Quantcast

Should Parents Be 'Friends' With Their Kids?

SodaHead Living 2010/08/21 16:00:00
Related Topics: Friendship, Involved, Mom
You!
Add Photos & Videos
Back when we were growing up, our mom was very adamant about one thing: She didn't want to be our friend.

We knew one girl in particular whose mom really seemed to view her (pre-teen) daughter as a pal -- fighting over cosmetics and sharing inappropriate stories.

Indeed, experts think this type of parenting is not the way to go.

CBS "Early Show" contributor and child and adolescent psychologist Dr. Jennifer Hartstein says parents who become pals with their kids are in "dangerous waters."

"It's good to be friends with your kids, but the best friend -- being involved in everything -- it's a little dangerous... There's a boundary issue there. Once it's crossed it's really hard to go back," she said.

Basically, her advice seems to sum up as follows: You should want your child to consider you a friend, but you shouldn't be seeking friendship from your child.

Probably better to set the rules now, and be friends later in life.

Should Parents Be 'Friends' With Their Kids?

Read More: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/08/18/earlysho...

Add a comment above

Top Opinion

  • Jackie 2010/08/22 05:20:22
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    Jackie
    +8
    NO, this is one of the reasons why we have so many unruly, disrespectful and undisciplined kids today... because their nitwit parent's want their kids to "like them" and be the "cool parent"? So therefor, these nitwit parents are afraid to set boundaries or limits on their kids in the fear that their child will get mad????, give me a break...they're just lazy parents who don't want to have to deal with it. Hey, parents out there, if your child likes you and thinks your a "cool" parent when they're between the ages of 12 -18, you're doing something wrong.....my 12 yr old daughter "hates" me at times because she can't have a cell phone, watch MTV, wear makeup or wear her shorts too short like the "other" girls do...too bad. I'm her mother and I KNOW what's in her best interest because I'm the ADULT and I too hated my parent's at times when I was kid for making me do the right things and now I'm forever grateful that they cared enough about me to not be my friend back then.

