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If your boyfriend/Girlfriend went to Jail... Would you stay with them?

Katy S. 2009/12/11 16:02:28
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  • Nikki366 2013/01/16 18:04:28
    Nikki366
    +12
    My boyfriend and i had been dating for about a month and he got locked up for drug possession charges and a credit card fraud right before my birthday...he has been in jail for 2 months and our best friend was there for me when he got locked up. Me and the friend found out we clicked and i started dating him. now that we are dating i found out today that he gets out today and will be on probation and idk what to do i feel like a horrible person. I'm barely 18

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  • chelsea 2014/07/19 02:39:47
    chelsea
    +3
    My boyfriend and I have been together a little over two months now and he is in jail awaiting a sentence that is likely to be anywhere around two years. I understand two months is nothing compared to years of marriage but ever since day one we have been absolutely INSEPARABLE. When we first started talking, I knew he had a warrant but I was too in love to care. He was taken eleven days ago and is awaiting trial on a bogus charge. He has made my life a better place and me a genuinely happier person. But two years is a lot of time and to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm more terrified to wait two years alone and worrying or just losing him completely when he needs me the most. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  • Shannon Martin 2014/04/15 22:16:30
    Shannon Martin
    +2
    My boyfriend has been in Jail since May 2013. He's not coming home till Jan. 2015 I love him so much. We've been together off and on for 5 years. We write each other & talk to each other as much as we can. When he was closer to home I'd go visit him every weekend now that they moved him farther away it's hard to see him. I'm standing by his side 100% . My question is I just got off probation(felony) will he & I be able to live together when he comes home or will we have to get married either way it doesn't matter.
  • milissa.cahill 2013/12/05 20:43:13
    milissa.cahill
    +3
    My boyfriend is going to prison for 5 years because he broke up with a girl who called rape total crap. But because I still love him I'm going to wait for him
  • cole 2013/10/13 04:42:35
    cole
    +2
    me and my girlfriend got arrested together, they put us in the same center, i got sent to a boot camp and she got sent to a rehab, i got out and she still has four more months and I'm staying right here waiting for her, she is my ride or die,
  • nikki 2013/08/08 22:57:15
    nikki
    +3
    if my boy friend is a sex offender and he is on 3rd agree how long will you be in there for
  • Paulina 2013/06/28 21:43:27
    Paulina
    I have to wait for him coz i love him
  • Nikki366 2013/06/14 20:34:32
    Nikki366
    well he's been back in twice since we've been back together only now we're engaged :D
  • kevin 2013/06/08 08:06:14
    kevin
    +3
    My wife is serving a prison term presumtive she got 1 year I have very minimal contact with her only through mail no phone no visits as of yet we have had a termultiuos relationship to say the least I am madly in love with her she says she is commited to me but I don't want to ever be hurt by her again I don't know what to do
  • Sapphyr... kevin 2013/06/12 21:45:42
    Sapphyreopal5
    May I ask why she is serving a prison term?
  • kevin Sapphyr... 2013/06/19 10:18:35
    kevin
    +1
    Theft of means which translates into she stole a car I mean there is so much more to the story our past is crazy I want to talk about it but I don't know how do that or if I should I feel like I am loosing my mind there is so much pain and I keep hearing forgive I just don't know how .......thanks for the reply
  • Sapphyr... kevin 2013/06/19 16:54:25
    Sapphyreopal5
    +1
    It's tough standing by someone who is incarcerated. It takes inner strength and courage to do that. Is this the first time she has been incarcerated? How long were you two together before she was incarcerated (and how long have you known one another)? How was the state of the relationship before all of this happened and before she was sent to prison? Why did she do what she did? These are things to consider when it comes down to forgiving her or not. It's difficult to accept these kinds of things and can't help but feel betrayed when our loved ones become incarcerated.

    Sometimes people genuinely do make a mistake and others just do stupid things or better yet just end up being, well, themselves (the type of people I am referencing here are those who are naturally deviants and would end up going in and out of prison/jail or going in for life after a while). My guy has less than 5 weeks in jail and what got him in there happened 3-4 years ago (just got sentenced for 105 days back this April). A lot of people do end up learning their lesson and others just don't.

