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My First Visit to a Swingers Club

OK, I know you are all dying to know my first impression of my visit to a “swingers” club. In one word: “Aye Caramba!” And note this is the PG version for those of you faint of heart. Some background, this was my first time at Entre Nous (or any “swingers” club, for that matter) and a first time for my escort—and we’ll just call him the Man-Toy—so technically, it was the blind leading the “ciego.” Therefore, I learned a lot from this experience.

Man-Toy surprised me, when he showed up, by being very nervous about this endeavor—therefore, as any good hostess, I gave him some of my house-mate’s “Playboys” and a Corona “to relax”, while I continued to get dressed in my naughty school girl get-up—which consisted of the white, tighty oxford blouse, plaid skirt, black knee-high socks, loafers, candy-necklace (which would later be consumed—while still on neck-- by many passers-by), and then mini pig-tails—I considered my lovely hair-piece but after the Lingerie Fashion Show Samba disaster, I decided not.

Man-Toy and I agreed to a hand sign signal (the actual signal in sign language: “to make coffee”) to let one another know if anything or anyone made us uncomfortable—for the record, it was never used. We were entering with an open mind. We arrived about 11:30—to an almost “lounge-esque” ambience—people (mostly couples) sipping martinis in school girl costumes—looked a lot like Café Citron…until you noticed some of the women were not wearing underwear. Man-Toy was like a deer caught in headlights…until the alcohol kicked in (Absolut Red-bulls, to be exact.) Me, I was my typical will-talk-to-anything-that-moves, not knowing the this would later serve as license to be molested on the dance floor…and I am not implying that is a bad thing…but those details are in the X-rated version.

Anyway, a few things one should consider before going to a swinger’s club. And again, I hold to the ancient Chinese proverb: “Don’t listen to what they say. Go see for yourself.”

1. Most of the people at swingers clubs are couples—pretty “normal”-looking couples. And as global standard, the women always look much better than the men.
2. It is muy importante that you and your partner AGREE on your preference of people…i.e., Man-Toy obviously likes blondes (such as myself)—but I have no attraction whatsoever to women (or even men!) who look like me—for obvious reasons (for further reference read anything by Freud.) However, Man-Toy, once alcohol-inspired, kept pushing me towards blondes.
3. Entre Nous hosts a “Ladies Only” room, with see-through curtains—and I gather the idea is to create an all-female orgy (lubricated with complimentary champagne) while the men have to stand behind the curtain and inevitable get blue balls…excuse my crass-ness, but I speak the truth. I think Amnesty International would deem this cruel and unusual torture. I, did, go into the Ladies Only lounge but solely for the free champagne and had the few interesting conversations that the night allowed—while some ladies were sloppily making out or pole-dancing. “So, what do you do?” the DC greeting. My response, “Well apparently I go to public orgies, and you?”
4. In the end, Man-Toy and I went home just the two of us and I will spare you the details except for I have fired the Man-Toy for four reasons:

1. He IS dumber than my toenail—what a waste of a perfectly good physique!
2. He did not bring his own condoms—yes, I have some, but any man that does not carry a condom is suspect or just plain stupid.
3. He was not able to teach me anything new (in bed.) NOTE: Please spread the word to men under the age of 35, it is about QUALITY not quantity.
4. He could not take a hint to go home…not even in Espanol…but finally, I got him out at about 6 AM this morning.

Anyway, the big question is “Will you ever go back?” My answer is a firm YES, but with someone else…and no, I don’t know who (yet) and again, do not take my word for it—go see for yourself but know that if you do strike up ANY kind of conversation, from “Where is the bathroom?” to “Is that your hand?!” it apparently does entitle one to touch you…and again, that could be a good thing..and to this day, I have candy-necklace bits in my hair.

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  • ferricoxide 2011/02/20 02:13:58
    ferricoxide
    +2
    Heh... When I first read "Entre Nous", I was wondering "is she talking about the weekly event in DC or an event elsewhere. We've been to a number of their events over the years. Most of the real action happens at the after-hours parties, any way. You might have had a better evening had you gone to one of those.
  • MissMollie 2010/07/14 03:20:02 (edited)
    MissMollie
    +3
    I've never been to a swinger's club...YET...but my incredible man and I agree this is a step we're not only willing to take, but BOTH want to take. Although not surprised by the wide range of feedback, I am a bit appauled by the mentality of closed-minded individuals. To comments like 'if this is real you're one sick puppy' - I say 'sure am, sicker than a dog'; 'I like to keep my wife to myself' - 'How do you know it wouldn't turn you on to actually SEE what it is you do to her?'; 'Reading this makes me feel yucky' - 'There is nothing yucky whatsoever about enjoying sex to the level of expanding your horizons'; '1 Corinthians 6:9' - 'God Himself created sex. It is the single most beautiful act two people can experience together, regardless of how they choose to do so'. Here's the deal...my man knows I love him and I know he loves me. To see him turned on turns me on. We share our fantasies with one another and want to participate in fulfilling them. At the end of the day, he and I are two of the most sexually satisfied adults who couldn't be more in love. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong when two consenting adults choose to engage in sexually explicit, erotic, and satisfying behavior as part of their relationship. Unlike closed-minded people, those who are open-minded enough ...
    I've never been to a swinger's club...YET...but my incredible man and I agree this is a step we're not only willing to take, but BOTH want to take. Although not surprised by the wide range of feedback, I am a bit appauled by the mentality of closed-minded individuals. To comments like 'if this is real you're one sick puppy' - I say 'sure am, sicker than a dog'; 'I like to keep my wife to myself' - 'How do you know it wouldn't turn you on to actually SEE what it is you do to her?'; 'Reading this makes me feel yucky' - 'There is nothing yucky whatsoever about enjoying sex to the level of expanding your horizons'; '1 Corinthians 6:9' - 'God Himself created sex. It is the single most beautiful act two people can experience together, regardless of how they choose to do so'. Here's the deal...my man knows I love him and I know he loves me. To see him turned on turns me on. We share our fantasies with one another and want to participate in fulfilling them. At the end of the day, he and I are two of the most sexually satisfied adults who couldn't be more in love. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong when two consenting adults choose to engage in sexually explicit, erotic, and satisfying behavior as part of their relationship. Unlike closed-minded people, those who are open-minded enough to include others as part of their sex life have a relationship based on a level of trust that reaches a higher plane. It's ok to love sex. It's ok to admit you love sex. It's ok to talk about sex. It's ok to step outside of the box. The box is little and life is short, so have sex often. I'm not talking about just 'WOW' sex either. I'm talking about 'OH MY GOD' sex!
    (more)
  • hsn_url 2009/12/30 13:06:02
    hsn_url
    +3
    So let me see you say you would go back but about the only action you got was on the dance floor. And it was clear that some of that was a shock to you. You had to take a gigolo in order to have someone go with you. Ahhhhhh the romance of it all.

