More Unmarried, Cohabiting Couples Having Babies Together: OK or Put a Ring On It?

by SodaHead Living Posted 2012/04/12 18:29:05

Related Topics: Lifestyle, Cohabiting Couples, Marriage, Relationships, Tradition, Unmarried, Living Together, babies, Kids, College, Family, Baby, Government, Older, News, Carriage, 20s, Bad, Survey

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455 votes
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	OK	260 votes	57%
	Put a ring on it first!	195 votes	43%

First came love, then came ... shacking up ... then came a baby in the baby carriage. The number of U.S. women age 15-44 giving birth for the first time while living with a partner to whom they are not married has risen from 12 percent of first births in 2002 to 22 percent of first births between 2006 and 2010, a new government report says, according to WebMD.

Want some more interesting stats from the survey? The average age for a woman to give birth to her first child is 23; for men, it's 25. Also, half of women's first births took place in their 20s; two-thirds of first births were fathered by men in their 20s.

And what about women who were married and women who were college-educated? They were more likely to have a first birth at age 30 or older, compared with women who were not married or who were less educated. So, do you think it's OK for cohabiting couples to start reproducing? Or should he put a ring on it first?

+20

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katy.isodo 2012/04/12 18:48:18

OK

+18
I think there are just as many married couples living unhealthy lives.. simply having 'legal binding documents' doesn't create a more healthy environment for a child. Plenty of non married people make great parents.
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TasselLady to smilinbobs 2012/04/14 12:56:10

Sorry. I'm not going to sample every guy on the planet just to see if "it works". That's a great way to get STD's and maybe AIDS. No thanks. Cars are machines. People are human beings. Very big difference. That analogy of the test drive a car crap doesn't work with people, not in my books.

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smilinbobs to TasselLady 2012/04/16 05:51:55

How many people do you know who test drive every car in every lot, NONE, but when you find that person who might be the one. It is not a bad idea to live in the same household for a while to make sure that you are compatible. I have know many people who realized too late that living together was a completely different experience than just dating that person. Divorce is an expensive learning experience

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JJ 2012/04/12 23:22:03

Put a ring on it first!

+4
Put a ring on it is the right thing to do.

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Emilie ... to JJ 2012/04/13 00:29:16

Maybe for you. To a lot of couples, marriage is just a piece of paper (even though that phrase is seriously overused). I know couples that have been together for decades and have kids together, but still aren't married. Because they're not interested, for whatever reason. They didn't want marriage, but they did want kids, which is perfectly fine.

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JJ to Emilie ... 2012/04/13 02:40:57

+1
Maybe so, but I feel marriage is a very important goal in the eyes of God. It binds a couple and makes them one...and when they have children, it makes them a family. And family is more important to God than one would know.

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Emilie ... to JJ 2012/04/14 01:10:28

+1
Except for people who don't believe in God...

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JJ to Emilie ... 2012/04/14 02:05:18

Their choice.

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Emilie ... to JJ 2012/04/14 11:56:41

+1
Exactly. If someone doesn't believe in God then they don't have to worry about how important marriage apparently is to him.

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TasselLady to JJ 2012/04/14 12:57:12

EXACTLY. THANKYOU.

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TasselLady to JJ 2012/04/14 12:56:48

Good look on that one. I've waited forever. But I'm glad I did now. At least I won't be taken advantage of.

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Carol 2012/04/12 23:20:16

OK

Sounds like they have commitment issues, might as well keep them out of divorce court. Not to mention, it's less money in a divorce lawyer's pocket. They'll already have to deal with family court for custody and child support issues.....Why fill up two court dockets when they split up?

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GLaDOS 2012/04/12 23:19:57

Put a ring on it first!

+4
Not that it matters with how easy it is to weasel out of a marriage contract. "I'm sorry, I just don't want to be with you anymore, I'm going to leave you and the kids. Bye!"

Bloody "No Fault" divorce laws...

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smilinbobs to GLaDOS 2012/04/13 02:19:24

explain how it is better to feel that you don't want to there but you have to stay and be miserable. It usually makes for a happy household for all involved.

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GLaDOS to smilinbobs 2012/04/13 02:27:41 (edited)

Marriage is a contract, the only way to get out of it, should be by breaking the terms set within. Maybe people would take it a bit more seriously, then. Instead of getting drive-thru marriages, only to get divorced 48 hours later, when they realize, "OMG! Marriage takes work!"

I have much sympathy for this woman.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/...

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smilinbobs to GLaDOS 2012/04/13 20:16:56

If two people are really committed to each other they will be a happy couple regardless of a contract.Many people get married to comply with what society wants. The contract just causes them to pay lawyers to end the contract. It doesn't change the behavior. I have known many married people that have relationships outside of the marriage. what is that contract doing to change that?, NOTHING, It is all about individual commitment

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GLaDOS to smilinbobs 2012/04/14 02:14:33

The contract may not change it, however, being able to get out of it leaves better assurance that the money made by both parties will actually go toward the children of the union.

