Is it morally obligatory for transsexuals to inform their boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or other intimate partner of their trans status?

by Dave The Canuck Posted 2012/08/11 22:53:19

Related Topics: Boyfriend, girlfriend, Transsexual, status, Intimate

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48 votes
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	Yes	31 votes	65%
	No	8 votes	17%
	Undecided	9 votes	19%

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Joanie 2012/08/13 19:07:36 (edited)

Undecided

+4
I am a post-operative male-to-female transsexual.

I think it is the psychologically healthy thing for transsexuals to be out and open about who we are, especially to people with whom we would like to have a significant connection, including boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, etc. If we hide our transsexual status, it sends the wrong message to others (i.e., that we have something to be ashamed of), and it reflects an internalization of homophobia/transphobia and a lack of self-esteem and belief in ourselves. So I think being out and open is a very good idea from the perspective of the trans-person.

Whether is it morally obligatory to be out and open about one's trans-status is an issue that I really have no opinion on.
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ZirconiumWit 2012/10/01 08:54:59

Undecided

I think it depends fairly heavily on a number of things. Obviously, honesty is key in any relationship worth keeping, and in the case of pre-op transsexuals, it's definitely a bad idea to try and proceed with a sexual relationship without complete disclosure. As well, it's really nothing for anyone to be ashamed of for the trans party to have to say that they're trans. There's unfortunately a level of risk to bodily health for transgender individuals, as well, which makes deciding on a firm stance difficult (Is it safer to be honest? What if your partner might feel deceived, even if you disclose before anything happens?) My last thought is that a transgendered person often does not want to identify as trans - but simply as the gender they most closely identify with, and disclosure may seem a concession that they are not (even if post-op) who they want to be. I don't know. It doesn't seem cut-and-dry to me.

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Alexander T Steward 2012/09/17 17:38:53

Yes

Ladies, if you have a wang, that's fine with me. I'm not so insecure with my sexuality that I insist the women I sleep with have female genitalia. But most people don't like suprises.

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Dave Th... to Alexand... 2012/09/17 18:45:29

Should she still inform her partner if she has had genital reconstruction surgery?

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Alexand... to Dave Th... 2012/09/17 18:57:23
freakoutnow... cuz mom's here 2012/08/14 08:24:46
mikeeonly 2012/08/14 04:17:06

Yes

definitely

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Vijay Pawar 2012/08/13 21:45:50

Undecided

Actions & behaviors in SEX orentation cannot be hidden for long. May it be male/female who is a Trans. The partner will obviously status even if not told. As well if not to the liking will automatically repel ......

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Drebi 2012/08/13 21:32:45

Yes

+2
It depends on the situation, but typically speaking, yes.

If it's a non-serious "relationship" (fling, ONS, etc.) then, no, the only thing morally obligatory for them inform the other(s) about is the status of their sexual health status (STD/STI). If it's a serious relationship (LTR/Marriage) or they are pursuing the other(s) with the intention of a potential serious relationship then, yes.

I think that everyone should be completely honest with their potential partners (this pertains to everything, not just medical conditions). If someone cannot accept you for YOU, then why would you want to be with them anyway?

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blah 2012/08/13 21:32:27

Yes

its only fare, both partys should no full well what there going into

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blah to blah 2012/08/13 21:32:56

no pun intended

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Katherine 2012/08/13 21:31:26

Yes

I think if they're really comfortable with their new status, they wouldn't allow someone to be deceived or traumatize later. Friendship, not necessary. Anything relationship-y, for lack of a better term, tell them immediately.

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Lizzeh 2012/08/13 21:13:52

Yes

+1
You're not supposed to keep secrets from your lover.

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Dagon 2012/08/13 21:03:02
frozenKmadness 2012/08/13 21:02:46

Yes

That's something important, you can't just skip it, right?

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jere.chievres 2012/08/13 21:01:04

Yes

Absolutely

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Joanie 2012/08/13 19:07:36 (edited)

Undecided

+4
I am a post-operative male-to-female transsexual.

I think it is the psychologically healthy thing for transsexuals to be out and open about who we are, especially to people with whom we would like to have a significant connection, including boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, etc. If we hide our transsexual status, it sends the wrong message to others (i.e., that we have something to be ashamed of), and it reflects an internalization of homophobia/transphobia and a lack of self-esteem and belief in ourselves. So I think being out and open is a very good idea from the perspective of the trans-person.

Whether is it morally obligatory to be out and open about one's trans-status is an issue that I really have no opinion on.

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Bibliophilic 2012/08/13 18:43:23

Undecided

+2
Not immediately, but it should probably be mentioned. Also, transgender is the acceptable term (I thought).

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Drebi to Bibliop... 2012/08/13 21:21:30 (edited)

+1
Transsexual IS the 'acceptable' term. There's a difference between transgender and transsexual. Transgender is an umbrella term for multiple 'types' of people (typically, cross-dressers (drag kings/queens) and the non-binary, but occasionally transsexuals). Transsexuals are those whose (binary) gender does not match their sex. They, quite literally, have a brain/body mismatch. (Transsexual women have a female brain and male body, transsexual men have a male brain and female body.)

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Bibliop... to Drebi 2012/08/13 21:30:16

Oh ok, I just didn't want to offend anyone. I've only heard transexual as referred to crossdressers and in a clinical context.

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RawRsaurus to Bibliop... 2012/10/15 00:44:53

Transsexuals are NOT cross dressers. Cross dressers do not identify as the opposite sex they were biologically assigned.

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Michelle 2012/08/13 03:47:31

Yes

At the correct time, yes, a transsexual needs to inform their partner of this. A few months into the relationship or before intimacy when emotionally invested would be a good idea. It's an important piece of information about a person that would be impossible to completely hide forever in a serious relationship, and hiding it would cause backlash whether the partner can accept the fact or not.

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Beat Magnum True Hero 2012/08/12 08:40:12 (edited)

Yes

Absolutely. PC or not, there are a lot of people who are not cool with that. It may sting a bit and it may not even be fair, but it will potentially save a lot of problems.

I actually asked a transsexual about this once, and I was told "We usually date within our community to avoid this problem." Makes sense, I would imagine that those on the outside just wouldn't get it anyway.

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You Know IT 2012/08/12 08:39:26

Yes

Well it's better to tell them then to receive the backlash later.

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Scream 2012/08/12 00:31:01

Undecided

Depends how serious they are. First few dates, not necessary. If you're getting married it's probably a good idea. I think the trans* person will know when it's the right time to tell their partner

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Metaldane 2012/08/11 23:40:33

Undecided

I don't beleive they should feel the need to at first in the relationship but as it goes on and things get more advanced they should try and find the time to let them know. I dated a trans once and she let me know a couple months into it which i feel was a good amount of time if she had told me right off the bat it would've been akward as that's a deeply personal thing and I wouldn't have felt ready to share as much info about myself yet.

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dustin.oubre 2012/08/11 23:28:09

No

They don't have to inform anyone. That said, most of the time, a trans person would let the other know, anyway.

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Dave The Canuck 2012/08/11 23:02:52

Yes

Definitely, in the case of marriage. A natural born man might want to start a family, and the trans woman, in this case, would have to let him know she's trans if he wishes to marry her.

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The Sane One 2012/08/11 22:55:33

Yes

If they ever want to get laid, I'm pretty sure the subject will have to come up.

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Joanie to The San... 2012/08/13 19:10:38

+1
I wouldn't have to come up in the case of a post-op.

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