Sort By
  • Most Raves
  • Least Raves
  • Oldest
  • Newest
Opinions

  • maryam 2012/11/20 14:35:59
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    maryam
    its nice to love your mom by maryam
  • sky blue pink - American 2011/11/01 14:44:57
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    sky blue pink - American
    My kid,is my kid. Our friends live down the street or across the street.
    Have a nice day !
  • Abel Lewis 2010/11/13 07:01:25
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    Abel Lewis
    NO! Parents should be parents only. I don't believe in being friends with kids.
  • gade05sbcglobal.net 2010/10/12 14:56:38
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    gade05sbcglobal.net
    You cannot be a best friend to your children and not put on them adult responsiblities for your own selfish needs. It is not healthy as they need guidance, discipline and love not co-dependency from the parent.
    They are emotionally immature when young and should not be privey to adult converstions you have with them. Get another best friend to hear all your woes.
    Also children are gifts from God and not your possessions. They have their own dignity and personality. To bring them into a best friend relationship stunts their spiritual growth and well being. Boundaries are violated... very sad that society does not agree on this.
    Bottom line.....HEALTHY BOUNDARIES, LEARN ABOUT THEM.
  • Eddie_DOMA_is_dead 2010/08/24 04:19:16
  • Red645 2010/08/23 23:14:30
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    Red645
    Parents are nice.
  • LifeIsComedyPHAET 2010/08/23 14:44:47
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    LifeIsComedyPHAET
    My mom is one of my best friends. She's always there for me.
    If you're friends with your child then they'll share their lives with you and won't hide things.
    My mommy still punishes me when I screw up though, and I'm okay with that.
  • gade05s... LifeIsC... 2010/10/12 15:07:57
    gade05sbcglobal.net
    +4
    IT'S GREAT TO LOVE YOUR MOM. BUT MOST IMPORTANT IS SHE ENCOURAGES YOU TO MOVE ON AND GROW TO ADULT MATURITY. NOT SHARING WITH YOU ALL HER INTIMATE DETAILS OF HER LIFE. HER WOES AND CONCERNS. THIS IS NOT FOR CHILDREN TO DEAL WITH. THEY NEED HER GUIDANCE, DISCIPLINE AND LOVE INSTEAD.
    APPROPIATE BOUNDARIES WITH PARENT AND CHILD ARE THE HEALTHY CHOICE. WE ARE HERE TO GUIDE AND ENCOURAGE OUR CHILDREN TO BECOME WELL ADJUSTED AND INDEPENDENT ADULTS IN SOCIETY.
    SOME PARENTS NEVER SEE THE DIFFERENCE WITH THINKING THEIR CHILDREN BELONG TO THEM AS PERSONAL POSSESSIONS. RATHER THAN GUIDING THEM TO BE INDEPENDENT AND SECURE IN THEIR OWN PERSONHOOD. CHILDREN BELONG TO GOD NOT THEIR PARENTS. WE AS PARENTS ARE ONLY THE CHANNEL THROUGH WHICH THEY COME INTO THE WORLD. REJOICE THAT THEY CAN ONE DAY BE INDEPENDENT AND SECURE IN THEIR OWN INDENTITY.
  • LaViolette4Use 2010/08/23 13:34:59
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    LaViolette4Use
    I think parents are not here to 'discipline' children but educated them. Parents should stop their dictatorial behaviours towards their kids, and start being their monitors or their life coaches.
  • gade05s... LaViole... 2010/10/12 15:18:06
    gade05sbcglobal.net
    +2
    YOU ARE SO WRONG! PARENTS ROLE IS TO LOVE AND DISCIPLINE TOGETHER IN RAISING CHILDREN. WITHOUT DISCIPLINE THERE IS NO BOUNDARIES ON BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR BEHAVIORS THAT AT TIMES GET OUT OF LINE. IT DOES HAPPEN WITH CHILDREN.
    EDUCATION ALONE IS NOT GOING TO MAKE A WELL BALANCED PERSON.
    CHILDREN DESIRE TO HAVE BOUNDARIES AND KNOW THAT WHEN THEY ARE INFORCED THEY ARE LOVED. CONSISTENCY IN DISCIPLINE IS HARDER WORK THAN BEING SOMEONES BEST FRIEND AND GIVING THEM ALL THE EDUCATION IN THE WORLD.
  • ladypuppylove 2010/08/23 13:18:29
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    ladypuppylove
    +1
    no , because being a friend is not a good thing to do, it is ok to be there for your childrens, but being a friend can sometimes cause a child to loose respect for the parents , childrens will be expecting you to make the decision of a friend and when you do not then you have a problem
  • LaViole... ladypup... 2010/08/23 13:38:09
    LaViolette4Use
    +1
    I think many people have no idea what a 'friend' is... a friend is someone you turn to in hard times, someone who gives you advices, a friend is someone with whom you share good times. So unless you've understood what a friend is, never would you wish you kids to be your friends. Why create barriers between you and you own kids?
  • ladypup... LaViole... 2010/08/24 16:38:14
    ladypuppylove
    +1
    I understand what a friend is and being there for your childrens and giving them good solid advice also falls under good partening , you can share good times with your children without being a friend , my children knew that i was there for them they came to me for all kinds of advice , as well as my boys went to my husband we were their parents and we loved them they had friends to play with, i raised 3 childrens one a doctor and one a lawyer also one works at the coca cola plant in atlanta and i have never been before a judge or in a couirtroom so you see after being a parent for 60 years a friend is never one thing we were we shared many things, they knew they could come to us and talk about anything even sex and we are well respected parents to this day their are no barriers the only barriers i see is the partenting of today is where you cannot whip your children or be a parent you sound like the law and henry longfellow said it best to have a friend or a best friend yopu first must be one
  • gade05s... LaViole... 2010/10/12 15:27:47
    gade05sbcglobal.net
    +2
    YOU ARE SO RIGHT ON. TAKE MY FAMILY FOR AN EXAMPLE. MOM ENCOURAGES HER AND HER TWO CHILDREN TO BE HER BEST FRIENDS DURING HER TIME OF SINGLENESS. MARRIES SOON AFTER BEING WIDOWED AND NEVER ALLOWS THE NEW FATHER TO TAKE HIS APPROPIATE ROLE IN THE FAMILY. HER KIDS WERE HERS AND HERS ALONE TO DISCIPLINE. THEY PICKED UP ON THAT RIGHT AWAY. NO RESPECT FOR THE STEP-DAD AND CAUSING HAVOC WITHIN THE HOME ON DISCIPLINE ISSUES. YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR KIDS AS YOUR BEST FRIEND AND CONFIDENT, SCAPEGOAT AND EXPECT THEM TO UNDERSTAND ADULT ISSUES.
    IT WAS NEVER INTENDED THAT PARENTS BE ON THAT LEVEL WITH A CHILD. THIS LIKE YOU MENTIONED CONFUSES THE CHILD AND IN OUR CASE CAUSED AN ADDICTION PROBLEM LATER ON WITH ONE OF HER CHILDREN. ANGER, RESENTMENT AND NOT HAVING APPROPIATE BOUNDARIES BETWEEN MOTHER AND SON HAVE BROUGHT MUCH SORROW AND PAIN TO THE EXTENDED FAMILY AS WELL.
  • John "By God" American 2010/08/23 11:58:15
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    John "By God" American
    +1
    Not until they're on their own and responsible for their own decisions and life.
  • punkblossom 2010/08/23 11:40:44
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    punkblossom
    i may not be a parent but if i had a 12 year old child i would give her a phone but she would have 2 pay i would give her a alounce but she would have 2 do chores i would let her do lots of things but i would watch her closley lke in between i dont want her 2 say 2 me everyday I HATE YOU!
  • RICH 2010/08/23 11:33:39
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    RICH
    But displining your children does remove your friendship. A friend is someone you can confide in.
  • gade05s... RICH 2010/10/12 15:31:05
    gade05sbcglobal.net
    +3
    IT CERTAINLY DOES NOT REMOVE FRIENDSHIP. IT ESTABLISH HEALTHY BOUNDARIES BETWEEN BEING A PARENT AND BEING A BEST FRIEND. MAY I MAKE A KIND SUGGESTION? MAKE GOD YOUR BEST FRIEND. IT WORKS A WHOLE LOT BETTER.
  • RICH gade05s... 2010/10/18 11:31:56
    RICH
    I am not discounting that. God should be ultimate best friend, but with relationships here your children should see not as one that demands do's and don'ts but one who mold your children with love and discipline. Just scolding them all the time is going to make them just angry, Also, do not belabor or constantly nag them about something. Just be patient and pray.
  • MOMMA THOMAS 2010/08/23 10:06:55
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    MOMMA THOMAS
  • Roxxi 2010/08/23 09:45:59 (edited)
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    Roxxi
    I think parents should be the parents and discipline their kid from the beginning. However I think it would help if there was a good relationship between them, as long as the child is aware of who's the parent and in charge
  • paige♥ 2010/08/23 09:09:13
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    paige♥
    NO NEVER THEY SHOULD LEAVE US ALL ALONE
  • Always.Bored :P 2010/08/23 08:58:34
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    Always.Bored :P
    +1
    As long as there's a limit .
  • bob 2010/08/23 08:23:40
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    bob
    +1
    If your kid does not feel the need to rebel against you then your doing domething wrong, imo.

