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Should a husband defend his wife against his mother?

cashmere sweaters 2012/06/18 22:25:23
Related Topics: Husband, Mother
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If a MIL starts to meddle too much, should a husband stand up to his mother if it is upsetting his wife?
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  • Freedom Mom 2012/06/19 02:03:00
    Stand up to mother
    Freedom Mom
    +7
    I think a husband should stand up for his wife as long as she isn't just stirring the pot or causing the problem. I think the husband would know how to handle his mother better and it would keep from putting his wife in an uncomfortable situation. On the other hand my husband hasn't had to do that, my mother-in -law and I were friends before I married my husband. I was lucky.

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Opinions

  • twototango 2013/03/27 01:02:31
    Stand up to mother
    twototango
    My husband always says "It takes two to tango."
  • Brosia 2012/07/17 22:33:02
    Stand up to mother
    Brosia
    You already chose which side you are on, because you left home and got married. Since your mom cannot make you sleep on the couch, even if your wife is wrong, you need to back her up. It is about the only way to save your marriage if your mother cannot leave your life alone.
  • Wonder Woman 2012/06/20 16:46:37
  • Nameless 2012/06/20 15:37:40
    Stand up to mother
    Nameless
    He should stand up to her and defend his wife, period.
  • Mark Mercer 2012/06/20 14:56:19
    Stand up to mother
    Mark Mercer
    As he would defend himself....
  • Gloria 2012/06/20 12:25:28
    Stand up to mother
    Gloria
    +1
    I can't stand it when someone doesn't stick up for me.
  • Katherine 2012/06/20 07:30:37
    leave it between them
    Katherine
    Neither. I believe protocol is whoever is in the wrong stays, the husband asks the other person to give them a moment to talk. Never criticize in front of the dueling party! Depending on what happened, make a case and request from each. Try to speak on behalf of the complaints of the person not present, but also listen and try to understand the person's complaints who you're talking to so they know you care and are trying.
  • Pele Emerging 2012/06/20 06:38:37
    Stand up to mother
    Pele Emerging
    +1
    Stand up for wife to his mother. I expect my sons to stand up for the women in their lives. My second son's wife and I love each other dearly--she stands up for me to my son, and I've stood up for her to him. I hope I will never come between my sons and their wives.
  • JayLynx 2012/06/20 04:33:35
    leave it between them
    JayLynx
    Really, neither one. He should not ignore disagreements. The man has to try to keep the harmony in family .
    Not always the mother is right. I met girls who suffered silent, under the pressure exerted by their mother-in-law, in the absence of the husbands.
    Some mother-in-law are very nosy, and interferes in the affairs of a couple. Some old immature ladies, vie for the attention of her son with the daughter-in-law. That kind of mother deserves to hear from his son: "Mom doesn't cause me problems, she is my beloved wife, I chose her. But I also love you. Let's keep the respect."
    And vice-versa - the wife must forgive the jealous lady!

    I have a nice mother-in-law, she's nice and we love each other!

    Some sugestions (By Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen)...
    http://suite101.com/article/m...
    http://suite101.com/article/d...
  • Marcus Clark 2012/06/20 02:44:25
    Stand up to mother
    Marcus Clark
    +1
    There are two rules at play here.
    1)Honor your father and mother. (This is not just addressed to minor children and has no expiration.)
    2)For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall become one flesh.

