My Mother, My Best Friend

sahar 2012/02/19 14:00:29
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brothers and sisters, we all have parents, whether they are with us or
not, and many have not understood the severity of their position in our
lives and their right to be respected and revered. Today I want to
remind you and I of the true position of our parents, may Allah have
mercy on them all.
Birr al-waalidayn is a characteristic of the
mu'min. Al-Hasan Al-Basree defined it saying, "Al-birr is to obey the
parents in everything that they ask so long as it is not to disobey
Allah. Uqooq is to disown your parents, denying them all of your
By the ijama' of the 'ulama, being respectful and obedient
to one’s parents is fard. Ibn Hazm said, "(Obeying ones parents) is
Fard!" and he quoted the verse:
And your Lord decreed that you should worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your parents.
better understand what is meant by birr al-walidayn (kindness to
parents), the scholars set the following conditions for one to follow:
He should place the pleasure of his parents above the pleasure of
anyone else, including himself and his wife and kids – everyone. Two: He
should obey them in everything they command or forbid, whether it
agrees with his desires or not, so long as they do not command the
disobedience of Allah.

Three: He should present them with
everything he feels they desire, whether they ask for it or not. He
should present it with kindness and mercy, understanding that no matter
what he does he will always have some shortcomings in fulfilling the
true kindness that his parents deserve.
Allah's love comes when our
parents love us. And Allah's anger comes when our parents are angry with
us. Ibn Abbas radi Allahu anhu said, "There are three things that will
not be accepted if its mate is not fulfilled." And he mentioned,

Thank Me (Allah) and your parents…(Luqman 31/14)

Ibn Abbaas continued, "Thus whoever thanks Allah and is not thankful to his parents, Allah will not accept from him."

allah parentsluqman 3114 ibn abbaas allah thankful parents allah acceptThe Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said:
"The pleasure of Allah is from the pleasure of the parents, and the anger of Allah is from the anger of the parents."
us think about how many of us treat our parents. We shy away from them
when they may need something. We never visit if we are away from them.
In fact, many people dispose of their parents in retirement homes. And
when an argument ignites between our parents and us, many of us shout at
them as if we were arguing with our evilest enemy. May Allah protect us

Compare this to those that came before us. Dhibyaan ibn Ali
At-Thowree radi Allahu anhu used to travel with his mother to Makkah.
There, in the scorching heat, he would dig a little pool and fill it
with cool water. Then he would turn to his mother and say, "Ummi, sit in
this water to cool yourself."

For many of us, our friends are
more precious to us than our mother and father. Forgetful we are of the
time a man came to the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam and asked him
who is more worthy of his dear companionship. He – sal Allahu alayhi wa
sallam – said, "Your mother!" The man asked again and again, and the
Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam replied, "Your mother! Your mother!"
Until on the fourth time he - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - said, "Your
Today, when the common question is asked, "Who is your
best friend?" How many people would say, "My mother!" But this is how
the question should be answered and implemented.

What pleases our
parents comes before everything, so long as it is not in disobedience
of Allah. The scholars understood this and set the example for us.
Haywah bin Shurayh radi Allahu anhu, one of the imam's of our ummah,
used to give classes in front of his home. During the class, his mother
would call him to feed the chickens. He would stand up, leave the
halaqa, and go feed the chickens. We all want Allah to accept from us;
we would all like to enter Paradise. Look down dear brothers and
sisters, and you will find paradise at the feet of your mother.

Ahmad and An-Nasaa'ee, from Mu'aawiyah ibn Jaahimah As-Sulamee: My
father, Jaahimah radi Allahu anhu went to the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi
wa sallam and asked, "O Messenger of Allah, I would like to go out and
fight for the sake of Allah, and I have come to you for advice."

The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam asked him, "Is your mother alive?"

He said, "Yes."

"Then stay near her," advised the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, "For at her feet is Jannah!"

the other side, making our parents sad or even making them cry is one
of the many ways to earn Allah's anger. Imam Ahmad narrates, from
Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn Al-Aas radi Alllahu anhu: A man came to the
Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam to give him his pledge of
allegiance. He said, "I have come to pledge allegiance to you for hijrah
and I have left both my parents behind crying."

