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In your opinion, why do you think some women in a abusive relationship return to it after leaving their spouse or BF?

Mel 2012/09/16 21:50:10
Related Topics: Relationship, Opinion
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  • Jeremy 2012/09/17 13:15:01
  • timothy.hill.14 2012/09/17 05:18:51
    Comment
    timothy.hill.14
    +2
    Stockholm syndrome. The victim identifies with their abuser and fruitlessly hopes that he/she will change.
  • Monilove 2012/09/17 03:15:15
    Comment
    Monilove
    +1
    I'm an advocate and survivor of domestic violence and sexual assault. Women aren't the only ones being abused! There are countless cases of men who are victims, but never report it because of their manhood. There are shelters out there to help, but it's not enough. Abuse is also tied to law. Although there are laws that says you aren't suppose to hurt anyone, there are not enough laws or funding in place to prevent victims from having to return to the abuser to survive. Money and children are the main reasons why victims return. If there is no help outside of the battered home, they rather return until they can get out. This doesn't mean they're stupid or so in love. Victims just don't know what to do.
  • Swordfish 2012/09/17 01:28:41
    Comment
    Swordfish
    +1
    No, it's not "because they are stupid."
    When you are abused, your self esteem is lowered to the point where you feel like you deserve it, especially in the case of verbal abuse.
    Thus, the victim will keep coming back because he/she thinks that he/she is a horrible person and deserves being punished, when the truth is the exact opposite.
    It can take years to recover from even the slightest abuse. It's very sad.
  • NotTargetMaterial 2012/09/17 01:14:55
    Comment
    NotTargetMaterial
    Because they are stupid. Theres no other explanation.

    (Ha! I knew most people would choose the 1st option. Not me. I chose to take the low road...)
  • Mel NotTarg... 2012/09/17 01:59:51
    Mel
    What 1rst option? I didn't leave any options to choose from.
  • NotTarg... Mel 2012/09/17 02:09:23
    NotTargetMaterial
    +1
    I just meant how the options were stacked on top of each other. I went with the option on the bottom (the 2nd one).
  • Monilove NotTarg... 2012/09/17 03:08:02
    Monilove
    +1
    Well that's an ignorant answer! They are not "stupid," but conditioned. If they have kids they have to think of their welfare first. Economy/ finances or lack of keeps a victim there, fear of the unknown or the abuser finding them, threats against their life, anything that is used to control is a reason why a victim stays. So to call them stupid is ignorant. Everyone have different reasons why. Love is the least of them!
  • robert.goldsmith.14 2012/09/17 01:02:17
  • ikeknight 2012/09/17 00:49:18
    Comment
    ikeknight
    +1
    People are afraid of change, even if it's for the better. People tend to be comfortable with what they know. Emotions do not follow logic.
  • Recruit 2012/09/17 00:09:19
    Comment
    Recruit
    +1
    Many reasons from what ive read.I think the bottom line is false beliefs and fear.
  • ShelaKay0523 2012/09/16 23:46:03
    Comment
    ShelaKay0523
    +1
    They develop an emotional attachment to their significant other, and will delude themselves into thinking he's changed, or that with enough effort he will change. People make all sorts of false promises, like going to support groups, counseling, getting medicated, and various other things. When you're emotionally attached it's easy to want to help them get better, and to try and make it work. They even make excuses as to why they stay together, like "he only hits me because I made a mistake, so it's my fault," or, "he's just in a bad mood, everyone has those sometimes, so it's okay."

    Usually it's because they were abused as children. They're used to being hurt by someone they love, so eventually it becomes expected.
  • violeteyz 2012/09/16 23:41:40 (edited)
    Comment
    violeteyz
    +2
    The answer may be found in their childhood,so many children have no father to emulate because men have been marginalized by American society in lieu of government intervention,a vicious cycle.
  • sockpuppet 2012/09/16 23:21:29
    Comment
    sockpuppet
    +1
    That's the sort of relationship they want. Some women can't respect a normal guy,
    and only feel secure with the abusive type. Probably something to do with their
    fathers at some point.

    I got hooked up with a lady like that once, and it took me a few months to figure out
    what was wrong with her. I only put up with the drama because she was so nice in
    every other respect. But... what a strange way to behave. :O\
  • lm1b2 2012/09/16 23:10:10 (edited)
    Comment
    lm1b2
    +2
    Years ago in a readers digest i read a article that said that 80% of divorced people marry a person the second time that is worst then the first spouse,what does that tell you?
  • Mel lm1b2 2012/09/16 23:12:21
    Mel
    Is that for women or both sexes?
  • lm1b2 Mel 2012/09/16 23:34:07
    lm1b2
    +1
    Both Sexes.
  • Bec. 2012/09/16 22:36:34
    Comment
    Bec.
    +1
    A lot of the time, these people are able to emotionally manipulate a person. They make them think that they are good people, that they have asked for it, and that they deserve this treatment. They think, "Well, if I change, this won't happen. I won't let it happen." They believe they are in control, even though they are brainwashed and abused. My aunt went back to her husband after he smashed plates in her head. My grandmother was so angry with her, she called her stupid and ignorant, but nobody understands really. Unless you've been in a relationship like that, it's hard to really empathise with them. My aunt said she was the one in the wrong, and that her husband had told her that so many times... she ate his words up and eventually died because of it.
  • Dale 2012/09/16 22:19:28 (edited)
    Comment
    Dale
    +1
    A classical reason would be because of low self esteem. Think I will go and stick with that.
  • maggie 2012/09/16 21:58:49
    Comment
    maggie
    +2
    either desperation or stupidity.....or possibly fear

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