    The result of this in the scenario presented is that the husband should take the side of his wife in defense against his parents, but he should do so respectfully. That can put him in a tough spot, but he should be a man and step up.
  • BlairCat 2012/06/20 00:55:13
    Stand up to mother
    BlairCat
    +2
    He took the oath didn't he??? And it wasn't to his mother.
  • BubblyBlonde 2012/06/20 00:50:31
    Stand up to mother
    BubblyBlonde
    I grew up with grandparents that were always in my familys business. It wasn't pleasant.
  • Catch224u 2012/06/19 22:48:20
    Stand up to mother
    Catch224u
    +1
    That is if he wants the love and respect of his wife.
  • Dave Sawyer ♥ Child of God ♥ 2012/06/19 21:46:48
    Stand up to mother
    Dave Sawyer ♥ Child of God ♥
    +1
    Gently, if possible.
  • Angi 2012/06/19 21:20:36
    Stand up to mother
    Angi
    +1
    If the Mother in law is meddling then the Husband needs to say enough. How many arguments have been caused by meddling in laws.
  • JesusIsMyGod 2012/06/19 21:18:51
    Stand up to mother
    JesusIsMyGod
    +1
    Yes. Spouses are supposed to support each other.
  • BOOGIE-WOOGIE-MUSIC-MAN-ROC... 2012/06/19 20:19:20
    Stand up to mother
    BOOGIE-WOOGIE-MUSIC-MAN-ROCK-N-R
    After 18 years of marriage and after it was all over, I thank my mother for always being nice and consider it to the mother of my children..
  • blissful 2012/06/19 19:36:36
    Stand up to mother
    blissful
    +2
    Yes!! If the mom is clearly in the wrong and is barging-in where she don't belong! Hell yes! How does he expect to have any peace from either-side if he isn't being Man-enough to do anything about-it!. If he loves his wife and his mom he will do this for the good of All..
  • Mrs. Kathy Arch 2012/06/19 18:40:53
    Stand up to mother
    Mrs. Kathy Arch
    +2
    He better stand up for his wife
  • beachbum 2012/06/19 18:38:58
    Stand up to mother
    beachbum
    +4
    I'm a mom who raised sons - I taught them they should always defend their wife. Since I am the MIL now, I have gone out of my way to not ever put my son between his wife and me............fortunately, this has been very easy for me since she is a sweetheart, a great mother, and absolutely adores my son - what else could a mom ask for?
  • tommyg - POTL- PWCM-JLA 2012/06/19 18:34:34
    Stand up to mother
    tommyg - POTL- PWCM-JLA
    +1
    Though it should never come to this.
  • cmdrbnd007 2012/06/19 16:20:02
    Stand up to mother
    cmdrbnd007
    +3
    Of course he should. I know I had to and you know what, things changed for the better.
  • cashmer... cmdrbnd007 2012/06/19 16:23:45
    cashmere sweaters
    +2
    A happy wife means a happy life!
  • cmdrbnd007 cashmer... 2012/06/19 16:31:48
    cmdrbnd007
    +2
    You sure got that right! I'd rather live with my mother mad at me, she's not the one I have to share a roof with.
  • Darlin' 2012/06/19 15:58:22
    leave it between them
    Darlin'
    +1
    however re-assure your wife with your support for her
  • Treasure ♥ijm♥ 2012/06/19 15:53:16
    Stand up to mother
    Treasure ♥ijm♥
    +3
    If he loves his wife, she should come first. I always loved my Mother-in-law so I never had any problem with this.....I respect a man that will stand up for his wife though. :)
  • Footage 2012/06/19 15:03:50
    Stand up to mother
    Footage
    +3
    Yes. Firmlly, but carefully and respectfully.
  • Hotcho 2012/06/19 14:13:20
    Stand up to mother
    Hotcho
    All the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Betty 2012/06/19 13:18:42
    Stand up to mother
    Betty
    +3
    Absolutely!!! A man leaves his mother and should cling to his wife.
  • onetirednurse 2012/06/19 12:24:05
    Stand up to mother
    onetirednurse
    +3
    When you marry someone it's for better or worse. I would defend my husband over my parents, even if he was wrong. We would discuss it in private later. The one disagreement I had with my MIL my husband did defend me. She tried to change my kitchen around and put things where she thought it should go.. Hubby told her to stop, I'm left handed and my kitchen is set up for a lefty. What is backwards to her is perfect for me. She wasn't happy at first but she got over it..
  • cashmer... onetire... 2012/06/19 15:36:44
    cashmere sweaters
    +1
    That's terrible. What went through her head to think it was cool to do that! Glad your hubby was considerate enough to you to put a stop to it!
  • onetire... cashmer... 2012/06/20 04:23:25
    onetirednurse
    +1
    Finally! I couldn't reply earlier. She thought she was helping after I had the baby. The kitchen wasn't "organized" I was almost in tears telling hubby what she was doing. She still doesn't think my kitchen is organized but atleast she leaves it alone now. but she still makes little comments when she is in there. "if I were a big spoon what drawer would I live in here". She claimed she had no idea I was left handed *rolling eyes*..
  • cashmer... onetire... 2012/06/20 04:57:43
    cashmere sweaters
    +1
    Gawd! You deserve your angel wings!
  • onetire... cashmer... 2012/06/20 05:09:31 (edited)
    onetirednurse
    After the last time she said it hubby told her we have been married for 7 years and lived in the house for that long. She should know by now where things are. It's never changed.. :)
  • nverumind 2012/06/19 12:22:16
    Stand up to mother
    nverumind
    Where is your other ?
    It really depends on what its about , if its something that you're wife is not being affected by and or can handle it on her own than leave it be.
    But if the mother is clearly belittling or disrespects your wife , then stand up for her!
  • tweet_tweet 2012/06/19 11:33:27
    Stand up to mother
    tweet_tweet
    I can't stand in-laws who come into their child's home and bully his or her spouse. Treating someone terribly in their own house is disgusting. I'd tell the abuser they can be nice or get banned from my home if I was in such a situation. My familly members I still talk to are nice, so this isn't a problem.
  • Playerazzi 2012/06/19 10:08:30
    Stand up to mother
    Playerazzi
    +2
    As we have been taught, a man leaves his original family and joins with his wife, and becomes "one flesh". She is his soul-mate, and his loyalty should be to his wife, with very few and only extreme exceptions.
  • KoAm 2012/06/19 07:59:10
    Stand up to mother
    KoAm
    +3
    If mom's being out of line, then yes ... a husband should stand up to her if she's being out of line with his wife.

    That goes for wives too; they should stand up to their mothers if they're being out of line with their husbands.
  • TheTruth1313 2012/06/19 06:54:50
    leave it between them
    TheTruth1313
    It really does depend on who is correct. However, the search for peace and the middle ground would be highly recommended as well.
  • cashmer... TheTrut... 2012/06/19 08:26:07
    cashmere sweaters
    +1
    Middle ground can be subjective.

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