The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam commanded him, "Go back, and the same way that you made them cry, make them laugh."

Ibn Umar radi Allahu anhu said, "Making ones parents cry is amongst the uqooq, a major sin!"

al-Qaasim once said, "Subhan Allah! How can we leave our parents
sobbing, tears that the throne of Allah shakes for, tears that unsettle
the angels in the heavens, and then we claim that we want to go for
jihaad so that Allah will be pleased with us? Go back and make them
happy with your visit as you made them sad by your departure. If they
laugh and are pleased with you, Allah will be pleased."

the funeral of his mother, Al-Haarith Al-Aklee radi Allahu anhu weeped.
When asked for the reason of his tears he said, "Why should I not cry
when one of my doors to Paradise has now closed?"

al-aklee radi allahu anhu weeped reason tears doors paradise closedWe
reap what we plant. In a far away land, a long time ago, a boy was born
blind. His widowed mother, the good Muslimah that she was, did not lose
hope in her du'a and pray she did, continuously. A few years later, the
boy's sight returned, alhamdulillah. Soon after she realized that her
village was not befitting for her son to excel in Islamic education, so
with her son in hand they migrated to Makkah. There she saw that he was
being instructed in Qur'an and Hadith, the latter becoming the young
man's focus. He went out far and wide collecting Hadith and compiled a
Hadith book that sits next to the Qur'an in authenticity forgetting not
his mother who had raised him well. His mother named him Muhammad ibn
Isma'il, and many of us know him today as Al-Imam Al-Bukhari!

brothers and sisters, how often is it that a farmer plants wheat and it
comes out as a sunflower? You may say, never! For how can someone farm
the seed of one plant and expect some other plant to grow. It just does
not happen. Similarly, some parents leave their children waddling in the
mud of television, music, movies, and disbelieving friends. Then, when
the child reaches grade 12 and asks to go to the prom with his
girlfriend, or when he enters university and stops praying, or when he
gets married to a kafir and himself becomes one, then the parents say,
"What happened?"

Brothers and sisters, it is the harvest of what
we planted. If we do not raise our children to be obedient, where do we
expect them to learn? If we do not practice Islam ourselves, who will be
our children's example? How do you teach a child to wake up for Fajr,
when he sees his own father and mother sleeping in, day after day? You
may ask: how do I raise my children to be good Muslims, obedient to
their parents? Consider the following:

Firstly: One should
discipline their children throughout their youth. Hisham ibn Abd
Al-Malik missed a son of his during Jumah one week. When he met him
later, he asked him, "Why did you miss Jumah?"

His son replied, "My donkey couldn't make the trip."

father then said, "Couldn't you have walked!" For an entire year after
that, Hisham ibn Abd Al-Malik made his son walk to Jumah.

The piety of the father and mother reaches the children. In the Qur'an,
Allah recalls for us the story of Khidr, and how he rebuilt a wall for 2

And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in
the town. Under it was a treasure belonging to them and their father
was a righteous man…(Al Kahf 18/82)

Look at how Allah protected
these orphans because of the piety of their father. In tafseer, it is
said that it was in fact because of the piety of their grandfather seven
generations back! Sa'eed ibn Jubayr said, "I often lengthen my salah
for the sake of my son; perhaps Allah may protect him (because of it)."

In conclusion, let us reflect on the virtue of respecting our parents:

is one of the greatest things that we can do. In Bukhari and Muslim,
from Abdullah ibn Mas'ood radi Allahu anhu, a man asked the Prophet sal
Allahu alayhi wa sallam, "What deed is most beloved by Allah?"

He - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - said, "Salah on time."

The man asked, "And then?"

He - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - said, "Respecting and revering ones parents."

He asked, "And then?"

"Jihaad for the sake of Allah."