    Either way you go about this is entirely understandable, as you are in some difficult shoes my friend. I chose to stand by my guy even though I only met him like 3 months (started seeing like a few weeks) before he was i...

    It's tough standing by someone who is incarcerated. It takes inner strength and courage to do that. Is this the first time she has been incarcerated? How long were you two together before she was incarcerated (and how long have you known one another)? How was the state of the relationship before all of this happened and before she was sent to prison? Why did she do what she did? These are things to consider when it comes down to forgiving her or not. It's difficult to accept these kinds of things and can't help but feel betrayed when our loved ones become incarcerated.

    Sometimes people genuinely do make a mistake and others just do stupid things or better yet just end up being, well, themselves (the type of people I am referencing here are those who are naturally deviants and would end up going in and out of prison/jail or going in for life after a while). My guy has less than 5 weeks in jail and what got him in there happened 3-4 years ago (just got sentenced for 105 days back this April). A lot of people do end up learning their lesson and others just don't.

    Either way you go about this is entirely understandable, as you are in some difficult shoes my friend. I chose to stand by my guy even though I only met him like 3 months (started seeing like a few weeks) before he was incarcerated but I know in my heart he has learned his lesson and that he is a genuinely good person (better than most people I've met in my life). We write letters on a regular basis, I have visited him quite a few times (the 40 mile drive one way is worth it every time imo :) ) and when he can, he gives me a call. His phone calls really make my day for me and I wholeheartedly look forward to the day he is free in July.

    I hope what I have said here helps you out one way or another or at least gives you another perspective. Either way, good luck to you :)
    (more)
  • kevin Sapphyr... 2013/07/02 04:17:35
    kevin
    We have been married for 9 years our marriage has been tough she is bi-polar we are both addicts she has left me a few times has had boyfriends during these separations but always comes back sorry I am madly in love with her I have never nor will I ever again love someone the way I love her I know this she has never been in trouble before and has now found god as most people do when they have all that time to kill. I have been working very hard on myself first to get clean we have three beautiful children I will be there for her when she gets out which looks like Oct.17 I was denied visitation because of my record so it is hard to only communicate through mail I just want to be ready for her when she comes home she says she is fully committed to our marriage so I want to be there not only physically but mentally as well this could be a great new beginning for us I hope
  • Sapphyr... kevin 2013/07/02 04:28:11
    Sapphyreopal5
    Oh no on being denied visitation for your record! Well I think that if she knows she messed up, wants to change her life for the better, etc. after having experienced prison and such and you care for her, I think that you should go for it :) My guy only has about 3 weeks left and let me tell you, the last few months of not getting too many phone calls, 45 min web-cam style visits once in a while, and communicating mainly by mail (and waiting by the mail box in that for days) has been somewhat emotionally taxing to put it politely. I cannot imagine having to put up with it for a year or more given your circumstances. Stay strong my friend!
  • Sapphyreopal5 2013/06/03 23:37:06
    Sapphyreopal5
    +1
    Depends on what they did. For instance, currently the guy I am seeing is in jail for a mistake he made a few years ago (trial sprawled out over the course of a few years and is paying for it now XD ). I go visit him whenever I can and we write letters. He is in there until July 25. Cannot wait until he gets out. It came to be of a huge surprise to him when I went to visit him the first time. He was not only shocked but he was genuinely one of the happiest men in the world when he saw me again. He believed I would never speak to him again and would just forget about him although the truth is I wondered where he was for 3 weeks! He tried a great number of things so that he could somehow contact me to tell me what happened (was afraid to tell me about his past initially) and eventually was able to get his brother to contact me on Facebook.

    No one at work had seen him, no one in class, and even a couple of his friends were writing on his wall asking where he is and such, so I knew he wasn't blowing me off when I wasn't hearing from him. The guy adores the daylights out of me and would literally go out of his way to make sure he could spend a few hours with me (was working about 40 hours a week and was in 5 classes at the same time); now I dated a couple guys for longer periods o...<

    Depends on what they did. For instance, currently the guy I am seeing is in jail for a mistake he made a few years ago (trial sprawled out over the course of a few years and is paying for it now XD ). I go visit him whenever I can and we write letters. He is in there until July 25. Cannot wait until he gets out. It came to be of a huge surprise to him when I went to visit him the first time. He was not only shocked but he was genuinely one of the happiest men in the world when he saw me again. He believed I would never speak to him again and would just forget about him although the truth is I wondered where he was for 3 weeks! He tried a great number of things so that he could somehow contact me to tell me what happened (was afraid to tell me about his past initially) and eventually was able to get his brother to contact me on Facebook.

