If you're not attracted to obese/overweight women, why is that called shallow?

Chad 2011/06/01 15:10:36
College student here, doing research for an upcoming Summer school project on human sexuality, dating, etc. Not trying to offend, but I really need to ask these questions. :)

If a straight man isn't attracted to a woman, ESPECIALLY an obese/overweight woman, he is then often accused of "not looking at the women for who they are on the inside", and "only being into it for looks". In short: he's a shallow, superficial pig.


I'm gay, and have been hit on by my fair share of women. NEVER have I had a woman get mad at me after I give them "I'm sure you're a sweet girl, but I'm gay" line. In fact, often times a friendship is born, and some of them have even apologized...even though an apology wasn't needed. They realize there's no attraction there, and don't take it personally.

Can someone please explain why the responses are so often different? I really don't understand it.

Thanks again!
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  • AndyBoy 2013/06/06 19:33:52
    Damn. I'm attracted to ONLY very obese women. Does that make me shallow? Yes...size matters to me! The bigger she is, the sexier she is.
  • Stephanie Gustafson 2011/06/13 21:21:23
    Stephanie Gustafson
    I don't think it is necessarily shallow, but common courtesy asks that you don't tell a girl "I don't want to go out with you because you're fat." In our society, that is the ultimate insult for a woman, even if it is true. When you tell a woman you aren't attracted to her because you're gay, it won't offend her.

    I'm sure there is some physical attribute that you have been self conscious of at one point or another. For example, maybe you have acne scars. Would you like it if someone rejected you and said "You have acne pits all over your face, so, thanks but no thanks." You'd probably be less offended if the person said "sorry, I'm attracted to girls, not guys."
  • lil crazy 2011/06/01 16:01:46
    lil crazy
    To start with i do not think you can really compare the two, its like comparing apples and oranges. As for being called shallow for not being attracted to obese/overweight women, well it depends. Initial attraction to a hot girl over the overweight girl is probably the norm but If i guy after getting to know both would go out with a total bitch just because she is hot and pass up a great gal just because she is overweight then he is shallow. Also on the initial attraction part I think it has to do with how he handles turning down someone.. It is fine if he says you are not my type, but if he says i wouldn't date a cow like you well then he is a shallow, sperficial pig.
  • Lea Mirton 2011/06/01 15:48:57
    Lea Mirton
    'In short: he's a shallow, superficial pig.'

    Sounds like something a woman scorned would say. Especially those that are self conscious or have body image issues.
  • Roy George 2011/06/01 15:42:16
    Roy George
    Nothing shallow here.

  • Lea Mirton Roy George 2011/06/01 15:46:33
    Lea Mirton
    I Lol'd...then threw up a little in my mouth.
  • Tom 2011/06/01 15:32:39
    Hmm, well, ask yourself this: If a gay man came on to you who you thought was unattractive because of his obesity, would it be the same? Or, what if you met a guy who was just stunning, and he told you YOU were just too fat/not buff enough, etcetera. Would that make you feel good? Would you perhaps feel a little defensive?
  • Jareth Majere 2011/06/01 15:24:31
    Jareth Majere
    Regardless of what you personally find attractive, not being attracted to something else, does not make you shallow. Using physical cues to determine what you're attracted to is a biological & cultural thing.

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2016/02/10 02:37:41

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