My First Visit to a Swingers Club
- 2009/12/11 01:38:47
- Read all 37 opinions
Man-Toy surprised me, when he showed up, by being very nervous about this endeavor—therefore, as any good hostess, I gave him some of my house-mate’s “Playboys” and a Corona “to relax”, while I continued to get dressed in my naughty school girl get-up—which consisted of the white, tighty oxford blouse, plaid skirt, black knee-high socks, loafers, candy-necklace (which would later be consumed—while still on neck-- by many passers-by), and then mini pig-tails—I considered my lovely hair-piece but after the Lingerie Fashion Show Samba disaster, I decided not.
Man-Toy and I agreed to a hand sign signal (the actual signal in sign language: “to make coffee”) to let one another know if anything or anyone made us uncomfortable—for the record, it was never used. We were entering with an open mind. We arrived about 11:30—to an almost “lounge-esque” ambience—people (mostly couples) sipping martinis in school girl costumes—looked a lot like Café Citron…until you noticed some of the women were not wearing underwear. Man-Toy was like a deer caught in headlights…until the alcohol kicked in (Absolut Red-bulls, to be exact.) Me, I was my typical will-talk-to-anything-that-moves, not knowing the this would later serve as license to be molested on the dance floor…and I am not implying that is a bad thing…but those details are in the X-rated version.
Anyway, a few things one should consider before going to a swinger’s club. And again, I hold to the ancient Chinese proverb: “Don’t listen to what they say. Go see for yourself.”
1. Most of the people at swingers clubs are couples—pretty “normal”-looking couples. And as global standard, the women always look much better than the men.
2. It is muy importante that you and your partner AGREE on your preference of people…i.e., Man-Toy obviously likes blondes (such as myself)—but I have no attraction whatsoever to women (or even men!) who look like me—for obvious reasons (for further reference read anything by Freud.) However, Man-Toy, once alcohol-inspired, kept pushing me towards blondes.
3. Entre Nous hosts a “Ladies Only” room, with see-through curtains—and I gather the idea is to create an all-female orgy (lubricated with complimentary champagne) while the men have to stand behind the curtain and inevitable get blue balls…excuse my crass-ness, but I speak the truth. I think Amnesty International would deem this cruel and unusual torture. I, did, go into the Ladies Only lounge but solely for the free champagne and had the few interesting conversations that the night allowed—while some ladies were sloppily making out or pole-dancing. “So, what do you do?” the DC greeting. My response, “Well apparently I go to public orgies, and you?”
4. In the end, Man-Toy and I went home just the two of us and I will spare you the details except for I have fired the Man-Toy for four reasons:
1. He IS dumber than my toenail—what a waste of a perfectly good physique!
2. He did not bring his own condoms—yes, I have some, but any man that does not carry a condom is suspect or just plain stupid.
3. He was not able to teach me anything new (in bed.) NOTE: Please spread the word to men under the age of 35, it is about QUALITY not quantity.
4. He could not take a hint to go home…not even in Espanol…but finally, I got him out at about 6 AM this morning.
Anyway, the big question is “Will you ever go back?” My answer is a firm YES, but with someone else…and no, I don’t know who (yet) and again, do not take my word for it—go see for yourself but know that if you do strike up ANY kind of conversation, from “Where is the bathroom?” to “Is that your hand?!” it apparently does entitle one to touch you…and again, that could be a good thing..and to this day, I have candy-necklace bits in my hair.
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