I'm not going to lie to you. Having kids changes everything. And yes, there are times when it totally sucks and times when the joy seems boundless. But I know four older couples who did not have kids (actually, one couple had two children who later died). Two of these couples do have family (nieces, nephews, etc) with whom they are very close. The other two don't have any family at all. I won't go as far as some who say that it's selfish not to have kids, but, after observing these folks, I think it's worth effort. My kids are 13 and 18 now, and it's cool to watch them in the process of becoming adults. And when I consider the joy they bring to my parents, I do think it's worth it.
My relationship with my wife changed when we had kids. But it's a change we grew into together. Everything is work, y'know? Whether you have kids or not. You just deal with things as they come. It helps that our extended family lives close.
That's my take on the matter, right or wrong. I wish you the best, whichever path you choose.
P.S. I should mention, if you decide to become parents, I think you should have at least two. I have a number of friends who only had one, and they're spoiled brats. My girls have each other, so they're not constantly demanding our attention. Again, this is just my opinion. If you're an only child, I'm sure you turned out fine. ; p lol
Is Having Kids Worth It?
Melinda Miles
2011/03/09 12:00:00
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335 votes
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I'm going to let you in on a secret: I'm a little nervous about having kids.
Studies keep proving that young couples without children are happier than couples chasing after rugrats. And it doesn't help when a woman becomes a media sensation for leaving her kids behind.
"I had to leave my children to find them," Rahna Reiko Rizzut writes in an essay for Salon.com, explaining her decision to give up primary custody of her 3- and 5-year-old sons to write a book about the survivors of Hiroshima.
"In my part-time motherhood, I get concentrated blocks of time when I can be that 1950s mother we idealize who was waiting in an apron with fresh cookies when we got off the school bus and wasn't too
busy for anything we needed until we went to bed," she explains.
I'm actually looking forward to the milk-and-cookies part. But as a happily married woman still in the "honeymoon" phase, I can't help but fear that having kids is going to change things between me and my husband.
What's it going to be like when we can't go out for dinner on a beautiful, spring-like night? Will we be stuck inside watching a TV show we don't even like? Or will we be too tired to watch TV, period?
But here's the good news (thank you, Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research). A new study finds that while having more children makes young couples unhappy, kids eventually "pay off" by increasing their parents' happiness later in life.
From age 40 on, parents with one to three children are happier than childless couples, and after age 50, parents are happier than childless couples regardless of how many children they have, the study found.
"Children may be a long-term investment in happiness," study author Mikko Myrskyla said in a statement, according to LiveScience.
Which is why, even though I know that having little kids will probably cause some short-term disruptions in my life (and those few years will probably feel like a few decades), I know it's every bit worth it to have them before I miss my chance. I also know that you pay for that long-term investment in happiness by raising your kids -- not by ditching them to write a book in Japan.
--Melinda Miles is a freelance writer.
Studies keep proving that young couples without children are happier than couples chasing after rugrats. And it doesn't help when a woman becomes a media sensation for leaving her kids behind.
"I had to leave my children to find them," Rahna Reiko Rizzut writes in an essay for Salon.com, explaining her decision to give up primary custody of her 3- and 5-year-old sons to write a book about the survivors of Hiroshima.
"In my part-time motherhood, I get concentrated blocks of time when I can be that 1950s mother we idealize who was waiting in an apron with fresh cookies when we got off the school bus and wasn't too
busy for anything we needed until we went to bed," she explains.
I'm actually looking forward to the milk-and-cookies part. But as a happily married woman still in the "honeymoon" phase, I can't help but fear that having kids is going to change things between me and my husband.
What's it going to be like when we can't go out for dinner on a beautiful, spring-like night? Will we be stuck inside watching a TV show we don't even like? Or will we be too tired to watch TV, period?
But here's the good news (thank you, Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research). A new study finds that while having more children makes young couples unhappy, kids eventually "pay off" by increasing their parents' happiness later in life.
From age 40 on, parents with one to three children are happier than childless couples, and after age 50, parents are happier than childless couples regardless of how many children they have, the study found.
"Children may be a long-term investment in happiness," study author Mikko Myrskyla said in a statement, according to LiveScience.
Which is why, even though I know that having little kids will probably cause some short-term disruptions in my life (and those few years will probably feel like a few decades), I know it's every bit worth it to have them before I miss my chance. I also know that you pay for that long-term investment in happiness by raising your kids -- not by ditching them to write a book in Japan.
--Melinda Miles is a freelance writer.
Read More: http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2011/02/28/leavi...
Top Opinion
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dman278 2011/03/09 14:19:10
I'm 28 years old so I need to decide very quickly which way I am going to go.. In all my experience, everytime I make a move in fear that I will regret not making that move later on, it always goes wrong.
Do what feels right to you NOW. The truth is that when you have kids, you won't have the freedom you currently enjoy to do the things that are worth the while to you now.
My best friend of 20 years has three children and assures me that you don't lose any part of yourself when you have kids but rather that parts of you that you didn't know existed will reveal themselves and you grow as an individual through motherhood.
With all that being said, I don't think anyone should go halfway into motherhood. If you are going to do it, make sure you are 100%. No doubts.
I mean I love kids and I bet later I will end up having them but right now I am just not sure?
Watch them over a ten year period then compare the three.
If a study is "proving" something then it is a bad study.
A good study should "find" something.
The human condition requires that humans have kids, ha!
Now just because some people can't manage their kids is no reason for others to think they will be the same. Everyone has goals, and some people's goals are to push the human race forward to better things. And it's not points against someone if they choose not to have kids, everyones lifestyle is different, and mistakes are made along the way for one reason or another.
Albert Einstein talked of his parents not wanting to have kids in an unstable german economy, then he popped up by mistake. Had Einstein never been born, we might very well be speaking another language in America right now, ha!
say I wonder what it would be like if I hadn't had them, but then I think of all the
great times and memories that they have given to me that I would have missed.
So yeah, after the terrible childbearing pain subsides and you forget that, it's
well worth it. :)
nah, you don't get much for them on eBay.........
*
Anyway, having a child just wouldn't fit into my life at any point... There is too much I want to do, and a child just wouldn't fit...
I could easily be with a man who had children of his own, but other than that... Nope