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Should married women have close male friends? How would you feel if your wife had close, straight male friends that she went out with.

Indepnedant4Obama 2009/09/30 03:56:31
Men only want to have female friends if they are attracted to them or gay
Male friends you say....hmm...what happens when she goes to him after an argument and she is vunerable and upset
A man should trust his wife no matter what
That is just asking for trouble
Wow...I think that
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  • Angela Carter 2013/01/08 18:09:16 (edited)
    Wow...I think that
    Angela Carter
    Each individual male/female friendship is different and shouldn't be generalized. I'm 26 years married, and have a male friend (divorced), for past 3 years of my marriage. He was my first childhood sweetheart at age 13 for about 3 months. When we ran into each other in 2009 after 30 years, it was exciting, but also a good thing since our old neighborhood was destroyed and we hardly ever saw any of our childhood friends. We respect each other and have rules about meeting and hanging out. Always meet in public places, never hang out for more than an hour or so, and since I'm the one married, I tell my husband where I'm going and with whom. My friend has never made a pass at me. He has flirted and complimented me, but never suggested anything sexual or inappropriate. He doesn't ask about my marriage and I don't ask about his relationships with girlfriends. We keep all talk very light and fun most of the time and other times he provides a male perspective if I ask, and vice versa. He even introduced me to my new Best female friend. As far emotional attachment on my part, there is some. I think of him as the older brother I never had. (He 3 yrs. older). If he's fantasizing about intimacy with me, he's very good at hiding it.
  • Brad Patterson 2012/10/06 17:41:22
    Men only want to have female friends if they are attracted to them or gay
    Brad Patterson
    Look...it is quite simple. Men are predisposed genetically to spread their seed everywhere. Women are predisposed to emotional attachment. Guess what? A married woman and a "male just a friend" is a certain recipe for disaster for these two simple facts. She will go into his world many times over the course of that friendship and will form that emotional attachment. Men are men. They will constantly think of bedding a woman they can't have and will drop innuendos and hits to see what sticks. This puts your woman in the thankless position of having to validate YOUR marriage or relationship every day...over and over. In other words, she demands the friendships and then when she fuels her ego from hits and innuendos to make her feel wanted, she expects you to pat her on the head for doing so. Or, worse yet, never says a word. Men DO NOT keep girls around "just as friends." You got it? You hear me? They do not have the time or inclination to waste on someone they are not going to have sex with. At the very least, they fantasize about it all day long at YOUR expense guys. Here's a good test guys. Next time your woman fights for the right to have her male "just a friend" as her "check in and see what's going on in his world" or "spend some time with"....or "he's no threat he's marri...
    Look...it is quite simple. Men are predisposed genetically to spread their seed everywhere. Women are predisposed to emotional attachment. Guess what? A married woman and a "male just a friend" is a certain recipe for disaster for these two simple facts. She will go into his world many times over the course of that friendship and will form that emotional attachment. Men are men. They will constantly think of bedding a woman they can't have and will drop innuendos and hits to see what sticks. This puts your woman in the thankless position of having to validate YOUR marriage or relationship every day...over and over. In other words, she demands the friendships and then when she fuels her ego from hits and innuendos to make her feel wanted, she expects you to pat her on the head for doing so. Or, worse yet, never says a word. Men DO NOT keep girls around "just as friends." You got it? You hear me? They do not have the time or inclination to waste on someone they are not going to have sex with. At the very least, they fantasize about it all day long at YOUR expense guys. Here's a good test guys. Next time your woman fights for the right to have her male "just a friend" as her "check in and see what's going on in his world" or "spend some time with"....or "he's no threat he's married and I know her" then ask her this. Have you two exchanged phone numbers? Are you also friends on more than one social media site? Have you exchanged e-mails? If she answers that they have MORE THAN ONE way to contact one another....then you sir are in trouble. She has already crossed the line of Emotional Infidelity by making herself available to him on more than just a friend basis without your knowledge. Women need to check their egos and self esteem levels at the door. That is why you have ONE man who fulfills all your needs. Any other man should feel like a letdown. You are in fact robbing intimacy from your OWN marriage or relationship by having these male friends. Quite simply, if any wife cannot say with confidence that any man who hits on her and knows she married, that she will consider that an act of betrayal and she will terminate the friendship immediately, then she has already crossed the line and you need to make a decision; run, get her counseling, tell her it is YOUR choice who her male friends will be, or live with it. If she balks at any of it, you have your answer confirmed and your "intuition" was in fact correct. Nice job ladies....but we men actually took the time to figure all this out.
    (more)
  • Brad Pa... Brad Pa... 2012/10/06 17:44:33
    Brad Patterson
    +3
    I should also add one thing. Facebook was cited as a contributing factor in ONE THIRD of all divorces in 2011. Harmless private messages? Not hardly!
  • Brad Pa... Brad Pa... 2012/10/06 18:38:18
    Brad Patterson
    +1
    Fascinating....and an extensive study at the University of Texas fully supports my considered opinion above....sorry ladies. Your male friends just want sex....and are disguising it as your friend waiting for the chance. Thank you for insisting that be a part of your life!

