Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory.

Radical Ed 2012/05/26 10:06:04

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution
in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science
curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists
from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting
that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have
responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but
because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down,"
said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied
Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is
founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual
force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force.
Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend
upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in
vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of
evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation
of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!,
there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity
alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended
into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other
Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school
curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They
insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from
schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so
they can make an informed decision."

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories
used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally
consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's
ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum
mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that
gravity is a theory in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory
Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the
blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some
gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we
read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.'
If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards
with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence
governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable
law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical
physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's
mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's
general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr.
Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work
with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the
better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical
observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how
gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda
scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are
just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides
an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the
'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear
force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt
their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers
of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified
force is: His name is Jesus."tilt findings unite force readers bible millennia unified force jesus

note: parody.

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  • Clay Slayer *Shotgun Guru 2012/05/26 15:26:23
  • Chris- Demon of the PHAET 2012/05/26 12:28:41
    Chris- Demon of the PHAET
    LOL... :^D
  • Andy 2012/05/26 12:26:06
    Interesting tale...
  • tredzwater 2012/05/26 11:45:07
    Ed, that was brilliant

    But, I'm glad you mentioned that it was a parody. Otherwise, the godbots would be thanking their god for not letting the moon fall on their heads.
  • Radical Ed tredzwater 2012/05/26 12:17:48
    Radical Ed
    thx :)
  • Ninjaman tredzwater 2012/05/26 12:40:16
  • tredzwater Ninjaman 2012/05/26 12:43:59

    Or Sheeple. Or Lemmings.

    Take your pick...
  • Radical Ed tredzwater 2012/05/26 12:48:55
    Radical Ed
    forgot crap people.
  • tredzwater Radical Ed 2012/05/26 13:20:23
    Or...there's always put_your_brain_on_hold people.
  • Ninjaman tredzwater 2012/05/26 13:26:37
    I understand that some people follow blindly, and thats their choice. But a lemming is a rodent. So essentially im a rodent because i choose to believe Christianity?
  • tredzwater Ninjaman 2012/05/26 14:29:40 (edited)
    Works for me...even though the analogy is incorrect. Is your beloved actually an invisible spirit with wings, just because you call him/her an angel?

    And, you don't "choose" to believe in Christianity. You were born an atheist. You are an atheist, now, with reference to religions other than Christianity. You are now Christian because someone either indoctrinated you as a child or convinced you as an adult but you didn't "choose". No one can choose to believe in something...or to not believe in something.

    If you choose anything, you choose to question and do research which may then affect your belief system. That's why godbots keep their minds firmly closed. They fear that opening them will ruin their faith.

    And, that will not be a matter of choice.
  • Ninjaman tredzwater 2012/05/26 15:28:47
    Thats a valid point about being an athiest with respect to other religion. Never quite had it put to me that way. Very good. However, with respect to choice, i was well aware of other religions before i became Christian. I knew of Voodoo, Wiccan, Budhist, etc. I chose not to follow them, but to follow the teachings of Christianity. I deleloped the faith with the more I was taught. But even at that, I dont follow it blindly. Im a human. I have chosen not to follow blindly but to ask questions as I go along. There are things that I dont understand, and as a human, there are things that I disagree with. I dont keep my mind firmly closed. I am open to anyones opinion and I firmly feel that everyone has a choice to believe as they feel, be it Pagan, Wiccan or any other belief they feel is right for them. Now for feeling that way, Im sure there are those out there who would day im not a Christian. But ive always had it in my heart that people have a free will. And yes, i believe in spirits as well. But in defense of that, so have Egyptians, Indians, Celts and many other belief systems through history.
  • tredzwater Ninjaman 2012/05/26 18:56:52
    You seem like a nice guy and I thank you for your response.

    Before one can accept the reality of the Christian god, one must accept the reality of the concept "god". I've never seen the tiniest speck of evidence that any god exists in reality. If you have any, I'd be delighted to see it.

    You still didn't "choose". You were convinced by arguments you considered valid. I've never yet seen or heard a valid argument for any god and the Christian one is too evil to be considered as a force for good so, even if I did accept the concept "god", it wouldn't be the one Christians follow.

    I've also never seen or heard any valid evidence demonstrating that something supernatural, defined as a "spirit" exists in reality.

    Your mileage obviously varies.
  • Scream 2012/05/26 10:54:37
    I'm laughing so hard right now. That was a good one.

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