Study says kids turn a marriage into a nightmare. Is NOT spanking the problem?

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Study says kids turn a marriage into a nightmare. Is NOT spanking the problem?

by Natasha Posted April 10, 2009 19:07:23

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+3 raves

A new study showed 90 percent of couples had an unhappier marriage after kids were born. Logical argument would say that if children were properly disciplined, there would be less stress in the marriage. Should Parents spank their kids to have a happier marriage?

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+2 brunetbomb September 04, 2009 23:22:52

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
What!?!? That's crazy, if you have marriage problems that's between you and your spouse. If your kids are bad that's your fault. Maybe the kids are like that because they see the parents are not happy.Take responsibility for yourself.
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nycnjct December 08, 2009 16:23:37

Answered: Yes, spanking kids will save a marriage.
My mom and dad were happily married. They were spankers. Mom used the hairbrush on the bare hiney, Dad used the strap - also bare.
+2
brunetbomb September 04, 2009 23:22:52

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
What!?!? That's crazy, if you have marriage problems that's between you and your spouse. If your kids are bad that's your fault. Maybe the kids are like that because they see the parents are not happy.Take responsibility for yourself.
Maddi- in Nyx I trust August 04, 2009 09:01:22

Answered: No, spanking kids is not the answer.
No, thats there falts. Maby if the parents [payed more attaintion to them instead of there husband they wouldn't do stuff to get there attiontaion!
MindReader June 21, 2009 04:54:58

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
I got into real trouble when I tried to sell 'em on Ebay. They didn't sell, because I had a firm no returns policy.
AnnForT... to MindReader August 17, 2009 18:43:04

Funny (I'm laughing)
Scars Remain (aka Vicki) May 11, 2009 03:22:04

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
I do believe in and have spanked my children. I believe in parenting my children based on their personality. A very sensitive child normally does not need a spanking; for them, just disappointing you tends to send them into tears. I have left spanking for the more serious issues. Usually reports, and punishment to fit the crime seems to work well.
It is important to put consistancy, relationship, and security into the children to get them to be well behaved.
My children could count on specific times for their meals, they had some kind of routine...this helped with security. The knew what time it was for bed and it was expected that they did not take their good ole time getting their. They must know what is expected of them and then follow through with it.
By spending one on one time with each child, you build relationship and show them you value them and their individuality.
As for strong willed children, rather than break their spirit, learn to develop the leadership qualities that can be found in them.
Jen Jen May 06, 2009 01:41:42 (edited)

Answered: Yes, spanking kids will save a marriage.
The top problems in marriage include, finances and priorities and how to raise the kids. Children are a big responsibility and should be talked about BEFORE the child is born. There has to be discipline of some sort whether it is spanking, grounding, time outs or whatever and the parents need to have a plan for discipline that they can both agree on and follow thru. Children are tricky and can turn one parent against another if need be to get what they want. That is where the parents need to have good communication between the two of them. I am reminded of how my own children used to ask me something and when I would say no they would go to Dad and he would say yes. When we discovered they were doing this we began putting punishments in place and checking with each other before making decisions with the kids. Communication and disciple are a must for any couple with kids. Just remember there is a difference between spanking and abuse....
+1
Мередит Энн May 05, 2009 03:58:02 (edited)

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
i dunno...my parents were happy and they would spank the living daylights out of us kids...

i never saw the point in inflicting pain upon others like that...its just not something i can do...
Jodi May 05, 2009 03:25:30

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
I don't agree.
Kids are a big, big responsibility and it can very hard to raise children but I don't see why having kids should ruin marriages.
I do, however, think that kids will pit one parent against the other IF both parents don't have a discipline plan that BOTH agree with and will stand behind together.

