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Should a husband defend his wife against his mother?

cashmere sweaters 2012/06/18 22:25:23
Related Topics: Husband, Mother
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If a MIL starts to meddle too much, should a husband stand up to his mother if it is upsetting his wife?
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  • Freedom Mom 2012/06/19 02:03:00
    Stand up to mother
    Freedom Mom
    +7
    I think a husband should stand up for his wife as long as she isn't just stirring the pot or causing the problem. I think the husband would know how to handle his mother better and it would keep from putting his wife in an uncomfortable situation. On the other hand my husband hasn't had to do that, my mother-in -law and I were friends before I married my husband. I was lucky.

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  • TheTrut... cashmer... 2012/06/20 19:18:50
    TheTruth1313
    I agree, but, you have to at least attempt to reach peace in order to hopefully establish an overall harmony.
  • mrdog 2012/06/19 06:52:14
    Stand up to mother
    mrdog
    +1
    For me,,,,simple spouses support each other...100%.... disagree in private...talk issues out in a calm manner...bark
  • Hula girl - Friends not Fol... 2012/06/19 06:04:37
    Stand up to mother
    Hula girl - Friends not Followers
    +1
    A man leaves his mother to cleave to his wife.
  • bricklyn 2012/06/19 05:59:18
    Stand up to mother
    bricklyn
    +2
    Absolute. Once you are married it is your wife you are suppose to support and life with. Your mother is no longer the first women in your life, your wife is. If they are not getting along, you need to let your mother know that your wife is very important to you and tell her to make sure that she understands that.

    The two of them do need to work it out. But your first loyalty need to be to your wife.
  • JohnT 2012/06/19 04:44:36
    Stand up to mother
    JohnT
    +2
    You get married you become one, mom needs to but out and if she can't a little discussion is needed to make things clear.
  • DebraJMSmith 2012/06/19 04:42:06
    Stand up to mother
    DebraJMSmith
    +2
    If he would stand up to his mother for himself, then he should stand up to her, for his wife. --They are one.
  • Redneck 2012/06/19 04:35:26
    Stand up to mother
    Redneck
    +3
    When you get married, you're leaving your mother and father and are supposed to be loyal to your wife before your parents. now, if your wife is in the wrong, she needs to be told that and do not allow her to mistreat your parents.
  • Mrkando 2012/06/19 04:15:14
    Stand up to mother
    Mrkando
    +4
    He took a vow in order to be married to his wife. This means he owes her his allegiance.
    He chose his wife to be with him for better or worse so he should be there to defend her even against his mother.
  • Wild Dog 2012/06/19 03:35:02
    Stand up to mother
    Wild Dog
    +2
    Of couse he should, the wife's the one he chose to live with.
  • Ken 2012/06/19 03:28:57
    Stand up to mother
    Ken
    +4
    Mothers should know better.
  • firebird 2012/06/19 03:26:38
    Stand up to mother
    firebird
  • Gunner 2012/06/19 03:08:37
    Stand up to mother
    Gunner
    +4
    Mom must be told that his wife is the #1 woman in his life.
  • Treasur... Gunner 2012/06/19 15:51:07
    Treasure ♥ijm♥
    +1
    I like your answer! :)
  • meme14 2012/06/19 02:35:39 (edited)
    Stand up to mother
    meme14
    +3
    If the MIL is meddling and making snide comments or blatantly rude comments about things that don't really matter then the spouse should set her straight in an assertive, direct - matter-of-fact, this-is-the-way-it-is type of way. If they are wishy washy and approach it like they are unsure they only prolong the tension and make it worse. But, if the MIL is making comments about things that really matter - like someone is gambling all the money away or doing drugs...or someone is leaving marks on the kids...or the house is absolutely filthy - then she is just doing what moms do...looking out for her child. Unless it's something important and her point is valid she shouldn't meddle and she should be stopped-cattiness is annoying.
  • Kat ♪.BTO-t-BCRA-F~PWCM~ 2012/06/19 02:34:54 (edited)
    Stand up to mother
    Kat ♪.BTO-t-BCRA-F~PWCM~
    +1
    I had that problem, we are still together, but I don't like that he didn't tell her to cool her tool. If I could have left at the time, I probably would have. You start trouble with his mamma it's going to upset him more and really jerk you around.
  • Jan Haskell 2012/06/19 02:12:11
    Stand up to mother
    Jan Haskell
    +3
    Be as respectful as possible to mom, but there should be no doubt that his wife is first in his life now.
  • wtxwoman 2012/06/19 02:12:10
    Stand up to mother
    wtxwoman
    +2
    Always. Women should know when to back the hell up. There is an old saying that goes like this: a daughter is a daughter all her life, a son is a son until he takes a wife.
  • Freedom Mom 2012/06/19 02:03:00
    Stand up to mother
    Freedom Mom
    +7
    I think a husband should stand up for his wife as long as she isn't just stirring the pot or causing the problem. I think the husband would know how to handle his mother better and it would keep from putting his wife in an uncomfortable situation. On the other hand my husband hasn't had to do that, my mother-in -law and I were friends before I married my husband. I was lucky.
  • Azrael-In GOD we trust 2012/06/19 01:56:10
    Stand up to mother
    Azrael-In GOD we trust
    +4
    If the wife is right, he'd better stand up for her.
    Mommy only lived with him for a short time, but the wife is til death do they part (or divorce whichever.)
  • MarinerFH 2012/06/19 01:49:42
  • rocat 2012/06/19 01:49:27
    Stand up to mother
    rocat
    +7
    if a man does not defend his wife...
    his mother did not raise him right-
  • KingdomNow 2012/06/19 01:44:58
    leave it between them
    KingdomNow
    +2
    Stand up for what's right.
  • bricklyn KingdomNow 2012/06/19 06:02:09
    bricklyn
    +1
    Mothers have no business interfering in a marriage.
  • KingdomNow bricklyn 2012/06/19 15:49:36
    KingdomNow
    Why not? They have an interest.
  • bricklyn KingdomNow 2012/06/20 00:41:09
    bricklyn
    Any mother in law that is that consumed with the lives of their children needs to be told to back off. They are interfering and need to get a grip on reality.

