I have walked to the edge of my heart and fallen off. My world is upside down now and I am lost in my own time. This must all be a delusional. That is the only logic I can find. I must be delusional. So tired I now feel, caught up in a delusional. Three showers later and I still smell my delusional hugging me. I am glass now and one pebble might shatter me.

If only I could run back to that field in my past and meet my heart again. I could kill my heart and just go back to boarding school. I could be come the drone my family wanted me to be. A Doctor, Lawyer, Banker or Priest I could be. My dead heart dark inside a husk of a man but a child no more. I would then be sadder than I am now but to numb to know what I lost.

Oh and how silly this all is. After all I was just a kid. What do kids know about love! I must still be that kid or just a fool. Such a foolish kid at 13 and then a still a fool at 17 I was. And then even at 27 I was still a silly fool with a silly heart. Now I am becoming an old fool. Give me a 20 more years and I will be a dam fool!

So what now? What do I do with the sleeping dog I woke up? Can I keep it? Will it keep me? Does it bite? I really want to know! I can’t seem to cope with what I got. I did not prepare for the out come that I got. I was hoping for a handshake and fearing a slap on the face. I just never dreamed I would get a hug.

All I really wanted to say was that I was sorry…