    I have never done this. The reason is I want my wife to myself and would not care to be dancing with bare bottom women while my wife is being felt up, and taken to bed, by other men.

    While this is an interesting article I would have to say your 'man-toy' got lucky.
    You didn't like him.
  • duke nukem 2009/12/20 09:49:45
    duke nukem
    now i know why people call you krazy kelly.
  • Edie 2009/12/15 07:35:17
    Edie
    I must really be from the dark ages this cannot be a real experience. If this is a real experience then you are one sick puppy. Real people are not suppose to be like animals and disrespect themselves.
  • brotherplease 2009/12/13 15:02:50
    brotherplease
    I feel sort of yucky reading this.. not that I am against any of it it's just too much information. A blonde like you in Costa Rica? You can't find some caballero bien dotado alli para ocuparte?
  • Tommy Trend 2009/12/13 07:32:32
    Tommy Trend
    LOL!!! Rush has a song callled "Entre Nous" =P
  • little bill 2009/12/13 06:33:32
    little bill
    it is interesting but i would never go to one.
  • AmericanMade 2009/12/13 04:19:39
    AmericanMade
    Was this for work or play?
  • Mrkando 2009/12/13 03:43:16
    Mrkando
    So let me see you say you would go back but about the only action you got was on the dance floor. And it was clear that some of that was a shock to you. You had to take a gigolo in order to have someone go with you. Ahhhhhh the romance of it all.

    I have never done this. The reason is I want my wife to myself and would not care to be dancing with bare bottom women while my wife is being felt up, and taken to bed, by other men.

    While this is an interesting article I would have to say your 'man-toy' got lucky.
    You didn't like him.
  • GrizzlyBear 2009/12/12 20:22:41
    GrizzlyBear
    +2
    Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
    (1Co 6:9)
  • Tony Aryeh 2009/12/12 16:52:56
    Tony Aryeh
    I've never heard anyone make a swinger club sound so boring!
  • paul_6942u 2009/12/12 16:07:54
    paul_6942u
    omg so glad you like it but you might find with one man a real man can and will fill you up heart and soul and then u can stay out of places like that
  • Dogg ~ Ready for war 2009/12/12 13:23:30
    Dogg ~ Ready for war
    +1
    You forgot to mention that when you are approached , No can and is usally a final answer in such clubs. :) And if you had fun at the club, you should go to a hedo vaction.
  • jackolantyrn356 2009/12/12 06:14:06
    jackolantyrn356
    +1
    Sorry, kid. At 60 I'm neither fast, nor am I especially virial looking. I am however comfortable and built like a brick. Strong and tender. I don't do swingers clubs.
  • SHARON 2009/12/12 05:54:28 (edited)
    SHARON
    +1
    WOW!! You go girl!! I've always wanted to go to one but don't know if I'll actually have the nerves to...........

    wow girl ive ill nerves
    myspace comments
    Get MySpace Comments without leaving myspace!
  • Katja 2009/12/11 21:25:50 (edited)
    Katja
    +2
    Oh Swingers clubs can be so much fun...with the right person.... I prefer the men...light hair or dark hair..whatever, as long as they are good looking :-)

    (there, to those who were concerned, I made the hair colour correction...happy?...lol)
  • JCD aka... Katja 2009/12/12 11:02:51
    JCD aka "biz"
    If you meet a French Man-Toy in one of these parties, don't tell him that he is a nice "blonde" or "brunette", because these words are the feminine forms of "blond" and "brun"; in French; You would possibly make him cry. Do you enjoy making men cry? LOL
  • Katja JCD aka... 2009/12/12 17:05:12 (edited)
    Katja
    LOL...je le sais....no, I don't like to make a man cry....ususally...lol
  • brother... JCD aka... 2009/12/13 14:58:30
    brotherplease
    tres drole! in English too -at least for the word blond- blonde is a woman and blond is a man

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KellyKarma

KellyKarma

Costa Rica

2009/10/24 00:38:18

I just joined 100 MILLION VOICES OF SHAME TO OUR WORLD LEADERS FOR FAILING IN COPENHAGEN

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