    No one at work had seen him, no one in class, and even a couple of his friends were writing on his wall asking where he is and such, so I knew he wasn't blowing me off when I wasn't hearing from him. The guy adores the daylights out of me and would literally go out of his way to make sure he could spend a few hours with me (was working about 40 hours a week and was in 5 classes at the same time); now I dated a couple guys for longer periods of time, one for 2 and a half years. Also, all of the loopholes he had to go through just to get a message out to me about being incarcerated and trying to get ahold of my number from his phone (which was locked since it was an iphone and his family couldn't unlock it) says a lot to me! I met this guy 4 months ago in one of my classes (started to actually see one another in mid-March) and no one else has tried this hard to see me or to actually be with me. We never made it "facebook official" but we pretty much are boyfriend/girlfriend otherwise <3

    So yeah, I'm sticking by his side and am (im)patiently wait for him to get out in July.
    (more)
  • Erica Sapphyr... 2013/06/12 21:48:56
    Erica
    How precious, big sister! I like how you talk about "facebook official" lol.. like facebook = officialness or something

    It depends on what they did.. If they hurt someone I care about, definitely not..
    If they were being stupid, yea I'll wait and go visit him.. Someone being in jail because of mistakes they made, and not waiting for them because "they're bad" is being judgmental, and how dare we judge the people we care about for their mistakes?!
  • Sapphyr... Erica 2013/06/12 21:56:27
    Sapphyreopal5
    Lol nah, saying "Facebook official" is simply my way of saying we never directly said "oh want to be boyfriend/girlfriend?" and the other saying "yes, let's be bf/gf" ha ha. In the case with my guy, he definitely goofed up in the past (case stretched over the course of over 3 years!) but I don't judge his character on his actions but instead what he has learned or taken from his experiences. Needless to say, I wholeheartedly believe he has "learned his lesson" here and because he has shown he genuinely does care, I am standing by his side :)
  • Nissa 2013/05/29 18:08:58
    Nissa
    +1
    I have a friend that is now living with me and my boyfriend. Awhile back I got a phone call from her telling me that her boyfriend went on another binge. Two days later I was going there for her to get her stuff. I told her we needed to go to the police because we did not know how he would be. Alcohol and drugs don't mix well and I knew that he has been frequently mean and verbally abusive. He also hit her son. That night when we went to the apartment with the cops, he got arrested for drugs (cocaine). He was also on probation. So he has been in jail for 2 months already. We don't know how long he will be in jail. One for the drugs and for breaking probation. She has already seen him and now she is holding on to his wallet, for money. We made her get a job and she did. My thing is and have told her to forget him. She has given him to many chances to get better. Within a year he has gone on 4 binges. She talks every day to him, atleast 2x. He is still telling her what to do. His probation is for Sexual assault 2nd of a minor. She tells me that he didn't do it. What I'm trying to get at is why does she want to stay with someone like that. HE HIT HER SON. How can anyone get over that. If she really goes back she will lose a friend. We have been friends since high school. My boyfr...
    I have a friend that is now living with me and my boyfriend. Awhile back I got a phone call from her telling me that her boyfriend went on another binge. Two days later I was going there for her to get her stuff. I told her we needed to go to the police because we did not know how he would be. Alcohol and drugs don't mix well and I knew that he has been frequently mean and verbally abusive. He also hit her son. That night when we went to the apartment with the cops, he got arrested for drugs (cocaine). He was also on probation. So he has been in jail for 2 months already. We don't know how long he will be in jail. One for the drugs and for breaking probation. She has already seen him and now she is holding on to his wallet, for money. We made her get a job and she did. My thing is and have told her to forget him. She has given him to many chances to get better. Within a year he has gone on 4 binges. She talks every day to him, atleast 2x. He is still telling her what to do. His probation is for Sexual assault 2nd of a minor. She tells me that he didn't do it. What I'm trying to get at is why does she want to stay with someone like that. HE HIT HER SON. How can anyone get over that. If she really goes back she will lose a friend. We have been friends since high school. My boyfriend says if she goes back he will not help her which means she will not be allowed in the house. Can someone tell me how and why she would stay with someone like that. She acts like a school girl. She is in the middle of a divorce and went right into this relationship with him. He wants to marry her. I wanted her to enjoy herself. Live life, now she wants to wait for him but play around with someone else. Someone please explain to me why she wants to do this. I'm getting tired of listening to her constantly talking about him. How do I tell her I don't want to hear it any more? When I'm in the house I want to hide. She has made my boyfriend uncomfortable in his own home. This guy has such an hold on her.