Mom can't say yes when dad says no, kids do see that weakness and will use it to their advantage. That is not fair to either spouse and can lower children's respect for one parent or both.
I don't think marital problems are the kids fault though. That is adult issues. Not really a spanking or discipline issue.
Some people have problems before kids are born and then think having kids will make things better in the relationship when all it does is add stress. Again that is not the child's fault.
Jon April 23, 2009 04:59:26

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
is only a theory. But proper, strict discipline of any kind,
would undoubtedly save a marriage and even the entire family, in some ways. Not just during the childhood period, though.
Andrea April 15, 2009 23:34:22

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
Spanking a child has nothing to do with saving a marriage. I do not thin spanking is wrong though... I just don't think the two things, marriage and spanking, really have any relation? :)
Casey April 15, 2009 00:22:28

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
You discipline a child for the sake of the child, not for any other reason. I think sometimes spanking is necessary, but only for the betterment of the child.
lilbitbord April 14, 2009 01:20:35

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
I spank my son when he repeatedly does something he is not suppose to and no other method of punishment works.

But to say that you need to spank your child to save your marriage is nuts.

Who does these studies anyway?
duke nukem April 11, 2009 14:02:53

Answered: Yes, spanking kids will save a marriage.
when i have children, if they act up or misbehave i am going to do what my dad did to me until i was 10. spanking made me a responsible teenager(yes i know those 2 terms dont really go together)
Alexia ~In Lestat I Trust~ April 11, 2009 01:37:22

Answered: No, spanking kids is not the answer.
I feel that some parents would take it way too far.
Clay April 11, 2009 01:18:03

Answered: Yes, spanking kids will save a marriage.
Whup that azzz
FREED ♥ It's All About Jesus April 11, 2009 00:28:53 (edited)

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
Natasha, this is a great question. There are several reasons why children can cause trouble in a marriage.
1. Parents put them above their relationship - this is out or order.
2. Parents have differing beliefs in how to raise children - thus their conflict allows the child to become a wedge between both parents.
3. Parents are inconsitent in what they say and do
4. Parents don't teach children there are consequences for their BEHAVIOR not WHO they ARE
5. Parents have no standards to teach their children by example
6, Parents have no patience and lose their tempers
7, Parents fight, scream, cuss - well you get the picture - the home is in caous
8. There is little if any love for couples, or children, that provide Acceptance of Who they Are; Approval of What they Do; Security in Knowin and feeling they Belong to one another in unity.
9. When children don't feel loved, are taught, left to their own reasonings they will be out of control
10. Rejection and Insecurity is the number one cause of hurt, anger, hopeless and low self-esteem
11. Parents are reaping what they have sown and Yes, their marriage is in BIG trouble.
12, Lastly, God says, spare the rod, spoil the child. His intent is seen throughout Scripture as everything is to be done in Love and for the Betterment of t...

Natasha, this is a great question. There are several reasons why children can cause trouble in a marriage.
1. Parents put them above their relationship - this is out or order.
2. Parents have differing beliefs in how to raise children - thus their conflict allows the child to become a wedge between both parents.
3. Parents are inconsitent in what they say and do
4. Parents don't teach children there are consequences for their BEHAVIOR not WHO they ARE
5. Parents have no standards to teach their children by example
6, Parents have no patience and lose their tempers
7, Parents fight, scream, cuss - well you get the picture - the home is in caous
8. There is little if any love for couples, or children, that provide Acceptance of Who they Are; Approval of What they Do; Security in Knowin and feeling they Belong to one another in unity.
9. When children don't feel loved, are taught, left to their own reasonings they will be out of control
10. Rejection and Insecurity is the number one cause of hurt, anger, hopeless and low self-esteem
11. Parents are reaping what they have sown and Yes, their marriage is in BIG trouble.
12, Lastly, God says, spare the rod, spoil the child. His intent is seen throughout Scripture as everything is to be done in Love and for the Betterment of the other person.
(more)
duke nukem to FREED ♥... April 11, 2009 14:01:03

actually god did not say "spare the rod spoil the child" but it is still a valid point and a great way to raise a child
FREED ♥... to duke nukem April 11, 2009 16:06:09

duke, thanks for your comment. And for causing me to double checked:

"Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death; "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently...." Proverbs 19:18; 13:24 NASB

I like the Message Bible's rendering: Pro 13:24 "A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them."