It's silly to say that if two people are committed to each other that they'll be happy. No, it's not always "happy," there are likely to be fights, lots of them. The problem is that people think it's supposed to be perfect, and happy and forget that relationships are work. As I said, if they were harder to get out of, people might take it a bit more seriously when they choose to get married, and ask themselves, "Is this person WORTH the trouble they very well may cause me?"

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smilinbobs to GLaDOS 2012/04/14 03:40:32

My Girlfriend and I don't have to work at our relationship. We just love each other I don't do things that would make her upset and she doesn't do things that would make me upset. We are very happy we are raising 3 children who are all happy and well adjusted. We feel no need to get married at this time.

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GLaDOS to smilinbobs 2012/04/14 03:44:29

+1
You don't have to work at your relationship? So, there are no compromises, no adjustments, no differences of opinion? If that's the case, how nice for you, if those three children are all yours by blood, then more power to you. Y'all must have a magical unicorn of a relationship to never have any sort of conflict.

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smilinbobs to GLaDOS 2012/04/14 03:57:38

only one of the children is ours. the other two are from her previous marriage. We don't always have the same opinion on a topic but the differences in opinion don't affect our relationship. Of course we compromise but that's why we don't argue. We reach the compromise together.

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GLaDOS to smilinbobs 2012/04/14 15:22:57

+1
And that's work.

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smilinbobs to GLaDOS 2012/04/16 05:57:13

We don't see it that way. Work at a relationship is like both of us with our ex's always arguing about something. no cooperation on one side or the other. Not wanting to go home after work because being with that person was uncomfortable.

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GLaDOS to smilinbobs 2012/04/16 10:45:33

+1
The "work" in a relationship is the compromise. Being able to give up parts of yourself for the other person. When you're in the "right" relationship, it doesn't seem so much like "work" because by compromising, you believe that what you're doing is more important than your personal desires. There are people who refuse to do that, which sounds like each of your ex's, all take, no give, which only works with partners who are pure "givers."

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smilinbobs to GLaDOS 2012/04/17 01:35:29

how true it's great when you do find that person who is just right for you. Some people search their whole lives and never find it. We're luck we should have many years to spend together.

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Matt Gray 2012/04/12 23:12:16

Put a ring on it first!

+4
Nothing is worse than a child growing up without a parent. If your not serious, don't have a kid. Have some common sense.

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Emilie ... to Matt Gray 2012/04/13 00:30:29

+1
No one said the kid was growing up without a parent. It's just that the two parents of the child wouldn't be married. If they're still together, or at least if they're still in the child's life, then what's the problem?

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Matt Gray to Emilie ... 2012/04/13 00:32:46

The part where someone could just get up and leave suddenly. More kids are abandoned a year than we can honestly know.

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Emilie ... to Matt Gray 2012/04/13 01:20:31

+1
But it's not like married people don't walk out on their families either.

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Matt Gray to Emilie ... 2012/04/13 01:37:47

Yeah but it takes some time. Doesn't matter. I stand by what I said regardless.

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smilinbobs to Matt Gray 2012/04/13 02:04:58

Yes, there is something worse being a child growing up without a parent. Being in a house with parents that don't like eachother anymore. With the fighting and abuse and you get to feel sad and unloved most of the time. What a relief it can be when you find out that your mom and dad are separating.

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Shawna 2012/04/12 23:01:38

OK

+1
In the province where I live the law is changing to make cohabiting couples married in the eyes of the law. There is now no option to be a couple living together but not married.

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Marcus Clark 2012/04/12 22:56:32

Put a ring on it first!

+5
I couldn't care less about a ring or a "marriage license." However, before a couple has a child, they should be committed to each other to a level that they consider themselves "married."

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Beautiful_Syn 2012/04/12 22:53:12

OK

+1
Some people are content living together and raising children without getting married, people put to much stock into marriage & some are sorely disappointed that sometimes marriage doesn't always lead to happiness.
Who are we to say or demand that someone with children get married or not have children until we do so...it's wrong especially since no one told either I nor you to do so, so they should get the same respect.

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Jim Lewis 2012/04/12 22:41:46

OK

+1
its 2012,,, guys are allowed to marry eachother now i guess,, so who cares if you have a kid and dont want to sign up for future problems of a divorce

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Arianne 2012/04/12 22:39:05

OK

Your choice really.

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Nekosarethebest 2012/04/12 22:28:51

Put a ring on it first!

+4
I think thats better, but people have their reasons for not getting married. I understand.

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AN 2012/04/12 22:18:38

OK

+1
their lives, their choice. a ring wont change a thing, they're either a good couple or not

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JP 2012/04/12 22:17:02

Put a ring on it first!

+3
Make an honest woman out of her!

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rebecca to JP 2012/04/13 12:40:50

excuse me

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rebecca to rebecca 2012/04/13 12:41:19

and what do you mean

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JP to rebecca 2012/04/13 13:32:13

Put a ring on her hand if you love her.

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