    (more)
  • shelee.victoria 2013/05/23 19:39:33
  • amanda 2013/04/22 03:17:43
    amanda
    +3
    yes i would stay with my boyfriend way he is in jail
  • wrongkindbambina 2013/04/08 07:26:23
    wrongkindbambina
    ay im a 21 female and im going to jail soon for possession for purpose of traficking. a lot of forum talks about boyfriend going to jail but in my case its the reverse. me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years and now i dont know how long im gonna stay in jail but i know im gonna miss him and life is gonna be real hard witout him. ive been in jail before and he always stayed with me so if you really love someone you gonna stay together if jail breaks your couple it means you werent ment to be together thats for me
  • xSeiferx 2013/03/05 04:03:11
    xSeiferx
    +3
    My husband went to jail for a probation violation...It's his third time relapsing (first time on weed, second with spice and now suboxin) over the course of three years. The Judge was upset with him but instead of sending him to prison for the 7 years over his head, he sent him on rider. It sucks that he's so far away for so long (I live in North Idaho...he's being sent to Boise in South Idaho, then near Lewiston to Cottonwood)...but yeah. I'm waiting for him. I'm staying with him. I love him more than anything. Just a phone call from him brightens my day. I can't see myself with anyone else. I hate hearing stories about how guys go to jail and their girlfriends don't wait for them. I guess that means it wasn't meant to last. But I know we are meant to last forever. <3 Of course I'm staying with him. I love him.
  • Nikki366 xSeiferx 2013/03/21 04:00:30
    Nikki366
    i live in idaho too near the boise area. the boyfriend that got locked up and i are now dating again i am so happy and hes doing great going to all his ua's and being really compliant
  • danielle 2013/02/03 21:22:56
    danielle
    +3
    My fiance got a sopo which means he cant talk to people on the net under 16 years old all due to a stupid immature girl sending pictures of herself then lying about it when he was in a relationship with someone. Anyway he got put on a sopo and on probation for a year but there is also another case on-going because he was in a relationship with a 15 year old when he was 18 and they had a daughter together he is now 20, she turnt nasty when they split up and its he is now being charged for having intercourse with an under 16 with consent! he has to answer to his bail next week, but does anyone no what the chances are that he will go to prison? i am so scared :( We are meant to be getting married next year!! someone help please :'(!! thanks
  • Shye Mrie 2013/01/30 00:24:59 (edited)
    Shye Mrie
    +3
    Hello, im so new to this, so anyone that can help id be so grateful. Im so frustrated on one end, but just been trying this last month to sort how i feel, because i had only been dating this guy for a month. We aggreed to commit to not dating anyone else but only to each other but not fully commit to a relationship. He had only been 3 mths out of his 3 yr bad end relationship which still steams up alot of anger for she an him both did drugs, they get pulled over and low an behold her being caught with drugs pointing at him so they both go to jail but he gets pinned for all the drugs as she refuses to even today to admit even though her telling the truth would not cause her anymore on her record but would take away the charge, even take off or shrten his probation.. So didnt really know much about this until further on in the mth in half at the most we had dated that he had past drug issues an a bad break up. So let me get to the actual question because i just dont know what to do and i also not only need advice or opinion it being so short time to date someone, thats not my bf but in time had potential to be is he got locked up for charges that could have him locked up for some years but hes in his early 20's and he did not deserve the charges. There was 2 funerals in other wo...
