Sex with Cheetah: Beware Drunken Men

There's a new cat in town. It's the "Cheetah." Unlike Cougars or Pumas, Cheetah hunts for helpless prey she can sink her teeth into and mate for life. Or so the story goes in the New York Observer:

It was 2:30 a.m. on a school night about a year ago when Seth, Joel and Dana left the party and headed into the rain. The party had been unremarkable, only this time Seth had allowed the open bar to get the better of him. He knew he was completely wasted. What he didn’t know was that a predator was watching his every move.

“I can barely stand,” Seth said, swaying innocently on the soggy sidewalk. (Seth’s a gentleman and asked that I change the names and obscure
certain details in unfurling the horrors that so thoroughly furled him
that night, in order to protect the honor of a woman.) He was 24 at the
time, a magazine writer.

Joel said, “O.K., I think he needs to go home.”

Dana, who was 29, said, “Let’s go get another drink!”

“I wanna go home,” Seth warbled.

“O.K., I’ll take him home,” Dana said.

Joel gave Seth a “WTF?” look and said, “I’ll take him home.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dana said, hailing a cab and then bundling Seth inside.

“I woke up with a condom still on my dick,” he told me.

And, then the author, a married-with-children writer named Spencer Morgan, begins his rant about this new cousin-to-the-Cougar, he coined "Cheetah." According to him, Cheetahs are desperate dames in their late 20s/early 30s prowling for senselessly sloshed men who are "above her station." Not only will they take these poor unsuspecting men home and bed them, but they'll -- horror -- spend the night and share an awkward kiss in the morning, which apparently is the Cheetah's way of saying, "Oh please, please have a relationship with me." Men beware, he warns.

Hold up. Rewind.

Isn't Seth's tale just another case of playing the blame game? This guy sounds like most girls. Like he regretted having sex once the morning light revealed the lewd duo's naked forms and, apparently, the condom he was still wearing. Aww, poor innocent Seth. He got himself so dwunk that he couldn't pwotect himself from the claws of the vicious predator called Dana.

Blame the girl, blame the alcohol. No need to take responsibility here.

Seth should ask himself why he chose to get that inebriated in the first place. Oh, but that wasn't his fault either. It was all that darn free booze at the open bar. Riggghhht.

And, what happened to Seth's wing man, Joel, the night of the "horrors that so thoroughly furled him?" If he was so worried about Seth getting into the cab with this ferocious cat woman, why didn't he stop him?

But it gets better ....

A few months later, Seth found himself watching helplessly late one night as Dana picked off one of his pals much the same way she had him: The fellow was babbling, stumbling drunk, and Dana chirped: “I’m heading the same way, let’s share a cab!” Another poor shmo who hosted an after-party at his pad one night to enjoy a little group reefer session suddenly found himself alone, except for Dana. Game over."

She knows what she's doing," Seth told me.

Seth "found himself watching helplessly" .... Really? Helpless? Was he chained to the wall? Was someone holding a gun to his head? Was he paralyzed with fear? Because those sound like good reasons to be helpless. Maybe Seth was immobilized by jealousy because Dana had moved on to enjoy sex with another man.

If Seth really wanted to warn his friend about the horrors he would have to endure if he went home with Dana, then he probably should have said something. That's what a real "pal" would do.

While the author of this confusing article has tried to introduce a new feline title for women who take pleasure in having sex (because he obviously failed to show that Dana attempted a relationship with Seth as the so-called "Cheetah" would so desperately do), he has only spotlighted one of our worst faults: to shirk responsibility ... and to blame others for our own actions.

I've got an idea. Why don't we all just stop with the name calling and the blame passing and do what we want to do, when we want to do it. And, while we're at it, let's take responsibility for it, too. How refreshing would that be?
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  • taravati 2009/12/05 00:48:14
    "I've got an idea. Why don't we all just stop with the name calling and the blame passing and do what we want to do, when we want to do it. And, while we're at it, let's take responsibility for it, too. How refreshing would that be?"

    I like it :D
  • Syndi 2009/12/04 20:46:51
    Wow crazy article. yeah isn't it illegal to have sex with a drunk person? haha
  • Common Sense 2009/12/04 18:50:09
    Common Sense
    This is a common double-standard. If the roles were reversed, and it was Seth who took the drunk Dana home and "bedded" her, Dana would have grounds for rape charges. Seth's innebriation and his friend's lack of action doesn't excuse Dana's decision to take advantage of Seth's condition.
  • kevracer 2009/12/04 18:27:31
    Most common excuse nowadays: "I was drunk"

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Patty Victoria

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2009/10/23 23:23:01

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