointment in her life, much depending on her use of the internet, and probably casual liasons, either via the net, which must be one of the least satisfying of relationships, and more likely to delude a person into thinking that they are enjoying an intimate or close relationship, when all they may be doing is just sharing suggestive talk with someone else. Better to reserve all that passion for a reliable marriage relationship, gone into with a careful choice of reliable, emotionally mature partner (not always connected with age). I pity her and those she will lead into misery, and personally hope she will wise up soon, as her ideas can mess up many people's lives if they pursue her daft thinking

    REVISION:

    she is married, and has missed the point in the study she quotes, where more frequent sex and happy marriage score highly, and are given a financial value for the happiness they produce, but interviews showed that men keen to engage in affairs outside marriage were more at the command of women who were more demanding to provide favours, and had to pay financially for that . She thinks we should have a new morality, but all she is speaking of is the old immorality pursued in a clandestine way using the internet to facilitate ease of contact and anonymity. Again, if we assume a happy marriage, and frequent lovemaking within that, we have no need for the extra-marital encounters, and we save money and have the financial advantage too, which one study she quoted claims.

    Still, the best way to go is via marriage, and being prepared for the committment that embodies - which, in the selfish and self-centred lives of many of us, is avoided, as if family life and the joys involved in it, were not important, and the providing for the needs of a family are shunned as being too much to expect. Presumably however, those who want the affairs are from some sort of parental situation, so someone had to sacrifice in order to allow them to avoid the sacrifice themselves.
    (more)
  • Haley AdrianM... 2012/08/23 10:16:55
    Haley
    +3
    Perfectly said It is a choice between temporary pleasure and long-term happiness. People who can avoid such temptation, in any aspect of life really, end up happier and more fulfilled.
  • Freedom 2012/08/22 22:49:26
    No
    Freedom
    +1
    "Hey honey, we're having marital troubles... let's go out and have lots of sex with other people so we can get some really nasty diseases!"

    Great idea. If you need more sex than your partner and they are not up for it, masturbate more. Sheesh.
  • Sydney.nightshade 2012/08/22 22:01:37
    No
    Sydney.nightshade
    +1
    It doesn't matter what YOU want when it results in harming other people. If you are so unhappy with your relationship or marriage then LEAVE! Don't drag down someone else just because your vows meant nothing to you. Don't hurt someone else because you have no self control. Don't put someone else at risk because you don't have the balls or the honor to discuss and resolve your relationship problems.
  • Mrs.Vader 2012/08/22 18:49:06
    Yes
    Mrs.Vader
    Or at least broaden what's recognized as a legally binding union.
  • iamco2000 2012/08/22 17:56:40 (edited)
    No
    iamco2000
    +1
    ...and the attacks on traditional Marriage just keep coming...talk about junk science!



    Grace to you, Glory to God!
  • Sailor ... iamco2000 2012/08/22 21:27:44 (edited)
    Sailor Jerry [Proud Libertarian]
    no, grace AND glory to you, as you are own god!
  • iamco2000 Sailor ... 2012/08/23 13:03:59
    iamco2000
    Absolutely blasphemy! I'm not sure who or what you've been reading but there is only one true God and is by his grace alone that we even exist. You better get on board with salvation soon because there isn't much time left!

    Grace to you, Glory to God!
  • Sailor ... iamco2000 2012/08/23 19:12:00 (edited)
    Sailor Jerry [Proud Libertarian]
    god abusive relationship
    god abusive relationship

    I have no reason to be in an abusive relationship with ANYONE, let alone your imaginary friend. Anton LaVey was right!
    Shemhamforash!
    Hail Satan!
  • iamco2000 Sailor ... 2012/08/23 20:31:18
    iamco2000
    +1
    Abusinve relationship? Christ died for your sins and you proclaim abuse? No sir, what constitutes abuse is how satan is using you like a pawn to do his bidding and will take your soul with him to the lake of fire when Christ returns to destroy him and all who have been seduced by his evil ways.

    Matthew 5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

    John 15:18 If the world hate you, you know that it hated me before it hated you.

    Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

    1 Corinthians 4:12 And labor, working with our own hands: being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we suffer it:

    2 Corinthians 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

    2 Timothy 3:12 Yes, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.

    1 Peter 4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you:

    1 Peter 4:16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.

    Grace to you, Glory to God!
  • cupcakes 2012/08/22 17:56:06
    No
    cupcakes
    +1
    redefine marriage to mean unmarried?
  • lucky 2012/08/22 17:44:25
    No
    lucky
    +1
    ugh, why dont people keep their noses out of other peoples bedrooms.
  • firelooker 2012/08/22 17:37:45
    No
    firelooker
    +1
    I don't think marriage needs to be redefined. but I can tell you from experience an affair is not all it's cracked up to be, it can cause a lot of grief and heartache.
  • kobidob... firelooker 2012/08/22 19:24:11 (edited)
    kobidobidog
    When I hear of this I think of of this verse.
    KJV2 Timothy 3 >>
    King James Version 6For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, 7Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Faithfulness is one of the fruits of the spirit. Knowing what occurs can explain why men in biblical days had multiple wives. I never heard of God complaining about that.
  • firelooker kobidob... 2012/08/22 19:31:32
    firelooker
    +1
    All I know is I've got all I can handle with just one wife much less two.
  • kobidob... firelooker 2012/08/22 22:25:29
    kobidobidog
    Joseph who prevailed with God had two wives. He also gave them to his brother in hopes of making a friend not having a rival.
  • firelooker kobidob... 2012/08/22 22:42:14
    firelooker
    +1
    Good for him! Like I say I've got all I can handle with just one.
  • kobidob... firelooker 2012/08/22 23:00:34
    kobidobidog
    You have a good spirit in you^^
  • firelooker kobidob... 2012/08/22 23:07:58
    firelooker
    Naw just a very good wife who takes very good care of me.:)
  • kobidob... firelooker 2012/08/23 02:38:34
    kobidobidog
    Your wife is lucky to have a kind hearted husband like yourself that has a spirit that is grateful.
  • firelooker kobidob... 2012/08/23 17:15:19
    firelooker
    +1
    I try to tell her that all the time:)
  • lynn 2012/08/22 16:41:30 (edited)
    No
    lynn
    +1
    Marriage is, by definition of every culture since the beginning of recorded history, a contract between a man and woman, essentially regarding the potential for siring children and uniting bloodlines. Anything else (additional relationships) fall outside that paradigm, therefore they would not affect the definition of marriage between the two principle parties. (For example, routinely kings had wives and mistresses or concubines... the wives were by contract based in human biology, the rest were simply for entertainment.) You may "redraw the rules of marriage" all you want, but marriage remains a contract between two people, male and female, period. Anything else is just that... something else.
  • AdrianM... lynn 2012/08/22 23:27:56
    AdrianMcTiernan
    you are mistaken in the contract based in human biology, generally, I would say; King David had about 1000 wives, most of them daughters of his political enemies. I suspect that he wanted to avoid invasion and thought that dad would be less likely to invade if daughter was in the palace. Mistresses were frowned upon. David lost the plot eventually, when he eyed up his neighbour's wife while the neighbour was away fighting a war for David, and had an affair with her, which resulted in pregnancy. David tried to hide the affair, and after trying unsuccessfully to entice the husband to have a break from the fighting to come home and enjoy a break at home with his wife, and the husband thought that was not fair as all the men had left their wives at home, and he felt bad about taking time out when they might be dying. Eventually, David had the man put in a position that he would be certain to be killed in the fighting, and it so happened. However, David lost his kingdom over the matter, and it all ended in misery. Concubines were also married to the king, but regarded as 2nd importance wives. I am unsure of the entertainment label - but decorative certainly, and of course they would be provided for in a fairly luxurious environment - it might never happen that they would share the...
    you are mistaken in the contract based in human biology, generally, I would say; King David had about 1000 wives, most of them daughters of his political enemies. I suspect that he wanted to avoid invasion and thought that dad would be less likely to invade if daughter was in the palace. Mistresses were frowned upon. David lost the plot eventually, when he eyed up his neighbour's wife while the neighbour was away fighting a war for David, and had an affair with her, which resulted in pregnancy. David tried to hide the affair, and after trying unsuccessfully to entice the husband to have a break from the fighting to come home and enjoy a break at home with his wife, and the husband thought that was not fair as all the men had left their wives at home, and he felt bad about taking time out when they might be dying. Eventually, David had the man put in a position that he would be certain to be killed in the fighting, and it so happened. However, David lost his kingdom over the matter, and it all ended in misery. Concubines were also married to the king, but regarded as 2nd importance wives. I am unsure of the entertainment label - but decorative certainly, and of course they would be provided for in a fairly luxurious environment - it might never happen that they would share the marriage bed, as the king would be more in love with some wives than others. The bible records how David's favourite wife made a comment about the king dancing in public procession with only a very short tunic on, and she criticised him for revealing too much publicly. He never made love to her again, and she was saddened by this for the rest of her life.
    (more)
  • lynn AdrianM... 2012/08/23 05:20:31
    lynn
    Actually, with all due respect to your well thought out observances, I was only pointing out the general rule of thumb which has existed since time as we know it began. While I would differ in the idea that concubines were wives (in some cases perhaps, but not in the majority) King David is a fairly extreme example. I stand by my statement that "marriage" is, indeed, a contract founded in the potential for a sire and basic biological law. Just peruse any historical text from any culture, and you'll see my point. I'm not saying I'm absolutely correct, just basing my view on what I have found throughout my research. If you can reference an alternative example, I would welcome it. Finally, I commend your correct spelling of neighbour. It's a shame the way we Americans have so terribly butchered the Kings' English.
  • C. C. Rider 2012/08/22 16:30:35
    No
    C. C. Rider
    +2
    mmm don't need a study to know that is a recipe for disaster!!!