It is a means by which our sins are forgiven. When Allah commanded in the Qur'an:

And We enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents …

The next verse tells us:

are those from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and
overlook their evil deeds. They shall be amongst the dwellers of
Paradise…(Al Ahqaf 46/15-16)

Respecting our parents will lead us
to Jannah! In Muslim, Abu Hurayrah radi Allahu anhu narrated that he
heard the Messenger of Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam say, "May he
perish! May he perish! May he perish!"

It was asked, "Who, O Messenger of Allah?"

Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, "He whose parents attain old
age in his life - one or both of them - and he does not enter Paradise
(because of his goodness towards them)."

And when our parents are gone, the goodness towards them does not end.

ibn Rabi'ah Al-Saa'idi narrated: We were sitting with the Messenger of
Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam when an Ansari man came and asked, "O
Messenger of Allah, is there anything left from my birr to my parents
that I should present to them after their death?"

The Prophet
sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, "Yes, four things: Pray and ask
forgiveness for them. Fulfill their pledges. Be kind to their friends.
And maintain the ties of kinship that come from only their direction.
That is what is left from your birr to them after their death."

Abu Dawood, and Ibn Maajah reported that Aamir ibn Abd Allah ibn
Az-Zubayr radi Allahu anhu said, "My father died, and for an entire year
I did not ask Allah for anything except that He forgive my father."

dear brothers and sisters as you meet your parents today, the words of
Rasul Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, "Fa feehima fa jaahid!" – Do
Jihad in (your kind treatment of) your parents.

O Allah, forgive
us and our parents, and reward them with the finest reward. O Allah,
elevate their position in the hereafter and this dunya; make that which
befalls them an expiation for their sins. O Allah, grant them residence
in Firdaus, the highest level of Jannah, with the Prophets, the
Siddeeqeen, and the Martyrs.

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  • sam123 2012/02/19 23:52:30 (edited)
    me too
    very good advice my Allah bless you

    your post is like a light in the darkness of sodahead

  • cutter's falls 2012/02/19 14:18:44
  • TasselLady 2012/02/19 14:03:11 (edited)
    me too
    I'm all for the respect of parents. But parents need to realize that how they treat their children is going to be a big factor whether or not they are respected. If my parents had abused me and beat me half to death while growing up, I would not have the respect for them due to parents. Parents have to earn respect from their children. Even my Christian bible says do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the way of the Lord. Well, some parents haven't learned that, and they had better if they want the respect due to them. And parents who sexually molest their children would never get respect from me. And they shouldn't get it from their kids either after the abuse. But if a parent is a good parent then yes, they deserve that respect and more.
  • sahar TasselLady 2012/02/19 14:28:54
    your opinion is right
    so one said if you obey your children they will obey you
    the other things if we do not obey our parents Allah will punish us
    in holly quran God said(But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love): In the End the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did.) and
    ((We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to Me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did.))
  • TasselLady sahar 2012/02/19 14:33:40
    I understand that every religion has its own take on this sort of thing. My mother was very controlling and domineering and manipulative, and to this day she has a tendency to do this sometimes. Friends of our family have noticed it, and to their credit they gently voiced their disapproval for putting me down and judging me so much. It took years for me to totally respect my mother. My father always had faith in me and let me make some of my own mistakes. This is why I am closer to him than even my mother. I made mistakes growing up like all kids. But I did my best towards working for the better. She's lucky I turned out the way I did. It could have gone the other way. But God kept me in line and still does. I ask him to guide me everyday, because I can't do it alone. I love my folks to pieces, but I don't allow anyone to walk on me, even them.
  • sahar TasselLady 2012/02/19 14:36:00
    do your best to be what ever you want
  • TasselLady sahar 2012/02/19 14:36:38
    I'm a tryin'! It's not always easy, but I keep hanging in there.
  • sahar TasselLady 2012/02/19 14:42:33
    yes it is not easy but depend on God then trust your self you will pass and be the best
  • TasselLady sahar 2012/02/19 14:43:17
    Yep. God is the only one we can truly trust. He knows me better than any person on earth.
  • sahar TasselLady 2012/02/19 14:44:28
    yes and he will help you when you pray and ask his help

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