    http://homepage.psy.utexas.ed...
  • Jeff 2012/09/08 20:55:24
    Male friends you say....hmm...what happens when she goes to him after an argu...
    Jeff
    Ok wife has lied to me about calls and txt message with he 20+ yr long male best friend. Should I be concerened.
  • The Perfection of Imperfection 2009/10/05 16:51:02
    Wow...I think that
    The Perfection of Imperfection
    +5
    I think that it don't matter as long as thats all they are.... Just friends.
  • Kyra 2009/10/05 14:35:28
    A man should trust his wife no matter what
    Kyra
  • Ms.NY 2009/10/04 09:20:44
    A man should trust his wife no matter what
    Ms.NY
    Trust is one of the most crucial aspects in marriage, but you have to be real, we're all humans, and temptations should be avoided...
  • Pele Emerging 2009/10/01 23:28:08
    That is just asking for trouble
    Pele Emerging
    +1
    If you're going to another person, male or female, to discuss things that you should be discussing with your spouse, you're already headed for trouble. If that person with whom you're sharing is of the opposite sex, than you aren't just headed for trouble, you're already in the neighborhood.
  • Lanikai 2009/10/01 20:53:24
    That is just asking for trouble
    Lanikai
    Sorry, but as a girl I can tell you that is asking for trouble,.
  • 1348933 2009/10/01 04:13:13
    Wow...I think that
    1348933
    It totally depends on the people involved.

    If your spouse feels threatened by your other relationships, you should try to work with him to make him more comfortable -- invite him to join you on your outings, or see this friend only in group situations, or try some other consideration to ease your spouse's anxiety.

    Work to build your spouse's confidence that you don't intend to have friendships at the expense of your marriage.

    But that's just my humble opinion! :-)
  • Dennis C Latham 2009/10/01 03:48:39
    Wow...I think that
    Dennis C Latham
    my Wife wouldn't have a need to go out with anyone but me.

    PERIOD - anything else is asking for trouble in the wrong way.

    Vise -Versa - Marriage is Marriage - business is business.
  • topcop 2009/10/01 03:36:54
    That is just asking for trouble
    topcop
    +1
    Absolutely not! Men generally are lookin for a lil somethin somethin trouble absolutely generally lookin lil somethin somethin
  • Kenyon 2009/10/01 03:21:00
    A man should trust his wife no matter what
    Kenyon
    If one has to worry about their significant other then there is no trust, which means there is no relationship to begin with.
  • Stella Blue 2009/10/01 03:05:03
    A man should trust his wife no matter what
    Stella Blue
    +1
    Why not?
  • Blair 2009/10/01 02:44:06
    A man should trust his wife no matter what
    Blair
    +7
    I'm a female, and my very best friend is a male. I think that if two people love and trust one another, it should be alright...
  • JDLogan 2009/10/01 01:27:47
    A man should trust his wife no matter what
    JDLogan
    +1
    I trust my wife, even if someone did hit on her, it doesn't necessarily follow that she would cheat.
  • Jesse 2009/10/01 01:11:57
    Wow...I think that
    Jesse
    +1
    it shouldnt matter who your friends with your husband or wife shoujld trust him or her with whomever your friends are.
    thats what s in a relationship
    honesty friendship trust and love
    just because your friends with the opposite sex doesnt mean that there friends just because they want in eachothers pants.
  • rightside 2009/10/01 01:05:58
    Wow...I think that
    rightside
    +1
    I have plenty of male friends. My husband and I have been married for 36 years. He knows that I love God more than him (which is a lot) and he knows I would never betray his trust.
    I try hard not to break the commandments.
  • Robby 2009/10/01 01:01:54
    A man should trust his wife no matter what
    Robby
    +2
    I need more people in my life, besides my husband.
  • Blackbolt 2009/10/01 00:46:16
    That is just asking for trouble
    Blackbolt
    +1
    the man might budge in to your relationship with your husband.
  • dolphicorn~with~trettes 2009/09/30 23:35:49
    Wow...I think that
    dolphicorn~with~trettes
    +1
    as long as their JUST FRIENDS nuttin more
  • kathimar 2009/09/30 23:25:54
    That is just asking for trouble
    kathimar
    +2
    My husband and I share all of our friends. But I don't go out with any of the guys without my husband, and he doesn't go out with any of the gals without me. I think it keeps toungues from wagging that something is going on when it isn't. I don't distrust my husband or my friends. It just keeps our reputations clean!
  • hcurrie7 2009/09/30 23:16:44
    That is just asking for trouble
    hcurrie7
    +4
    I think this is a bullshit excuse that women use so they can still get attention and play like a single woman. In fact I know it is the reason. How would you feel if your husband was hanging around a hot single girl? Yeah that is what I thought. If you feel like your "friend" is so important maybe you should not have gotten married.
  • Music_101 2009/09/30 23:15:23
    Wow...I think that
    Music_101
    i dont care i mght a girl that a friend im close to so but only if she/he cheat on you
  • nypoet22 2009/09/30 22:44:48
    Male friends you say....hmm...what happens when she goes to him after an argu...
    nypoet22
    +2
    i guess you can't fault people for having friends, but it's a dangerous game to be married and keep friends you're attracted to, unless they're kept at a distance or only seen occasionally. maintaining that distance indefinitely takes an awful lot of integrity.
  • Raven♥ 2009/09/30 22:42:13
    A man should trust his wife no matter what
    Raven♥
    You should trust your wife. Like if I had a boyfriend he should trust me because I have many close guy friends.
  • American Cowgirl @ Heart 2009/09/30 22:19:37
    Wow...I think that
    American Cowgirl @ Heart
    +1
    I feel that a reason for a wife to have a male friend is only because she cant tell her husband everything without a fight of some sort ,,,i have male friends and i have had 1 male friend whom was married and it was getting serious so i broke it off with him,(it wasnt on SH),,You have to have trust in yourself before you can trust a married man or woman..
  • ellomotto 2009/09/30 21:33:11
    Wow...I think that
    ellomotto
    +1
    So? Just because he's a guy doesn't mean they can't be friends I have a ton of strait guy friends who I am not attracted to in the slightest. Now if the guy is hot... well then you have a problem
  • 1348933 ellomotto 2009/10/01 04:20:07
    1348933
    Yeah. I think it totally depends on the people involved.