    better midler in a witch movie
  • Katherine 2012/08/22 16:09:33
    No
    Katherine
    At what point are people going to say "perhaps we're going too far?"
  • Crische 2012/08/22 15:19:37
    No
    Crische
    +1
    An affair and instant sexual gratification is no different from an ecstatic narcotic. Emotional love is hard to find, but not impossible. Most people are simple too shallow for real love, and therefore fall to lust, the purely physical side.
  • Stephen 2012/08/22 14:44:36
    Yes
    Stephen
    +1
    I was a taxi driver. I met so many people. Most women wanted to talk about sex. I would tell them. You need love more than sex. Love is unconditional and eternal. Way to many people forget to love their other.

  • Stephen Stephen 2012/08/22 14:48:15
    Stephen
    +1
    I just realized that your question could go both ways. My yes means that I think people have forgotten what marrige means. Time to remind them.
  • SW Stephen 2012/08/22 19:56:00
    SW
    +1
    Did you score with that one? heheh...
  • Stephen SW 2012/08/22 20:40:13
    Stephen
    Yes! it's one of my wifes favorite songs.
  • nate 2012/08/22 14:38:08
    No
    nate
    there's other ways to be happy.
  • laptop lulu 2012/08/22 12:19:34
    No
    laptop lulu
    +3
    That's so selfish. How about people work at their problems these days instead of retreating? Stop heading to the computer for love connections behind the spouses back and actually go talk to them and be a part of trying to make things better.
  • hapman 2012/08/22 06:48:58
    Yes
    hapman
    marriage is clearly a failure. we are not biologically built to be monogamous. men are programmed to want as many partners as possible to maximise the chances of producing offspring. and women like wise. the idea of marriage is ludicrous but it's been forced on us by church and government because it makes us easier to control. or so I'm assuming. it's why they do everything else regarding us.

    offspring women wise marriage ludicrous forced church government easier assuming
  • SW hapman 2012/08/22 12:29:47
    SW
    That's a very cinical way of looking at it ... and probably right. We're going to be naturally drawn to whatever activity produces the most babies and gets them to term such that they can produce babies themselves. In some climates that might mean staying with 1 partner for at least long enough to get the kid walking or so. Where there's lots of food and it's warm you probably should want to f everything that moves.

    It's true we have a natural inclination to have many partners, but we are also naturally jealous and possessive of our partners --and children seem to have an overwhelming need for their parents to be together. Maybe it's just that their family unit not change...whatever it is that they are used to...

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