    Meant to pick the other choice not this one :P
  • InTheCity 2010/08/23 08:16:16 (edited)
  • Rikki InTheCity 2010/09/06 19:31:02
    Rikki
    +1
    Excellent response! You are a good son, I have no doubts.
  • gade05s... InTheCity 2010/10/12 15:49:13
    gade05sbcglobal.net
    +2
    YOU ARE ONE WISE YOUND ADULT.
    PARENTS ARE LIFTED UP SO MUCH HIGHER ON THE LADDER WHEN IT COMES TO SOCIAL FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS.
    BEING A FRIEND DOESN'T ALWAYS GIVE YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE WISE. RATHER AS A FRIEND YOU FEEL OBLIGATION TO SUPPORT WHATEVER IS GOING ON RATHER THAN HURTING A PERSONS FEELINGS AND POINTING OUT MISTAKES MADE ALONG THE WAY.
    RESPECT DISCIPLINE DONE WITH LOVE, AND A CHILD WILL GROW UP KNOWING THE PARENT LOVED THEM ENOUGH TO TEACH THEM TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR CHOICES IN LIFE.!
    FRIENDS ARE JUST THAT FRIENDS. PARENTS IN LOVE, ARE GUIDES FOR THEIR YOUNG ALONG WITH A DEEP SINCERE CONCERN FOR THEIR FUTURE AS INDEPENDENT WELL BALANCED ADULTS.
  • InTheCity gade05s... 2010/10/12 17:55:17
  • I know... 2010/08/23 07:50:54
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    I know...
    +3
    Gotta let them know who is in charge.....When did society go so wrong?
  • Chibi 2010/08/23 07:26:20
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    Chibi
    +2
    I'm not saying it's necessary to be best friends with your kids and go hang out with them, but I think it is a good idea to be friends with them. My mom and I are not friends and I find it hard to talk to her about many things. If she were my friend, it would make things a lot easier. Teens need someone they can talk to who they know has gone through the same stuff they have. Just having a parent that disciplines and and tells you what you can or can't do doesn't help all the time.
  • Roxxi Chibi 2010/08/23 09:47:57
    Roxxi
    Oh god, I have that same relationship with my mum. I love and respect her, but I find it hard to talk to her about things that I need advise on.
  • www.sod... Chibi 2010/08/23 11:56:35
    www.sodahead.com/living
    +1
    Good point Christina, this is the choice that was not included. I do think that parents should be parents but not generals, untouchable, unapproachable, and only there to provide vitals needs and discipline. I am not saying that your home is this way I am just agreeing with what you said because it must be considered. My parents played with us and they disciplined us, there has to be a balance in order to build a trusting and open relationship. Maybe you can talk with your mother about how you feel (send a card or letter if it is hard to talk, she may not realize this). All the best.
  • y so serious 2010/08/23 06:28:41
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    y so serious
    Yes and no to this question

