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Should Parents Punish Their Kids?

Living 2011/04/25 17:23:32
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Many parents have turned against spanking in the last few decades. But should parents avoid punishing their kids, period? As in no time-outs, no "go to your room," no going to bed without dessert?

In a blog post for the "Today" show's website, Jillian Lauren writes that she and her husband never punish their 3-year-old son -- ever.

Instead, when he misbehaves, she shifts her focus "from his behavior to the needs behind it."

"I attempt to meet those needs with love and empathy. I also attempt to help him identify his feelings by putting words to them," she writes.

Lauren says the point is to "increase his emotional intelligence" and "give him tools to deal with the fact that it is incredibly frustrating to not get what you want in life." She also says their strategy creates "good behavior in the long term."

"Punishment might get results in the short term, but it ultimately undermines your relationship with your child and hurts their self-esteem, which will only fuel the fires of misbehavior. I believe that treating my son with respect and empathy will in turn teach him to be empathetic and respectful, which are traits that I value far above mere obedience," she explains.

Do you think Lauren is onto something here? Or is she totally nuts?


Read More: http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/04/22/6501676-why...

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  • Mergitroit 2014/06/04 14:47:18
    Yes
    Mergitroit
    I think that you should at least give them a talking to, and tell them what they did wrong and how they need to fix that.
  • ordman 2012/05/17 19:39:01
    Yes
    ordman
    If and when it is called for.
  • chyna 2011/12/18 03:14:04
    Yes
    chyna
    kids gotta learn their lesson :/
  • Michael 2011/10/15 21:57:16
    Yes
    Michael
    They should justly and mercifully punish them.
  • Death On Two Legs 2011/10/01 20:40:25
    Yes
    Death On Two Legs
    Abuse is wrong, though
  • drreverol 2011/09/03 15:13:29
    Yes
    drreverol
    +1
    You don't learn lesson with cookies and milk.
  • Art 2011/07/29 20:52:00
    Yes
    Art
    +1
    Children need to have rules governing their actions and the only way that rules make any sense is to have some sort of punishment in place when they are broken. Society itself has numerous rules/laws which must be followed when one is an adult, some of which have severe consequences when broken. The only way a child can understand rules and be expected to follow the laws is to have learned that their actions have consequences, both good and bad, when they were little. If you attempt to raise your child without ever punishing them they grow up feeling entitled to do whatever they want whenever they want. And as a parent you are avoiding any responsibility you have to your child. This does not mean, not should it ever be an excuse to physically or mentally beat a child down. The punishment must meet the level of the transgression.
  • CamilleAnneHarrah 2011/07/22 20:16:56
    No
    CamilleAnneHarrah
    It's so easy to take it too far.
  • PonToki 2011/07/03 05:31:20
    Yes
    PonToki
    +1
    How else will they become disciplined?
  • Bella 2011/07/02 12:46:52
    Yes
    Bella
    I wish there was an undecided to this question, I like how she treats her kid and I hope he turns out great, but I think that if a kid knows that he can get away with anything and only get a talking to about how it's not a good thing to do, he'll just continue to misbehave.

    I know that's how it would've been with me.
  • waynelaboy 2011/06/15 16:13:40
    Yes
    waynelaboy
    +1
    punishment tells the child "oh, i am not supposed to do that." so punish the brats but not too hard.
  • hannah 2011/06/12 06:30:26
    Yes
    hannah
    +1
    i was punished as a child and I know the right way to live my life. I personally believe that childeren who were punished are more successful than those who weren't
  • angel 2011/06/11 06:40:32
    Yes
    angel
    Okay I understand this whole "Empathy" might even try it but Sometimes you need to Punish your kid...Especially if you don't want them to end up on 16 and Pregnant. Actions have consequences.
  • OriiG 2011/06/05 01:41:47 (edited)
    Yes
    OriiG
    ok Im young and I think that parents should punish their kids if they misbehave otherwise they are not gonna learn and theyre gonna keep misbehaving thats why now there are so much kids that are "rebel" because you cant do anything to a child and is bad and theyre gonna suffer and stuff and I dont think its like that Im not saying that you have to spank them everytime they misbehave or anything but do something.
  • Link 2011/05/24 02:51:54
    Yes
    Link
    This may be an open question. open american flag
  • Angel 2011/05/16 16:48:55
    No
    Angel
    because we are just kids we learn from our mistakes
  • hannah Angel 2011/06/12 06:31:06
    hannah
    like shiz we do.
  • spankedcp 2011/05/15 07:34:26
    Yes
    spankedcp
    +1
    Bare bottom or naked spankings are appropriate.

