Should 20-something year-old children demand that their mother make a choice between them and the mother's boyfriend?

If the kids lives with the mom no..but i wont allow my mothers boyfriend in my house so she just comes to see me by herself....her boyfriends are always abusive towards her so i wont have them in my house...

Leave mom alone, its time for the 20 year 'olders' to fly the coup.

at that age. i don't think a 20 year old will even care who their mom dates.

No, 20 year olds are adults and sons and daughters come first.

A little confused on this answer....they are adults...but then they come first?

What I'm saying is that if the mother has to choose between some guy and her children then she needs to put them first because they are her family.

Really, it depends on the situation- the boyfriend, mom, & the "kids".

If the boyfriend is an abuser, pervert etc. what's the point of keeping him around?
If he's a really bad influence on the mom, like if he's getting her on drugs, or becoming an alcoholic-

If I was the kid, I'd try to help her-sometimes you have to say something drastic like that, to make a person wake up, & see what's really happening. You could save her life, or the lives of the kids, or both.

Dont really think its any of thier business. Its the mom not the daughter for cryin out loud!!

I did it at 18. The man was a pompous ass and I made it clear that he would NOT be considered family if they got married. Two months later, his actions proved that I was right.

A 20-year-old is, at least technically, a grown-up. And a 20-year-old should recognize that his/her mother is entitled to the pursuit of happiness, including having a boyfriend if she is single.

There's no reason why it has to be an "either-or, but not both" scenario. A single mother of a 20-year-old can care about her boyfriend and about her 20-year-old child. Just because she cares about one doesn't mean she's incapable of caring about the other.

True, but when the person your mother is dating is a walking disaster who will tear apart an already wounded family, it is the duty of every family member who sees this to speak up.

In that case, then the person should just tell his/her mother that the boyfriend is bad news. Playing the whole "him or me" game comes off as kind of selfish.

I have thirty something children still trying to do me that way. Its always the "ME or ELSE " . But, I notice they don't pay any of my bills or buy any food. They don't pay for any of my meds , rent or gasoline... and so on.. SO, if they want to pull that emotional and control blackmail then fine... I might go for several months without hearing from them but they all normally show back up when they have a use for me.. I have become wise to the ways.................. When they support me, have to make decisions for me and finally bury me then they can certainly have their say and way !!!

You tellem honey!!! They always come back when they want something!!!

GOD GAVE YOU LEG'S AND FEET.. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHERE YOUR AT.. BEAT FEET OUT OF THERE... MOM GAVE YOU LIFE AND TWENTY YEARS.. WHAT MORE SHOULD YOU ASK FOR? GO GET YOUR OWN BOY OR GIRL FRIEND.. AND LEAVE THEM AT PEACE...

They need to accept that you have someone.

20-something y.o. children do not exist those are immature adults. I would not trust an immature adult to know what is best for me. But here's where it gets tricky... sometimes the immature adult is the 40-something y.o. parent and the son/daughter see better and are trying to help. I would say to the parent adult make sure you aren't being a complete idiot in denial... to the kid I would say sometimes you have to let people make mistakes and that both of you are probably being unrealistic and juvenile.

20 something year old kids don't have the right to demand anything of the parents.PERIOD !

No way ! un-grateful brats should get their own life by that age. lol

If the guy is abusive~rude~drunk/druggie!
The son should speak up!
But, if the 'man', is a 'standup dude',
sonny should get out and let 'mommy' enjoy her life NO!

And what would you say a drunk is?

They are adults and should stay out of Mom's business. If they have concerns about the guy they should speak up but just watch out for Mom

I dont think that the kids have a right to ask that of their mother.

Every one need to make their own life...she has 20, no 3

The adult children may have grave concerns this is their way of trying to intervene,I dont know the whole story.....

It depends on the situation. If mom's BF is a criminal, abuser, or someone that is really detrimental to her, then yes. Otherwise, a parent has the right to seek their own happiness..

They don't have the right to DEMAND anything. They may try to persuade the parent but they can't go further than that.

You are right as long as the parent is independent and does not depend on their kids for anything. If an adult child is supporting that parent, then yes, they got rights in that given situations that I named in my previous post.

NOPE ! THe parent is the parent. If the parent is of sound mind, you have no right to demand anything. If they live in your home you can control your home but otherwise, NO RIGHTS !

Sorry, Chanch. I disagree, I pay the bills, I make the rules, if a parent doesn't like it, there's the door, and don't let it hit you on the way out. I had this discussion about my expectations with my mother and took care of ALL her bills in over the past 22+ plus years.

I disagree. They are the parent and always will be. Yes you can tell them you won't allow that other person in your home but you have no right to control their personal life at all.

I disagree, but the one who pays, makes the rules. I really don't care and will not change my mind on this. So get off my back and take care of your family.
Good day.

In this case children do not support the mother. Both only work part time and barely cleanup after themselves.

In that case, the kids need to move out and get their own life. End of problem.

L1 is a control freak.Makes me glad I don't have kids as terrible as her. Makes one wonder what makes them so miserable. It's all about money to her. LOL

The one paying the bills doesn't mean you own someone. The mother in this situation doesn't use this tactic to choose the children's friends or who they have in the house. She has always shown them respect of their own lives. But now she wants that same respect.

You don't own someone, but that doesn't mean you put up with nonsense either. Just like a parent wouldn't put with their adult kid bringing lovers overnight to their house, why should I put up with the same or having a parent drunk or smoking i.e. in my home? I have the right to live and have MY home in peace. No double standards. Just because one person pops out DNA to make another person, does not give them godlike rights. I don't like that and was not raised that way.

If the lady's kids are a pain, she can tell them to leave and get a life while she lives her own life. End of problem.

Chanch, you judgmental a.h. Your kids are probably warped out like you since you must be "god."

Part of the problem with the world today especially with kids is that they are allowed to do what they want. The parent is the parent. Kids are kids. Kids are running the lives of the parents ! NOT IN MY WORLD !

Maybe your kids, but I worked all my life since I was 8 y.o and I got where I am by hard work. When I became independent, I ran my own life. When I pay all the bills, then the house is my rules. Period.

Being "right" is subjective, Now back off, judgmental double standard A.H