This is God's solution to the many secular that I listed above.
xandria April 10, 2009 22:08:26

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
its stupid.
i mean.. spanking is a form of discipline. and parents shudnt tell their kid that they are the fault in divorce or why their relationship is failing. the kid has no part. and the adults shud take the full blame as a person and be mature instead of putting the responsibility on their children.
tammerz/zɹǝɯɯɐʇ April 10, 2009 22:00:22

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
...would probably help. At least, some way of disciplining children needs to be established, and one that WORKS.

All I know is this: I got my fair share of whoopin' when I was younger, and I'm fairly well adjusted. Let's just say, I was well aware of who the bosses were in the house...and I wasn't one of them (and neither was my younger brother, who got his butt burned a fair amount as well.)
Albedo 9.0 April 10, 2009 20:57:53

Answered: Yes, spanking kids will save a marriage.
Spanking done correctly has worked for hundreds of thousands of years. Time outs don't have such a track record for correcting child behavior problems. If your kids are ruining your marriage you definately need to establish who's in charge. Don't be a chicken shit. kids are resilient so put a little burn on it so you don't have to do it again. One good ass whooping will generally carry a kid thru out the rest of his childhood.
lisa April 10, 2009 20:01:08 (edited)

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
I am not heavy with the hand, to be honest, I think I can count on one hand how many times I have hit my kids. The old 'Evil Mama Eye' works wonders.

Make sure you are running the house not your kids.....

Lead by example..... I remember one specific time when my son bit my daughter. I was sitting right next to them, my son had no reason to bite..........so to fix the problem I bit him back...........not hard just enough to scar him a touch.... Yes, he cried .........but never bit again.

OH and BTW I am very happy in my marriage...........the kids complete us. We will miss them when they are gone .....but we have been very careful not to loose our relationship while they grow up.
Iamcowhearmemoo April 10, 2009 19:44:55

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
Why take it out on the kid? Really, if your marriage is stressed, WELCOME TO THE FRIGGIN CLUB! Marriage is not easy, so why would you add a crying kid to the mix because he/she just got hit? Talk to the kid, be an adult and talk to them. If your marriage is stressed then talk... Why would you want to hit a kid because YOUR marriage is stressed because YOU had a kid?
Rodrigopinacio April 10, 2009 19:33:17

Answered: No, spanking kids is not the answer.
As a parent I believe that a look says it all. At least that's how we act whenever our kids start goofing around way too much. I think that it all goes back to the way in which you were raised. If you spank them they will do exactly the same with their kids & so on & so forth.
julie sossaman April 10, 2009 19:28:25

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
i dont think its the spanking thats got there marriage in trouble but maybe thay need more family time and more rules i had 3 children and i always spelled out if you do this this is whats going to happen i only gave them 1 time parents now days tell there children 10 times to stop doing something and the kids know thay have that many times before something is going to happen say what you mean and stand behind it but be sure the punishment is fair and stick with it also parents have to stick together on it if one does not like the punishment talk about it when thay are alone children no how to play one parent against each other if the marriage is good tobegin with the children wont be a problem
Erin April 10, 2009 19:20:30

Answered: I think spanking kids to save a marriage....
umm i just like spanking when it is a chick being spanked lol jk
Tracer Bullet April 10, 2009 19:15:38

Answered: Yes, spanking kids will save a marriage.
It's part of the problem. I am always amazed at the number of households where the CHILDREN are running the show! The little bastards are tyrants, and their parents just acquiesce, and let the little buggers get away with murder!

Kids need boundaries, and sometimes a spanking helps drive that point home. I also think the schools should be able to incorporate corporal punishment again. You might be surprised how things in society would change if today's parents would start taking back control, and stop being such whining pussies.