    When a mother in law is creating stress on a new mom she is need to be set straight by her son and told she is out of line.
  • Walt 2012/06/19 01:44:09
    Stand up to mother
    Walt
    +3
    It depends on circumstances. If the mother-in-law lives with the couple, the man has an obligation to make the home a place where his wife is not bullied or controlled by his family members.
  • cashmer... Walt 2012/06/19 01:50:59
    cashmere sweaters
    +4
    One of my cousin's sisters in law decided that the furniture wasn't in the right place in the living room and re-arranged it when she wasn't home. Understandably upset, my cousin told her husband what happened. The husband then proceeded to tear his sister a new a-hole telling her that the ONLY Lady of the house was his wife and to keep the h@ll out of their business!!
  • Walt cashmer... 2012/06/19 01:58:46
    Walt
    +2
    He was exactly right in his reaction.

    If it were me, I would have also changed the locks on all of the exterior doors and made sure nobody outside of the immediate household got a copy of the key.
  • cashmer... Walt 2012/06/19 02:12:11
    cashmere sweaters
    +2
    You bet he did! Mom wasn't happy. Oh well....
  • Kat ♪.B... cashmer... 2012/06/19 02:38:21
    Kat ♪.BTO-t-BCRA-F~PWCM~
    +2
    My mother in law moved in and liked to re-arrange my kitchen when I was out. I just put it back , he wouldn't tell her to be good, he should have. I was glad when she left and never would agree to let her stay even for a night.
  • Freeranger 2012/06/19 01:42:50
    leave it between them
    Freeranger
    Discretion being the better part of valor, it is generally at this nexus that the son-in-law and the father-in-law retire to the basement to look at hunting stuff.
  • bricklyn Freeranger 2012/06/19 06:03:59
    bricklyn
    +1
    Nope it is not. Just create tension and more resentment in the future.

    Mothers have no business meddling in marriages and need to be shown their place.
  • Freeranger bricklyn 2012/06/19 12:55:18
    Freeranger
    Hey um.......it's just a question there hard charger. Don't go getting yer knickers in a twist huh?
    I happen to like my solution and I'm welcome to it. Your answer does not trump my own because you deem yours the correct one. It's an opinion based website where we are asked our opinion. There are no wrong answers, only more opinionated individuals who think they have all the answers. Maybe file that one away.
  • jackolantyrn356 2012/06/19 01:36:33
    Stand up to mother
    jackolantyrn356
    +2
    She is your wife. Mama has seen fit to be a Harpy and Shrew to you and your wife, The attack is on you as well as the "little woman"...............
  • Soup Man 2012/06/19 01:32:18
    Stand up to mother
    Soup Man
    +5
    She is my wife
  • Vitalani 2012/06/19 01:31:51
    Stand up to mother
    Vitalani
    +2
    Yes, yes, and more YES.
  • Jackie G - Poker Playing Pa... 2012/06/19 01:30:31
    Stand up to mother
    Jackie G - Poker Playing Patriot
    +4
    He should , loving them both, set out the rules - what is acceptable and what is not.
  • bricklyn Jackie ... 2012/06/19 06:05:11
    bricklyn
    Sorry, when I live with a man, he does NOT, set out rules.
  • Jackie ... bricklyn 2012/06/19 13:55:31
    Jackie G - Poker Playing Patriot
    Between the two - have seen some really nasty wives being cruel to a man's mother to the point I left the room. The man should step in when those things happen and I do not accept that the spouse has that right. If a woman cannot treat the man's mother with some respect, she deserves no respect either
  • Firefly 2012/06/19 01:27:45
    Stand up to mother
    Firefly
    +4
    A man should stand up and defend his wife, against anyone ~ period...

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