    Hello, im so new to this, so anyone that can help id be so grateful. Im so frustrated on one end, but just been trying this last month to sort how i feel, because i had only been dating this guy for a month. We aggreed to commit to not dating anyone else but only to each other but not fully commit to a relationship. He had only been 3 mths out of his 3 yr bad end relationship which still steams up alot of anger for she an him both did drugs, they get pulled over and low an behold her being caught with drugs pointing at him so they both go to jail but he gets pinned for all the drugs as she refuses to even today to admit even though her telling the truth would not cause her anymore on her record but would take away the charge, even take off or shrten his probation.. So didnt really know much about this until further on in the mth in half at the most we had dated that he had past drug issues an a bad break up. So let me get to the actual question because i just dont know what to do and i also not only need advice or opinion it being so short time to date someone, thats not my bf but in time had potential to be is he got locked up for charges that could have him locked up for some years but hes in his early 20's and he did not deserve the charges. There was 2 funerals in other words, a bunch of frds got together, took to much an didnt wake up the nxt morning but him. So he gets put away for waking up too late so they considered at he woke up an done something sooner they would be alive today. I know he would not of just sat there an let 2 frds pass out od an die. He also failed his UA an was no show for po so he already knew he had a lil time coming put he was gonna go to his po an let them decide an sit it out but then he got locked up for this. So no telling how long it will be. I do not know cause ive never dated anyone whom has ever been arrested while i was dating or with them. I do not know if he wants me to visit him at the jail or he wants that i dont to keep me away from all the stress, or if i should write to him. I asked my frds if i should just move on and yea write him but move forward that he would more then likely consider us not dating anymore. Im sure hes absolutely damaged for all was traumatic an a huge loss but feelings of guilt and being charged as if he killed them both or forced the drugs an all they took that night.. I dont want there to b a grudge if say i move on and keep support with his frds an wait till he gets out but it can go 2 ways an i just want to know cuz i didnt get to date him all that long, b4 he got locked up things were really starting to get going so ill take whatever opinions/advice i can get, if theres anything confusing ill reply more or elaborate on anything, just trying to keep things a lil less detailed for this was kinda a huge situation an im gettin crap from some of my frds or those of whom watched tv an found out. But anything would be appreciated, so should i consider us still dating and write to him an be there for him or should i move on with dating stay frds an atleast write him an wait out to read what he writes back on what i should do. I would never abandon any frd in my life, and hes such a good guy with a good heart, i just havent heard from him since he went to jail, i doubt he has my # memorized to call me, ive only met a few of his frds that are super bummed about all this but they dont know anymore about how long he will be gone then i do cause the amount of time hes gone is a huge factor. So since wed only dated for so shrt what wud be the best route to take? Thx for any feedback, sm
    (more)
  • Nikki366 2013/01/16 18:04:28
    Nikki366
    +12
    My boyfriend and i had been dating for about a month and he got locked up for drug possession charges and a credit card fraud right before my birthday...he has been in jail for 2 months and our best friend was there for me when he got locked up. Me and the friend found out we clicked and i started dating him. now that we are dating i found out today that he gets out today and will be on probation and idk what to do i feel like a horrible person. I'm barely 18
  • 41312<3 2012/12/25 08:15:48
    41312<3
    +5
    well my boyfriend got locked up 2 months ago he should be gettin out next year like around late summer or early fall but like im scared that when he comes out hes goin to leave me maybe im thinkin crazy but we been threw alot in only 8 months it feels like i knowed him my whole life like i juss met him 8 months ago nd hes like my everything now i never thought ill fall this hard ever in my life hes like my bestfriend i can tell him everything i feel happy when hes with me nd when im not i feel lost like the way i feel now like theres been a couple guys that been tryin to get wit me or just now tellin me they liked me for awhile its like im tryin to be faithful <3 nd i have but im scared that maybe one day ill slip up
  • Kayla Williams 2012/12/25 06:04:34
    Kayla Williams
    +5
    If you love him stay and if you don't leave if you have have time in your heart you'll no it's rite I promise out will
  • Estrella 2012/12/20 05:05:31
    Estrella
    +5