    You know, my husband and I have been married a long time, and I usually don't mind when he socializes with females. But there have been occasions when I've felt there might be a potential attraction between him and another female, and I've asked him to avoid situations where something could happen. He has always respected my wishes whole-heartedly and without question, which has done a lot to reinforce my trust in him. And he has made similar requests of me.

    I think partners should be sensitive to each other's insecurities, and be willing to help them feel more secure. This helps build trust.
  • Charge 2009/09/30 21:27:48
    Wow...I think that
    Charge
    +1
    I have female friends and would never betray them or their relationship; I guess this is a question of character on both sides. But that is assuming they are honest about their relationship status. Being available it is definitely a problem as I see it!
  • America... Charge 2009/09/30 22:20:20
    American Cowgirl @ Heart
    +1
    Hey sweet am i one of your friends:^)
  • Charge America... 2009/09/30 22:54:11
    Charge
    +1
    You bet Your are cowgirl.... :)
  • America... Charge 2009/10/01 00:04:44
    American Cowgirl @ Heart
    +1
    YeeeeHaaaaa!!!!
  • Charge America... 2009/10/01 00:10:32
    Charge
    Your funny.... lol...
  • America... Charge 2009/10/01 00:12:53
    American Cowgirl @ Heart
    All i did was a yeehaa to your answer,,,
    so im funny mmmmm i can handle that!! :^)
  • Charge America... 2009/10/01 00:21:57
    Charge
    +1
    Good funny, it's all good Cowgirl.... be positive....
  • America... Charge 2009/10/01 02:03:15
    American Cowgirl @ Heart
    +1
    <---Always Positive,,,I am sweet i am
  • aherbert 2009/09/30 21:19:30
    A man should trust his wife no matter what
    aherbert
    +2
    I think a man should trust his wife however, all woman know that it is a thin line between having a man as a friend / becoming more than just friends ... it is hard. I do think the woman can always control the situation. I have male friends (most of them are gay) and I control the friendship. I also do not accept my hubby having a female friend ... I mean he can communicate with the women at work etc... but let him tell me he is going to go hang out with his girlfriend ... Ha .... so not going to happen.
  • 1348933 aherbert 2009/10/01 04:23:13
    1348933
    +2
    My husband and I have been married a long time, and I usually don't mind when he socializes with females. But there have been occasions when I've felt there might be a potential attraction between him and another female, and I've asked him to avoid situations where something could happen. He has always respected my wishes whole-heartedly and without question, which has done a lot to reinforce my trust in him. And he has made similar requests of me.

    I think partners should be sensitive to each other's insecurities, and be willing to help them feel more secure. This helps build trust.

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