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Me, husband or baby: Who owns my breasts?

- A friend of mine recently described the state of her boobs as "balled-up wet socks." She, like I, had donated her breasts to her daughter, nursing her for the better part of a year.

But this isn't another story about the state of a mother's breasts, the kind that — if you've never had kids — makes you decide right there and then that you will not be nursing any future children because you can't imagine ever describing your own breasts as "saggy," "lifeless," or "uneven."

Instead, this is a story of ownership. From one relationship stage to the next, my breasts seem have become someone's else's domain — anyone's except my own.

They were all mine, of course, when I was single. When I first moved to New York, I spent many nights exploring the city as a single woman. Or more specifically, the city's nightlife. But, I'm a serial monogamist. I've been in long-term relationships for the better part of my adult life.

Dating — and being single — was really just a route to get back into my comfort zone: taken. I'm not very good at casually dating, and I only made one disastrous attempt at dating two men at once.

The thing about being single is that your body is no one's but your own. The boobs were mine. They served their purpose as part of the package deal, the deal that landed me my last boyfriend (and current husband). ... Read full article »
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  • +4 raves Unicorn Gal July 02, 2009 18:52:31
    Unicorn Gal
    Wow, you make such an insightful point. I don't think anyone in the history of humankind has ever thought that breasts could both be a sexual object and a source of nutrition for babies! The fact that a body part could have dual, unrelated purposes just blows my mind! Someone give this woman an award!
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  • +1 raves
    Hermionerules! July 02, 2009 21:49:52
    Hermionerules!
    This is an extremely stupid topic.
  • -1 raves
    Bobby July 02, 2009 21:44:57
    Bobby
    There yours just once in a while you have to share them. share
  • +4 raves
    chariot... Bobby July 02, 2009 22:22:46
    chariotofmanliness
    hey beevis, look......there's a boobie
  • Izzy July 02, 2009 21:33:47
    Izzy
    YOU DO!!!
  • +1 raves
    Diana♥ July 02, 2009 21:25:02
    Diana♥
    i would get surgery or at least give the bby half formula and half milk...but um isnt like really hard to get your body back....my mom had twins 1 year ago n she got her body back in 2 months i think if u excersise during yur pregenancy and before u should be fine and espeacially after..... i go on and on and on lol....anyway yea i think surgery would be the best
  • lazarous1967 July 02, 2009 20:56:03
    lazarous1967
    All yours honey.
  • the dude July 02, 2009 20:41:54
    the dude
    they belong to you.
  • Trisha July 02, 2009 20:27:26
    Trisha
    Here's a nursing tip for women whose babies prefer one side to the other- Just hold the baby in the preferred position, but change breasts by shifting your torso. They won't know the difference and you avoid the problems associated with a one-sided nurser.
  • +1 raves
    FLBabe July 02, 2009 19:51:40
    FLBabe
    and for $5,000 they can be restored to better than before. Best five grand I ever spent ;-P
  • +1 raves
    ✿~Ŧѱᵲἀ ₳ᾐᾐ~✿ July 02, 2009 19:41:33
    ✿~Ŧѱᵲἀ ₳ᾐᾐ~✿
    they're yours, but temporarily rented
  • +2 raves
    ishqboli July 02, 2009 19:27:57
    ishqboli
    sharing is caring :)
  • ペンギン♥ July 02, 2009 19:26:44
    ペンギン♥
    ............
  • CINDY July 02, 2009 19:18:53
    CINDY
    THEY ARE YOURS AND YOU DECIDE HOW TO USE THEM.
  • +1 raves
    KayDee July 02, 2009 19:07:54
    KayDee
    Woman, take charge of your boobs-- they're all yours!
  • +3 raves
    Katy July 02, 2009 19:06:42
    Katy
    Ugh *shudders* This is just part of the reason why I will NEVER have kids. I'm not lending out parts of my body to other people, thanks.
  • +2 raves
    SenorBabyMan July 02, 2009 18:52:48
    SenorBabyMan
    This woman complains too much. Sharing is caring
  • +1 raves
    Tsi-na SenorBa... July 02, 2009 21:52:18
    Tsi-na
    No one ever reads the articles... It is a humorous piece... she ends it by saying...

    "When you think about it, they've been mine all along, in a way. I certainly received pleasure from my husband's "use," while I definitely benefited from providing for and comforting my daughter. Turns out, they were vessels for my own happiness all along."
  • +4 raves
    Unicorn Gal July 02, 2009 18:52:31
    Unicorn Gal
    Wow, you make such an insightful point. I don't think anyone in the history of humankind has ever thought that breasts could both be a sexual object and a source of nutrition for babies! The fact that a body part could have dual, unrelated purposes just blows my mind! Someone give this woman an award!
  • +1 raves
    Jehnyahl~ Hope Not Hate July 02, 2009 18:52:18
    Jehnyahl~ Hope Not Hate
    They're yours! The baby gets a turn for some time, the husband at your pleasure. Let's not look at that statement in any detail.
  • Dangerous Dave July 02, 2009 18:50:26
    Dangerous Dave
    This is one funny article! Men can't get enough of boobs. If you think about it we are outnumbered, women have two!
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