    My best friends growing up were my parents.

    I have also have friends I'd jump in front of a bullet for, and visa versa, however,
    I've also had friends who ...I call simply to be polite friends, they've been brought up....influenced, and indoctrinated by thier so called "Cool" "with it" "Popular" friends, who GOD Forbid show any respect for anyone but themselves and their own little group, turn into people I can only call aquaintences.

    Now I know there are wack jobs, I know there are bad parents, BUT, the parents of the people I was talking about, are nothing short of Heroes, and they've been disresepcted, and turned on, due to the acceptence need...of these so called "Best friends...."

    And i'm afraid to say in other cases...its because the parents are afraid to not be their friends, and actualy PARENT Them....so they turn INTO said bad influences...
  • ♣♦Trout Heart Replica♥♠ 2010/08/23 05:55:23
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    ♣♦Trout Heart Replica♥♠
    I love my mother, and even if we fight we make up minutes later.
  • Jeni 2010/08/23 05:46:57
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    Jeni
    My mom was a good friend to me and she helped me through a lot of crap. But, my mom knew when to be my friend and when to be my mother. And I think parents today find it hard to find a balance between the two.
  • agnsttrnd*nation in turmoil* 2010/08/23 05:04:18 (edited)
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    agnsttrnd*nation in turmoil*
    My kids don't like me all the time, but they know I love them and that I will not tolerate sub-standard behavior.
  • Rosalie 2010/08/23 04:23:19
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    Rosalie
    Parents need to be parents and let their children find and make their own friends.
  • sugee 2010/08/23 04:17:14
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    sugee
    Kids need adults to guide them, you can be a parent and still have fun with your kids. No you don't need to be their friend. That's what the outside world provides.
  • C-Dog 2010/08/23 03:27:30
    No, friends can't discipline friends
    C-Dog
    no
  • cake 2010/08/23 03:24:28
    Yes, parents should be friends with their kids
    cake
    +1
    my mom and i have been friends forever. i know i can go to her for anything and i'm not scared to approach her about anything. we know that obviously there are situations that she needs to be my mom not my friend and we act accordingly. we have a really great relationship and i wouldn't trade it for anything. (:

See Votes by State

The map above displays the winning answer by region.

Living

2014/04/23 13:17:43

Hot Questions on SodaHead
More Hot Questions

More Community More Originals