    Society is going crazy if people are starting to believe otherwise, and to have "no punishment" at all, as suggested, can only be a recipe for disaster. What happens when children become adults? There needs to be clear deterrent and consquences for breaking rules, otherwise when children become adults, they will not be able to abide by the rule of Law, where consequences can be jail and a criminal record. This to me is more damaging than receiving spankings during childhood.
  • Justin.Long 2011/05/11 17:30:27
    Yes
    Justin.Long
    my parents spank me......alot I know now it ws my doing and I think that because of it I was able to learn right from wrong an be a better person lol
  • Link Justin.... 2011/05/24 02:58:56
    Link
    +3
    Children need to have strict discipline. children strict discipline why me
  • Jayce Evans 2011/05/10 04:43:06
    Yes
    Jayce Evans
    but that's not to say i don't believe in treating your children with love and empathy.
    if your child misbehaves, try to find out why they did so. if they did it out of misunderstanding or confusion or something, help them to understand that acting out in a bad way isn't ok. if they did it in anger or spite or if they continue to do it even after telling them not to, then discipline them.
  • jazz 2011/05/06 12:08:04
    Yes
    jazz
    there should be a line of discipline.
  • Gabby Grandchamp 2011/05/06 01:48:31
    Yes
    Gabby Grandchamp
    As long as they don't beat them! timeouts are effective, if more even.
  • maria 2011/05/04 03:00:23
    Yes
    maria
    I do believe in punishment although i agree there are limits. i am full-blown Puerto Rican and my mother was ready to throw the chancleta (sandal) when she needed to LoL. And we all (5 of us) grew up to be great, respectful, happy and successful individuals :)
  • Ducklover701 2011/05/03 22:16:52
    Yes
    Ducklover701
    +1
    Us kids need to know whats right and whats wrong if ya don"t punish us we can do some bad stuff that's NOT right!!!! 8-)
  • t-bird 2011/05/03 18:48:06
    Yes
    t-bird
    +1
    Yes! Take a gooooood look around you and you'll see the answer.
  • Goomba74 2011/05/03 16:25:40
    Yes
    Goomba74
    +3
    Punishing a child for bad behavior establishes boundaries necessary to survive life. Without setting limits to behaviors, children (and subsequent adults) will never know that their actions have consequences. Our prisons are full of people who never learned these limitations.
  • popscikle 2011/05/02 20:20:48
    Yes
    popscikle
    +2
    of course parents should punish their kids if they arent punished they will never know the meaning of hard work...
  • Andrew 2011/05/02 19:03:46
    Yes
    Andrew
    +1
    Yes, if it's not way too harsh, and if it is just.
  • TaylorSwift Fan 2011/05/02 06:14:58
    No
    TaylorSwift Fan
    not hitting but just take something away that they like the most so that kind of a yes
  • King of the woodland realm 2011/05/01 07:34:29
    Yes
    King of the woodland realm
    THAT REALLY WORKS ON ME AND MY HOLE FAMILY....
  • RepublicansSuck 2011/05/01 00:05:52
    Yes
    RepublicansSuck
    Being a young, experienced, and educated adult who grew up in foster care, I would have to say I only agree with this partially. My siblings and I got taken away from our single mother in 1996 not too long after we moved from Michigan to California because my mother beat us up. I remember the day we got taken away like it was yesterday as well as witnesses my mother beat up my older sister with a kitchen spoon. When I told her that she was in denial about the real reason we got taken away, and not just why she thinks that happened, and that I saw her doing that, she just said that I better quit "manufacturing evidence" which was not okay. Now she tries to dictate what my feelings supposedly are without even listening to everything I have to say which makes no sense whatsoever and there is a little chip missing called empathy. Maybe I learned to have as much empathy and competence as I do from having a cold withholding mother, but at the same time, that can be accomplished without making your kids insecure like the devil does. My foster parents when I was 16 and a half were the same way, and later when I started going to college and living on my own, I learned in psychology that authoritative parents produce the best results. The other 3, authoritarian like my parents, p...
    Being a young, experienced, and educated adult who grew up in foster care, I would have to say I only agree with this partially. My siblings and I got taken away from our single mother in 1996 not too long after we moved from Michigan to California because my mother beat us up. I remember the day we got taken away like it was yesterday as well as witnesses my mother beat up my older sister with a kitchen spoon. When I told her that she was in denial about the real reason we got taken away, and not just why she thinks that happened, and that I saw her doing that, she just said that I better quit "manufacturing evidence" which was not okay. Now she tries to dictate what my feelings supposedly are without even listening to everything I have to say which makes no sense whatsoever and there is a little chip missing called empathy. Maybe I learned to have as much empathy and competence as I do from having a cold withholding mother, but at the same time, that can be accomplished without making your kids insecure like the devil does. My foster parents when I was 16 and a half were the same way, and later when I started going to college and living on my own, I learned in psychology that authoritative parents produce the best results. The other 3, authoritarian like my parents, permissive, and uninvolved is what creates a disaster and kids with serious problems that corrupt society. Authoritative parents are just as strict, but at least they listen to their kids completely and don't make them insecure or help them turn into criminals and stuff. Because I have had both influences, I know this from my own personal experiences rather than just talking out of my ass like most people do. Thanks to people like that, I have to use Medicaid to help pay for my counseling services and other mental health services that are currently helping me recover. End of story.
    (more)
  • ruthann... Republi... 2011/05/01 01:26:19
    ruthannhausman
    +1
    Your childhood experiences sadden me, and I wish there was some way to go back in time and correct the wrongs. You sound like you have grown up to be a good person, though, just from reading your response, so you must have been born with a good quantity of character. Thank God for that, huh? But children need -- as in require -- boundaries. They have to grow. They have to "experience." They have to experiment. And they need to be free to do all of that but with a loving parent(s) watching over them to make sure they don't stray too far from acceptable zones. And kids love to test those boundaries. Lord, yes, did we not all do that? But that's what Mom and Dad are there for. The more the kids test, the quicker they mature. But then comes the discipline. Consistency in rules and consistency in the punishment for breaking those rules is an absolute requirement. If parents do it right, they don't need to resort to anything but time-out or take-away disciplines, where the kid loses privileges with the computer or TV or favorite toy, etc. I don't condemn a quick swat on the behind for really, really unacceptable behavior, but that should pretty much end after the terrible twos, basically.