    Well, I have a friend that went to jail on thanksgiving and we would chill every now and then and we would txt everyday .... I kinda sorta started feeling something for him and when he got locked up I searched until I found what county he was in , so I wrote him a letter and after he received it he called me saying he was suprised that I even wrote him he would of thought I would forget about him...long story short he calls me frequently he asked when culd I go visit him , I told him whenever he wanted to see me so the next day he put me on his visitation list .... Idk if he knows I like him but Idk if I should go because I actually have feelings for a guy I barely met 2months prior to his arrest and now he's locked up and I'm bein faithful to him without actually being in a relationship with him & I don't even know how he feels about me :(
  • ShelbyIrene 2012/07/11 21:06:17
    ShelbyIrene
    +2
    So last night my bf/fiancee(longstory) got arrested for lighting dumpsters on fire. I dont know what it is im feeling inside...i feel like i want to cry but again i dont. I need help!!!! Should I talk to him when he gets out about how i feel about our relationship?! How i want things to change for the good and how things need to get better? Please someone help me!!!!!
  • BYSIS ShelbyI... 2012/08/04 17:54:58
    BYSIS
    +2
    Honestly mami waiting until he gets out could put a strain on your relationship and possibly end it best thing to do is tell him now he'll have a actual time to sit and think about what wrong he did because e=when he gets out he wont have that time again..
  • keah 2012/05/28 14:05:55
    keah
    +1
    When he first went into prison under remand (feb), we weren't dating, we we're just good friends, but obviously the feelings were there. He calls me every morning & night & we now have begun writing to each other. We both confessed our feelings for each other & agreed that we were gonna be girlfriend/boyfriend. I see him once a week. He has been sentenced 4 years, but can apply for parole in 2 years. He is appealing it so hopefully in 18 months or less he can come home. I know we haven't been together long & your all going to think i'm crazy, but i can honestly say that i love this guy... He makes me so happy & treats me the way i believe a girl should be treated! His made promises that if i wait & don't screw up while his in there.. that one day he will marry me. I honestly feel like he is the one! I can't really talk to anyone about this because they think it's too long of a time to wait for someone especially when we haven't even dated on the outside.. I am willing to wait for him, as hard as it is, i know i can do it. It's only been 4 months but he makes me happy and i don't see it being the right thing to give up on someone like him just because it may be hard!!!
  • BYSIS keah 2012/08/04 18:21:54
  • babyG 2011/07/16 22:04:06
    babyG
    +2
    my boyfriend might be going to jail and im scared because im with him everday of my life. i think im gonna stay with him because i love him and i dont want any other man. so im gonna stand by his side. im just abit worried that my parents are not gonna like it :/ cos im only 15 well nearly 16
  • BYSIS babyG 2012/08/04 18:25:33
    BYSIS
    +3
    understood once was there but your young im not to much older ive been in your shoes as time passes you'll know whether or not you really want to be there for him you still have to live its your choice to stay with him not his
  • tatted_cutie 2011/07/16 00:02:59
    tatted_cutie
    +3
    im a girl and my girlfriends in county jail. shes been in since may 29th. im always going to stick by her side no matter what she does in her life. im holding her down till she gets out which i believe is sept 8th or 18th. im so excited to see her. but im scared bc her ex girl is about to be in the same block as her, i just dont want those feelings to come back and forget me :(
  • Jodii tatted_... 2012/08/05 18:10:20
    Jodii
    +3
    i sorta know how ya feel :( my girlfriend is in jail too, been there since july 12..... its absolutely misserable without her and i cry pretty much every day
  • ashley 2011/02/26 22:08:09
    ashley
    +1
    my boyfriend is in jail right now its only been 3 days and it seems like for ever..i cant stand not being able to talk to him and see him..im only 17 and he is in county hes 21 so it sux because im not allowed to visit him im just looking foward tilll the day he comes out and i will waite for him as long as i have to!!!!!!!!!!
  • babydoll 2010/10/04 15:18:09
    babydoll
    +1
    well my boyfriend went to jail a few weeks ago 2010 and hell be there for six months to a year and my friends told me thats a long time to wait for someone when your only 16.I told him that i would wait but i dont know if i can. I do love him and we did have some problems in our relationship,so i dont know if its worth waiting for. any suggestions?
  • BYSIS babydoll 2012/08/04 18:27:55
    BYSIS
    +1
    you only know if you truly love him if no other guy can replace him or his love or the loe you have for him
  • amber91 2009/12/23 03:48:56
    amber91
    +3
    i stickin by mine for all 18 months, now is when they need ya the most

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