An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
IF YOU ARE IRISH..
CHUCK
2012/03/09 01:27:10
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| March 2012 |
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sammanilla 2012/03/09 03:36:01
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
Brethren, be merry for you have been found. Take it easy with the Beer and beard would !!you? better yet, know who you are, clean up or shave and learn to be sober for the LORD our God is coming to gathers us all from our long dipersion. Remember the words of another Ishrish named Isaiah who once told our ancestors:
WOE to the crown of pride, to the drunkards of Ephraim, whose glorious beauty is a fading flower, which are on the head of the fat valleys of them that are overcome with wine! Behold, the Lord hath a mighty and strong one, which as a tempest of hail and a destroying storm, as a flo...
Brethren, be merry for you have been found. Take it easy with the Beer and beard would !!you? better yet, know who you are, clean up or shave and learn to be sober for the LORD our God is coming to gathers us all from our long dipersion. Remember the words of another Ishrish named Isaiah who once told our ancestors:
WOE to the crown of pride, to the drunkards of Ephraim, whose glorious beauty is a fading flower, which are on the head of the fat valleys of them that are overcome with wine! Behold, the Lord hath a mighty and strong one, which as a tempest of hail and a destroying storm, as a flood of mighty waters overflowing, shall cast down to the earth with the hand.
The crown of pride, the drunkards of Ephraim, shall be trodden under feet: And the glorious beauty, which is on the head of the fat valley, shall be a fading flower, and as the hasty fruit before the summer; which when he that looketh upon it seeth, while it is yet in his hand he eateth it up.
In that day shall the LORD of hosts be for a crown of glory, and for a diadem of beauty, unto the residue of his people, And for a spirit of judgment to him that sitteth in judgment, and for strength to them that turn the battle to the gate.
But they also have erred through wine, and through strong drink are out of the way; the priest and the prophet have erred through strong drink, they are swallowed up of wine, they are out of the way through strong drink; they err in vision, they stumble in judgment. For all tables are full of vomit and filthiness, so that there is no place clean.
(Old Testament | Isaiah 28:1 - 8)
Just though you would like you know
This is your brother Michael.
In sweet Lim'rick Town, they say,
Lived a chap named Patrick John MoIIoy.
Once he sailed to U.S.A.
His luck in foreign parts he thought he'd try.
Now he's made his name, and is a wealthy man,
He put a bit away for a rainy day;
So if you gaze upon
The house of Patrick John,
You'll find a notice that goes on to say:
Chorus:
If you're Irish come into the parlour,
There's a welcome there for you;
If your name is Timothy or Pat,
So long as you come from Ireland,
There's a welcome on the mat,
If You come from the Mountains of Mourne,
Or Killarney's lakes so blue,
We'll sing you a song and we'll make a fuss,
Whoever you are you are one of us,
If you're Irish, this is the place for you!
Patrick loved the girl he wed,
But he could not stand his Ma-n-aw,
Once with joy he turned quite red,
When she got into trouble thro' her jaw.
Six police they had to take her to the Court,
She was informed a month she would have to do,
So Patrick quickly wrote
Up to the Judge a note
Explaining, "Sir, I'm much obliged to you!"
I LIKED THIS..
Come to the Parlor, and let us walk in the light of the LORD. This is the last call
I am a shamrock dreamer of the most drunkard kind, only that I no longer drink, alcoholic beverages for that matter. A few days ago, I had this particular dream where I was on the street of my neighborhood late in the evening riding back home on a fancy bicycle that had no maneuver.
As I was riding the bike, I said in my mind and I knew by experience that if I was not careful, I was gong to crash. So, I decided to fix the bike right away and I did. Then, I went back to take a test drive and as I was coming back home, I saw on the street a brilliant silver like object, so I returned to take a closer look and in fact it was like a silver or polished penny of some kind. But the strange thing was that inside of it was the emblem of a Shamrock encircled. And when I thought about it, I remembered this post and I said in my mind. I have found on the road one of us. I do not know who, but besides, me, myself and I, there is one of us here. Then a scripture of the holy book came to mind in which the LORD would suddenly come to his parlor, which says:
“And it came to pass that after they were written he expounded them. And these are the words which he did tell unto them, saying: Thus ...
Come to the Parlor, and let us walk in the light of the LORD. This is the last call
I am a shamrock dreamer of the most drunkard kind, only that I no longer drink, alcoholic beverages for that matter. A few days ago, I had this particular dream where I was on the street of my neighborhood late in the evening riding back home on a fancy bicycle that had no maneuver.
As I was riding the bike, I said in my mind and I knew by experience that if I was not careful, I was gong to crash. So, I decided to fix the bike right away and I did. Then, I went back to take a test drive and as I was coming back home, I saw on the street a brilliant silver like object, so I returned to take a closer look and in fact it was like a silver or polished penny of some kind. But the strange thing was that inside of it was the emblem of a Shamrock encircled. And when I thought about it, I remembered this post and I said in my mind. I have found on the road one of us. I do not know who, but besides, me, myself and I, there is one of us here. Then a scripture of the holy book came to mind in which the LORD would suddenly come to his parlor, which says:
“And it came to pass that after they were written he expounded them. And these are the words which he did tell unto them, saying: Thus said the Father unto Malachi—Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me, and the Lord whom ye seek shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in; behold, he shall come, saith the Lord of Hosts.
But who may abide the day of his coming, and who shall stand when he appeareth? For he is like a refiner's fire, and like fuller's soap. And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness.
Then shall the offering of Judah and Jerusalem be pleasant unto the Lord, as in the days of old, and as in former years. And I will come near to you to judgment; and I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, and against the adulterers, and against false swearers, and against those that oppress the hireling in his wages, the widow and the fatherless, and that turn aside the stranger, and fear not me, saith the Lord of Hosts.”
(Book of Mormon | 3 Nephi 24:1 - 5)
The book of Mormon is the messenger of the LORD that prepares our heart to receive the LORD when he comes to his temple, and he will come. This is especially true for those chaps of us named Timothy or Pat, as the song says, that have been outcast of Ephraim and/or the dispersed of Judah who are and have been more particularly, stationed by the LORD in the islands of the sea. And as far as I know IRELAND is one of those islands in the “midst of the earth.” Even so close to the meridian is Ireland, that is so ridiculously amazing. I mean to say, in fulfillment of the ancient scripture that says:
“And Israel stretched out his right hand, and laid it upon Ephraim's head, who was the younger, and his left hand upon Manasseh's head, guiding his hands wittingly; for Manasseh was the firstborn. And he blessed Joseph, and said, God, before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac did walk, the God which fed me all my life long unto this day.
The Angel which redeemed me from all evil, bless the lads; and let my name be named on them, and the name of my fathers Abraham and Isaac; and let them grow into a multitude in the midst of the earth.”
(Old Testament | Genesis 48:14 - 16)
Brethren, friends and country men of OURLAND, there is a welcome mat for you in the Parlors of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter, Days Saints. This is the last call, but it is not my call, it is the last call of our LORD in these latter days. He is calling you home so that the scriptures are fulfilled which say:
And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the LORD's house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it. And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths: for out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the LORD from Jerusalem.And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.
O house of Jacob, come ye, and let us walk in the light of the LORD.
(Old Testament | Isaiah 2:1 - 5)
I think this is what Chap Patrick, John, Malloy would say unto you today, don’t you think?
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