    But a lot of parents choose to slough off their responsibilities in the parenting...

    Your childhood experiences sadden me, and I wish there was some way to go back in time and correct the wrongs. You sound like you have grown up to be a good person, though, just from reading your response, so you must have been born with a good quantity of character. Thank God for that, huh? But children need -- as in require -- boundaries. They have to grow. They have to "experience." They have to experiment. And they need to be free to do all of that but with a loving parent(s) watching over them to make sure they don't stray too far from acceptable zones. And kids love to test those boundaries. Lord, yes, did we not all do that? But that's what Mom and Dad are there for. The more the kids test, the quicker they mature. But then comes the discipline. Consistency in rules and consistency in the punishment for breaking those rules is an absolute requirement. If parents do it right, they don't need to resort to anything but time-out or take-away disciplines, where the kid loses privileges with the computer or TV or favorite toy, etc. I don't condemn a quick swat on the behind for really, really unacceptable behavior, but that should pretty much end after the terrible twos, basically.

    But a lot of parents choose to slough off their responsibilities in the parenting department. It's much easier to let the kid run around the neighborhood doing what he wants to do rather than fight with him to get to the dinner table and join the family at a certain time. Or park him in front of the TV set and let Homer and Co. entertain him. Or her. Or, worse, you have the strict parents who ride their kids into the ground with rules, rules, rules and criticism out the wazoo. A pretty simple rule of thumb: For each negative you have to dish out to your child, please remember to balance with a positive! While children need discipline, equally important is their need for love and reinforcement. And it is constant. You can't just do it one day out of a month or what have you. It's got to be daily and forever. Touchy-feely moments (hugs, kisses); "Wow, did you do this? I'm impressed, this is beautiful." Bolster their self-esteem and try -- it's hard sometimes when you're really,really mad, I know -- but try not to get personal when you're angry: "No wonder you're fat and ugly, I told you not to eat before dinner is served."

    Parenting is sooooo important. Too many women (and men too) enter into parenthood without a clue about what needs to be done or how to do it. And, guess what? Every single child is different. No two kids are going to be the same. What works with one does not necessarily have to work with another. So you have to be prepared to handle that situation. It's not a game, it's serious business. Because all of the mistakes that Mom and Dad make are going to result in society getting stuck with damaged adults. Then we get to build more prisons. And so much of it is preventable. I wish I could share my childhood with you because I had great parents. And I think I grew up pretty secure because of it. But then, of course, I became an adult and began carving out my very own screw-ups. So go figure. Good luck to you and get rid of the therapists and take that money and give yourself a really neat vacation. It'll accomplish more than you know. :)
    (more)
  • Fred 2011/04/30 22:41:07
    Yes
    Fred
    +1
    look at how weak our society has become with this whole kindness viewpoint. I haven't seen any real accomplishments with this mindset.
  • kaity 2011/04/30 22:01:39
    No
    kaity
    no i do not think so
  • meshell kaity 2011/05/08 12:47:58
    meshell
    hope you dont join the long list of mums waiting at the police station to pick your uncaring undisiplined kids up
  • redhawk1 2011/04/30 13:56:02
    Yes
    redhawk1
    It is the ONLY way to help them achieve responsible behavior , accountability for their actions, and respect for authority.... I don't mean Physical beatings.. just loss of privileges and additional chores...
  • T 2011/04/30 13:51:33
    No
    T
    OMG. So many people answered "Yes" to it? Ew. That only proves their inability to raise their kids in the respectful way. Never seen the misbehaved kids whose parrents were able to explain to them how to behave properly without taking the extreme methods. Beating is the proof of the powerlessness and the lack of ability to use the civilized ways to teach children. Maybe people who answered: "Yes" to the question should read more on psychology. Being a parent isn't about teaching your kids only - it's about learning to be a parent also. Surely, nothing good can be taught or learned through the beatings. Plus, it forms the particular psy patterns in the mind of the child and kids who were spanked usually have serious problems with their sexual life and with finding the right partner when they grow up. So, my answer to the question is: No.
  • redhawk1 T 2011/04/30 13:56:44
    redhawk1
    GROW UP
  • TaylorS... redhawk1 2011/05/02 06:13:50
    TaylorSwift Fan
    shut up evil devil ass
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