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Should Couples Live Together Before Marriage?

Living 2011/11/17 18:00:00
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You probably have tons of friends who are living together before marriage. Heck, you may have even "shacked up" yourself. But you've probably also heard that a "trial run" isn't such a good idea.



Two-thirds of recently married Americans lived together before they married, according to bigthink.com. But last year, a National Center for Health Statistics study found that couples who live together before they get hitched are less likely to stay married, according to The New York Times. The likelihood that a marriage would last for a decade or more decreased by six percentage points if the couple had lived together first.

That said, people are cohabiting anyway. "From the perspective of many young adults, marrying without living together first seems quite foolish," Prof. Pamela J. Smock, a research professor at the Population Studies Center at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, told the Times. "Just because some academic studies have shown that living together may increase the chance of divorce somewhat, young adults themselves don’t believe that."

Thinking about shacking up? If you and your partner are college graduates, the chances that you'll tie the knot -- and stay married at least 10 years -- improve, the study found. If you're 26 or older, or have a baby eight months or more after marrying, you're also more likely to stay hitched for more than a decade. And getting engaged BEFORE moving in is also a good idea, according to the study.

Do you think moving in together before marriage is smart? Or stupid?
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  • naty808 2013/11/12 23:23:23
    No, it's not a good idea
    naty808
    It's not smart because ppl who shack up usually just do it to have someone to help them with all the bills since they can't make it alone and let's face it ppl who marry afther living so much time togeather divorce a year afther getting married or they just never get married at all so woman if you want to get married with this guy don't live with him first I've seen it a lot before that you kill yourself dedicating your life to a man that some random girl comes out of nowhere snatches him away he marries her without even knowing her at all to well.
  • Buggie 2012/02/28 22:59:11
    Yes, it's smart
    Buggie
    i currently live in a group home at my age of 17 and my partner and i are having sex and when i turn 18 he wants me to live with him. I want to so bad, but every 3 weeks after he graduates hes going to Alaska to work on the oil rigs, he says he will be able to provide for me and i still have 2 years of high school left. i just dont know what to do, i just want to get out of the group home. So my guess is if you think you can handle it, then go for it.
  • NorikoSungirl 2012/01/03 04:47:38
    Yes, it's smart
    NorikoSungirl
    BUT ONLY if the two are already in a serious, deep relationship and have been for a while. This should not be a decision made on a whim, after a couple good dates and a steamy one-night stand. You should only live with someone if you are exploring the possibility of marriage, not just so you can skip over that part.

    I know a lot of people think that it doesn't matter if you get married or not, but I think that living with a woman for a long period of time and choosing to not marry her is not only disrespectful to your relationship, but also makes your girlfriend look like a whore. If you want to spend the rest of your lives together, why not marry her? What does it really hurt? So spend some time living together and growing accustomed to each other if you must, but don't get too comfortable and forget what this should be -- a transitional stage.
  • Arianne 2011/12/29 08:33:03
    Yes, it's smart
    Arianne
    It won't gurantee that you can stand eachother forever, but it would most likely help you understand what you're getting into. If you can't survive shacking up, then you won't survive marriage.
  • Stan Kapusta 2011/12/18 20:59:07 (edited)
    Yes, it's smart
    Stan Kapusta
    You have a good idea of what your getting yourself into. It's easier to move on if it don't work out. Also a gift when the two of you decide to live life as long as you both can as one. [You do grow together].
  • doc moto 2011/12/08 14:52:48
    No, it's not a good idea
    doc moto
    +1
    Together in separate bedrooms and who is gonna do the dishes?
  • stevegt... doc moto 2011/12/10 19:38:17 (edited)
  • doc moto stevegt... 2011/12/18 19:47:47 (edited)
    doc moto
    good and remember drying is part of the job; dry jokes and also toweling off after a good bath, scrubbing the backs and not too hard...all is good...some folks do not go and get married and have been soul mates till death, some have been married for years and find that the one performing the union was not legally doing so, so what is it, it is a relationship and till death do they part, love is from the creator and he is the one that made the union the real union and not collecting or taxing dues of any sort!

    go texas go!
  • stevegt... doc moto 2011/12/18 20:08:35
  • doc moto stevegt... 2011/12/18 20:09:56
    doc moto
    wow a keeper then!
  • stevegt... doc moto 2012/05/05 15:03:03 (edited)
  • doc moto stevegt... 2012/05/06 05:10:43
    doc moto
    My wife laughs when I do her feet! I washed them once and all was okay till I started drying them!
  • darazan 2011/12/02 20:04:49
    Yes, it's smart
    darazan
    +2
    My husband and I lived together before we got married. Then again, the circumstances regarding that were different that what this survey seems to be aimed at showing. We're the same age, and I moved in the fall after high school graduation in 2007. I had spent the summer with my sister in a different state, and he and I had gotten engaged. When I came back, I moved in with him and his family, not because we wanted to "shack up," but because my mom was sending me to the brink of suicide. She was abusive and I couldn't take that anymore, and I wasn't going to live there anymore. I couldn't afford a place of my own, and my husband's family took me in. My husband and I didn't have sex before marriage like a lot of couples that live together beforehand.
  • jazminenydiaaiono 2011/12/01 04:54:37
    Yes, it's smart
    jazminenydiaaiono
    +1
    personally and depending on the (religious) relationship...once a couple is engaged i think that living together should become an option for both parties...i think it gives the man and woman one last look at how life will become in a committed relationship...
  • SilveryRow 2011/11/30 13:42:53
    Yes, it's smart
    SilveryRow
    +1
    I have never heard from anyone or anywhere before this site that cohabiting before marriage is a bad idea. Bad times if you only find out you can't handle living together after you've just promised to spend your life together!
  • stevegt... SilveryRow 2011/11/30 15:34:30
  • SilveryRow stevegt... 2011/12/08 03:10:50
    SilveryRow
    Of course I've been to church, but never heard that. I used to go at Christmas for the carols as a child, but as pleasant as those buildings can be, it would be kind of like a Muslim worshipping in a synagogue :)
  • alaws2005 2011/11/28 23:06:05
    No, it's not a good idea
    alaws2005
    +1
    It is never okay for a unmarried man and woman to live together. It is wrong and any true bible believing christian would you tell anyone this.
  • stevegt... alaws2005 2011/11/30 15:36:20
  • stevegt... alaws2005 2011/12/02 17:16:15 (edited)
  • HappyJackson5 2011/11/25 18:27:09
    Yes, it's smart
    HappyJackson5
    +2
    You never truly know a person until you have lived with them and really know them and their living standards!
  • stevegt... HappyJa... 2011/11/30 15:36:51
  • Th8nos 2011/11/25 07:21:15
    Yes, it's smart
    Th8nos
    I believe that it is definitely a good idea
  • nefertari 2011/11/25 00:41:39
    No, it's not a good idea
    nefertari
    The old saying...."Why buy the cow when the milk is free" applies. Women comes out the loser....men get the best deal on this.
  • stevegt... nefertari 2011/11/26 15:13:54
  • stevegt... nefertari 2011/11/28 17:57:10
  • Arianne nefertari 2011/12/29 08:35:34
    Arianne
    What kind of deal may I ask?
  • cebo 2011/11/23 09:48:34 (edited)
    Yes, it's smart
    cebo
    +1
    Times have changed people want to sample life together before they find out that they can't stand each other and getting married first can turn out to be very nasty and very ugly when you find out that all you had was lust and false antisipation.
  • stevegt... cebo 2011/11/23 16:41:49
  • stevegt... cebo 2011/11/30 15:38:40
  • cebo stevegt... 2011/12/03 05:03:30
    cebo
    yes I agree
  • KallieKolorful 2011/11/23 00:14:16
    Yes, it's smart
    KallieKolorful
    Some people could seem like a really nice guy and then end up beating you after you are together
  • stevegt... KallieK... 2011/11/23 16:42:54
  • VenomHalos 2011/11/22 22:03:48
    Yes, it's smart
    VenomHalos
    +2
    How else are you supposed to find out if you can actually STAND living with each other?
  • stevegt... VenomHalos 2011/11/23 16:44:23
  • VenomHalos stevegt... 2011/11/28 04:56:54
    VenomHalos
    Yes, and a lot of them lived together before they were married. And a lot of them have also been forced to stay together. Many people find true love, and many don't. It makes more sense to make sure before you make a commitment you shouldn't.
  • Kitty 2011/11/22 03:58:13
    Yes, it's smart
    Kitty
    +1
    If a couple gets a divorce, it's not because they lived together before they got married. It's because they are not right for each other. I think the sooner you really get to know the person, the better. I mean, you are going to marry them, so why not? If a couple gets a divorce and they used to live together before they were married, maybe it's because they stayed together out of habit and they were in denial that they had problems, but they knew it was going to end one day.
  • stevegt... Kitty 2011/11/23 16:45:48
  • Kitty stevegt... 2011/12/16 21:47:47
    Kitty
    Sometimes people cannot make up their minds or see who the other person really is, or they have changed over time, and then finally got it right with the one they were with.
  • Kitty Kitty 2012/02/18 03:11:20 (edited)
    Kitty
    I want to add that moving in causes people to get to know eachother better, and so if two people are right for eachother, the relationship will only get stronger. However, if a couple does break up after moving in together, it's because they are not right for eachother and moving in just helped them realize it sooner. So, moving in can be the catalyst, not the cause, of a breakup. AND...If you move in together, and one day the relationship ends, it would probably happen right then. You wouldn’t just get married, wait, and then get a divorce and blame it on living together beforehand.
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